With only 8 teams left in the World Cup there has been no football today and there will be no football until the quarter finals begin on Friday. Although traumatic this break does give me some time to concentrate on other things.
In 1966 the Jules Rimet trophy was actually stolen. After being sent on a tour of the UK to promote the tournament ahead of the World Cup it was stolen from Westminster Central Hall. Following a failed attempt to get a ransom for the trophy the thieves dumped it. It was found by a dog called Pickles in a garden in the Beulah Hill in South East London. This was exactly opposite to the restaurant where I celebrated my grandmother's birthday on Sunday. As losing the trophy is a definite no-no for countries hosting the World Cup I thought this story was well known in tournament circles. Therefore it provided a great way for me to reveal the location of the restaurant without putting a big neon sign over the place saying "Come and annoy me." So yes I do have do some counter intelligence to just to preform a simple task like going out to dinner. My life's weird, I thought we'd covered that.
The G20 Summit in Toronto was accompanied by some serious rioting. The windows of banks and shops were smashed, a police car was set on fire and over 600 people were arrested. That high number of arrests has apparently caused the Canadian legal system to collapse with people remaining in custody for prolonged period of time, getting lost in the system and being separated from their personal possessions. All this confusion means that it is difficult to tell exactly what happened. However back in 2007 the Canadian police were caught red-handed using undercover police officers to incite and carry out acts of violence during protests against the SPP. This has prompted wild accusations that seemingly everybody was an undercover police officer. It is clear though that undercover police officers were out in their hundreds if not thousands. They all appeared to be wearing the same "uniform" of jeans, sweatshirts, backpacks and what looked like Ipod headphones in one ear. That's remarkably similar to how I was dressed at the London G20 protests and would indicate a significant level of intelligence sharing between Britain's Metropolitan Police and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
I'm trying to read up on this US/Russian spy ring thing. I've not had a chance to look at all the details but it sounds fascinating like something that's come straight out of a spy movie.
After all the nonsense about immigration caps and torture inquires there has actually been some legitimate policy news in Britain today. The Conservative Justice Secretary Ken Clarke has announced plans to reduce the number of criminals being sent to prison. As the Conservatives are traditionally the party that likes to be tough of criminals this change in policy is being promoted as a move by the Conservative party a way from being the nasty party to a more caring and sharing, liberal party. The reality however is much more simple. Britain is running out of prison places and it doesn't have any money to build new prison places.
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Super Bock
When I woke up this morning I had a terrible craving for this beer. Not any beer you understand just this specific brand of lager. So after I got my hair cut I stopped off in the local Tesco and brought a four pack. It was only after I got home, opened a bottle and read the label I realised that is in fact a Portuguese beer.
Anyway since then I've been on the cider and I have to confess it's been fun.
Anyway since then I've been on the cider and I have to confess it's been fun.
Fucking Spicks
In the World Cup Spain have just beaten Portugal 1-0. I had money on Portugal*.
I was at the pub so I can't remember much of the first half but from what I remember it was a tense 45 minutes with some skill full football but no goals. The match slightly came to life in the second half with David Villa putting Spain 1-0 up in the 63rd minute just as I was writing my previous blog post. After that Spain were dominate with Portugal having little chance to come back. The big incident of the match came when Portugal's Costa was unfairly sent off after Spain's David Villa totally faked an injury after Costa came absolutely nowhere near him. That sort of changes the debate into refereeing from one over whether World Cup referees should be allowed video replays into one of whether World Cup referees should be allowed a shotgun to deal with time wasting cheating bastards.
Oh and I should point out that in football a serious rivalry is something like West Ham V Millwall, Glasgow Ranger V Celtic or Inter Milan V AC Milan. In those games the important score is not the number of goals but the number of fans killed or injured during the game.
*Only £3 with brewery not a bookmaker so it's not all bad
I was at the pub so I can't remember much of the first half but from what I remember it was a tense 45 minutes with some skill full football but no goals. The match slightly came to life in the second half with David Villa putting Spain 1-0 up in the 63rd minute just as I was writing my previous blog post. After that Spain were dominate with Portugal having little chance to come back. The big incident of the match came when Portugal's Costa was unfairly sent off after Spain's David Villa totally faked an injury after Costa came absolutely nowhere near him. That sort of changes the debate into refereeing from one over whether World Cup referees should be allowed video replays into one of whether World Cup referees should be allowed a shotgun to deal with time wasting cheating bastards.
Oh and I should point out that in football a serious rivalry is something like West Ham V Millwall, Glasgow Ranger V Celtic or Inter Milan V AC Milan. In those games the important score is not the number of goals but the number of fans killed or injured during the game.
*Only £3 with brewery not a bookmaker so it's not all bad
Information Dump.
I've finally be able to have a talk with my friend who had a car accident on the day of the England V Algeria game. From what I've been able to gather from a monitored and crackly telephone call it was a big accident.
The other driver was trying to preform an illegal U-turn into on coming traffic which gave my friend no time to react and therefore no choice other then to smash into the side of him. The force of the impact caused my friend to lose control of his car and in turn crash into another car and a parked van. The occupants of my friends car suffered shock, bruising and a couple of broken ribs so no serious injuries but significant injuries. My friend has been forced to pay out around £1000 for new car, the other driver has fully admitted that the accident was his fault and the matter is now in the hands of the insurance companies, lawyers and the police. I'll be trying to have a quiet conversation with my friend to find out how all that's going.
My grandmother has recently signed up for a pay TV service. I've costed it and it's affordable. It will also give my grandmother Welsh language TV programs which she really wants because Welsh is her first language. I fully support this move and in fact it proves why my fathers plan to pay out around 8 times the amount of money for a TV upgrade that didn't include Welsh language programs was such a stupid idea.
The Spain V Portugal game is currently 1-0 to Spain I should explain that it isn't a serious rivalry between Spain and Portugal but at this stage of the World Cup nobody wants to lose, especially not to their neighbours.
Apart from that I'm back from the usual Tuesday night trip to the pub and everything is fine. Also I've had my hair cut today if that is in any way important.
The other driver was trying to preform an illegal U-turn into on coming traffic which gave my friend no time to react and therefore no choice other then to smash into the side of him. The force of the impact caused my friend to lose control of his car and in turn crash into another car and a parked van. The occupants of my friends car suffered shock, bruising and a couple of broken ribs so no serious injuries but significant injuries. My friend has been forced to pay out around £1000 for new car, the other driver has fully admitted that the accident was his fault and the matter is now in the hands of the insurance companies, lawyers and the police. I'll be trying to have a quiet conversation with my friend to find out how all that's going.
My grandmother has recently signed up for a pay TV service. I've costed it and it's affordable. It will also give my grandmother Welsh language TV programs which she really wants because Welsh is her first language. I fully support this move and in fact it proves why my fathers plan to pay out around 8 times the amount of money for a TV upgrade that didn't include Welsh language programs was such a stupid idea.
The Spain V Portugal game is currently 1-0 to Spain I should explain that it isn't a serious rivalry between Spain and Portugal but at this stage of the World Cup nobody wants to lose, especially not to their neighbours.
Apart from that I'm back from the usual Tuesday night trip to the pub and everything is fine. Also I've had my hair cut today if that is in any way important.
Penalties.
The 2010 World Cup has just seen its first penalty shoot-out. With the score still stubbornly at 0-0 after extra time Paraguay have beaten Japan 5-4 on penalties.
I didn't actually get to watch the first half but by the sounds of things I didn't miss much. Both teams were clearly playing under the instructions not to go a goal down before halftime. Paraguay were also making very sure not to give away any free kicks on the edges of the penalty area in order to avoid giving Japan's free kick ninjas even a hint of a chance.
Midway through the second half Japan actually started playing something approaching football but it was too little too late. After that tiredness began to take hold and even before the end of normal time the game looked like it was either going to go to penalties or carry on until everyone died of old age. In the penalty shoot-out Paraguay got lucky where Japan's Komano didn't.
On the basis of the game Japan should feel unlucky be to out but that's always the risk of playing for the draw.
Paraguay now go on to play the winner of tonight's game between Spain and Portugal in the quarter final. With the talent on both sides the Spain V Portugal could be a classic but it is a local derby so could be really tense. I wouldn't even like to hazard a guess as what might happen.
I didn't actually get to watch the first half but by the sounds of things I didn't miss much. Both teams were clearly playing under the instructions not to go a goal down before halftime. Paraguay were also making very sure not to give away any free kicks on the edges of the penalty area in order to avoid giving Japan's free kick ninjas even a hint of a chance.
Midway through the second half Japan actually started playing something approaching football but it was too little too late. After that tiredness began to take hold and even before the end of normal time the game looked like it was either going to go to penalties or carry on until everyone died of old age. In the penalty shoot-out Paraguay got lucky where Japan's Komano didn't.
On the basis of the game Japan should feel unlucky be to out but that's always the risk of playing for the draw.
Paraguay now go on to play the winner of tonight's game between Spain and Portugal in the quarter final. With the talent on both sides the Spain V Portugal could be a classic but it is a local derby so could be really tense. I wouldn't even like to hazard a guess as what might happen.
Monday, 28 June 2010
It Shouldn't Be Allowed.
In the World Cup Brazil have beaten Chile 3-0.
By Brazilian standards the first goal scored by Juan on in the 34th minute was pretty average. From a corner the big central defender rose above the other players in the penalty area and headed the ball in the back of the net. The second was more what you would expect from Brazil. Robinho picked up the ball on a counter attack and dribbled down the left wing. He passed to Kaka who quickly played the through ball to Luis Fabiano who beat the off side trap and stroked the ball into the goal on 38 minutes. Robinho got a goal of his own in the 59th minute. Rameriz picked up the ball in the centre circle and went on a mazy run beating 6 defenders before laying off the ball to Robinho who curled it past the keeper with his first touch of the move.
Although you always felt that Brazil had a higher gear if they needed it the Chileans, to their credit, never stopped pressing and played some good football of their own even if it went unrewarded.
It wasn't enough though and Brazil go on to play the Netherlands in the quarter final which promises to be one hell of a game.
By Brazilian standards the first goal scored by Juan on in the 34th minute was pretty average. From a corner the big central defender rose above the other players in the penalty area and headed the ball in the back of the net. The second was more what you would expect from Brazil. Robinho picked up the ball on a counter attack and dribbled down the left wing. He passed to Kaka who quickly played the through ball to Luis Fabiano who beat the off side trap and stroked the ball into the goal on 38 minutes. Robinho got a goal of his own in the 59th minute. Rameriz picked up the ball in the centre circle and went on a mazy run beating 6 defenders before laying off the ball to Robinho who curled it past the keeper with his first touch of the move.
Although you always felt that Brazil had a higher gear if they needed it the Chileans, to their credit, never stopped pressing and played some good football of their own even if it went unrewarded.
It wasn't enough though and Brazil go on to play the Netherlands in the quarter final which promises to be one hell of a game.
G8/G20 Meetings.
Over the weekend G8 and G20 groups of nations have held their annual meeting in Toronto Canada. It might be partly my fault that this event was slightly over hyped because the G8/G20 meetings were actually less important then the World Cup.
G8 and G20 meetings are normally very informal. There's not really any set agenda and no real objectives for the meeting as a whole to reach. Instead they're more about getting the leaders of the 20 most power countries together so they can meet each other and get to know each other while gossiping about some of the major international issues of the day. This year those issues included efforts to re-build Haiti after January's earthquake, the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, the usual discussion about international economic development and the by now routine call for the completion of the Doha round of World Trade Organisation (WTO) talks which have been dragging on for nine years now.
The main topic though was the global economy and how to proceed with the economic recovery plan that was enacted after the London emergency summit and the G20's 2010 Summit proper that was held in Pittsburgh. Here there was a little bit of tension between nations like Britain, France and Germany who want to bring an early end to stimulus spending and speed up efforts to reduce their national deficits. On the other side of the argument there were countries like the USA and China who wanted to continue stimulus spending and reduce deficits more slowly over a longer period of time.
Obviously as the economic situation in the USA is different from the economic situation in Germany which is in turn different from the economic situation in Greece the G20 agreed that countries that countries who want to cut quickly should cut quickly and those countries who wish to cut slowly should cut slowly. There also seemed to be a slight cooling amongst the G20 nations towards plans to re-design the global financial system. I think this is a good idea because the plan was really forced through by Gordon Brown at the height of the global economic crisis. Britain has already got rid of Gordon Brown so I don't really see why the G20 should keep his ideas going.
The resolution to the economic discussion appears to be what Britain was expecting. After all they are actually cutting more slowly then they would like everyone to believe. There was the big emergency budget of last week which was basically a PR stunt to reassure the markets. Britain won't really be announcing what and where they'll be cutting until the spending review in October 2010. The announced cuts won't actually begin to take effect until the early part of 2011 so that gives the Brits time to wait and see what everyone else is doing so they can refine their plan to make maximum advantage. They were hoping that the G20 meeting could be used to get the other nations to give Britain even more clues about what they intend to do. To this end there were some pretty big and violent protests that all seemed stage managed by the Canadian hosts whose police waited until the second day of the summit to search and seal the sewage tunnels that ran under the venue.
Judging by what's been going on today the Brits didn't get what they wanted so they've opened a salvo of stories to draw attention to themselves. Firstly there is the story of criticism of the polices botched investigation into serial rapist, Kirk Reid. So in a week I've gone from a paedophile to a serial rapist - that's an improvement of sorts. Secondly there's all the discussion of when and if Fabio Capello, the manager of the England football team will lose his job. It's not worth getting into the code but I can't see what the problem with Capello is, he did exactly what the Brits hired him for. He fielded a lack lustre team that forced the USA to win the "group of torture" and set up a tense England V Germany game on the final day of the G20 Summit. You can't really blame him for the referees mistake in that game and if I'm being honest I think the Brits would prefer it if the UK population focused on things like the Wimbledon tennis tournament rather then getting caught up with "all this foreign nonsense."
G8 and G20 meetings are normally very informal. There's not really any set agenda and no real objectives for the meeting as a whole to reach. Instead they're more about getting the leaders of the 20 most power countries together so they can meet each other and get to know each other while gossiping about some of the major international issues of the day. This year those issues included efforts to re-build Haiti after January's earthquake, the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, the usual discussion about international economic development and the by now routine call for the completion of the Doha round of World Trade Organisation (WTO) talks which have been dragging on for nine years now.
The main topic though was the global economy and how to proceed with the economic recovery plan that was enacted after the London emergency summit and the G20's 2010 Summit proper that was held in Pittsburgh. Here there was a little bit of tension between nations like Britain, France and Germany who want to bring an early end to stimulus spending and speed up efforts to reduce their national deficits. On the other side of the argument there were countries like the USA and China who wanted to continue stimulus spending and reduce deficits more slowly over a longer period of time.
