Bring on the Blame Game.

The main story in the UK at the moment is the apparent arson attack at a mansion house in Shropshire.

At the moment the police have been unable to enter the badly damaged to property to establish the cause of the fire of if the house's occupants a father, mother and teenage daughter have been killed in the blaze.

The story is turning into quite a torrid one with lots of stories about the authorities being prevented access to the site, dead horses, blood and spent shotgun shells strewn across the mansions court yard. It is also beginning to emerge that the millionaire owner of the property Christopher Foster has been facing financial difficulty, was involved in a recent blackmail case and held a secret address nearby.

From my perspective I can't fail but to see the comparisons between this story and the story of Madrid's father who built up a successful business in the late 1980's only to lose a large part of it in the recession of the early 1990's before recovering to move his family to a large but hardly Manson like home near Gerrads Cross. The last time I spoke to him he was actually involved in buying and selling holiday homes on the Spanish islands for his sins.

Being overwhelmed by my own vanity I think the only reason that this story is being given such prominence is because the state are trying to shift the blame for the disaster of the Bristol abuse case away from themselves and on to Madrid's father. You see he is such a powerful and influential man he was able to get the full apparatus of the state to construct the current situation and it had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that a group of emotionally insecure civil service lesbians looked at the situation and saw an opportunity to try and convince a public that they have no doubts whatsoever about their feelings towards men.

Oh Sorry was I meant to post something?

Apologies for the navel gazing but my grandmother is currently in hospital following hip replacement surgery. The surgery was a complete success and although the trauma and sedation knocked her for six for a bit she is back on fine form and making a full recovery.

The elective surgery centre where she is having treatment is something of an experimental idea. Rather then following the traditional treatment model of having a hospital with a number of different surgical wards all competing for time in the same general operating theatres this centre does two things and two things only; hip replacements and knee replacements. To do this they've split the process into four distinct sections; pre-op, theatre, post-op and rehabilitation wards. The path of a patient between these four areas is normally pretty well established. Into pre-op at 11am, into theatre at 1pm, into post-op at around 7pm and the onto the rehabilitation ward for bullying by physiotherapists by mid-day the following day.

My dad described it as something of a production line but the image it brought to my mind was that of a F1 pit stop. They wheel them in, stick a tube in their side, whip the worn joint off, stick a fresh one on and away they go. I bet if you ask nicely a nurse will even lean in and wipe your face with a damp cloth.

Before my grandmother went into theatre I decided that I wouldn't be visiting her in the post-op unit. Not out of laziness but after the week she had I thought she needed a good day or so of sleep more then she needed me poking her in the ribs offering her grapes. For some reason they kept her in post-op until Tuesday so I did get to go and have a look at it before she was moved down.

I wasn't actually allowed to visit her on Tuesday because I had to sit around in an empty house waiting for a delivery that never arrived. Now it's Wednesday and everybody's angry at me I can only presume that people thought I would use my time yesterday to blog all about my thoughts and opinions on this new approach to health care. I can't imagine how anybody got into that mindset because I've made it perfectly clear on a number of occasions that I consider the British government to be very bad debtors and I've been forced to cut off their line of credit until such a time as they start making repayments on the balance of their account. It was interesting to notice though that one of my freebies from before the declaration of war has already been implemented far in advance of 2012.

The marked improvement in my grandmothers condition has however left me feeling just a little bit charitable so I will be prepared to offer the government some advice on how to approach the Bristol Abuse Case. Their current sticking point on this issues appears to be the belief that people who consider themselves to be citizens of a democracy won't stand for any moves to end the violence.

The answer to this is quite simple. All they need to do is to stop pretending that the current situation is a naturally occurring part of a free society. Instead they tell the truth and admit it a carefully planned construct of military intelligence. By voluntarily signing up to be part of the military the main protagonist, like so many others, signed away her rights to be governed by the rules and social norms of a democratic, civilian society. This shouldn't be too hard for them because they've been using that reasoning to justify their behaviour towards me even though they're yet to show exactly where I signed up for service.

In case anyone is still labouring under the belief that the BAC was constructed to promote a political message can I just refer them to the UK's Eurovison Song contest entry from the spring of the following year http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NBOnDcmckdc where a slightly camp group went to Europe and sang, "We're flying the flag for you!". Incidentally with only 19 points they ending up coming 22nd out of 24, hardly a gold medal winning performance.

Didn't Boris Do Well!

London Mayor Boris Johnson has just taken part in the Olympic handover ceremony and I'm pleased to report that he manged to accept the flag on behalf of the UK without tripping up, setting fire to something or totally forgetting what he was meant to be doing.

