I Really Need to Fix the TV in my Kitchen!

Because I have managed to miss the first match of the World Cup despite being at home while it was on.

I should start by rounding up what's being going on around my home today;

This brick gatepost has not technically fallen down yet and has actually been standing for two years. As for what's wrong with it it would be easier to explain what's right with it. The builder has used bricks. He has built it free standing though but not dug a foundation. Nor has he used supporting rods or a cement core. As for the cement he's mostly used sand. So technically it's still standing but only because I haven't given it a swift hard kick yet. I am sorely tempted to call the council round to assess whether or not it poses a public safety risk. I'm in no rush to do this because this bodging isn't especially for me. It's just the type of workmen the local council approves to look after it's elderly and vulnerable customers.

While we're on the subject of construction work my grandmother's toilet is blocked. This is a simple(ish) problem to solve because it's blocked with the stuff toilet's normally get blocked with. The problem is explaining this solution to my father without using the phrase "Like giant anal beads." My father has dragged round our Maltese neighbour to join in this conversation. He also decided to wash his filthy hands in the kitchen sink while cooking. I'm debating if he's deliberately trying to give someone food poisoning.

As far as the Barberston crash that is obviously part of Britain's great master-plan for the World Cup. There are about 300 reasons for them doing this most of which give me a headache. The overriding objective though was to make the World Cup as tense and unpleasant as possible so I was planning to ignore it.

The Mandela crash was just an accident and therefore is much more complicated. The driver doubt knew about the Barberston crash. He also knew that he'd been drinking and Princess Diana's driver had been drinking before her fatal crash. He also knew that he was driving Nelson Mandela's granddaughter.

Drunk as I am now trust me that's the sort of stuff that makes your handshake and leads to you making mistakes.