Obviously as the economic situation in the USA is different from the economic situation in Germany which is in turn different from the economic situation in Greece the G20 agreed that countries that countries who want to cut quickly should cut quickly and those countries who wish to cut slowly should cut slowly. There also seemed to be a slight cooling amongst the G20 nations towards plans to re-design the global financial system. I think this is a good idea because the plan was really forced through by Gordon Brown at the height of the global economic crisis. Britain has already got rid of Gordon Brown so I don't really see why the G20 should keep his ideas going.
The resolution to the economic discussion appears to be what Britain was expecting. After all they are actually cutting more slowly then they would like everyone to believe. There was the big emergency budget of last week which was basically a PR stunt to reassure the markets. Britain won't really be announcing what and where they'll be cutting until the spending review in October 2010. The announced cuts won't actually begin to take effect until the early part of 2011 so that gives the Brits time to wait and see what everyone else is doing so they can refine their plan to make maximum advantage. They were hoping that the G20 meeting could be used to get the other nations to give Britain even more clues about what they intend to do. To this end there were some pretty big and violent protests that all seemed stage managed by the Canadian hosts whose police waited until the second day of the summit to search and seal the sewage tunnels that ran under the venue.
Judging by what's been going on today the Brits didn't get what they wanted so they've opened a salvo of stories to draw attention to themselves. Firstly there is the story of criticism of the polices botched investigation into serial rapist, Kirk Reid. So in a week I've gone from a paedophile to a serial rapist - that's an improvement of sorts. Secondly there's all the discussion of when and if Fabio Capello, the manager of the England football team will lose his job. It's not worth getting into the code but I can't see what the problem with Capello is, he did exactly what the Brits hired him for. He fielded a lack lustre team that forced the USA to win the "group of torture" and set up a tense England V Germany game on the final day of the G20 Summit. You can't really blame him for the referees mistake in that game and if I'm being honest I think the Brits would prefer it if the UK population focused on things like the Wimbledon tennis tournament rather then getting caught up with "all this foreign nonsense."
Robben Beats Slovakia
Ok that's probably a little unfair to the rest of the Dutch team but they've just beaten Slovakia 2-1.
Although a good match this was hardly a classic with Slovakia playing a tough, defensive game to hold the clearly superior Dutch team to a one goal lead for most of the match. The main talking point was Robben's opening goal in the 18th minute and what a goal it was. Robben started his run from inside his own half and picked up a long pass from Sneijder halfway inside the Slovakian half, took on 3 Slovakian defenders and the slotted the ball in to the bottom corner from about 20 yards out.
That's how the game stayed until the 84th minute when a hardworking Sneijder got a goal of his own putting the Dutch 2-0 ahead. With almost the last kick of the game Vittek won a penalty after being brought down by the Dutch keeper. With the last kick of the game Vittek scored from the spot making the final score 2-1 to the Netherlands and making Vittek the World Cup's joint top scorer with 4 goals.
The Netherlands will go on the play the winners of tonight's game between Brazil and Chile in the quarter finals.
Although a good match this was hardly a classic with Slovakia playing a tough, defensive game to hold the clearly superior Dutch team to a one goal lead for most of the match. The main talking point was Robben's opening goal in the 18th minute and what a goal it was. Robben started his run from inside his own half and picked up a long pass from Sneijder halfway inside the Slovakian half, took on 3 Slovakian defenders and the slotted the ball in to the bottom corner from about 20 yards out.
That's how the game stayed until the 84th minute when a hardworking Sneijder got a goal of his own putting the Dutch 2-0 ahead. With almost the last kick of the game Vittek won a penalty after being brought down by the Dutch keeper. With the last kick of the game Vittek scored from the spot making the final score 2-1 to the Netherlands and making Vittek the World Cup's joint top scorer with 4 goals.
The Netherlands will go on the play the winners of tonight's game between Brazil and Chile in the quarter finals.
Sunday, 27 June 2010
The Case Against Video Referees
Earlier today, long before all the arguments about Lampards goal and Tevez's off side there was the Valencia Grand Prix. Now even by Formula 1's particular standards the Valencia Grand Prix is always painfully dull and this year was no expection.
The most interesting thing to happen was Mark Webbers spectacular crash that had most people who saw it writing his obituary in their heads. Although Webber survived uninjured the accident brought out the safety car which is designed to slow down the race cars while the marshalls are on track dealing with the accident. As always happens when a safety car appears it totally changes the rhythm and therefore strategy of the race. On this occasion the big loser was Ferrari's Fernando Alonso because he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unfortunately Alonso was so incensed by this that he immediately got his team to complain to the four stewards, who are F1's referees, about a number of things.
Firstly he complained that Mclaren's Lewis Hamilton has over taken the safety car. This forced the stewards to review the incident from a dozen different angles in super slow motion. After spending 10 minutes doing this they determined that Hamiliton had indeed passed the safety car line ahead of the safety car which is technically a breach of the rules. So although the video also showed that at the time Hamilton could not see where the safety car was and that the safety car had not actually left the pit lane the stewards had no choice other to impose a drive through penalty on Hamilton. As Hamilton was so far ahead of the third place car this penalty had no effect whatsoever other then to increase the gap between Hamilton and Vettel, the race leader, to such an extent that any prospect of an actual race was instantly ended.
Once Alonso realised that forcing the stewards to give Hamilton this penalty did nothing to improve his finishing position he then proceeded to lodge complaints with stewards about the six cars that finished ahead of him. I think he complained that 4 of them were going too fast under the safety car and 2 of them were going too slowly. As this was just an attempt to use any technicality to cover up the fact that Alonso had a bad race these complaints were all eventually thrown out by the stewards hours after the race had ended.
Anyway the point of this long and slightly rambling post is that today I have seen one sporting event totally ruined by a bad refereeing decision and I have seen another sporting event ruined by a sore loser trying every opportunity to get a refereeing decision overturned to win an advantage. Given the choice I'd take the bad refereeing decision everytime.
The most interesting thing to happen was Mark Webbers spectacular crash that had most people who saw it writing his obituary in their heads. Although Webber survived uninjured the accident brought out the safety car which is designed to slow down the race cars while the marshalls are on track dealing with the accident. As always happens when a safety car appears it totally changes the rhythm and therefore strategy of the race. On this occasion the big loser was Ferrari's Fernando Alonso because he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unfortunately Alonso was so incensed by this that he immediately got his team to complain to the four stewards, who are F1's referees, about a number of things.
Firstly he complained that Mclaren's Lewis Hamilton has over taken the safety car. This forced the stewards to review the incident from a dozen different angles in super slow motion. After spending 10 minutes doing this they determined that Hamiliton had indeed passed the safety car line ahead of the safety car which is technically a breach of the rules. So although the video also showed that at the time Hamilton could not see where the safety car was and that the safety car had not actually left the pit lane the stewards had no choice other to impose a drive through penalty on Hamilton. As Hamilton was so far ahead of the third place car this penalty had no effect whatsoever other then to increase the gap between Hamilton and Vettel, the race leader, to such an extent that any prospect of an actual race was instantly ended.
Once Alonso realised that forcing the stewards to give Hamilton this penalty did nothing to improve his finishing position he then proceeded to lodge complaints with stewards about the six cars that finished ahead of him. I think he complained that 4 of them were going too fast under the safety car and 2 of them were going too slowly. As this was just an attempt to use any technicality to cover up the fact that Alonso had a bad race these complaints were all eventually thrown out by the stewards hours after the race had ended.
Anyway the point of this long and slightly rambling post is that today I have seen one sporting event totally ruined by a bad refereeing decision and I have seen another sporting event ruined by a sore loser trying every opportunity to get a refereeing decision overturned to win an advantage. Given the choice I'd take the bad refereeing decision everytime.
Oh What's The Point.
After England got dumped out of the World Cup this afternoon I, like a lot of people in this country, didn't really watch the Argentina V Mexico game but apparently Argentina won 3-1.
Tevez scored the first goal for Argentina on 25 minutes and allegedly it shouldn't have been given because it was off-side. Unfortunately the last touch came from the Mexican goal keeper so the off-side rule didn't apply. Higuian got Argentina's 2nd on 33 minutes and I still to this moment have not seen it. Tevez went on to score a second with a magnificent 30 yard strike in the 52nd minute. Hernandez got a fantastic consolation goal for Mexico in the 71st but it wasn't enough. Argentina go on to play Germany in the quarter final.
The main reason I missed most of the match was because I was out for dinner to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. As the restaurant was closer to Crystal Palace then it was to Croydon it was packed with Ghanians, Irish and Czechs so the mood was actually quite buoyant. It was somewhere during the meal that I had pointed out to me that Ghana are playing Uruguay in the quarter finals. A certain linesman is from Uruguay so I think I know who I'm supporting from now on.
Tevez scored the first goal for Argentina on 25 minutes and allegedly it shouldn't have been given because it was off-side. Unfortunately the last touch came from the Mexican goal keeper so the off-side rule didn't apply. Higuian got Argentina's 2nd on 33 minutes and I still to this moment have not seen it. Tevez went on to score a second with a magnificent 30 yard strike in the 52nd minute. Hernandez got a fantastic consolation goal for Mexico in the 71st but it wasn't enough. Argentina go on to play Germany in the quarter final.
The main reason I missed most of the match was because I was out for dinner to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. As the restaurant was closer to Crystal Palace then it was to Croydon it was packed with Ghanians, Irish and Czechs so the mood was actually quite buoyant. It was somewhere during the meal that I had pointed out to me that Ghana are playing Uruguay in the quarter finals. A certain linesman is from Uruguay so I think I know who I'm supporting from now on.
Well The Referee Fucked That Right Up
with a little help from Defoe.
Germany have just destroyed England 4-1 at the World Cup.
In the first half it was almost as if the England team hadn't bothered to turn up. Germany went ahead through Klose in the 20th minute with a goal that a school boy team would have been ashamed to concede. Germany's goalkeeper just kicked it up the field all the way up the striker who controlled the ball then put it straight into the England goal. Then 12 minutes later neat German passing unlocked to England defence and Podolski made it 2-0 after 30 minutes.
Then England suddenly started playing football and Upson was able to score a traditional English defenders header on 35 minutes. One minute later Lampard scored a fantastic goal from about 30 yards out. It beat the German keeper, smashed into the cross bar and crossed the goal line by a good two feet. For some reason the referee didn't give the goal.
By the time the second half had begun the England players knew the referee had made a mistake, the German players knew the referee had made a mistake, everybody in the stadium and possibly on the planet knew that the referee had made a mistake. Most importantly the referee knew he'd made a mistake so we were all waiting for one England player to get into the the penalty area and then fall over so the referee could award a penalty and harmony would be restored. Jermaine Defoe could even fucking manage to get that right. Muller then went on to score two more goals for Germany in the in 67th and 70th minutes but by that point I'd stopped watching the TV and started swearing at it.
Now with all of England's infamous football hooligans being prevented from travelling to South Africa I expect everything to be quiet over there. We are though taking bets on which bit of England is going to explode into violence first. My money's on Leeds.
Germany have just destroyed England 4-1 at the World Cup.
In the first half it was almost as if the England team hadn't bothered to turn up. Germany went ahead through Klose in the 20th minute with a goal that a school boy team would have been ashamed to concede. Germany's goalkeeper just kicked it up the field all the way up the striker who controlled the ball then put it straight into the England goal. Then 12 minutes later neat German passing unlocked to England defence and Podolski made it 2-0 after 30 minutes.
Then England suddenly started playing football and Upson was able to score a traditional English defenders header on 35 minutes. One minute later Lampard scored a fantastic goal from about 30 yards out. It beat the German keeper, smashed into the cross bar and crossed the goal line by a good two feet. For some reason the referee didn't give the goal.
By the time the second half had begun the England players knew the referee had made a mistake, the German players knew the referee had made a mistake, everybody in the stadium and possibly on the planet knew that the referee had made a mistake. Most importantly the referee knew he'd made a mistake so we were all waiting for one England player to get into the the penalty area and then fall over so the referee could award a penalty and harmony would be restored. Jermaine Defoe could even fucking manage to get that right. Muller then went on to score two more goals for Germany in the in 67th and 70th minutes but by that point I'd stopped watching the TV and started swearing at it.
Now with all of England's infamous football hooligans being prevented from travelling to South Africa I expect everything to be quiet over there. We are though taking bets on which bit of England is going to explode into violence first. My money's on Leeds.
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Ghana GoThrough.
They beat the USA 2-1 after extra time.
After Boateng put Ghana ahead in the 5th minute the first half was all about style and youth as Ghana played a flowing game with their players linking up all across the pitch. The Americans by contrast were disorganised and dis-jointed. They pulled themselves together and battled back in the second half to win a lucky penalty. It was definitely a penalty because although Jonathan got the ball he also got a lot of the man too but you'd be surprised how often those aren't given. Donovan put the penalty in off the post bringing the scores level in 62nd minute. With no further goals in normal time this brought on 30 minutes of extra-time.
In the 3rd minute of extra-time Gyan unlocked a disorganised American defence and slotted home the winner. Ghana go through to play Uruguay in the quarter final and the USA go out but on the plus side they weren't the bad guys who put the last remaining African team out of Africa's first World Cup.
Tomorrow there's just the small matter of the England V Germany grudge match. Personally I just hope it ends after 90 minutes because in the evening I'm going out to dinner to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. The restaurant is actually really close to where the World Cup was recovered after being stolen just before the 1966 finals. The Germans remember that tournament don't they.
After Boateng put Ghana ahead in the 5th minute the first half was all about style and youth as Ghana played a flowing game with their players linking up all across the pitch. The Americans by contrast were disorganised and dis-jointed. They pulled themselves together and battled back in the second half to win a lucky penalty. It was definitely a penalty because although Jonathan got the ball he also got a lot of the man too but you'd be surprised how often those aren't given. Donovan put the penalty in off the post bringing the scores level in 62nd minute. With no further goals in normal time this brought on 30 minutes of extra-time.
In the 3rd minute of extra-time Gyan unlocked a disorganised American defence and slotted home the winner. Ghana go through to play Uruguay in the quarter final and the USA go out but on the plus side they weren't the bad guys who put the last remaining African team out of Africa's first World Cup.
Tomorrow there's just the small matter of the England V Germany grudge match. Personally I just hope it ends after 90 minutes because in the evening I'm going out to dinner to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. The restaurant is actually really close to where the World Cup was recovered after being stolen just before the 1966 finals. The Germans remember that tournament don't they.
Uruguay Are Through.
