Act 8
This saw the start of the Coldplay concert and to make sure
everybody got a good look at them this began with the band simply performing “Us
Against the World” on stage while the rest of the arena remained relatively calm
and still. As I think they were throughout the ceremony Coldplay were
accompanied by a deaf choir signing out the words to their songs. At a
para-Olympics that had been defined by the Twitter hashtag #isitok designed to
take a light-hearted (and at times downright filthy) look at what is and isn’t
acceptable to say about people with disabilities I like to think the deaf choir
was a bit of a sick joke because while I accept that there are different degrees
of deafness I have to say that if you can’t hear then music’s not really for
you. Of course that feeds into a much more serious debate about disabled rights
because even with all the technological advances and assistance (such as making
buildings wheelchair accessible) that we give to disabled people the fact
remains that there are things that they simply will never be able to do.
As Coldplay began to play “Yellow” the lighting in the arena
changed to more yellowish and reddish tones in order to signify the changing of
the leaves as summer gives way to autumn. As raves are really a summer activity
the big rigs/floats left the arena to make way for more autumnal pastimes. This
started with ballrooms dancers (and two women in wheelchairs because it was the
para-Olympics) performing on the Sundial stage. In Britain autumn sees the
arrival on our TV screens of the two massive Saturday night entertainment shows
– the X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing. As people had been saying for weeks
that the stories of the para-Olympians would blow the sob-stories that play
such a large part in the X Factor out of the water the ceremony decided to
celebrate its more upmarket (BBC) rival. This fed into the debate about how to
keep the public interested in the minority sports featured in the Olympics in
the four years between games and help the athletes who are all amateurs make
some money. TeamUSA’s women’s footballer Hope Solo and her impressive mouth led
the way by appearing in the US equivalent show Dancing With The Stars and this
series of Strictly Come Dancing features TeamGB Olympians Victoria Pendleton
and Louis Smith although no para-Olympians were invited because sadly dancing
is just one of those things that people in wheelchairs just can’t do. Britain
also wanted to make the world aware of this particular series of Strictly Come
Dancing because Victoria Pendleton was used as a metaphor for the Duchess of
Cambridge during the Olympics and Britain hopes to keep that metaphor going all
the way to the end of the series in late December.
Fitting in with the ceremonies other themes of flame and the
ancient tribes of Britain the ceremony moved on to that other great British
autumnal tradition Bonfire Night (November 5th) which I explained in
the first volume. This was signified by Coldplay playing “Up in Flames” while
performers/dancers performed some sort of tribal dance while waving flaming
torches and spears. Personally I thought this bit looked a bit gay but rather
than being intentional I think that this was merely a reflection of the fact
that there are only so many male dancers in very tiny and very tight hotpants
you can assemble in one place before it’s starts looking a bit gay. The tribal
dance sequence climaxed with a giant metal face rising out of the stage and
being set on fire. This face could have been interpreted as being any number of
ancient Greek philosophers in a reference to the Celtic language which is often
mistaken for a tribe was actually spoken all the way from the west coast of
Ireland right across Europe to the Balkan countries of which Greece is one. The
face could also have been interpreted as Odin the Norse (Viking) god of war in
a reference to the Norse invasions of ancient Britain along with most of the
rest of Europe including Greenland. It could also have been a reference to the
fact that Odin was the father of Thor whose legend was recently made into a
film starring Natalie Portman who also starred in a film called V for Vendetta
which played around with the story of Guy Fawkes and Bonfire Night. Therefore
all those people you see at protests wearing the white V for Vendetta masks
along with the Anonymous hacker group are all entirely Natalie Portman’s fault.
