The Lezzo Tin.

Yesterday I posted on Twitter a picture of an airtight canister I use to keep certain things in. Provided by my paternal grandmother it originally contained a powdered Turkish fruit drink called Lezzo. In English this is a shortened/slang version of the term lesbian - something I and a lesbian stoner friend used to find hilarious. I captioned it with the words; "Where we keep the ashes when the valleys hushed and white with snow." This is part of a lyric from an old Irish folk song "Danny Boy." The full lyric goes; "Come ye back when summers in the meadow. Or the valley's hushed and white with snow." You may remember that recently Rihanna seemed desperate for me to get in more direct contact with her. Then when that mechanism was in place she suddenly lost interest. The key difference seemed to be the timing of the UK Prime Minister's much hyped speech on the European Union which was scheduled to take place on January 18th (18/1/13) but was cancelled at the last minute. On that very date the UK was hit by a snow storm which left the valleys and most other things hushed and white.

Outside of Turkey Lezzo's main market is in Saudi Arabia. Amid all the legal arguments over my grandmother Saudi Arabia genuinely suggested that the UK might want to prosecute her for being a witch. This is not a stupid as it sounds because although technically still on the statute books the UK's anti-witchcraft legislation is very old and therefore really easy to secure convictions under. Appearing to be able to control the weather would be a major element of the prosecutions case. So to certain people it could appear as though Britain's recent snow storm was my grandmother acting from beyond the grave to give Rihanna a hint. A slightly more logical conclusion would be that the number of people who think Rihanna should get in touch with me far exceeds the number of people who think she shouldn't. This energy created a disturbance in the quantum field causing it to snow. An even more logical conclusion is that it was simply a coincidence. After all although it is becoming more rare snow in the UK in January is hardly unexpected.

If you are interested in statistical anomalies though there is a 100% correlation between me opening that tin and Chris Brown violating his probation. That is based on a sample size of two. I would open it more often but clearly it puts me in quite a silly mood.

13:45 on 29/1/13.