Drowning Not Waving.

In spite of being a Saturday Britain has been in a verbose mood. The day began with the Daily Telegraph publishing an interview with Gordon Brown. The main topic for discussion was the MP's expenses scandal and the Prime Minister announced that he expected those MP's who have over claimed to repay the taxpayer and that the worst offenders to face criminal charges of fraud and corruption. Although I'm pretty sure that Brown's comments were limited to the expenses scandal the prospect of members of the British government being prosecuted for breaking laws sent a noticeable shudder through the Establishment.

At around midday Downing Street, the civil service department that "handles" the Prime Minister, announced that Gordon Brown has two small tears in the retina of his right eye. Despite this injury Downing Street went on to announce that Brown will not be undergoing any further operations. This story will keep the translators busy because in English the word "tear" meaning a hole, split or rip is spelt exactly the same way as the word "tear" meaning the liquid that appears in the eyes often whilst weeping in sorrow. Therefore it would be very easy to interpret this announcement as the civil service rushing to reassure everyone that Gordon Brown is currently crying himself to sleep every night and will be stopped should he try and sign any executive orders that might upset the status quo.

Elsewhere Prince Phillip decided to give an interview to the BBC. The Royal Consort used the opportunity to share with us his views on the design of modern consumer products. While he thinks that generally the standard of design has improved in some areas it has declined complaining that he often struggles to control televisions. He went on to say that when trying to watch television he often finds himself lying on the floor fiddling around with a torch and a magnifying glass. A process that he describes as being rather like making love. Feel free to make of that what you will.

The award for the most stupid political announcement of the day though has to go to Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi. Speaking about his upcoming prosecution for a variety of charges of bribery and corruption Berlusconi declared that he was the most persecuted man in the history of the world. He went on to say, in an amazing Freudian slip, that he has spent millions paying off judges.