London is very pleased for him because it's the moment we've been worried about since he came to office back in May. Now using a link that set even my own teeth on edge I have to say I remember the events of that particular April, May and June very well. It was in that time we had the Olympic torch protests in London, a small but successful Mayday, the Burmese Typhoon and the Chinese earthquake.

After those momentous events MI5 were forced to take a cold hard look at their anti-mayday strategy. During this process they were forced to conclude that even though I was in the strongest prison they could build for me with a network of informants keeping watch on me 24 hours a day a with only a retread cold war era MI6 asset for company the only way they could prevent public disorder on the streets of London was by arranging public disorder on the streets of London. Something of a phyrric victory I think you'll agree.

No doubt this strategic failure caused them to look again at the decision to but me in this prison and concluded that if they'd left be down in Brighton and allowed Madrid a free choice of where she wanted to live things would have been very different. For a start I would have been able to settle my debts with my landlord and come up with a realist plan for getting back into work. Iian would have been allowed to recover properly and re-enter work in something more impressive then a dead end driving job. Madrid would have been able to walk the path she still has in front of her. Croydon would have been sorted out by my disordered rabble. My brother would have come down to do his MA at Sussex and got himself sharpened up before returning to carry out the civil servant rehabilitation program.

Hell if the state could have sorted themselves out I might have been generous enough to explain a few trade secrets with them because well the first victims of a defective state are the weakest in society. Most importantly Bristol would have been allowed to play with the governments test tubes 'till her hearts content without being troubled by the big scary men.

Faced with the insurance write off that was their strategy and the damage it has done to the UK's economy and networks the civil servants began to doubt the leadership credentials of the politicians who were behind the operation. Therefore they decided to set Jacqui Smith, the UK Home Secretary, a little test by saying to her;

"I suppose we could do something about the situation if you gave us the order to but that might have consequences for your job *wink wink*"

Jacqui Smith being Jacqui Smith responded by saying something along the lines of;

"My jobs on the line you say? Well in that case sod the party and sod the country, let's carry on the way we are. I'm sure that we'll be able to convince the party faithful that it's not a fuck up, it's a bold statement about the future or multi-lateralism!"

This statement was so idiotic is actually caused the head of the Joint Intelligence Committee to have a stroke at his home on the artists commune. I'm sorry I didn't speak up earlier but you know what they say about sparing the whip.

Three months and pitiful Georgian war later here I am blogging again and we're arguing over an amount of money the average MP claims on expenses in a week all because Jacqui Smith still can't make the sort of decision that comes part and parcel with her pay packet.

No doubt the current issue that has her still spinning in the wind is the argument that the gay rights for gays brigade are insisting that Madrid is kept in a relationship formed on psychological disorder so they can send the message to the world that Homosexuality is a valid lifestyle choice and not in any way shape or form based on psychological disorder.

Personally I can't see how that one can fail especially as the image we seem to be projecting to the world is of a tearful fat girl who seems to be eating like she's trying to fill up the hole where her life used to be. I just think that it's a shame that 40 years since the legalisation of homosexuality lesbians still seem to be so unsure of themselves they're prepared to ruin many lives by projecting their insecurities into their lives.


And to answer the question everybody seems to be asking, my favorite song of the moment is Ani DiFranco's As Is.

I was joking about the MRSA

The hospital my grandmother is at has quite good infection control so it would take a very dedicated effort to infect her. I still wouldn't put it past them though but she's out of surgery and it seems everything has gone well. Of course I still waiting for the explanation of why they denied access to such a simple procedure for so long.

Earlier this week I commented to some people on police surveillance techniques by saying that you can really have some fun if an informant doesn't know their cover has been blown. I would expand on this by pointing out that it is a very risky strategy but if you do it correctly the effects can be hilarious. For example if you were to tell a known MI5 informant that there is an active plot to kill an MI6 asset the security services would be forced to rally round that asset in order to protect her. Doing this of course would confirm the assets status to the people she was supposed to infiltrate and render her useless meaning that her current posting will be her last.

What however you cannot factor in is the pure callousness of an organisation that will leave a young woman to suffer in a relationship with inbuilt non-viability even though the purpose for which that relationship was constructed can now never be completed. I believe they are currently trying to justify this too themselves by pretending that the asset can somehow be retread or used as a diversionary tactic at some point in the future.