Uruguay have just beaten South Korea in the first of the World Cup's second round matches. Suarez put Uruguay ahead in the 8th minute after a goal keeping error. Lee Chung-Yong equalised for South Korea in the 68th minute with a header from a free kick. Suarez scored the winner in the 80th minute with a goal that was worthy of winning the match. Both sides had penalty calls wrongly turned down but they cancelled each other out.
Uruguay now go on to play the winner of tonight's USA V Ghana game in the quarter final. I honestly think either USA or Ghana could actually beat Uruguay.
Uruguay now go on to play the winner of tonight's USA V Ghana game in the quarter final. I honestly think either USA or Ghana could actually beat Uruguay.
Friday, 25 June 2010
I Didn't Bother Watch the Football Tonight.
Instead I had a spliff and watered the garden. Although I enjoyed myself I'm sure at least one of those things will piss off the North West of England as they come to terms with their sub-standard water management program. However from what I can work out the football went something like this;
Spain beat Chile 2-1 and Switzerland drew with Honduras 0-0 leaving the final Group H standings as;
1. Spain 6pts
2. Chile 6pts
3. Switzerland 4pts
4. Honduras 1pts
Spain go through as group winners to play Portugal. Chile go through to play Brazil as runners up. The fact that Spain and Portugal share a land border mean that their game could get a little interesting.
Elsewhere Govan has been evicted from the Big Brother house. This could be a sign that the British public have rejected the British government's plans for Africa during the World Cup. It could also be an attempt by the British government to pile pressure on Barack Obama during the G8+20 Summits. Mainly though I think it's just a reflection of the fact that Govan is a gay little bitch.
While I'm here I suppose that I should apologise to the entire Continent of South America. I did have a wife who excelled at that spick language right up until she got confiscated by the government. Since then I know she's been wasting her life in a shitty little job in a shitty little town in a shitty little country.
Spain beat Chile 2-1 and Switzerland drew with Honduras 0-0 leaving the final Group H standings as;
1. Spain 6pts
2. Chile 6pts
3. Switzerland 4pts
4. Honduras 1pts
Spain go through as group winners to play Portugal. Chile go through to play Brazil as runners up. The fact that Spain and Portugal share a land border mean that their game could get a little interesting.
Elsewhere Govan has been evicted from the Big Brother house. This could be a sign that the British public have rejected the British government's plans for Africa during the World Cup. It could also be an attempt by the British government to pile pressure on Barack Obama during the G8+20 Summits. Mainly though I think it's just a reflection of the fact that Govan is a gay little bitch.
While I'm here I suppose that I should apologise to the entire Continent of South America. I did have a wife who excelled at that spick language right up until she got confiscated by the government. Since then I know she's been wasting her life in a shitty little job in a shitty little town in a shitty little country.
If Ever There was a Game That Needed a Goal.
It was Brazil V Portugal. With just one goal it would have opened up into a free flowing and attacking game of football. Sadly it didn't happen and both teams were happy to go through with a point after it ended 0-0. In the other game Ivory Coast beat already out North Korea 3-0.
That means the final standings in Group G are;
1. Brazil 7pts
2. Portugal 5pts
3. Ivory Coast 4pts
4. North Korea 0pts.
Brazil go through as group winners and Portugal got through as runners up to play either Chile, Switzerland, Honduras or Spain. Most probably Portugal will play Chile and Brazil will play Spain but it is technically all up for grabs.
Elsewhere in the world the G8 Summit is today and the G20 summit will follow on Saturday and Sunday. The Canadian hosts have already arrested a man who was driving round with lots of weapons in his car. The Canadian police are insisting that this means that the Summits could come under terrorist attack at any moment. They are of course talking nonsense.
That means the final standings in Group G are;
1. Brazil 7pts
2. Portugal 5pts
3. Ivory Coast 4pts
4. North Korea 0pts.
Brazil go through as group winners and Portugal got through as runners up to play either Chile, Switzerland, Honduras or Spain. Most probably Portugal will play Chile and Brazil will play Spain but it is technically all up for grabs.
Elsewhere in the world the G8 Summit is today and the G20 summit will follow on Saturday and Sunday. The Canadian hosts have already arrested a man who was driving round with lots of weapons in his car. The Canadian police are insisting that this means that the Summits could come under terrorist attack at any moment. They are of course talking nonsense.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Go On Japan.
Before this World Cup Japan had never qualified for the second round and had never won a World Cup match on foreign soil. They'd suffered a recent run of really bad form so were expected to just make up the numbers in their group. Tonight they smashed Denmark in style. The match only ended 3-1 but that was because after about 20 minutes the Japanese stopped playing and just started showing off.
In the other game the Netherlands beat Cameroon 2-1 leaving the Dutch with a perfect run of 3 wins in the group stage and Cameroon with a less then perfect run of three defeats.
That means the final standings in Group E are;
1. Netherlands 9pts
2. Japan 6pts
3. Denmark 3pts
4.Cameroon 0pts
So Netherlands go through as group winners and will have to watch their ankles when they play Slovakia. Japan go through as runners up to play Paraguay and look like serious contenders for the quarter finals.
In the other game the Netherlands beat Cameroon 2-1 leaving the Dutch with a perfect run of 3 wins in the group stage and Cameroon with a less then perfect run of three defeats.
That means the final standings in Group E are;
1. Netherlands 9pts
2. Japan 6pts
3. Denmark 3pts
4.Cameroon 0pts
So Netherlands go through as group winners and will have to watch their ankles when they play Slovakia. Japan go through as runners up to play Paraguay and look like serious contenders for the quarter finals.
The Champions Are Out.
Reigning World Cup holders Italy have just been knocked out of the tournament following one of the dirtiest games so far. It had fouls, blatant time wasting and very nearly involved a fist fight but strangely no red cards. The fact that Quaglirella was allowed to stay on the pitch to score once and have a goal rightfully disallowed was still not enough to help Italy win and they went down 3-2 to Slovakia. The other game in group F between Paraguay and New Zealand ended 0-0 and that score tells you all you need to know about that match.
So the final standings in Group F are;
1.Paraguay 5pts
2.Slovakia 4pts
3. New Zealand 3pts
4. Italy 2pts
So Paraguay go through as group winners and Slovakia go through as runners up. They will play either the Netherlands or the winner of the Japan V Denmark match.
So the final standings in Group F are;
1.Paraguay 5pts
2.Slovakia 4pts
3. New Zealand 3pts
4. Italy 2pts
So Paraguay go through as group winners and Slovakia go through as runners up. They will play either the Netherlands or the winner of the Japan V Denmark match.
Bang Bang a Lawyers Dead
This afternoon the solicitor has been round to discuss with my father how to proceed with this Court of Protection business. Obviously I was not party to that discussion and no paperwork has yet been filed. However it appears that the soliciter will not be asking to join the proceedings in his personal capacity. Instead he will representing both my grandmother and father and objecting to the application on the grounds that both parties "are happy with the result."
Although the ideal thing would have been for him to admit guilt by withdrawing from the proceedings and advising my grandmother and father that they had no grounds to contest the application what he's done is exactly what I expected him to do. That's why I've already made an application to have this solicitor excluded on grounds of conflict of interest which is the first thing the Judge will have to consider. The fact that the solicitor has stated that he doesn't want to be involved in the proceedings but wants to represent other parties in proceeding does nothing for his integrity and sort of makes my argument for me.
The second problem he has is that is all the same case #118266OT. In the early part of the proceeding the solicitor tried to use the everyone's happy with the result argument. The Judge disregarded it and struck down the application on my use of the wrong form.
That means that in this case the solicitor is now not only hoping the Judge will disregard the law he is hoping they will also disregard an earlier decision by a Judge in the case.
So in short if the Court is going to make a ruling based on law rather then political pressure it will rule in my favour and this will all be over in about a week. In all their discussions of the case over the last month members of the British government have said this must be decided in accordance with the law so we already have their word it will be over in a week.
Although the ideal thing would have been for him to admit guilt by withdrawing from the proceedings and advising my grandmother and father that they had no grounds to contest the application what he's done is exactly what I expected him to do. That's why I've already made an application to have this solicitor excluded on grounds of conflict of interest which is the first thing the Judge will have to consider. The fact that the solicitor has stated that he doesn't want to be involved in the proceedings but wants to represent other parties in proceeding does nothing for his integrity and sort of makes my argument for me.
The second problem he has is that is all the same case #118266OT. In the early part of the proceeding the solicitor tried to use the everyone's happy with the result argument. The Judge disregarded it and struck down the application on my use of the wrong form.
That means that in this case the solicitor is now not only hoping the Judge will disregard the law he is hoping they will also disregard an earlier decision by a Judge in the case.
So in short if the Court is going to make a ruling based on law rather then political pressure it will rule in my favour and this will all be over in about a week. In all their discussions of the case over the last month members of the British government have said this must be decided in accordance with the law so we already have their word it will be over in a week.
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Yep It's the Germans.
In tonight's World Cup matches Australia beat Serbia 2-1 in quite an open and entertaining game. Germany beat Ghana 1-0 in a technically great but quite dull game. That means the final standings in Group D are;
1. Germany 6pts
2. Ghana 4pts
3. Australia 4pts
4. Serbia 3pts.
Germany go through as group winners and will meet England in the second round. Ghana go through as runners up and will meet the USA in the knock out stage.
If you are unfamiliar with the history of the England football team there is a unwritten rule. That is if it is possible for England to meet Germany in the knock out stage of a major competition it will happen. That game will end in a draw and the game will go to extra time. After extra time the scores will still be level and the match will be decided by penalty shoot out. Germany will win on penalties. It happened in Italia '90 and it happened in Euro '96. Although I have to say on current form England should count themselves lucky if it gets that far .
The Ghana v USA game could well prove more interesting. On paper Ghana should win but with the way the two teams are playing the USA will only need a little bit of luck to get the better of them.
1. Germany 6pts
2. Ghana 4pts
3. Australia 4pts
4. Serbia 3pts.
Germany go through as group winners and will meet England in the second round. Ghana go through as runners up and will meet the USA in the knock out stage.
If you are unfamiliar with the history of the England football team there is a unwritten rule. That is if it is possible for England to meet Germany in the knock out stage of a major competition it will happen. That game will end in a draw and the game will go to extra time. After extra time the scores will still be level and the match will be decided by penalty shoot out. Germany will win on penalties. It happened in Italia '90 and it happened in Euro '96. Although I have to say on current form England should count themselves lucky if it gets that far .
The Ghana v USA game could well prove more interesting. On paper Ghana should win but with the way the two teams are playing the USA will only need a little bit of luck to get the better of them.
Finally!
England have won a game at the World Cup. It was far from a classic but Milner coming in for Lennon on the right was just enough to do it. He put in a great cross for Defoe to smash in and England beat Slovenia 1-0. In true sods law fashion I was actually outside having a cigarette so missed the goal.
By the sounds of things the USA V Algeria game was far more entertaining with a rightfully disallowed goal and both sides hitting the post on numerous occasions. USA sneaked ahead with a goal in the 91st minute meaning they won 1-0.
That makes the final standings in Group C;
1.USA 5pts
2. England 5pts
3. Slovenia 4pts
4. Algeria 1pts
So USA go through to the second round as group winners and England go through as runners up. They will go on to play either Germany, Ghana or Serbia in the knock out phase. I've got a nasty that means England will be playing Germany.
By the sounds of things the USA V Algeria game was far more entertaining with a rightfully disallowed goal and both sides hitting the post on numerous occasions. USA sneaked ahead with a goal in the 91st minute meaning they won 1-0.
That makes the final standings in Group C;
1.USA 5pts
2. England 5pts
3. Slovenia 4pts
4. Algeria 1pts
So USA go through to the second round as group winners and England go through as runners up. They will go on to play either Germany, Ghana or Serbia in the knock out phase. I've got a nasty that means England will be playing Germany.
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
And Of Course the Timing of the UK Budget Was Carefully Planned
It was planned to coincide with the first week of the Wimbledon tennis tournament so the Crown could gather the opinions of the loyal British subjects who still consider tennis to be a proper sport.
It was also timed to coincide with the World Cup so the Crown could gather reactions from the international community. Ideally they would like the England team to progress to the second round where they will meet the old economic foe of Germany in a tie that will end in the traditional and stressful penalty shoot-out.
Also I am obviously home from the usual Tuesday night pub and everything is just fine thanks.
It was also timed to coincide with the World Cup so the Crown could gather reactions from the international community. Ideally they would like the England team to progress to the second round where they will meet the old economic foe of Germany in a tie that will end in the traditional and stressful penalty shoot-out.
Also I am obviously home from the usual Tuesday night pub and everything is just fine thanks.
The Budget: The Big Bits
The Deficit: It's larger then expected. The structural deficit is 0.6% higher then predicted in the March budget. The government plans for this to peak in 2010-11 and be eradicated by 2014-15. This will be achieved by 10/90 split between tax rises and spending cuts. Although a commitment to protect certain, unspecified aspects of capital spending has been made no real details of how and where the cuts will made have been announced. That will have to wait until a spending review that will take place in October 2010. The purpose of making these woefully optimistic and unsupported claims of deficit reduction now is to build up confidence in UK debt. If the markets cannot be convinced that the UK is able to meet its current debt obligations then the cost of future borrowing will rise and Britain's credit rating will be downgraded.
The Recovery: The plan is for the UK economy to experience 0.5% growth in 2010 before rising to 2% in 2011 and 2.5% by 2015 with the UK entering full UK recovery in 2016-17 which is a good four years later then earlier predictions. The growth will be dependent on the UK economy restructuring towards domestic production for export and domestic consumption. To this end there are lots of tax cuts and restructuring of the tax system to stimulate entrepreneurship including the reduction in employers National Insurance payments. Of course the growth predictions are totally dependent on this restructuring plan being successful. Even in the event that it is a complete success I think the estimate of 2.5% by 2015 is about 0.5% too optimistic and the upper estimates are just ridiculous.
There is obviously a lot more in the budget including the dry, technical details about the changes to the tax systems. There are also a few indicators of changes to social policy and political squabbles within the coalition where the LibDem have won tiny concessions like the £250 increase to public sectors worker earning less the £21,000 in exchange for signing up to a budget that was mainly written about a year before the government got elected. I will try and get round to detailing these tomorrow but it's a choice between that and the England game and there's really no suprises in this budget.
The Recovery: The plan is for the UK economy to experience 0.5% growth in 2010 before rising to 2% in 2011 and 2.5% by 2015 with the UK entering full UK recovery in 2016-17 which is a good four years later then earlier predictions. The growth will be dependent on the UK economy restructuring towards domestic production for export and domestic consumption. To this end there are lots of tax cuts and restructuring of the tax system to stimulate entrepreneurship including the reduction in employers National Insurance payments. Of course the growth predictions are totally dependent on this restructuring plan being successful. Even in the event that it is a complete success I think the estimate of 2.5% by 2015 is about 0.5% too optimistic and the upper estimates are just ridiculous.
