Well I've gone done had an adventure.

That's right today has been the day of the much vaunted meeting. The excitement began early on when i tried to print out a copy of the agenda. Obviously my computer then froze up meaning I had the choice between turning up on time totally unprepared or make my self late with 40 minutes of swearing and fucking about with printer cables. I chose the latter and arrived at the station just in time to discover that my train had been cancelled. This meant I had to go on some long arsed trawl around Croydon changing trains twice. This all meant I turned up about 20 minutes late.



The meeting began by addressing the first allegation of my complaint which was that it had not been carried out under the correct mechanism. The chair responded by stating that as far as they were concerned it had been carried out correctly to which I responded;



"Do you have case law to back that up?"



They said; "Yes we do."



So I said; "Can you tell me what it is?"



and they said; "No!"



Sensing a bit of a lost cause I moved on and said; "If the initial investigation was carried out under a different mechanism how can the second investigation conclude that it's findings were accurate?"



To which the chair responded: "Because we say so!"



Again sensing a bit of conversational brick wall we moved on to the second point which was that Peter Beckett who carried out the second investigation had libellously claim I had only lodged the complaint because I'm a homophobe with something against lesbians. It turns out that although the relevant sentences had somehow not found their way into the official record Mr Beckett had retracted the comments which he never made.



With that settled we got on to the third allegation which was that the investigation had been carried out in such away as to prevent evidence being found. Here the chair said; "We think that Peter Beckett carried out the investigation properly."



Here we hit on a bit of a technical point which you'll excuse me for not going into in detail when all of a sudden a giant legal elephant leapt into the room and started trumpeting at the top of it's voice;



"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! You've carried out three investigations and not one of them has even attempted to address the fundamental accusation."



This shocking event caused the trustees to agree that they will need to "Clarify certain points".



In practical terms this means that they will go back and look at the evidence again to see if the person whom the allegation is against has filled in a pieace of paper correctly. If she has, she will incriminate herself and prove me right leading to her termination. If she hasn't she has proved she can't do her job properly leading to her termination.



Although this produces a great deal of hope I suspect the trustees will rather unsurprisingly conclude that the fact this document no longer exists will prove I am lying (despite the fact I evidence to the contrary) rather then the fact the young lady in question can't do her job. But hey it's all a free and fair election.



In other news it appears i must down doff my cap, drop to my knees and give glorious thanks the gifts then British State has bestow me. You see, as I may have mentioned, last week my grandmother underwent a pre-surgery healthcheck. After drawing blood, taking the piss and having a week to carry out scientific experiment this concluded my grandmother is dehydrated.



As a result, today, a leading charity held a press conference stating that old people need to drink more water. This led to the news drip feeding the message that old people need to drink more water because dehydration causes trips and falls straight into my grandmother mind. Problem is that I knew about the problems of her fluid balance a good eight months ago. In fact I believe I raised the issue with my mother on a number of occasions. It's a shame then that because I just mentally retarded child who needs to be protected we couldn't act on the issue sooner.



In response to events yesterday the British Parliament went through the motions of condemning Zimbabwe. The highlights of this was Gordon Brown standing up and saying; "It is clear this regime needs to be changed" or words to that effect. At this point the backbenchers did have the good grace to giggle.



William Hauge then stood up and called for; Tougher sanctions, Mugabe being brought up before ICC and African Union peacekeepers being sent to the country. He said this with such an arsehole I can only suspect he's pissed off at me so I have to swear hand on heart I didn't not hear his comments yesterday before I made mine.





That was shit. I'm drunk. Thank you and good night.