However rather than looking like anything specific I think
the face was meant to represent generic tribal art. This is an absolutely
massive topic in its own right because every month some government somewhere announces
the discovery of some new relic and asks us to marvel at the great significance
of something that is often just what someone scribbled on a wall to keep their
children amused. A particular expert in this field was my old form tutor at
Croydon College Wilfred Leng whose main job was as a senior research fellow in
ancient British tribal culture at Oxford University. Although it has really changed
since the September 11th attacks Britain’s intelligence services
(MI5/MI6/GCHQ) have traditionally recruited officers from a sort of old boys
network at Britain’s more prestigious university such as Oxford and Cambridge
so Leng was teaching at Croydon to act as a local recruiter in the first step
of a very long and arduous selection process. Having made it quite clear early
on in the year that I had no intention of applying to either Oxford or
Cambridge for exactly the same reason he really thought I should our weekly
pastoral meetings had become something of a tedious formality for the both of
us. Then one day as I was getting something out of my bag a bit of paper with a
‘Celtic’ knotwork that I was considering having done as a tattoo dropped out.
As this was Leng’s major passion in life he picked the piece of paper up and
proceeded to tell me all about the image in more detail then I could ever need
or remember. Known as an Ulbstar Cross it has no religious significance at all
dating back some 600 years before the birth of Jesus Christ (Christianity) and
as far as anyone can tell was simply used as a sort of corporate logo such as
the Olympic rings or the para-Olympic Agitos to indicate which tribe was living
in a particular area. The tribe that used this particular symbol were known by
the Romans as “Picts” or “painted or tattooed people” and were famous for their
blue war-paint that was said to both numb pain and stop blood loss which was
probably best displayed on Keira Knightely in the film King Arthur. As Picts
were such ferocious warriors that they ended up wiping themselves out by
killing each other few of the other ancient British tribes along with invaders
such as the Romans and Vikings wanted to fight them. Therefore the areas marked
with an Ulbstar Cross were very rarely attacked by marauders and pillagers so
amongst villagers it came to be known as a symbol of protection. Obviously
hearing a back story that good was enough to convince me to get the tattoo done
on my back between my shoulder blades. One of my classmates under Leng actually
went on to sign a record deal with the Hellcat label run by Lars Frederiksen
but that’s another story.
I got the tattoo done by a Brazilian house/squat mate of an
Israeli/British girl I was knocking about with at the time who introduced me
into a great many things including her girlfriend and a very messy pre-fame
Russell Brand. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a tattoo done but it basically
involves you sitting very still while you pay someone to inflict pain on you
and trust me the spine is the most painful area to get a tattoo done because
the needle sometimes hits nerves and gives you shooting pains from your toes to
your teeth. As this Brazilian artist was more used to working on black and Hispanic
skin my pale white back was one of the best canvasses she’d ever been given to
work so decided to do almost the entire thing by hand meaning the tattoo took a
total of six hours spread over roughly two three hour sessions. Obviously during
all this time we got to talking and once we’d got through all the formalities
like hygiene standards and HIV/Hepatitis infection control (Brazil’s are
actually higher then Britain’s insisting on the use of a surgical face mask)
and all the usual small talk about favourite bands/books/movies we got around to talking about her recent
pregnancy and her plans to move back to Brazil
which obviously led into a very long and detailed conversation about
Brazil and Brazilian culture to the point that I’m pretty sure that if I was
ever in the country I could walk into a certain street in Sao Paulo and be
introduced to this very cute (judging by the parents) 12/13 year old boy/girl
who is no doubt behaving like a bigger bastard then they were conceived as.
Further proving that she wasn’t a particularly observant Jew this
Israeli/British girl got a Buddhist chant tattooed on her lower back at around
the same time. Showing my age this was all happening around the time of the
Al-Aqsa or second Palestinian Intifada so my very casual relationship with this
girl was sort of defined by us hearing on the news that a bombing had taken
place and then holding our breath until we found out who’s been killed to the
point where her sister missed the Dolphinarium attack by about all of ten
minutes. Actually it feels a bit odd talking about her in this context because
we actually parted ways with none of the malice or hatred of all these other
stories. I simply went off to do my thing in Brighton while she went off to do
her thing in Brazil and knowing her nose there’s a good chance she’s still
there ducking national service.