There is obviously a lot more in the budget including the dry, technical details about the changes to the tax systems. There are also a few indicators of changes to social policy and political squabbles within the coalition where the LibDem have won tiny concessions like the £250 increase to public sectors worker earning less the £21,000 in exchange for signing up to a budget that was mainly written about a year before the government got elected. I will try and get round to detailing these tomorrow but it's a choice between that and the England game and there's really no suprises in this budget.
Good Old Tories.
The Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer has just unveiled his emergency budget for the UK economy. Obviously this a very long and detailed announcement that will take time to fully digest. I've got to go shopping this afternoon so a full analysis will have to wait until tomorrow. In the meantime though;
The main objective of this budget is to begin to reduce Britain's huge national debt by cutting government spending. In true Conservative party style George Osborne has set about doing this by attacking children and the disabled, two sections of society who are least able to answer back.
The major areas of cuts will be;
Child tax credits. These are basically tax breaks for working families with children. This budget will remove the baby rate effectively closing the scheme to new members. It will also stop paying it to families who have a total income above £40,000 per year. That means it will now no longer be paid to dual income families earning the average national wage. Child benefit which is money given to parents to help pay for their child upbringing will be forzen regardless of the inflation rate that is expected to spike.
Disability Living Allowance. This is a benefit paid to people with disabilities to help them meet the costs of living with that disability such personal care nurses etc. The system will be changed from an application and medical assessment system to a pure medical assessment system. These assessments are carried out by private medical providers who have complicated payment mechanisms with the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) who pay disability living allowance. Although no details have been announced I suspect that these payment mechanisms will include provisions for the people carrying out the medical assessments to earn more money by reducing the number of people they assess to be eligible for disability living allowance.
Housing Benefit. This is a benefit that is paid to meet the cost of housing. It is paid to people who are unable to meet their own housing costs through unemployment, disability or low pay. The system by which it is now paid will do away with the provision that it must provide suitably sized accommodation. So previously if you were family with two parents, one son and two daughters housing benefit must have met the cost of a three bedroomed property. By doing away with this provision there is likely to be a large increase in the number of families being forced to live in overcrowded accommodation which is already a significant social problem. The budget has also set a maximum rate at which housing benefit will be paid. Although I'll have to check I believe this is below the market rate. That means the housing benefit system will no longer be able to operates as a way to support people in the private housing sector. Instead it will become even more of a cash cow for unscrupulous housing associations and corrupt landlords linked to local councils.
Also Value Added Tax (VAT) will rise for 17.5% to 20% in January 2011.
The main objective of this budget is to begin to reduce Britain's huge national debt by cutting government spending. In true Conservative party style George Osborne has set about doing this by attacking children and the disabled, two sections of society who are least able to answer back.
The major areas of cuts will be;
Child tax credits. These are basically tax breaks for working families with children. This budget will remove the baby rate effectively closing the scheme to new members. It will also stop paying it to families who have a total income above £40,000 per year. That means it will now no longer be paid to dual income families earning the average national wage. Child benefit which is money given to parents to help pay for their child upbringing will be forzen regardless of the inflation rate that is expected to spike.
Disability Living Allowance. This is a benefit paid to people with disabilities to help them meet the costs of living with that disability such personal care nurses etc. The system will be changed from an application and medical assessment system to a pure medical assessment system. These assessments are carried out by private medical providers who have complicated payment mechanisms with the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) who pay disability living allowance. Although no details have been announced I suspect that these payment mechanisms will include provisions for the people carrying out the medical assessments to earn more money by reducing the number of people they assess to be eligible for disability living allowance.
Housing Benefit. This is a benefit that is paid to meet the cost of housing. It is paid to people who are unable to meet their own housing costs through unemployment, disability or low pay. The system by which it is now paid will do away with the provision that it must provide suitably sized accommodation. So previously if you were family with two parents, one son and two daughters housing benefit must have met the cost of a three bedroomed property. By doing away with this provision there is likely to be a large increase in the number of families being forced to live in overcrowded accommodation which is already a significant social problem. The budget has also set a maximum rate at which housing benefit will be paid. Although I'll have to check I believe this is below the market rate. That means the housing benefit system will no longer be able to operates as a way to support people in the private housing sector. Instead it will become even more of a cash cow for unscrupulous housing associations and corrupt landlords linked to local councils.
Also Value Added Tax (VAT) will rise for 17.5% to 20% in January 2011.
Monday, 21 June 2010
Oh Don't be so Silly!
There won't be criminal investigation because there is absolutely nothing to support to accusation I am a paedophile. It's just one of those things the Brits come out with to justify their behaviour. According to them I am also an Islamic and Catholic terrorist, a rapist and a murderer who is suffering, at last count, full blown AIDS, diabetes, liver failure and kidney failure. I have to say that I don't follow the logic of why any of these gives the Brits the justification to drive my grandmother into bankruptcy so a local landlord can buy up her property cheap. After all if I was the problem shouldn't they be going after me rather then my grandmother
The Jon Venebles case itself is actually quite interesting in an unpleasant sort of way. Back in 1993 Jon Venebles then aged 11 was convicted of the murder of a 2 year old boy named James Bulger. Obviously the case shocked the nation and Venebles was sentenced to a minimum of 10 years in prison. After his release in 2003 Venebles was kept under the tight supervision of the probation service which involved being given a new identity, police protection, daily meetings with a case worker and frequent searches of his home. Somehow under all this supervision he was able to access and distribute child pornography. The rumour at the time was that he was being trained up to become one of the Brits stable of pet paedophiles. Like the Brits pet burglars these pedophiles are kept on hand in case the Brits need to intimidate someone or create a shocking news story.
So the problem the Brits have with me and paedophilia is that I'm not one. That means I have less in common with them then they'd like.
On a more pleasant topic did you see the Portugal V North Korea game? Ronaldo's goal has to be seen to be believed. It was so good that that even the North Korean goalkeeper couldn't help but smile as it went in.
The Jon Venebles case itself is actually quite interesting in an unpleasant sort of way. Back in 1993 Jon Venebles then aged 11 was convicted of the murder of a 2 year old boy named James Bulger. Obviously the case shocked the nation and Venebles was sentenced to a minimum of 10 years in prison. After his release in 2003 Venebles was kept under the tight supervision of the probation service which involved being given a new identity, police protection, daily meetings with a case worker and frequent searches of his home. Somehow under all this supervision he was able to access and distribute child pornography. The rumour at the time was that he was being trained up to become one of the Brits stable of pet paedophiles. Like the Brits pet burglars these pedophiles are kept on hand in case the Brits need to intimidate someone or create a shocking news story.
So the problem the Brits have with me and paedophilia is that I'm not one. That means I have less in common with them then they'd like.
On a more pleasant topic did you see the Portugal V North Korea game? Ronaldo's goal has to be seen to be believed. It was so good that that even the North Korean goalkeeper couldn't help but smile as it went in.
So Once Again the Weekend Did Not Go Well For the Brits
Today they have announced that will be charging infamous killer, Jon Venebles with possessing and distributing child pornography.
So one again I'm being called a paedophile. Jolly good.
I'm sure if there was even a hint of truth in that accusation I would be expecting a criminal investigation right about now. The police wouldn't even need a search warrant. I'll happily hand over anything they can reasonably contain child pornography.
Oh of course regular readers will know just how much the Brits love a paedophile.
So one again I'm being called a paedophile. Jolly good.
I'm sure if there was even a hint of truth in that accusation I would be expecting a criminal investigation right about now. The police wouldn't even need a search warrant. I'll happily hand over anything they can reasonably contain child pornography.
Oh of course regular readers will know just how much the Brits love a paedophile.
Court of Protection Status Report
Basically there is nothing to report and these reports will stop for a while because now we're just waiting for this solicitor to make his play.
Obviously he is legally trained and has had his own copies of the paperwork since Saturday (19/6). Therefore he should know by now that his only option is to hope that he has enough political pull to cause the Judge to disregard the law in the case.
This is totally beyond my control so like everyone else I'll have to sit and wait until he makes his decision.
Obviously he is legally trained and has had his own copies of the paperwork since Saturday (19/6). Therefore he should know by now that his only option is to hope that he has enough political pull to cause the Judge to disregard the law in the case.
This is totally beyond my control so like everyone else I'll have to sit and wait until he makes his decision.
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Ah Yes New Zealand.
You may have heard of them, they're a small two island state just between Australia and that very cold place with the penguins. Although on the fringes of the Commonwealth they probably most famous for their world beating rugby team known as "The All Blacks." On reflection it was probably a bad idea for their less popular football team known as "The All Whites" to make their debut at the first World Cup to be held in post-apartheid South Africa. I think they're just happy to be there.
Also it's quite hard to discuss the company that my brother works for because their name keeps changing. Sometimes they're known as the Institute of Ideas, sometime they're known as the Battle of Ideas but currently they seem to be known as Spiked-Online http://www.spiked-online.com/index.php?/site/author/David%20Bowden/ Whatever the name they are a progressive communist organisation who act as both an MI5 and MI6 front. They did very well under Britain's Labour but now the Conservatives are in power everyone's funding is under threat. I suspect that will be a very tense office space come the morning and my father has just left to drive my brother home.
All things considered I think the evening went rather well.
Also it's quite hard to discuss the company that my brother works for because their name keeps changing. Sometimes they're known as the Institute of Ideas, sometime they're known as the Battle of Ideas but currently they seem to be known as Spiked-Online http://www.spiked-online.com/index.php?/site/author/David%20Bowden/ Whatever the name they are a progressive communist organisation who act as both an MI5 and MI6 front. They did very well under Britain's Labour but now the Conservatives are in power everyone's funding is under threat. I suspect that will be a very tense office space come the morning and my father has just left to drive my brother home.
All things considered I think the evening went rather well.
Sooooo.
If you bet on my brother not turning up. You've done your money.
If you bet on my brother turning upon time. You've done your money.
If you bet on my brother turning up 10 minutes late to make my evening more stressful. Congratulations you're a winner!
So far he's heard both sides of the argument and has been left free to make his own decision. That means he will go into work tomorrow with his Brits front organisation and they will tell him what to do next. They of course first will try and assess what happened this evening.
So I actually think it's going well.
If you bet on my brother turning upon time. You've done your money.
If you bet on my brother turning up 10 minutes late to make my evening more stressful. Congratulations you're a winner!
So far he's heard both sides of the argument and has been left free to make his own decision. That means he will go into work tomorrow with his Brits front organisation and they will tell him what to do next. They of course first will try and assess what happened this evening.
So I actually think it's going well.
The Group C Secret.
Seeing as most people have worked it out by now I may as well tell the full story.
I don't know if it was by accident or design but Group C in the World Cup is politically very interesting. It is made up of;
Unfortunately the idea has spread like a virus throughout the world cup and a number of European nations like France, Spain, Portugal and Italy are following England's example and are trying very hard not to win their games with no idea why. That shouldn't detract in anyway from New Zealand's draw with Italy. Although I'm sure the Italian's could have played better I'm not sure they could have broken down a good New Zealand defence.
Oh and the fact that I'm been sitting around thinking about this, watching football and cooking dinner should tell you that today has been almost totally stress free. It might warm up a bit over dinner but I've certainly got the capacity for that. And just for the record the Brits will have zero access to that dinner so any statement they make about it is probably going to be a lie.
I don't know if it was by accident or design but Group C in the World Cup is politically very interesting. It is made up of;
- United States of America. Under the leadership of George W Bush the USA set up Guantanamo Bay and secret prisons at Bagram airbase in Afghanistan where torture was practiced.
- Algeria. This is a country that doesn't so much torture prisoners but has turned torture into a fine art.
- England. I believe that I've commented on how ethically they go about things once or twice before
- Slovenia. It is rumoured that during the Bush years the CIA set up secret "black" torture prisons in Slovenia in order to do the things they couldn't get away with in Guantanamo or Bagram.
Unfortunately the idea has spread like a virus throughout the world cup and a number of European nations like France, Spain, Portugal and Italy are following England's example and are trying very hard not to win their games with no idea why. That shouldn't detract in anyway from New Zealand's draw with Italy. Although I'm sure the Italian's could have played better I'm not sure they could have broken down a good New Zealand defence.
Oh and the fact that I'm been sitting around thinking about this, watching football and cooking dinner should tell you that today has been almost totally stress free. It might warm up a bit over dinner but I've certainly got the capacity for that. And just for the record the Brits will have zero access to that dinner so any statement they make about it is probably going to be a lie.
The England Team Press Conference.
The England football team have just held their first press conference since Friday's pathetic game against Algeria. Apparently the entire England team will be holding a full meeting to discuss the what the problem was. The order from the Brits is that "All Players Must Give Their View On The Situation!!!!!"
This has nothing to do with football as is a reference to the dinner I will be having this evening with my father, grandmother and brother. Here we will decide if my brother wishes to be be joined as a party to this Court process and whether he wishes to contest it. My brother has no legal training whatsoever. Nor does he have any knowledge of the Mental Capacity Act 2005. Therefore he has nothing to contribute to a proceeding that asks a specific question about the application of a technical aspect of that law.
The problem is that he has got to go to work on Monday and his workmates will punish him for not subjecting his grandmother to a long, traumatic and expensive legal process.
If you're looking for gambling opportunities there are odds available on whether he'll actually turn up. Yes it's going to be a fun day.
This has nothing to do with football as is a reference to the dinner I will be having this evening with my father, grandmother and brother. Here we will decide if my brother wishes to be be joined as a party to this Court process and whether he wishes to contest it. My brother has no legal training whatsoever. Nor does he have any knowledge of the Mental Capacity Act 2005. Therefore he has nothing to contribute to a proceeding that asks a specific question about the application of a technical aspect of that law.
The problem is that he has got to go to work on Monday and his workmates will punish him for not subjecting his grandmother to a long, traumatic and expensive legal process.
If you're looking for gambling opportunities there are odds available on whether he'll actually turn up. Yes it's going to be a fun day.
Saturday, 19 June 2010
I Can't Pretend Today Has Been a Good Day
But it's going well.
Now here's my full Big Brother guide because it looks neater when it's all in one place;
That dramatic change in focus makes me think that this, final series is not under the usual lesbian heavy management of previous series. The other clue is that unlike previous years where viewers were only able to vote in a telephone poll this year they are able to project what they think and feel about the contestants onto a recorded "comments" line. That should help the Brits more accurately profile their population.
