Operation Misery: Week 2, Day 6.5

I think it's fair to say that the majority of words written about Rihanna today have been written by me. However this hasn't stopped Los Angeles courts chirruping up by granting Rihanna a three year restraining order against Steveland Barrow. Barrow was of course the man who broke into what he thought was Rihanna's LA home while Rihanna was in Hawaii celebrating her birthday.

Obviously this could create a small frisson of excitement over whether Rihanna may be taking a restraining order against me. Honestly she has no chance. I am though slightly more worried about Chris Brown who certainly has enough to begin defamation proceedings against me and is clearly enough of a little bitch to try. Of course if he were to proceed he would eventually have to explain his actions in that New York nightclub toilet to an opposing counsel who has nothing to gain by pulling punches. I may even buy him a suit.

Primarily though the issuing of the restraining order against Barrow and the reason why Barrow attempted to break into Rihanna's home in the first place is to show the world that Rihanna (well her legal team) does indeed know how to apply for and  obtain a restraining order. Therefore we are supposed to conclude that because as Rihanna has not sought to obtain a restraining order against Chris Brown there is no need for Chris Brown to be under a restraining order. This argument of course only has two very small problems with it.

Firstly the crimes that Brown is accused of (perverting the course of justice, fraud, bribing public officials) are considered crimes against the state. Therefore Rihanna's views on whether he should be prosecuted or not are no more or less valid than the views of any other resident of the state of California. So unless California is going to hold a special referendum on the issue I think we can safely ignore Rihanna's views.

Secondly the moment Chris Brown decided to beat Rihanna half to death and certainly the moment he chose plead guilty he gave the state of California - delegated to his probation officer and now the Court - the right to decide whether he is a danger to Rihanna or anybody else. As this was initially a domestic violence case rather then counting in his favour the fact that Rihanna is prepared to forgive him or speak in support of him should warn the court and the probation service that Chris Brown is still able to impair Rihanna's judgement. This sort of overwhelming control is central to any abusive relationship so the Court and the Probation service should have no option other then to conclude Brown still poses a threat to Rihanna safety and well-being so needs to be restrained by some sort of Court order. In fact by reporting the crime Rihanna has - to some extent - given the state of California the duty to protect from her from Brown. So the moment she turned up at his last Court appearance to support him or gave a magazine interview telling the world she'd forgiven him the Court should have immediately re-instated the restraining order and directed her to undergo some form of counselling to explore the trauma of the assault itself and her reasons for being in a relationship with Brown in the first place.

In fact as I am so confident that this is considered routine in the western world I would go so far as to suggest that if Rihanna continues to attempt to contact Brown or show support for him the Court goes for the Lohan 90 day locked in Rehabilitation program. After all if the US wants to get anything other then disgust from this operation they're going to need a very big, smoky cauldron to wave their hands over while they whisper out mysterious words about the 'cure.'

Also a bus driver in Florida has been caught on camera kicking a little girl off a bus in late 2012. Amid the misdirection about Hillsborough, autism and violence against children this is the US trying to find out if anyone is going to ask whether the individual who was ordered to light up a marijuana joint as Rihanna's tour caravan passed through Canada/US customs yesterday (20/3/13) has been kicked off the tour. Personally as neither team Rihanna or the US federal government (let's try and pretend for a moment at least that they're not the same thing) have not yet identified the individual I can't be bothered to go look.

On a related note in their tonight Rihanna will be performing at her concert in Detroit. In my morning I've got to go to the gym, get stoned, pick up that prescription and try teach my mate how to keep the accounts required to file a self-assessment tax return while explaining to him why now is not probably the best time for him to start taking on extra-staff. I will be doing this in the pub. So unless someone actually puts an accurate review of Rihanna's concert in my hands by 08:30 proper time) I probably won't be covering it.

That said now they know how time pressured I'm going to be Team Rihanna might actually put out a review of their own just to make my life that little bit more difficult.

00:05 on 22/3/13.