After the flaming face disappeared and the smoke began to
clear Coldplay were left on stage to play “Paradise.” The heavily painted and
battered piano that Chris Martin was playing on reminded me of those pianos/organs
that you used to get at old fashioned fairgrounds. This was a reference to the
fact that there are really three main ‘tribes’ of travellers in modern Britain;
New Age Travellers (ravers), Irish travellers/gypsies like you get at Dale Farm
and circus/fairground types that are known as Carnies in the US. It must be
said though that there’s actually a lot of overlap between the three groups
because they’re not as obsessed with racial purity as the people who study
them. Therefore the image of the burnt circus being left after the big rigs had
been cleared away by the fire seemed to be an attempt to drive a wedge between
the ravers on one side and the gypsies and carnies on the other by blaming the
hardship they’ve suffered under the 1994 Criminal Justice Act (CJA) on the
ravers whose provocative behaviour forced the government to act. Although I can’t
speak for them I doubt that argument will get far with the gypsies and carnies
because they should know better than anyone else that in this life there are
people who will go for you whether you provoke them or not and the British
government have been going after travellers since the 1960’s – some 20 years
before the ravers got going. One group that is very obsessed with racial purity
and particular protecting the male bloodline are the Monarchies who insist that
a Royal bride must be a virgin on her wedding day. Therefore the issue of
virginity had been an undercurrent to the ceremony from the moment the Royals
arrived and Sinnott started climbing his massive pole although I can’t imagine
why I was thinking about it at that moment.
One other performer who has used the burnt circus imagery is
the US singer P!nk especially in the video for her song “Funhouse.” Now I have
to confess that Pink is one of my guilty pleasures with a couple of her songs –
especially ones from that album she did with Tim Armstrong from Rancid – are bought
and paid for and one my iPod. Actually I’ve been keeping an eye on her ever
since I saw her doing one of those really boring round of press interviews to
promote her first album because you could tell even then that there was going
to be trouble. Also my probably most significant girlfriend (the one who lives
in Bristol) does look a bit like Pink especially when she dyes her hair that
shade of shocking pink. When she doesn’t she looks more like Ruby Wax. Also
when I was breaking up with the Canadian that Pink song “Last to Know” came on
the radio at just the wrong moment sending me off into a teeny, tiny temper
tantrum.
Apart from playing an unnervingly large role in my dating
life Pink very nearly qualified for the US Olympic gymnastics team and her live
shows are famous for having lots of spectacular aerial acrobatics so the next
part of the ceremony was dedicated to her with lots of aerial acrobatics. These
peaked with the arrival of humans appearing to float into the arena in what
looked like giant versions of those Chinese lanterns that have become something
of a trend amongst British people with limited taste (Essex) who use them to
mark all sorts of special occasions like weddings, birthdays and funerals and
invariably end up setting fire to their own or someone else’s home. Apart from
taking a swipe at Essex this was meant to evoke memories of the series of live
shows that Pink did at the near-by O2 Arena (Millennium Dome to you and I) to
promote discussion about possible future uses for the Olympic stadium because
with the O2 Arena so close by it stands little chance of being used as a
concert venue. Also before the ceremony there was rumours (later proved to be
true) that Rihanna would be using high wires/aerial acrobatics in her
performance. Now I don’t know what the relationship between Pink and Rihanna is
but working in the same industry I’m guessing they’ve met more than once and
there could be a bit of rivalry between the two. So the sight of Rihanna
ripping off Pink’s act raised the prospect of there being one hell of a
catfight. This was made worse by the fact that in the week immediately after
the ceremony Pink would be in London to promote her new album at the same time
as Rihanna. Apart from playing a small gig at the iTunes festival Pink’s trip
to London involved appearing on Channel 4 (C4) chat show “Allen Carr: Chatty
Man.” Now although I think she’s only actually seen it once or twice somehow
the legend has been written that this is my grandmother’s favourite TV show
meaning that the presenter and all the guests entirely responsible for her
mental wellbeing making it probably the definition of a tough gig not least
because apparently I was talking over the entire recording.
The choice of the song “Paradise” was perhaps a little unfortunate
because it features the lyric; “Para, Para, Para, Paradise” over and over
again. At the para-Olympics this was a bit like standing in front of a huge
group of disabled people and chanting “Cripple! Cripple! Cripple!” at them over
and over again. However if you saw some of the Tweets in the hashtag #isitok
you would know that this was purely intentional, very tongue in cheek and
fitted in perfectly with the tone of Channel 4’s games coverage.
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