Now here's my full Big Brother guide because it looks neater when it's all in one place;
- Steve. 40, white, straight. Clearly the most significant personality in the house Steve is an ex-British solider who lost both his legs and his right eye to an IRA roadside bomb. Since leaving the army he's had eight children and worked tirelessly to raise money for other wounded ex-servicemen. He has been put in the house to remind the country of all the wounded soldiers coming home from Afghanistan and make us believe that this is something that we as a nation should be proud of. He is also there to convince the country of just how terrible the IRA still are. I am vain enough to think that he is also there to represent the elements of my personality that, by media standards, are disciplined and regimented. Steve is the natural for winner but he snores really loudly so the other housemates are likely to keep nominating him for eviction.
- Shabby. 24, white, lesbian. After allegedly getting beaten off by Lindsay Lohan for the role in The Parent Trap Shabby left her wealthy middle class upbringing, gave herself a silly name and got involved in the London squat party scene. There are an awful lot of people who would like to know how, if at all Shabby was involved with the group of squatters behind the Mayfair squat party that ended in a mini-riot in February 2010. Shabby is also a mirror for an American actress called Faruzia Balk who starred in films like American History X. In the mid-late 1990's Faruzia Balk was part of a group of American actors and actresses that included Robin Tunney. Robin Tunney now play Agent Theresa Lisbon in hit US TV show The Mentalist. Shabby is also pronounced similar to Shappi as in Shappi Khorsandi an British/Iranian comedian who had the misfortune to be promoting her book when Iran's Green Revolution kicked off. Therefore Shabby has mainly been put in the house to gather information from the public while giving Shappi Khorsandi, Faruzia Balk, Robin Tunney and the Americans a headache.
- Ife. 25, black, straight. This androgynous model/dancer actually went to the same high school as Shabby. Since then she has worked as a model and backing dancer for Cheryl Cole amongst others. Taken on her own apart from providing eye candy her only purpose is to use her showbiz experience to help keep the show moving.
- Govan. 21, black, gay. Govan looks like dozens of young, androgynous, black gay men. His role in the house is to promote public discussion about attitudes to homosexuality in British black community. During the World Cup the fact that Govan looks a lot like Ife who is of Nigerian descent that the pair of them are in the show in an attempt to promote a more tolerant attitude to homosexuality within Africa. This is a difficult issue because the evidence suggests that a liberal attitude to homosexuality damages economic development. There is a rumour that India came under pressure to legalise homosexuality because its economy continued to grow strongly throughout the world economic meltdown. Therefore this and other efforts to concentrate on the issue of homosexuality in Africa appears to be an attempt to derail the continents efforts at economic development by tangling them up in arguments about gay rights.
- Corin. 29, white, straight. Corin looks like the celebrity Jordan/Katie Price. Although it is hard to tell under all that fake tan there is a hint of Irish traveller heritage about Corin. Last year Channel 4 made a documentary about weddings in Irish traveller communities in which they discovered that many of the brides take inspiration from the weddings of celebrities like Katie Price. Since then Channel 4's desire to learn more about gypsy communities has bordered on the obsessional. With Royal Ascot coming up it's worth pointing out that Irish travellers tend to be horse breeders and members of the British Royal Family tend to be very bad gamblers. Therefore Corin's purpose in the house is to annoy Katie Price and gather information from the public about gypsy communities.
- Ben. 30, white, gay. Ben is the stereotypical upper class British toff and actually has a flicker of Prince William about him. His purpose in the house is to promote discussion about that eternal question about the British upper classes. Are they all really gay or just horrifically inbred? Ben is gay.
- Rachel. 23, mixed race, straight. Rachel works as a professional Beyonce lookalike therefore she is obviously a mirror for Beyonce. What is less obvious is that she also mirrors Kimberly Walsh who may or may not still be in the band Girls Aloud with Cheryl Cole. Kimberly Walsh is currently trying to branch out into a TV career so using Rachel as a mirror gives the industry a chance to feel her out a bit.
- Caoimhe. 22, white, straight. Caoimhe (pronouced Key-vah) is one of the whitest, most Irish women in the world. She is a mirror for a lesbian Radio 1 DJ called Annie Mac. Bizarrely Caoimhe's haircut is similar a gay, male Radio 1 called Nick Grimshaw who is Annie Mac's sort of showbiz husband. Although clearly straight Caoimhe claims rather unconvincingly to be bisexual. Therefore her role in the house it to get on Annie Mac's nerves. Apparently this week it is Annie Mac's responsibility to get out of bed in the morning.
- David. 39, white, straight. This fat Welshman apparently battled drink and drugs throughout his twenties. He then found a god and set up his own evangelical christian sect based on the intoxicating spirit of the lord. His purpose in the house is to promote discussion of and direct abuse at the Welsh, fat and quasi-religious elements of my persona. To make him even more irritating he has also got the worlds most annoying laugh. It has also been suggested that he looks a bit like Mark Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon but I'm pretty sure that's just accidental.
- Nathan. 25, white, straight. As carpenter/joiner Nathan is a just a normal working class guy from the North of England. At a stretch of the imagination he could be said to resemble Wigan Mike of English Defence League (EDL) infamy but a lot of EDL guys are just working class guys from the North of England. Therefore I think Nathan's purpose in the house is to promote discussion and garner sympathy for the wider sociological group rather then the EDL specifically. Also, as the women in the house keep pointing out, Nathan is good husband material so lots of female viewers are likely to keep voting to keep him in the house.
- Josie. 25, white, straight. Josie is sort average looking and of heavier then average build. She compensates for this by having quite a loud personality and a west country accent that makes everything she says sound a bit dirty. Therefore she's like a lot of British women especially the ones that vote in Big Brother. Apparently her parents used to keep horses in the garden of their suburban home. That helps feed the discussion about Corin's gypsy roots. Josie also has one of those faces that if you stare at it long enough you start seeing comparisons with other people who aren't really there. Her main purpose in the house is to provide an affinity with a section of the viewers that keeps them watching and phoning in.
- John James. 24, white, straight. The purpose of this tall, tanned, athletic, handsome aussie with perfect teeth is simple. He's in there to make the girls and a few of the boys go weak at the knees. This adds sexual tension to the house and keeps the viewers viewing while they wait to see him with his shirt off or even better taking someone elses top off.
- Mario. 28, white gay. This son of a Scottish mother and an estranged Italian father is a fairly average young, gay man like a large section of Big Brothers viewers. His purpose in the house is to form a affinity with that section of the audience by holding up mirror to them onto which they can project their hopes, fears and dreams. Mario was randomly chosen from a pre-screened group made up of more of the same. The purpose of him taking on the role of "the mole" in the first week was to divert attention away from why Shabby and Ife seem to know more about what was going on then the other housemates. That is because their show business experience makes them more attuned to the environment. I won't go so far as to call them moles but the production team will try and keep them in the house for as long as possible in order to keep the show moving in the right direction.
That dramatic change in focus makes me think that this, final series is not under the usual lesbian heavy management of previous series. The other clue is that unlike previous years where viewers were only able to vote in a telephone poll this year they are able to project what they think and feel about the contestants onto a recorded "comments" line. That should help the Brits more accurately profile their population.
Something Has Just Happend.
After my father returned from his lunch I kept my head down writing the second part of that Big Brother. While I was trying to post it up he came charging in full of fight. So I think we know the instructions have been giving him while telling everyone else something else entirely
The good news it that after weeks asking he has now returned my grandmother's bank card to her. He did how accuse me of trying to find out her PIN number to steal money from her account. What really happened was that one of the many conversations with my grandmother where she was begging me to get the bank card back off my father I asked if she knew her PIN number. That was to establish that if I got the card she would be able to use. I do not know her PIN number do I want to know it. I would though like to know if my father has changed it since removing the card from her possession.
And yes my grandmother is finding this process incredibly emotionally stress but then it is very distressing to discover that your darling is just a liar and theif.
The good news it that after weeks asking he has now returned my grandmother's bank card to her. He did how accuse me of trying to find out her PIN number to steal money from her account. What really happened was that one of the many conversations with my grandmother where she was begging me to get the bank card back off my father I asked if she knew her PIN number. That was to establish that if I got the card she would be able to use. I do not know her PIN number do I want to know it. I would though like to know if my father has changed it since removing the card from her possession.
And yes my grandmother is finding this process incredibly emotionally stress but then it is very distressing to discover that your darling is just a liar and theif.
I Know I'm Crashing the Football.
But today has been such a shouty working environment I've actually got earache. So here is the rest of my guide to Big Brother 2010 while I've got the chance;
That dramatic change in focus makes me think that this, final series is not under the usual lesbian heavy management of previous series. The other clue is that unlike previous years where viewers were only able to vote in a telephone poll this year they are able to project what they think and feel about the contestants onto a recorded "comments" line. That should help the Brits more accurately profile their population.
- David. 39, white, straight. This fat Welshman apparently battled drink and drugs throughout his twenties. He then found a god and set up his own evangelical christian sect based on the intoxicating spirit of the lord. His purpose in the house is to promote discussion of and direct abuse at the Welsh, fat and quasi-religious elements of my persona. To make him even more irritating he has also got the worlds most annoying laugh. It has also been suggested that he looks a bit like Mark Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon but I'm pretty sure that's just accidental.
- Nathan. 25, white, straight. As carpenter/joiner Nathan is a just a normal working class guy from the North of England. At a stretch of the imagination he could be said to resemble Wigan Mike of English Defence League (EDL) infamy but a lot of EDL guys are just working class guys from the North of England. Therefore I think Nathan's purpose in the house is to promote discussion and garner sympathy for the wider sociological group rather then the EDL specifically. Also, as the women in the house keep pointing out, Nathan is good husband material so lots of female viewers are likely to keep voting to keep him in the house.
- Josie. 25, white, straight. Josie is sort average looking and of heavier then average build. She compensates for this by having quite a loud personality and a west country accent that makes everything she says sound a bit dirty. Therefore she's like a lot of British women especially the ones that vote in Big Brother. Apparently her parents used to keep horses in the garden of their suburban home. That helps feed the discussion about Corin's gypsy roots. Josie also has one of those faces that if you stare at it long enough you start seeing comparisons with other people who aren't really there. Her main purpose in the house is to provide an affinity with a section of the viewers that keeps them watching and phoning in.
- John James. 24, white, straight. The purpose of this tall, tanned, athletic, handsome aussie with perfect teeth is simple. He's in there to make the girls and a few of the boys go weak at the knees. This adds sexual tension to the house and keeps the viewers viewing while they wait to see him with his shirt off or even better taking someone elses top off.
- Mario. 28, white gay. This son of a Scottish mother and an estranged Italian father is a fairly average young, gay man like a large section of Big Brothers viewers. His purpose in the house is to form a affinity with that section of the audience by holding up mirror to them onto which they can project their hopes, fears and dreams. Mario was randomly chosen from a pre-screened group made up of more of the same. The purpose of him taking on the role of "the mole" in the first week was to divert attention away from why Shabby and Ife seem to know more about what was going on then the other housemates. That is because their show business experience makes them more attuned to the environment. I won't go so far as to call them moles but the production team will try and keep them in the house for as long as possible in order to keep the show moving in the right direction.
That dramatic change in focus makes me think that this, final series is not under the usual lesbian heavy management of previous series. The other clue is that unlike previous years where viewers were only able to vote in a telephone poll this year they are able to project what they think and feel about the contestants onto a recorded "comments" line. That should help the Brits more accurately profile their population.
The Arguing Has Begun
The COP1 and COP5 forms were delivered to my father and grandmother this morning. I presume they have also been delivered to the other recipients. If you live locally you have been tipped off to this by one of the neighbours constantly sounding their burglar alarm. This means anyone in the local area will have to endure the weekend with a crushing headache. There has been some shouting but this will ebb and flow throughout the next couple of days like waves on a beach.
My father's actually just headed off to a carers lunch organised by the Whitgift estate but obviously funded by the taxpayer. It will be interesting to hear what sort of advice he receives there.
As the idea of this being used to force me from my home is just the sad little fantasy of a sad little state I should tell you how the next couple of days are expected to play out. Firstly my father will remove my grandmother from any decision making. He will the meet the solicitor to draw up a plan of action. They will then bill my grandmother for this plan.
The main bit of abuse I'm having thrown at me at the moment is that I'm causing my grandmother lots of pain and distress so I should explain one thing. If my father decides not to challenge the application this all ends by Thursday and the book will closed on this recent, unfortunate chapter in my grandmothers life.
So how much stress and pain this causes my grandmother is entirely my father's decision to make.
My father's actually just headed off to a carers lunch organised by the Whitgift estate but obviously funded by the taxpayer. It will be interesting to hear what sort of advice he receives there.
As the idea of this being used to force me from my home is just the sad little fantasy of a sad little state I should tell you how the next couple of days are expected to play out. Firstly my father will remove my grandmother from any decision making. He will the meet the solicitor to draw up a plan of action. They will then bill my grandmother for this plan.
The main bit of abuse I'm having thrown at me at the moment is that I'm causing my grandmother lots of pain and distress so I should explain one thing. If my father decides not to challenge the application this all ends by Thursday and the book will closed on this recent, unfortunate chapter in my grandmothers life.
So how much stress and pain this causes my grandmother is entirely my father's decision to make.
Friday, 18 June 2010
Fabio Ca-fucking-pello
He's a very good club manager that England have been trying to mould into position for a number of years. In that time no-one explained to him that the World Cup is not a club competition. So waiting until 2 hours before kick off to name your starting 11 does not help you team play as a team. Also Wallcott should have played and Lennon should have stayed home.
Rachel has just been evicted from the Big Brother house leaving Shabby and Sunshine still in. So I should give you my rough guide to Sunshine;
Rachel has just been evicted from the Big Brother house leaving Shabby and Sunshine still in. So I should give you my rough guide to Sunshine;
- Yvette. 24, white, straight. The name she's chosen to give herself "Sunshine" could be the launch codes for Iran's nuclear program. Fortunately it looks like they're too well encrypted for MI6 to understand unless of course MI6 are bluffing. It could also be a reference to Summer Glau an American actress who starred in the US TV show "Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles" alongside Brian Austin Green. Brian Austin Green may or may not be getting married to Megan Fox who may or may not be starring in the film "Transformers 3." As for Yvette she looks a bit like Amy Winehouse. She also looks a bit like Samantha Cameron, an ex-girlfriend of mine called Rebecca, Lady Sovereign who starred in Celebrity Big Brother 2010 and alleged attended that Mayfair squat party. She also possibly looks like one of my cousins fiancee who is also newly qualified as a doctor and she does look a bit like Nikki Grahame who is former of Big Brother housemate who suffered badly with eating disorders and tells a similar story to my sister. There are probably some more I've forgotten but that's the thing about a spinner. If you want to see it she'll look like it. This is reflected in the other housemates voting her as "the mole" when Mario held the offical title. The real moles are of course Ife and Shabby. Not in any tracable way, their experience means they just have a better understanding of the environment.