Having caught up, today has been quite a good day because we got the rarest of rare things, a postal delivery. Obviously my magazine subscription had been edited out. I can only presume that this means that something important has happened in the world and having totally failed to predict it MI6 now need a couple of weeks to work out what it all means. Either that or Britain is still trying to convince themselves they're doing well by pretending the rest of the world doesn't exist.

I did however get a letter from the Department of Work and Pensions telling me that they are still processing my claim under the misguided belief I failed a medical back in January. There was also some unintelligible scribble about July but the bulk of the letter was quite simple. All the decision maker requires to make the correct decision is a back dated sick note and a report from one of their GP's stating that I am unfit work. These two documents shouldn't be too hard for the state to provide after all they've been telling the world they provided them five years ago. Frankly I'm at a loss to see why they are taking so long because the issue of back dating is a simple logic 1 logic 0 decision and not up for debate.

I understand it must be very difficult for the government to assign a financial value to my work because even on the rare occasions they're given permission to see it they rarely understand it but the contract they agreed to back in November puts it at £150 per hour and their account is currently running in excess of £4million. If that figure is too uncomfortable for them we have to go into the costs of their alternatives. To do this we have to look at Operation Eagle Claw which was a mission by US special forces to rescue hostages from Iran. It caused the loss of 3 Sea Stallion Helicopters, 1 Hercules Transport plane and 8 Special forces soldiers. At 1970's prices it cost around £60million and failed. I'm no financial expert but personally I would settle for the £4000 option.

In the same delivery I also received a letter from the Governments "Business Links" service asking for the phone number which would allow me to attend one of their workshops providing "valuable information to support your business". Assuming they weren't actually going to drag me down to a hotel to tell me I must really hate myself to attempt to start a small business in the current economic climate I sent it back with the telephone number for Jacqui Smith the UK home secretary after all she is the one with the lawful authority to do what is required for me to consider talking to these people. Of course I could be the one to tell everybody how the Joint Intelligence Committee advised her to get on with it way back in June . I can't see why I should bother though after all she's probably sitting at home telling herself her plan has worked despite all the evidence to the contrary so there seems little point arguing with someone like that.

My Telly Box is Broken.

As we've already clearly established that I have now place in Croydon I can only assume that this is because the state broadcaster is currently being used to tell the faithful whatever they need to hear to keep them faithful. After all if they stopped blindly following authority they'd probably be much happier and more productive but where would the civil servants be then?

I should tell them not to worry because although they'll never see it the civil servant rehabilitation program is there and ready to go we are just awaiting funding and permission to get started.

On the subject of funding I've finally received the long awaited medical report from my GP. Sadly I will have to send it back because he was asked to compile a report detailing my treatment between January 2008 and July 2008 or a backdated sick note as it is colloquially known. By error he wrote one detailing my medical histroy from July 2008. His mistake should come as no surprise after all this was the man who recently told me that I should "consider doing something with my life". Personally I thought the whole third world development, hostage rescues and averting middle eastern wars fitted that criteria. I know Nigerians have a strong work ethnic but I don't think Tesco's are really that desperate to have people stack their shelves.

In slightly better medical news my grandmother was finally admitted for surgery at just twelve hours notice. I guess this means that after those years of waiting and long lists of reasons why it couldn't be done all it took was a click of the fingers and it was done. I'm just sitting here hoping that it's recent made news hasn't made the state so rabid that they'll slip a bit of MRSA during the post-op.

Ah yes Vodafone.

Way, way back in the early 1980's when there was this thing known as the "analogue signal" the UK government issued licenses to set up a mobile phone network. Obviously one of these licences went to British Telecom the UK's nationalised telecommunication company who set up a division known as BT Cellnet (now O2). As the government at the time were worshipping at the alter of market competition they also issued another license to a company called Racal who were in the business of making military radios and weapons guidance systems. The set up a mobile phone division called Vodafone and battle commenced.



Being the the much larger company Cellnet set about developing a network based on a small number of expensive but powerful radio transmitter base stations. Vodafone being smaller went for a different design of network based on a higher number of cheaper yet less powerful base stations. This was a very technologically advanced system and Vodafone were very lucky the American company which developed it allowed them to use it.

When both networks were up and running Vodafones was the one championed by the UK government. Officially this was because it supported the governments faith in market competition. Unofficially it was because the higher number of base stations in Vodafone's network model meant that they were more able to accurately pinpoint any mobile phones location.

