Superbowl Commericals

I can't pretend I've seen all the Superbowl 47 commercials because I haven't got a definitive list let alone the running order in which they were shown. However I think honourable mentions must go to;

Kia's "Answer for Everything" which showed a small child asking his father where babies come from while they drive along in the car. The father proceeds to tell him the story of a planet full of babies who are occasionally put into rockets and then fired to earth only to be dropped out at the end of their nine month journey. The visual imagery used to illustrate this story looked very much like the father was telling the child how a man ejaculates sperm through his penis which then makes it's way up through a woman's vagina to her womb where it fertilises an egg. I thought that was a nice play on creativity and story telling and just about rude enough to make people giggle.

Go Daddies "The Kiss" which was part of the companies long running Sexy V Smart campaign. It featured Israeli supermodel Bar Rafaeli representing "Sexy" kissing nerdy looking actor Jessie Heiman representing "Smart." Both Rafelli and Heiman are Jewish and Heiman sounds a lot like Hyman which is a membrane in the vagina which is considered the mark of a woman's virginity. So the ad could have been a play on sexy party girls who sleep around versus smart girls who remain virgins until they're married. It could also have been a play on the importance of virginity in middle-eastern/Arabic society where women are merely considered possessions of men who don't want to buy soiled goods. Mainly though it was just an incredibly awkward 10 seconds of a full on tongue kiss being filmed in tight close up.

Taco Bell's "Viva Mas." This featured old Jews escaping from a nursing home at night to go party like Mexican gangsters to the strains of a Spanish version of "We Are Young" by the band Fun. This was an attempt to address the relationship between Israel and Spanish speaking South America because at the end of the second world war a lot Nazi war criminals escaped to live in luxury in South America protected by Fascist dictatorships that were supported by the US through the School of the Americas.

I think the clear winners though were the German motor companies;

Mercedes-Benz's star-studded "Soul" advert saw a young man being offered a Mercedes CLA and the superstar lifestyle that goes with it. The only catch is he has to do a deal with the Devil played by Willem Defoe. After seeing the low price (USD30,000) the man turns down the Devil's offer because he can afford the car and the lifestyle on his own. I liked this because I think it raised important issues about my relationship with the *ahem* CLA.

Mercedes-Benz were defeated by their local competitors Volkswagen (VW). Although I think explaining how Mercedes, Audi, BMW, Porsche and VW were all part of the same company under Adolf Hitler might count as going off on a bit of a tangent VW is a massive global corporation. It sells cars under the VW, Audi, Bentley, Bugatti. Lamborghini, Porsche, SEAT and Skoda brands and sells motorcycles under the Ducatti and Suzuki brands.

It's first punch came with the VW "Get Happy" advert which featured a white man driving around a typical US city in a VW Beetle talking in a comedy Jamaican/Caribbean accent. As I explained yesterday this fitted in perfectly with the Superbowl theme of addressing attitudes to race and homosexuality within US society. It also showed the US that the Germans knew exactly that they're up to.

The knockout blow though came with Audi's "The Prom" advert. This showed the car giving the High School loser the bravery to crash the Prom and kiss the Prom Queen before getting punched out by the Prom King. This is what certain people in the US and the UK hope will happen to me when Rihanna launches her clothing line at London Fashion Week. However even M&M's know that won't be happening unless I'm personally invited. So you then get into the deeper meaning of the advert. The actor playing the High School Loser and the silver luxury German sedan are both reminiscent of the episode of "Homeland" in which Vice-President Walden's teenage son loses his Secret Service detail and kills a woman in a hit and run accident whilst on a date with Brody's teenage daughter. This obviously raises issues of the US Secret Service, Presidential security and the sexualisation of young women. This was the Germans telling the US that not only did they know the bit I'd told them about they also knew the bit I hadn't told them about. The brutal bit is I think Skoda deliberately didn't make an effort in order to raise the issue of EU expansion into the former Soviet Bloc. If this makes the US feel negatively towards the Germans I should point out that in my world if you're about to do something stupid it is your friends who will pull you to one side and tell you you're being a tw*t. Your enemies will simply pat you on your head and tell you you're doing fine.

Fortunately all this pressure does appear to be having some effect because amid all the post-Superbowl screaming it was announced that Rihanna will be performing with Bruno Mars and Sting at the 2013 Grammys. Although everything in politics is up for debate the original plan seems to have been for Rihanna to perform with Chris Brown in order to gauge international reaction to their relationship. That focus now appears to have shifted onto Rihanna's process. While like the Unapologetic album and the Diamonds tour the single "Pour it Up" is just a massive joke at Rihanna's expense it could be compared to Bruno Mars' "Locked out of Heaven" single. So competition with Mars could have been the reason why Rihanna agreed to record and release "Pour it Up." Hopefully the Grammys will now be the end on that nonsense because I'm struggling to see how something designed as a kill mission can be escaped without at least significant wounding. 

18:35 on 4/2/13.