In South Africa Car Crashes Are Not Fucking Funny.
So in the case of my mate Iian I should explain;
I am familiar with the driver and his condition. I am familiar with the car and its condition. I am familiar with the road and it's condition. I am also familiar with the variety of mechanisms by which Britain's security services (MI5/MI6) can engineer a car "accident".
Therefore I stand by original statement that in the Mandela crash the driver just fucked up. He did not plan to fuck up and no-one planned for him to fuck up but he fucked up all the same.
I am familiar with the driver and his condition. I am familiar with the car and its condition. I am familiar with the road and it's condition. I am also familiar with the variety of mechanisms by which Britain's security services (MI5/MI6) can engineer a car "accident".
Therefore I stand by original statement that in the Mandela crash the driver just fucked up. He did not plan to fuck up and no-one planned for him to fuck up but he fucked up all the same.
Fuck!
My mate's just smashed up his car today. I've not spoken to him but no-one's dead and he sent me a telephone picture of the damage which I can't post up here.
By the looks of things the driver in front had disconnected his brake lights. He then slammed on his brakes at a junction leaving my mate no choice other then to smash into the back of him.
The really worrying thing is he needs his car for work with British Gas and if his private insurance company does pick up the bill I might have to.
Oh and England are currently trying not win their world cup match so the score is currently England 0 Algeria 0.
By the looks of things the driver in front had disconnected his brake lights. He then slammed on his brakes at a junction leaving my mate no choice other then to smash into the back of him.
The really worrying thing is he needs his car for work with British Gas and if his private insurance company does pick up the bill I might have to.
Oh and England are currently trying not win their world cup match so the score is currently England 0 Algeria 0.
Slight Problem.
After yesterdays fun and games I have to report that the Brits have still got a lot of fight left in them for the Court business. They're just waiting for the world cup to be over.
Apparently Green is playing tonight and Big Brother is doing it's first eviction show tonight. The full report on the housemate that calls herself "Sunshine" will take a long time to write because she is an absolute spinner. One of the stories you may have heard about Yvette (pronouced: 'e-Vet) is that she suffered serious bulimia while at medical school studying to be a doctor. This is pretty similar to my sisters story. My sister turned up this afternoon just as the Germany V Serbia game began and left just as it finished. I've now found out that Serbia beat Germany 1-0. USA v Slovenia ended 2-2 meaning Slovenia top the group with 4pts.
Also my father has yet to work out that if he pisses me about for an hour while I'm trying to cook his dinner then his dinner gets delayed for an hour.
Edited to add after being forced to rehearse this for 2 hours I forgot my line. The 'e-Vet element of Sunshine translates into to Britain as "Die students Die!!"
Apparently Green is playing tonight and Big Brother is doing it's first eviction show tonight. The full report on the housemate that calls herself "Sunshine" will take a long time to write because she is an absolute spinner. One of the stories you may have heard about Yvette (pronouced: 'e-Vet) is that she suffered serious bulimia while at medical school studying to be a doctor. This is pretty similar to my sisters story. My sister turned up this afternoon just as the Germany V Serbia game began and left just as it finished. I've now found out that Serbia beat Germany 1-0. USA v Slovenia ended 2-2 meaning Slovenia top the group with 4pts.
Also my father has yet to work out that if he pisses me about for an hour while I'm trying to cook his dinner then his dinner gets delayed for an hour.
Edited to add after being forced to rehearse this for 2 hours I forgot my line. The 'e-Vet element of Sunshine translates into to Britain as "Die students Die!!"
Thursday, 17 June 2010
What I Did Today.
What I did today at the Court of Protection was almost exactly the same thing last time we were at the notification stage. I put copies of the COP1 and Cop5 forms in the mail for my grandmother, father, brother and solicitor. I then delivered 4 COP20 forms to the court by hand. The COP20 form is just a receipt confirming that the COP1+5 forms have been mailed. Those forms will be delivered on Saturday June 19th at the earliest. Then there will no doubt be several days of shouting that will have to be managed. I can't pretend I'm totally relaxed about this but if I have to do it a third time it will just be routine.
The only way these forms will be delivered before Saturday will be if MI5 intercept them in the mail system and then courier them to the address. It is highly unlikely this will happen. In fact I got the impression that MI5 delayed the entire Victoria line of the London Underground during the rush hour to make sure I missed the deadline for next day delivery. Unfortunately this then buggered up my own plan forcing MI5 to delay parts the overground rail network to make sure I wasn't late for my dinner with my mother because that would constitute causing me undue stress.
So I'm sorry if you were trying to travel across London this afternoon but just think of all the trouble that could have been avoided if the court had just given the correct answer first time round.
The only way these forms will be delivered before Saturday will be if MI5 intercept them in the mail system and then courier them to the address. It is highly unlikely this will happen. In fact I got the impression that MI5 delayed the entire Victoria line of the London Underground during the rush hour to make sure I missed the deadline for next day delivery. Unfortunately this then buggered up my own plan forcing MI5 to delay parts the overground rail network to make sure I wasn't late for my dinner with my mother because that would constitute causing me undue stress.
So I'm sorry if you were trying to travel across London this afternoon but just think of all the trouble that could have been avoided if the court had just given the correct answer first time round.
The Politics of the Brazil V North Korea Game.
Personally I think it spoils the sport but the game went ahead anyway so;
Politically Brazil and North Korea don't have much to do with each other. However they are both quite important countries globally speaking. Brazil is a fast emerging South American economy. North Korea have nuclear weapons and are just about crazy enough to use them. As such both Brazil and North Korea both have lots of contact with the USA for very different reasons. Therefore the European monarchy's led by Britain were trying to use the Brazil v North Korea match to stress out the Americans to see what information would fall out. Although the operation was being led by the British and the Dutch there isn't a nation on earth that wouldn't happily use any information that was uncovered. I think the Americans were best left to it. Feel free to argue about and criticise my decision as much as you like.
Elsewhere we've got a EU summit in Brussels and the Israelis have announced that they will be easing the blockade on Gaza. I for one will be very interested to see what that will translate to in practice. However I'm doing this Court of Protection thing so I'll be spending the next two hours in an underground railway tunnel. Then I'm having dinner with my mother so no more football for me today.
Politically Brazil and North Korea don't have much to do with each other. However they are both quite important countries globally speaking. Brazil is a fast emerging South American economy. North Korea have nuclear weapons and are just about crazy enough to use them. As such both Brazil and North Korea both have lots of contact with the USA for very different reasons. Therefore the European monarchy's led by Britain were trying to use the Brazil v North Korea match to stress out the Americans to see what information would fall out. Although the operation was being led by the British and the Dutch there isn't a nation on earth that wouldn't happily use any information that was uncovered. I think the Americans were best left to it. Feel free to argue about and criticise my decision as much as you like.
Elsewhere we've got a EU summit in Brussels and the Israelis have announced that they will be easing the blockade on Gaza. I for one will be very interested to see what that will translate to in practice. However I'm doing this Court of Protection thing so I'll be spending the next two hours in an underground railway tunnel. Then I'm having dinner with my mother so no more football for me today.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
For Women and the Gays
The Wimbledon lawn tennis tournament begins next week. For people in British media circles though the big event of the summer is the last ever series of Big Brother.
For those not familiar with the format this TV show takes some frankly quite odd members of the public and locks them in special house for three months. Their actions are constantly filmed and broadcast on national TV. As always all the female housemates have described themselves as bisexual and the housemates can be split into three distinct groups. There are the average, normal people who keep the show running for three months. Then there are the people who provoke public debate about a social or political issue. Finally there are people who "mirror" me and other usually media people. For me and other featured people this final group makes watching the show the psychological equivalent of poking yourself in the eye with a fork. Today though I have made the effort and watched two and a half hours of back to back episodes. So here is part one of my guide to the 2010 Big Brother housemates;
For those not familiar with the format this TV show takes some frankly quite odd members of the public and locks them in special house for three months. Their actions are constantly filmed and broadcast on national TV. As always all the female housemates have described themselves as bisexual and the housemates can be split into three distinct groups. There are the average, normal people who keep the show running for three months. Then there are the people who provoke public debate about a social or political issue. Finally there are people who "mirror" me and other usually media people. For me and other featured people this final group makes watching the show the psychological equivalent of poking yourself in the eye with a fork. Today though I have made the effort and watched two and a half hours of back to back episodes. So here is part one of my guide to the 2010 Big Brother housemates;
- Steve. 40, white, straight. Clearly the most significant personality in the house Steve is an ex-British solider who lost both his legs and his right eye to an IRA roadside bomb. Since leaving the army he's had eight children and worked tirelessly to raise money for other wounded ex-servicemen. He has been put in the house to remind the country of all the wounded soldiers coming home from Afghanistan and make us believe that this is something that we as a nation should be proud of. He is also there to convince the country of just how terrible the IRA still are. I am vain enough to think that he is also there to represent the elements of my personality that, by media standards, are disciplined and regimented. Steve is the natural for winner but he snores really loudly so the other housemates are likely to keep nominating him for eviction.
- Shabby. 24, white, lesbian. After allegedly getting beaten off by Lindsay Lohan for the role in The Parent Trap Shabby left her wealthy middle class upbringing, gave herself a silly name and got involved in the London squat party scene. There are an awful lot of people who would like to know how, if at all Shabby was involved with the group of squatters behind the Mayfair squat party that ended in a mini-riot in February 2010. Shabby is also a mirror for an American actress called Faruzia Balk who starred in films like American History X. In the mid-late 1990's Faruzia Balk was part of a group of American actors and actresses that included Robin Tunney. Robin Tunney now play Agent Theresa Lisbon in hit US TV show The Mentalist. Shabby is also pronounced similar to Shappi as in Shappi Khorsandi an British/Iranian comedian who had the misfortune to be promoting her book when Iran's Green Revolution kicked off. Therefore Shabby has mainly been put in the house to gather information from the public while giving Shappi Khorsandi, Faruzia Balk, Robin Tunney and the Americans a headache.
- Ife. 25, black, straight. This androgynous model/dancer actually went to the same high school as Shabby. Since then she has worked as a model and backing dancer for Cheryl Cole amongst others. Taken on her own apart from providing eye candy her only purpose is to use her showbiz experience to help keep the show moving.
- Govan. 21, black, gay. Govan looks like dozens of young, androgynous, black gay men. His role in the house is to promote public discussion about attitudes to homosexuality in British black community. During the World Cup the fact that Govan looks a lot like Ife who is of Nigerian descent that the pair of them are in the show in an attempt to promote a more tolerant attitude to homosexuality within Africa. This is a difficult issue because the evidence suggests that a liberal attitude to homosexuality damages economic development. There is a rumour that India came under pressure to legalise homosexuality because its economy continued to grow strongly throughout the world economic meltdown. Therefore this and other efforts to concentrate on the issue of homosexuality in Africa appears to be an attempt to derail the continents efforts at economic development by tangling them up in arguments about gay rights.
- Corin. 29, white, straight. Corin looks like the celebrity Jordan/Katie Price. Although it is hard to tell under all that fake tan there is a hint of Irish traveller heritage about Corin. Last year Channel 4 made a documentary about weddings in Irish traveller communities in which they discovered that many of the brides take inspiration from the weddings of celebrities like Katie Price. Since then Channel 4's desire to learn more about gypsy communities has bordered on the obsessional. With Royal Ascot coming up it's worth pointing out that Irish travellers tend to be horse breeders and members of the British Royal Family tend to be very bad gamblers. Therefore Corin's purpose in the house is to annoy Katie Price and gather information from the public about gypsy communities.
- Ben. 30, white, gay. Ben is the stereotypical upper class British toff and actually has a flicker of Prince William about him. His purpose in the house is to promote discussion about that eternal question about the British upper classes. Are they all really gay or just horrifically inbred? Ben is gay.
- Rachel. 23, mixed race, straight. Rachel works as a professional Beyonce lookalike therefore she is obviously a mirror for Beyonce. What is less obvious is that she also mirrors Kimberly Walsh who may or may not still be in the band Girls Aloud with Cheryl Cole. Kimberly Walsh is currently trying to branch out into a TV career so using Rachel as a mirror gives the industry a chance to feel her out a bit.
- Caoimhe. 22, white, straight. Caoimhe (pronouced Key-vah) is one of the whitest, most Irish women in the world. She is a mirror for a lesbian Radio 1 DJ called Annie Mac. Bizarrely Caoimhe's haircut is similar a gay, male Radio 1 called Nick Grimshaw who is Annie Mac's sort of showbiz husband. Although clearly straight Caoimhe claims rather unconvincingly to be bisexual. Therefore her role in the house it to get on Annie Mac's nerves. Apparently this week it is Annie Mac's responsibility to get out of bed in the morning.
The Brazil V North Korea Match.
On the pitch it was won 2-1 by Brazil. Politically it's one of those matches that go well if nothing happens. It went well.
In terms of football I completely missed the first half with the rushing around to and from the pub. From the first 30 minutes of the second half I did see Brazil seemed totally in control of the game. They did just enough to win without humiliating the North Koreans or showing all the other teams in the group just how good they are. North Korea were actually much better then I expected but I don't seen them doing much in a group containing Brazil, Ivory Coast and Portugal.
In terms of football I completely missed the first half with the rushing around to and from the pub. From the first 30 minutes of the second half I did see Brazil seemed totally in control of the game. They did just enough to win without humiliating the North Koreans or showing all the other teams in the group just how good they are. North Korea were actually much better then I expected but I don't seen them doing much in a group containing Brazil, Ivory Coast and Portugal.
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
And the Fourth Depressing Fact
I've now remembered is that at around 01:00 yesterday (15/6/10 BST) there was controlled fire around my property. There's always controlled fires going on around my property but last nights was special because it feature the smell of burning plastic. That's the sort of smell that forces your fat arse to get out of bed and investigate. Would anyone like to hazard a guess, airstrike or shooting spree against the address that caused it because really I couldn't possibly tell.
Incidentally BBC has now "pulled" its documentary entitled "Young, Angry and White" about the English Defence League.
Incidentally BBC has now "pulled" its documentary entitled "Young, Angry and White" about the English Defence League.
Now Here's a Depressing Thought
Since I made my post about the Vuvuzelas 500 British subjects, loyal and true have complained about their use during the World Cup. This has forced the BBC to lodge formal complaints with both FIFA and the South African organisers.
The other depressing thought is that while writing this post I have been watching the five prospective leaders of the now defunct Labour party hold a live debate on the BBC's Newsnight program.