As a reward for their success Vodafones parent company Racal were sold British Rail Telecommunications (BRT), the telecoms arm of the newly privatised British Rail. As with all other UK government rewards BRT proved itself to be something of a donkey show and Racal quickly off loaded it too a company called Global Crossing who I believe have now gone out of business. Vodafone must have been happy with the deal though because they kept a very close working relationship with the UK security services right up until the "Athens incident"

Ahead of the 2004 Athens Olympic Vodafone convinced the Greek State to allow them to upgrade the nations mobile phone network in order to "Protect them from terrorism". The real reason was that this would then allow the British to intercept and spy on telephones calls made by all the representatives of the other nations present at that games. As this operation was run by Britain's "senior" intelligence service MI6 it fucked up and it fucked up badly. Not only did every other intelligence know exactly what MI6 were up to it is believed that a few of them even managed to spy on Britain's spying on everybody else.

Since then Britain has been looking for an excuse to unload the Vodafone brand in favour of it's replacement. I could tell you who that replacement is but there is little point as all UK mobile phone companies use Vodafones network model and are compelled by law to give the keys to their encryption codes to GCHQ.

In more current events you'll be glad to know that the police are no longer dealing with my Grandmothers burglary that never was. Sadly though they've been replaced by the tea and sympathy brigade. The first wave of this has been the Victim Support team who have been providing my gran with post traumatic counselling by using phrases such as;

"You're lucky that they didn't get you back inside the house otherwise they would have beaten and tortured you!"

They've also spent so long talking to her about Sunday that she is now convinced that it actually is Sunday. With a bit more morphine they'll probably be able to convince everyone that she really is suffering from dementia and needs to be put down.

I didn't actually allow my dad to talk to Victims Support because well he isn't the victim. This led to a bit of a row during the course of which he revealed that he had something "Private and Confidential to tell them.". Again talk about feeding the hand that bites.

Next we received a visit from Jacqui Smith stormtroopers the dreaded PCSO's. In the event of a crime these people's role is quite simple. They will turn up a couple of days after the event and say to the victim in so many words;

"Terribly sorry we appear to have created a society which only functions by forcing husband to turn on wife, son to turn on mother and neighbour to turn on neighbour. Please have a cup of tea and don't try to change it otherwise we'll be forced to come back and kick the living shit out of you!"

Of course I wouldn't mind all this law of the jungle shit but, no offence to Croydon, it's hardly top of the coconut tree now is it.


Some of Croydon's local residents may have noticed that today I have mainly been wearing my trademark "Gary Glitter look a like cap". I know some people will say that I shouldn't have done it but if Britain wants to do deals with and celebrate paedophiles who am I to stand in their way.

Incidentally Mr Glitter appears to have neatly managed to avoid prosecution in the UK by getting flown on the Hong Kong where he hopes to disappear so he'll probably be back raping little girls by the end of the week.

Damn they must be desperate for people to watch Big Brother!

As I'm sure you're all aware Big Brother is the original TV reality show which locks 11 or so fame hungry no marks into a house and film their adventures 24 hours a day. It has spawned numerous international versions, celebrity spin offs and paved the way for a Tsunami of similar shows giving the producers the sort of legacy that not even a priest to absolve them of.

Like most sane and rational people in the UK I've not been watching the current Channel 4 series. This apparent lack of attention has caused something of a panic in the production office so recently there's a been a rash of adverts and trailers for the show which seemed designed to make my blood boil getting me to watch and more importantly talk about the series.

Today the news has broken that Celebrity Big Brother pantomime villain Jade Goody has been diagnosed with cervical cancer and has been forced to pull out of the Indian version of the show "Bigg Boss". This news is made even more shocking by the fact that Ms Goody only joined the show the day before yesterday and the tests for cancer were carried out four weeks ago.

If sending someone onto a TV show knowing that they had cancer wasn't clue enough that the show was in dire straits it's clear that the desperation has set in deep because even BBC2, Channel 4's broadcast rival is getting in on the act showing a special episode of Diagnosis Murder. In this episode Dr Sloan and his team go undercover to investigate a murder on a TV game show where the contestants were locked in a house and their adventures are filmed 24 hours a day.

Now never being one to disappoint here is my advert;

Big Brother, Channel 4 10pm tonight. Please, please watch because the lesbians clearly have something very important to tell you. I just hope it is something more earth shattering then the news that since it's formation out of Racal military communications in the early 1980's Vodafone has been part of the network of private companies used by the British Security Services to control their community based agents. Or as it's is being put lately; Vodafone is Big Brothers mobile phone company!

Now while everybody's off discussing whether or not it would have been better to keep quiet and let that particular Red Flag fly high I'm off to assess the effect that the news the most hated woman in India has cancer is going to have on that nations booming bio-medical research industry.