There was a third depressing thought but after the discovery of rather expensive Cognac it's largely been forgotten. I think it had something to do with Americans demanding to know why President Obama hasn't risen up to deal with the BP oil spill. That would be a very stupid thing to do due to a complicated financial thing that it would best for me not to talk about at this time.
While I'm here I should give you the full technical report on the ongoing story of my sofa repairs. It involves a seat cushion that is suspended by a lattice work or webbing strips. Specifically it is three vertical strips and four horizontal strips. When I initially brought the webbing strips to repair it one vertical and two horizontal strips had broken. In the time it took for me to buy the webbing and actually find the freedom to install them a third horizontal strip broke. This meant that I had to go out and buy more webbing to consider the entire thing fixed. I am still trying to find the time and space to install that fourth webbing strip and discover if it is strong enough to support my fat arse.
The other depressing thought is that while writing this post I have been watching the five prospective leaders of the now defunct Labour party hold a live debate on the BBC's Newsnight program.
There was a third depressing thought but after the discovery of rather expensive Cognac it's largely been forgotten. I think it had something to do with Americans demanding to know why President Obama hasn't risen up to deal with the BP oil spill. That would be a very stupid thing to do due to a complicated financial thing that it would best for me not to talk about at this time.
While I'm here I should give you the full technical report on the ongoing story of my sofa repairs. It involves a seat cushion that is suspended by a lattice work or webbing strips. Specifically it is three vertical strips and four horizontal strips. When I initially brought the webbing strips to repair it one vertical and two horizontal strips had broken. In the time it took for me to buy the webbing and actually find the freedom to install them a third horizontal strip broke. This meant that I had to go out and buy more webbing to consider the entire thing fixed. I am still trying to find the time and space to install that fourth webbing strip and discover if it is strong enough to support my fat arse.
EVERYTHING IS OK !!!
I am home from the pub and getting progressively more drunk as time ticks by. The important thing to remember though is that everything is OK.
The only problem is and truly I hate to say this but. While we were all worried that during this trip to the pub my house would be broken into and/or my grandmother beaten to death the local police units made sure they were all busy. They were all busy stopping&searching people who looked like they might have been providing overwatch on my house.
Oh edited to add:
Obviously burglars = white people. Overwatch = Black people. That's the mentality of the local police personally I think it's more complicated then that.
The only problem is and truly I hate to say this but. While we were all worried that during this trip to the pub my house would be broken into and/or my grandmother beaten to death the local police units made sure they were all busy. They were all busy stopping&searching people who looked like they might have been providing overwatch on my house.
Oh edited to add:
Obviously burglars = white people. Overwatch = Black people. That's the mentality of the local police personally I think it's more complicated then that.
I'm Back.
I actually got back about two hours ago but since then I've been busy. If you're really that interested I got a bus to East Croydon railway station. I then walked down George street where I stopped into a photocopy shop. I then continued down North End road where I stopped in a department store to buy more webbing to repair my sofa, it's a long story. I then walked through the Whitgift centre to a pharmacists to buy some insoles to make my shoes more comfortable. I then brought a sandwich from Subway and went to a hardware store to get these TV parts. In the end I just bit the bullet and brought a new analogue indoor aeriel which has solved the problem quickly and simply during the World Cup. I think you'll agree that's money well spent.
The hardware store I went to is by West Croydon railway station. By Croydon standards this is the dangerous side of town and there was certainly a tension in the air and a van load of police on standby. This could have been my fault because every time I go into a hardware store the police get really nervous for some reason. Today though I think the tension was the result of events today in Barking, London. Here the Royal Anglian Regiment were making yet another homecoming parade like they did last year in Luton. Again another MI5 front group this time calling themselves "Muslims against the Crusades" turned up to hurl abuse at the soldiers. About 100 members of the English Defence League (EDL) charged out of a near by pub and piled into the Muslims leading to much punchy punchy and about a dozen arrests. Bizarrely this relates to the World Cup because this year the UK Security Services have made very sure that no known English football hooligans (aka senior members of the EDL) will be attending the tournament in South Africa. As a result all these brave lion hearts are wandering around Britain spoiling for a fight.
I did not get home in time to watch the Prime Ministers statement to the House of Commons on the Saville report. I did though get home in time to see the Saville report being made public to the people of LondonDerry. This was done by a mass rally in the centre of the city that was attended by about 5-6000 people. After the speeches which celebrated the vindication of the Catholic protesters and damned the Protestant soliders ended the big TV screens went on to encourage people to stay around in the square to watch the Ivory Coast V Portugal. That game ended 0-0.
Tonight's World Cup match is Brazil V North Korea. As you probably remember Brazil are one of the best footballing nations in history. You may also remember that North Korea are a paranoid totalitarian nation who've isolated themselves from the outside world and built nuclear weapons.
I'll be watching this match down the pub which will be fun(!) I probably won't make an evening report tonight and if I do it probably won't make much sense because if I'm not drunk by 21:00 something's gone horribly wrong.
The hardware store I went to is by West Croydon railway station. By Croydon standards this is the dangerous side of town and there was certainly a tension in the air and a van load of police on standby. This could have been my fault because every time I go into a hardware store the police get really nervous for some reason. Today though I think the tension was the result of events today in Barking, London. Here the Royal Anglian Regiment were making yet another homecoming parade like they did last year in Luton. Again another MI5 front group this time calling themselves "Muslims against the Crusades" turned up to hurl abuse at the soldiers. About 100 members of the English Defence League (EDL) charged out of a near by pub and piled into the Muslims leading to much punchy punchy and about a dozen arrests. Bizarrely this relates to the World Cup because this year the UK Security Services have made very sure that no known English football hooligans (aka senior members of the EDL) will be attending the tournament in South Africa. As a result all these brave lion hearts are wandering around Britain spoiling for a fight.
I did not get home in time to watch the Prime Ministers statement to the House of Commons on the Saville report. I did though get home in time to see the Saville report being made public to the people of LondonDerry. This was done by a mass rally in the centre of the city that was attended by about 5-6000 people. After the speeches which celebrated the vindication of the Catholic protesters and damned the Protestant soliders ended the big TV screens went on to encourage people to stay around in the square to watch the Ivory Coast V Portugal. That game ended 0-0.
Tonight's World Cup match is Brazil V North Korea. As you probably remember Brazil are one of the best footballing nations in history. You may also remember that North Korea are a paranoid totalitarian nation who've isolated themselves from the outside world and built nuclear weapons.
I'll be watching this match down the pub which will be fun(!) I probably won't make an evening report tonight and if I do it probably won't make much sense because if I'm not drunk by 21:00 something's gone horribly wrong.
Bloody Sunday
and already an annoying Tuesday.
The Bloody Sunday shootings was one of the major flash points of the the Northern Irish Troubles. On January 30th 1972 a group of Catholics staged a march through the Bogside area of LondonDerry to protest against their treatment at the hands a of majority Protestant government. They were met by elite troops from the Royal Parachute Regiment (Paras). The ensuing confrontation left 27 civilians shot of which 13 died. The Paras sustained no casualties.
Since that day endless arguments have raged over what really happened. The initial inquiry known as the Widgery tribunal was a complete cover up yet was unable to find anything other then the actions of the Paras "bordered on the reckless". The Coroners inquest went further and accused the British Army of "sheer unadulterated murder."
As a concession made as part of the Northern Ireland Peace Process then British Prime Minister Tony Blair opened a new inquiry into the incident known as the Saville Inquiry. This quickly became the longest running and most expensive inquiry in British history as the Army and the Crown spent 12 years and £400million saying "no you can't put that bit in." The inquiry has finally concluded today with the Saville report going out to British MP's this morning. Later today relatives of those killed are being given five hours in a room with the report and after that a select group of journalists will be given time to read the report in a controlled environment.
After years of delaying tactics the decision to suddenly release the report was made to inflame the political situation in Northern Ireland in the hope of derailing the peace process. So as far a I'm concerned the paras involved must face justice but it's not worth going back to the days of the troubles.
This afternoon I will mainly running errands that involve buying some parts to fix a TV and trying to find a photocopying shop. I'll be trying to do all this in Croydon so will probably come back empty handed but try not to get into a panic about it.
The Bloody Sunday shootings was one of the major flash points of the the Northern Irish Troubles. On January 30th 1972 a group of Catholics staged a march through the Bogside area of LondonDerry to protest against their treatment at the hands a of majority Protestant government. They were met by elite troops from the Royal Parachute Regiment (Paras). The ensuing confrontation left 27 civilians shot of which 13 died. The Paras sustained no casualties.
Since that day endless arguments have raged over what really happened. The initial inquiry known as the Widgery tribunal was a complete cover up yet was unable to find anything other then the actions of the Paras "bordered on the reckless". The Coroners inquest went further and accused the British Army of "sheer unadulterated murder."
As a concession made as part of the Northern Ireland Peace Process then British Prime Minister Tony Blair opened a new inquiry into the incident known as the Saville Inquiry. This quickly became the longest running and most expensive inquiry in British history as the Army and the Crown spent 12 years and £400million saying "no you can't put that bit in." The inquiry has finally concluded today with the Saville report going out to British MP's this morning. Later today relatives of those killed are being given five hours in a room with the report and after that a select group of journalists will be given time to read the report in a controlled environment.
After years of delaying tactics the decision to suddenly release the report was made to inflame the political situation in Northern Ireland in the hope of derailing the peace process. So as far a I'm concerned the paras involved must face justice but it's not worth going back to the days of the troubles.
This afternoon I will mainly running errands that involve buying some parts to fix a TV and trying to find a photocopying shop. I'll be trying to do all this in Croydon so will probably come back empty handed but try not to get into a panic about it.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Cheeky Bloody Israelis
Using the start of the World Cup as cover Israel has announced that it is to carry out an internal investigation into the shooting of nine Turkish nationals aboard the Turkish ship the Mavi Marmara.
The investigation will be carried out by a three man panel made up of a senior Israeli Judge, a retired Israeli military officer and an Israeli professor of international law. The scope of the investigation will be very narrow only examining the manner of the deaths. So it will only ask who shot who rather then why a situation arose where shooting occurred. The panel will also rule on the legality of the naval blockade. I suspect that the Israelis will rule that it is legal.
Apparently bowing to international pressure Israel have agreed to allow two international observers to watch the investigation. Having looked at the two observers who have been appointed I can only presume that the Israelis must be joking.
The first is Ken Watkin a retired Brigadier General in the Canadian army who specialises in military law. I have to admit that I'm not familiar with Watkin but the fact he's managed to rise to such a high rank in an army that swears allegiance to the Queen of England would suggest he's a very pro-Israeli Zionist. He's probably less likely to criticise Israel then the Israelis on the panel.
I am much more familiar with the second observer. It's David Trimble former leader of Northern Ireland's Ulster Unionist Party (UUP) which is in an electoral alliance with Britain's Conservative party. Although a moderate Loyalist Trimble has been linked with terrorists groups like the Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) and the Ulster Defence Association (UDA). There are rumours that both the UVF and the UDA were armed, in part, with weapons that had been seized from Palestinian terror groups*. Politically Trimble comes between Lieberman and Netanhayu. In the unlikely event that he was to criticise Israel Trimble will be far too busy. Instead he'll be trying to deal with Israeli attempts to take control of the English Defence League (EDL) who are linked to the UDA.
I understand that punishing Israel over the incident is one thing but surely rewarding them for it is quite another.
*While I'm vaguely on the subject the long awaited British government report on the Bloody Sunday shootings is to be released soon. There is a whisper on the wind that this report will show that one of the weapons used, which the army claim was destroyed, turned up in the hands of rebel fighters in Sierra Leone. Coming out during the World Cup this will ignite a debate a small arms in Africa and Tony Blair's military intervention against the rebels in Sierra Leone. Of course the purpose of that argument is to distract attention away from the events of Bloody Sunday where the British Army shot and killed British civilians on the streets of a British city.
The investigation will be carried out by a three man panel made up of a senior Israeli Judge, a retired Israeli military officer and an Israeli professor of international law. The scope of the investigation will be very narrow only examining the manner of the deaths. So it will only ask who shot who rather then why a situation arose where shooting occurred. The panel will also rule on the legality of the naval blockade. I suspect that the Israelis will rule that it is legal.
Apparently bowing to international pressure Israel have agreed to allow two international observers to watch the investigation. Having looked at the two observers who have been appointed I can only presume that the Israelis must be joking.
The first is Ken Watkin a retired Brigadier General in the Canadian army who specialises in military law. I have to admit that I'm not familiar with Watkin but the fact he's managed to rise to such a high rank in an army that swears allegiance to the Queen of England would suggest he's a very pro-Israeli Zionist. He's probably less likely to criticise Israel then the Israelis on the panel.
I am much more familiar with the second observer. It's David Trimble former leader of Northern Ireland's Ulster Unionist Party (UUP) which is in an electoral alliance with Britain's Conservative party. Although a moderate Loyalist Trimble has been linked with terrorists groups like the Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) and the Ulster Defence Association (UDA). There are rumours that both the UVF and the UDA were armed, in part, with weapons that had been seized from Palestinian terror groups*. Politically Trimble comes between Lieberman and Netanhayu. In the unlikely event that he was to criticise Israel Trimble will be far too busy. Instead he'll be trying to deal with Israeli attempts to take control of the English Defence League (EDL) who are linked to the UDA.
I understand that punishing Israel over the incident is one thing but surely rewarding them for it is quite another.
*While I'm vaguely on the subject the long awaited British government report on the Bloody Sunday shootings is to be released soon. There is a whisper on the wind that this report will show that one of the weapons used, which the army claim was destroyed, turned up in the hands of rebel fighters in Sierra Leone. Coming out during the World Cup this will ignite a debate a small arms in Africa and Tony Blair's military intervention against the rebels in Sierra Leone. Of course the purpose of that argument is to distract attention away from the events of Bloody Sunday where the British Army shot and killed British civilians on the streets of a British city.
The Vuvuzelas.
A vuvuzela is a large plastic horn that African football supporters blow to cheer on their team. At the 2010 World Cup the South African hosts have declared it the official instrument of the tournament and encouraged everyone to use them as much as possible. When lots of them are played together they make a low buzzing noise that some people have compared to the sound of an angry swarm of bees.
Watching on TV I have say that I was able to filter the sound out without really noticing. Since I've had it pointed out to me I actually find the noise quite relaxing and really like the Vuvuzelas. I'm clearly in a minority though because since the tournament has started lots of the, mostly European, nations have been bombarding FIFA, who run the tournament, with calls to have vuvuzelas banned from the matches.
Some of them are feigning outraged because they genuinely believe that the vuvuzelas are being used to intimidate visitors to South Africa.