That's one way to spend an evening I suppose.

I came back from dinner this evening to discover my grandmother had been burgled again. Well I say burgled what actually happened was;

Some woman comes to her front door and starts giving some story about having to borrow a pen so she could leave a note with our next door neighbour. As my grandmother opens the door to talk to her a bloke, who was bizarrely a spitting image of said next door neighbour, pushes past her a goes into the house. The woman then starts giving it the "Let me come in and help you" nonsense. After all of 90 seconds the man, having been unable to find anything of value, comes back out. He flashes my grandmother a home made police warrant card and tells her that someone has broken into her house and stolen all her money. Presumably he did this in the hope that my gran would let the pair of them in and show them where she keeps her valuables.

My gran, being my gran, is having none of this and kicks the woman in the shin leaving the pair of them to limp away empty handed.

Obviously we got the police down and I have to say the were actually very polite and very helpful. A Scene of Crime officer turned up and attempted to insinuate that the crime had been carried out by what he described as "members of Britain's travelling community." I didn't really have the heart to explain to him that most of the gypsies I know have more class then to rob an 87 year old woman, choosing instead to go after rich people. We did establish though that these two were White, British and settled locals a combination of factors that rather explains their innate crapness.

I dunno though, Britain, where we can't even get competent burglars anymore.

Do you ever get the feeling someones trying to send a message?

On Saturday afternoon UK police discovered the bodies of Chinese students Zhen Xing Yang and Xi Zhou in their flat on Croydon road, Newcastle. Although the police have yet to determine when the couple died early reports suggest that they were the victims of a sustained attack. Yang received multiple stab wounds and is believed to have been beaten to death over a long period. Zhou was suffocated after being beaten with two separate weapons. While the words torture and rape have not been specifically used the faces of the investigating officers leave no doubt as to the severity of the attacks. As there is no evidence of forced entry to the couples flat the police are working on the assumption that the couple knew their attacker.

This incident comes on the back of the murder of two French students back in July. On that occasion 23 year old bio-chemistry students, Laurent Bonomo and Gabriel Ferez were tied up in their South East London flat before being beaten, tortured and stabbed over 250 time before they were forced to drink petrol before being set alight. Again there was no sign of forced entry and police believe the killers had previously obtained keys.

Now if I was a conspiratorially minded person I may well think that these two incidents had been facilitated by Britain's own MI5. Not because I believe that any of the four victims were involved in espionage but because some foriegn students may well be.

The headline grabbing nature of these horrific crimes along with tales of Britain's high levels of knife crime has sent shock waves across Europe. The French case in particular lead to London being referred to as the "City of Blades" with French people being warned to Stay out Of London. With a similar outrage being expected following the latest murder I suspect that stories of these murders will discourage international students from coming to the UK making it much easier for MI5 to keep a closer eye on those that do.

It is a shame then that the UK's university system is so dependent on the money these international students bring with them so it should come as no suprise that everybody in the UK suddenly seems to be wearing black for some reason. I suppose then that it's a good job that at least Bristol's still got a bright future ahead of her.

I actually think Climate Camp went quite well.

Fair play the "day of action" was a bit flat. It was either strangled by a large and effective police operation or the idea that a bunch of hippies armed with bongo drums and pen knifes would be able to take down part of Britain's energy infrastructure was always a little optimistic.

The other six days of the camp went well with workshops on pretty much every topic under the sun along with singing, dancing and general messing about. This of course would have been improved slightly if the police's medieval warfare re-enactment society hadn't turned up or at least accepted that people camping in a field do have legitimate uses for so-called "bladed objects".

In spite of the police the camp did manage to produce two inspired protests, the first when a gang of tiny Lego protesters managed to scale and unfurl and banner on a equally tiny Lego Kingsnorth power station and Legoland Windsor

Secondly a dozen naked protesters superglued themselves to the headquarters of the Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform (BERR) . I'm not sure if the UK protest movement gives awards for valour but they should certainly win it for that combination of bad weather, superglue and acres of naked skin.

Now loathed as I am to do the police's intelligence work for them I should point that neither I nor my associates have ever been involved in the Climate Camp. Not that you could tell from the police presence.

In a similar vein I should also apologise to the UK media and the BBC in particular because since I commented that I felt people were using my silence on the Georgia - Russia conflict to attack my credibility people have been raining fire down on their heads. That ignores the fact that when I got that impression I was actually cooking dinner and half watching a long pre-recorded documentary about the river Thames. It does sort of demonstrate the mentality of the BBC's superiors. They don't have the knowledge or the courage to solve our little palindramic problem so they just lash out wildly at whoever comes to hand.

Come on you couldn't really have thought I was going to fall for that whole

"It'll all be sorted out in September just as long as he doesn't comment on the Climate Camp!" Routine

I mean altering my behaviour before the state alters it's would just be silly now wouldn't it.

Today the Climate Camp has had it's mass day of direct action. From what I can gather in the absence of any mainstream media reports it appears that the climate campers have marched all the way up to the Kingsworth fence, listened to a few speeches and marched all the way back again. Hardly and example of terrorism at it's most violent.

In the run up to the main event the police changed their tactics dramatically on Friday. Firstly they made sure that the police, the ones in front of the TV crews at least, changed out of their riot gear and appeared in the much softer dress of the traditional British Bobbie.

The second thing they did was to announce that the entire police operation for the climate camp only cost £1million. I find this hard to believe because in my Stewarding days the Metropolitan police were invoicing the company for police assistance at a cost £25 per police man hour. With some 1400 officer being used in the climate camp operation this would put their costs of staffing alone at a rate of about £750,000 per day over 10 days. That is before you even get into the costs of housing them and feeding them for that period.

The third thing they did was to place the entire Hoo peninsula, where the camp is located, under a Section 60 of the Public Order Act notice. This means that they gave themselves the power to stop and search anybody and everybody without any reasonable suspicion that they were involved in a crime. This was done in an attempt to give their previous use of Stop&Search a veil of credibility.

This is a nonsense because it was the powers of Section 60 which were tested in the Iraq war cases and the ruling was the same. The police can only detain people for a "brief and reasonable time" in order to carry out searches. The police will attempt to argue that a wait of 1-2 hours per person is reasonable because of the high number of people they needed to search. I find this very hard to believe because when I was doing Stop&Searches at the Oval cricket ground we had to thoroughly search 18,000 people within 1 hour with no more then a 10minute wait for any one person and we did it consistently over 5 days. Of course then we were only having to do searches because of a specific and credible threat by the Real IRA, the group which caused the Omagh bombing.

Yesterday there was some story about the Evening Standard apologising for printing stories about Prince Phillips health. This could not be considered in reference to me because it was the Evening Standard would have simply re-printed the same story on it's front page that night and continued to do so every day for a very long time.

There is also a growing conflict going on between Georgia and Russia. My comments on the issue have somehow been considered themselves to be a act of war which is strange because I was perfectly happy to stay out of the issue right up to the point that people started using my silence on the issue to attack my credibility. That is something which is not acceptable at the moment and as they say every action has an equal and opposite reaction, if you want to avoid the re-action you will have to alter the course of your action.

Climate Camp Cometh!

While the UK media is desperately trying to figure out how two awfully middle class students managed to smuggling climbing gear and 30 foot Free Tibet banner into Beijing 2 days before the start of the Olympic I think it's a pertinent time to look at what lessons the UK can teach China about the freedom to protest.

Although you've probably never heard about it this week has played host to one of the centre pieces of the UK protest calender; The Camp For Climate Action. While this protest involves nothing illegal or is in anyway violent it is the most effective form of protest available because rather then simply raising a banner and calling on the government to change it gathers people together and teaches them how to bring about change themselves. It does this by bringing people together on a legally held campsite and then holds workshops on how to get the best from solar power, how carbon capture could be the safe future of fossil fuels and how to convert you diesel engine to run on environmentally sustainable bio-fuels.

For some reason the UK authorities see this free sharing of knowledge to be a form of "Domestic Extremism" that is as dangerous as the activities of Al Qeda or the IRA. As a response they have deployed, as part of a £5million deployment, officers from 5 police forces alongside MI5 officers and Tactical Advisers from the British Army. Together this security force have deployed an number of tactics against the camp including;

Laying Siege the Camp; Working in shifts teams of hundreds of police officers have totally encircled the campsite and are using stop and search powers to detain people wishing to enter the site. This is causing delays of up to several hours for and can only be considered an attempt to create an Us V Them attitude between the camp and the local community in order to prevent local people entering the camp and learning about it's true purpose.

The same tactic was used by the police during the anti-Iraq war protests. After a lengthy legal battle the issue came before the High Court who ruled that stop and search powers could not be used by way of intimidation or obstruction to prevent people from engaging in legal activities. Any police officers who attempts to do so would be acting unlawfully and abusing their power.