Others, like Britain, already know that the vavuzelas are really being encouraged to add atmosphere to matches that aren't particularly well attended. They also know this leads on to a inflammatory debate over wealth inequality between blacks and whites in post-apartheid South Africa. This is a generational problem that the South African government is carefully and patiently solving. In fact I would go so far as to say that by provoking that debate now they are trying to create a volatile situation in South Africa where one doesn't really exist. Plus it's a bit embarrassing for nations who people are hardly queuing around the block to see.
To their credit FIFA have told all these complainers to bugger off and the matter is now closed.
Watching on TV I have say that I was able to filter the sound out without really noticing. Since I've had it pointed out to me I actually find the noise quite relaxing and really like the Vuvuzelas. I'm clearly in a minority though because since the tournament has started lots of the, mostly European, nations have been bombarding FIFA, who run the tournament, with calls to have vuvuzelas banned from the matches.
Some of them are feigning outraged because they genuinely believe that the vuvuzelas are being used to intimidate visitors to South Africa.
Others, like Britain, already know that the vavuzelas are really being encouraged to add atmosphere to matches that aren't particularly well attended. They also know this leads on to a inflammatory debate over wealth inequality between blacks and whites in post-apartheid South Africa. This is a generational problem that the South African government is carefully and patiently solving. In fact I would go so far as to say that by provoking that debate now they are trying to create a volatile situation in South Africa where one doesn't really exist. Plus it's a bit embarrassing for nations who people are hardly queuing around the block to see.
To their credit FIFA have told all these complainers to bugger off and the matter is now closed.
Jock Stirrup Steps Down.
Over the weekend the head of the UK armed forces, Jock Stirrup left his post by mutual consent. I didn't mention this at the time because it's more symbolic then important.
The thing you have to remember about the different branches of the armed forces; the Army, Airforce and the Navy is that they're very good a fighting. Mainly between themselves in order to secure the most funding. Stirrup is an airforce man and will probably be replaced by an army man. The purpose of this is so the new, Conservative government can send the message that it is breaking the link with the policies of the previous Labour government and that it will be make funding the land war in Afghanistan a priority at the strategic defence review. However with the nations fiances being what the are whether that will actually happen is still a matter for debate.
Elsewhere in the UK today ex-England footballing legend Paul Gascoigne has been involved in a minor road accident and a GP involved in the Baby P case has been accused of missing an opportunity to admit the child the hospital. I think this means that the current debate amongst the Brits is whether they can have me locked up in a secure psychiatric facility or just kill me. I don't think their weekend went well.
The thing you have to remember about the different branches of the armed forces; the Army, Airforce and the Navy is that they're very good a fighting. Mainly between themselves in order to secure the most funding. Stirrup is an airforce man and will probably be replaced by an army man. The purpose of this is so the new, Conservative government can send the message that it is breaking the link with the policies of the previous Labour government and that it will be make funding the land war in Afghanistan a priority at the strategic defence review. However with the nations fiances being what the are whether that will actually happen is still a matter for debate.
Elsewhere in the UK today ex-England footballing legend Paul Gascoigne has been involved in a minor road accident and a GP involved in the Baby P case has been accused of missing an opportunity to admit the child the hospital. I think this means that the current debate amongst the Brits is whether they can have me locked up in a secure psychiatric facility or just kill me. I don't think their weekend went well.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
I'm Really Drunk But I Should Try and Tidy Up.
On Saturday my grandmother and father visited the Borough, London Welsh, Methodist Church. Apparently Simon Hughes, MP has been a "lay"* preacher there for a number of years.
If you don't know by now my given name is Simon as is I believe Simon Hughes' given name. When I was about 4 years old my grandmother took me to play in the same park where Simon Hughes was giving a TV interview. Being 4 years old I wandered off causing my grandmother to run around the park shouting "Simon, SiMON, SIMON!" at the top of her voice. Being an MP Simon Hughes decided that obviously she was shouting his name so he dragged the TV crew over to interview her. I'm sure this story is well known because well every time Simon Hughes appears on TV my grandmother tells it to me.
Therefore I think the Saturday visit was billed as "Simon Hughes versus my grandmother" while all the audience took notes. The only thing we've been able to decide as a family is that for a LibDem* Simon Hughes has piss poor dress sense.
The Sunday visit was to the London Welsh Protestant Church. A few years ago this church was threatened with closure until a plucky ex-barrister called Lloyd Lloyd was forced to fight the case. Apparently he found that the land site had a covenant on it that stated the property must only be used as a Welsh Protestant Church until around 2100AD. Therefore the Church was saved and Lloyd Lloyd became a god amongst the congregation.
Apart from that we've had the opening Group D games in the World Cup. I only got to see 20 minutes of Serbia V Ghana game which Ghana won 1-0 but I think it was the best 20 minutes of the World Cup I've seen so far. Later I saw the second half of the Germany V Australia game where Germany devastated the old men of Australian 4-0.
*Yeah in British politics the terms "LibDem" and "Homosexual" are pretty much interchangeable.
If you don't know by now my given name is Simon as is I believe Simon Hughes' given name. When I was about 4 years old my grandmother took me to play in the same park where Simon Hughes was giving a TV interview. Being 4 years old I wandered off causing my grandmother to run around the park shouting "Simon, SiMON, SIMON!" at the top of her voice. Being an MP Simon Hughes decided that obviously she was shouting his name so he dragged the TV crew over to interview her. I'm sure this story is well known because well every time Simon Hughes appears on TV my grandmother tells it to me.
Therefore I think the Saturday visit was billed as "Simon Hughes versus my grandmother" while all the audience took notes. The only thing we've been able to decide as a family is that for a LibDem* Simon Hughes has piss poor dress sense.
The Sunday visit was to the London Welsh Protestant Church. A few years ago this church was threatened with closure until a plucky ex-barrister called Lloyd Lloyd was forced to fight the case. Apparently he found that the land site had a covenant on it that stated the property must only be used as a Welsh Protestant Church until around 2100AD. Therefore the Church was saved and Lloyd Lloyd became a god amongst the congregation.
Apart from that we've had the opening Group D games in the World Cup. I only got to see 20 minutes of Serbia V Ghana game which Ghana won 1-0 but I think it was the best 20 minutes of the World Cup I've seen so far. Later I saw the second half of the Germany V Australia game where Germany devastated the old men of Australian 4-0.
*Yeah in British politics the terms "LibDem" and "Homosexual" are pretty much interchangeable.
Schumacher's Back !
The Canadian Grand Prix has just ended. The race organisers put down a very abrasive track surface which increased tire wear. This meant that most drivers had to make between 3 and 4 pit stops rather then the usual one. This led to a very eventful and strategically chaotic race. The top ten point scoring positions were taken by;
So Germany V Australia game starts in what 30 minutes?
- Lewis Hamilton, McLaren, GB
- Jenson Button, MClaren, GB
- Fernando Alonso, Ferrari, Spain
- Sebastian Vettel, Redbull, Germany
- Mark Webber, Redbull, Australia
- Nico Rosberg, Mercedes, Germany
- Robert Kubica, Renault, Poland
- Sebastian Beumi, Torro Rosso, Swiss
- Tonio Luizzi, Force India, Italy
- Adrian Sutil, Force India, Germany.
So Germany V Australia game starts in what 30 minutes?
Ah Peace & Quiet.
As yesterday was the day when this Court of Protection (CoP) thing was meant to kick off my grandmother and father had quite a busy weekend planned. On Saturday they attended a church service and lunch to celebrate the appointing of a new Church leader in the London borough known as Borough. One of the more high profile guests was Simon Hughes MP who has just been elected as a the deputy leader of the Liberal Democrat party. The event was also attended by other establishment people whose roles are, shall we say, harder to define. On Sunday they went to a Church service at the London Welsh church. This is very much the territory of that ex-barrister called Lloyd Lloyd.
The CoP thing didn't happen so all that really happened was that I got two days where I was able to get out of bed, have a cigarette and eat breakfast without being bombarded by stupid questions and inane anecdotes. The only thing that made this less then totally relaxing was that I had to rush through all the jobs like repairing the sofa that I've been waiting for my father out of the way to do. On the plus side though it does mean that I have now fixed my sofa.
Oh and after its first round of World Cup matches Group C has a clear group leader. Slovenia. That should teach Algeria not to bother playing for the draw.
The CoP thing didn't happen so all that really happened was that I got two days where I was able to get out of bed, have a cigarette and eat breakfast without being bombarded by stupid questions and inane anecdotes. The only thing that made this less then totally relaxing was that I had to rush through all the jobs like repairing the sofa that I've been waiting for my father out of the way to do. On the plus side though it does mean that I have now fixed my sofa.
Oh and after its first round of World Cup matches Group C has a clear group leader. Slovenia. That should teach Algeria not to bother playing for the draw.
Friday, 11 June 2010
Fuck Me it's the World Cup
so I should fucking well be allowed to swear. Especially when I'm telling this fucking never-ending story of these fucking gate posts.
At the time my father and I were discussing what should be done about the lack of gate posts an Irish gypsy friend of mine offered to teach me how to build them for £300. Apparently this was a bad idea so we got the council bloke to build it himself for £800. A few weeks after they were completed in August 2008 my grandmother was robbed for the second time. According to the local police this must have been done by Irish gypsies because they left an Irish gypsy symbol carved into the gatepost. The Gypsy symbol they left was a "G" for Gypsy so I'm more inclined to think it was the local fucking builders on a fucking thieve and that gatepost perhaps needs to be preserved as physical evidence in a future trial.
As for the cunt that tried and failed to rob my grandmother I think it was the exact same bastard that tried to rob my fucking shed before I disturbed the prick. On that third occasion the Brits deduced that prior to committing his crime the criminal had watched a US TV show called "The Mentalist." They then tried to make the Americans entirely responsibly for their crime. This caused the Americans to pile in hard on the cast and crew of the TV show called "The Mentalist."
So far as my grandmother's flooring is concerned the important thing to remember is that at around 07:30 BST on 10/6/10 the guy who was rostered to install it was involved in a car accident. So I think they guys who got forced into doing it are entitled to consider their work a couple of times before expecting payment. One of the solutions to the toilet problem my Maltese neighbour was asked to look at looks a lot coronary bypass operation. I have spoken to my father regarding the food poisoning issue and he should consider that a verbal warning. I think he's entitled to a written warning before I'm lawfully and economically allowed to punch him in the fucking head.
Elsewhere in the world the FOOTBALL World Cup has begun. So far it has been boring hell. The pre-season game was amazing. This match that was played at Old Trafford, UK was the Soccer Aid game in support of UNICEF. In previous years this has just been Robbie Willams English showbiz mates taking on a rest of the world team made up of his Scottish showbiz mates. This year was different though because the Haiti thing got the USA and its superstars heavily involed. This meant that professional footballers like Lehmann, Zindane, Giggs, Figo and Laresson played alongside Americans like Woody Harelson, Mike Myers, Simon Baker off the Mentalist and that skinny Japanese bloke off Heroes all of whom knew fuck all about football. In the end the game finished 2-2 after normal time and the rest of the world team won about 12-13 on penalties. Tomorrow England play the USA at around 19:00 Bst I think if the yanks get a draw they'll be lucky.
All of this sadly brings me back to yesterday's Baberston bus crash. There are literally hundreds of reasons why the Brits planned this. I've been able to narrow this down to a top three that you can pick from in no particular order;
At the time my father and I were discussing what should be done about the lack of gate posts an Irish gypsy friend of mine offered to teach me how to build them for £300. Apparently this was a bad idea so we got the council bloke to build it himself for £800. A few weeks after they were completed in August 2008 my grandmother was robbed for the second time. According to the local police this must have been done by Irish gypsies because they left an Irish gypsy symbol carved into the gatepost. The Gypsy symbol they left was a "G" for Gypsy so I'm more inclined to think it was the local fucking builders on a fucking thieve and that gatepost perhaps needs to be preserved as physical evidence in a future trial.
As for the cunt that tried and failed to rob my grandmother I think it was the exact same bastard that tried to rob my fucking shed before I disturbed the prick. On that third occasion the Brits deduced that prior to committing his crime the criminal had watched a US TV show called "The Mentalist." They then tried to make the Americans entirely responsibly for their crime. This caused the Americans to pile in hard on the cast and crew of the TV show called "The Mentalist."
So far as my grandmother's flooring is concerned the important thing to remember is that at around 07:30 BST on 10/6/10 the guy who was rostered to install it was involved in a car accident. So I think they guys who got forced into doing it are entitled to consider their work a couple of times before expecting payment. One of the solutions to the toilet problem my Maltese neighbour was asked to look at looks a lot coronary bypass operation. I have spoken to my father regarding the food poisoning issue and he should consider that a verbal warning. I think he's entitled to a written warning before I'm lawfully and economically allowed to punch him in the fucking head.
Elsewhere in the world the FOOTBALL World Cup has begun. So far it has been boring hell. The pre-season game was amazing. This match that was played at Old Trafford, UK was the Soccer Aid game in support of UNICEF. In previous years this has just been Robbie Willams English showbiz mates taking on a rest of the world team made up of his Scottish showbiz mates. This year was different though because the Haiti thing got the USA and its superstars heavily involed. This meant that professional footballers like Lehmann, Zindane, Giggs, Figo and Laresson played alongside Americans like Woody Harelson, Mike Myers, Simon Baker off the Mentalist and that skinny Japanese bloke off Heroes all of whom knew fuck all about football. In the end the game finished 2-2 after normal time and the rest of the world team won about 12-13 on penalties. Tomorrow England play the USA at around 19:00 Bst I think if the yanks get a draw they'll be lucky.
All of this sadly brings me back to yesterday's Baberston bus crash. There are literally hundreds of reasons why the Brits planned this. I've been able to narrow this down to a top three that you can pick from in no particular order;
- Throughout the UK British school aged children have been having special World Cup themed lessons. I think the hope is that, without sounding like a tosser, I will explain to the British 11 year olds and the Americans that Africa is in fact a continent. On that continent the established national boundaries are the product of colonialism and therefore fucking useless. In reality what is more important is the complex human and economic geographies of a number of different tribes and clans.
- In the period between the end of the second world war in 1945 and Mugabe's rise to power in 1980 Britain's MI6 planned to retire a lot of it's agents in northern South Africa and Southern Zimbabwe. After apartheid ended what they got was a lot of white Africans leaving at great speed only to be given senior positions within Britain's MI6.
- Her Majesties Revenue and Customs (the UK taxpayer) is in quite a lot of bother at the moment.The theory is that me and 'Dave will discuss where to make the cuts in such a way that the Queen still gets her £8million per year pay rise from taxpayer. So far we've agreed that it will be a good idea to trim down the number of 19 year old kids who need to go to South Africa as part of their fucking foundation year studies.
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