Seizure of Private Property; On one of the first days of the Climate Camp the site was raided by the police in order to execute a Police And Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) search warrant to look for items that could be used to commit criminal damage. The long list of property seized included wood for the sites toilet, plastic piping for the sites water supply, a truck borne solar powered electricity generator, a stripy jumper, a board game and some children's crayons, which were seized from a child. It is unclear that in the seizure of this property the police followed the rules of PACE and issued receipts for ever item. This would allow the properties lawful owner to recover the item from the police once the police fail to use it as evidence in a criminal prosecution.

Damage too and Theft of Campers Vehicles; Over the past few days a number of campers vehicles have been broken into and removed from the site by the police along with a significant number of bicycles. The police are attempting to justify this action by claiming the vehicles have been "dumped". This is odd because when I was working as a traffic warden we actually spent quite a lot of our time removing derelict vehicles for the police because dumped vehicles are a civil matter and the police have no legal right to touch them even when they are parked on the public highway, let alone on private property.

Smear Campaigns; On Tuesday the police issued a press released announcing that they had recovered a cache of weapons from a location near to the camp site. This cache included a number of kitchen knives and a solitary, replica ninja star which the police claimed was to be used by animal rights activists to attack a police horse. While I would like to give the police the benefit of the doubt and not believe that they assembled the cache of weapons themselves it is unlikely that the climate campers did so because when gathering kitchen knives for use in a criminal conspiracy it is traditional to remove them from the wooden knife block found in kitchens.

General Psychological Operations and Intimidation; This includes the traditional late night over flights by a police helicopter which has on occasion made full use of it's nightsun spotlight and has apparently taken to playing Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries over it's public address system. There also been an number of probing raids in the early hours of the morning which cause the campers to get out of bed thinking they're under attack even thought he police rarely raid camp sites in the dark due to the risk of tripping over guy ropes and falling in potholes. The only tactical reason the police have for deploying these sort of harassment methods is to wear down the campers resolve to the point where they will not be able to engage int he daytime workshops.

On the back of a preformance like that I can only assume that the UK's only objection to China's human rights record is they think it's becoming a bit too liberal. In the actual sport of the Olympic games the UK has been forced to send home one of their boxers because despite whatever the Team GB selectors thought it turns out their star athlete just wasn't up to the competitive standard.

In financial news the Bank of England has announced that despite their best efforts they have been unable to cut interest rates. This comes as very bad news for the UK government who were rather hoping that if they could cause interest rates to drop they would be able to service their unsustainable level of borrowing without having to pay the market rate or cutting funding to any of their vanity projects.

Northern Rock's Back in the News.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the story Northern Rock is a small parochial bank operating out of Newcastle, UK. It's puny share of the national saving and loan markets meant that it's normal day to day operation would have little impact on the UK economy let alone the global one.

It's one moment of fame came last year when the bigger, stronger and better banks decided that they were no longer going to lend it any more money because it's rather poorly conceived structure meant it wasn't really cutting the mustard. At any other point in time this would not be noteworthy because a couple of people would have lost some of their savings, a few jobs would have been lost and few mortgages would have been sold on to more competent lenders.

Luckily for Northern Rock though this event coincided with the start of the start of the global financial crisis meaning that the bank got it's 15 minutes of undeserved fame as the UK government were forced to prop it up with an unfeasibly large cash payment in order to maintain confidence in a system which clearly wasn't working.

Now almost twelve months into it's nationalised status and un-competitive business practices Northern Rock has still yet to produce anything even vaguely resembling a viable return and has in fact managed to lose another £585million meaning the taxpayer will have to fork out another £3bn just to keep it afloat which seems an incredibly expensive way to keep jobs open in the provinces.

Oh and apparently "Northern Rock" is being used as a metaphor although in my story I really not sure who it represents.

Just a quick follow on from yesterday

because all this talk of the old house has got me all reminiscent. Now I'm aware that the South African element have operating under the impression that they somehow "stole" that house from me.

That doesn't sit well with my recollection of events because I decided to leave after it became clear that I could not continue with my life in that environment. That decision created a vacum, a vacum that could either have been filled by the South African element or by the basement element that had been causing me no end of grief over the previous nine months so all in all it turned out to be quite an effective exit strategy.

In my little part of the world there not been much going on expect the usual spiel from the media, apparently I'm dead - always nice to be kept informed also the government is keen for us all to spend more time playing outside. Something I'll be happy to do just as soon as they provide an concept of outside.

Much of the talk today has been about the emergence of a two tier system. I'm taking that as good news because it seems to be the first step of the government admitting there are two streams at work in this country; The fast track for clever people and the slow track for government people. Now if we can just get them to allow a certain young lady to move back into the correct stream and pay compensation for her wasted years they might be once again allowed to feast on the scraps of the top table.

Oh and some hippies have been having a picnic in Kent.

I dunno there's no pleasing some people.

For years the Great Force of Evil has been making ever more pathetic attempts to get me to spill the details of my family tree. Yesterday I finally give them an overview of the story and they the respond with a cacophony of sirens, helicopters and car alarms.

I can only assume from that negative reaction they'd failed read the small print of their imaginary contract carefully enough. If they had they would have discovered a clause which clearly stated: "In the event the Bristol project is persisted with the UK immediately forfeit any perceived right they have to gain a competitive advantage from the situation". On reflection the should probably have factored that into their calculations earlier on.

Carrying on in this new spirit of openness I have decided to tell you the story of the South African Christmas, Lesbian Rape Party. In my old house every year we used to hold a small Christmas celebration for the benefit of the various foreign waifs and strays who wouldn't be able to go home for Christmas. During the course of one of these celebrations the South African element decided to use the opportunity to attempt to turn a woman gay by giving her a deeply unpleasant sexual experience with a man. Although ruthless and not how I would have approached the situation this plan was not totally without merit.

While this was going on upstairs I was downstairs minding my own business when I was interrupted by another housemate going by the nickname of Cobra Joe. He'd earned this nickname because his name was Joe and he'd just come back from doing a work placement at Cabinet Office Briefing Room A (The British State). He came down and informed me that my presence was required upstairs for reasons I will not go into relating to the misuse of drugs act.

Upon entering the room upstairs I discovered a scene which was remarkably different from the one I was led to expect so I turned on my heels and left. Young Joesph who was clearly in the midst of some moral outrage decided not too. After about five minutes it became clear that he still had no intention of leaving creating a horrible crash crash of a situation which I had to step in and attempt to mitigate. no easy task especially when you consider that personally I was pretty much in free fall at the time and there were already large fractional schisms at work in the house. I guess that is the civil service way though, fuck everything and then try to blame someone else.

Now on with the "testing process" which I'm sure I will fail because it's quite clear the UK has no cred ability in determining who is talented and who is not. Also I have yet to be convinced I wish to pass any test Britain has to offer.

Who Do You Think You Are?

Is the title of a BBC series which takes a number of celebrities and leads them on a journey through their family histories.

The new series begins soon and is being heavily promoted everywhere by the BBC including a special feature on the Jo Whiley show. As Ms Whiley is apparently one of my closet co-conspirators I can only assume tat all this is been done to provoke discussion of my family tree.

Now while I've never actually done anything as tedious as plotting my family tree allow me to save you all some time. I am one of three siblings of whom two have extensive mental health problems and one has the misfortune of being a graduate.

All three were born of a father who has a long history of working for the British State and is full of stories along the lines of "So there we were sitting in East Germany when the guy's Stasi minders turned up." and "Anyway after I broke the rail workers union I turned to Marget Thatcher and said..". Although you wouldn't know it to look at his bank balance he also happens to be the man who sent the first transatlantic fax between the UK and the USA. He is an only child and there is nothing really of interest his families past.

My mother is one of seven siblings and at the grand old age of 55 is only one of those two siblings left alive. Her father did in his early 50's of a heroin overdose. He was a highly talented doctor and at the age of 16 was brought over from the Republic of Ireland at the behest of the British State. They had decided to "reward" him because at the age of 14 he saw his own father executed in front of him.

The reason that his father was killed was that during the Irish War of Independence he, despite being an Irish Catholic, decided to side with the British Security Services and worked as a doctor for the Royal Irish Constabulary. Obviously he was recruited on the belief that by working for the RIC he would somehow be helping Catholic prisoners. The IRA clearly didn't agree with him.

So there you have it a brief explanation of why my family is so fucked up. In a nutshell it's because they've been foolish enough to believe that the British Security Services would actually do something to help them so excuse me while fail to pay attention to the news drivelling about someone being "in a specialist burn centre"

Of course the British Security Services has had all this data at it's fingertips for the last ninety years or show. They just failed to correctly join the dots because well that would require them to admit culpability in the situation.

Now as for the Nature V Nurture debate. Any bio psychologist worth their salt will know that the argument is largely invalid because environmental factors can influence a persons DNA. In fact you could go so far to say that the only reason genetic research is given as much credence as it is is because the results it produces are easily plotted on a pretty little graph which looks good when you show it to potential investors.