Operation Featherweight: Month 30, Week 2, Day 1.

Bear with me for a minute.

Every year at Christmas I have a choice;

I can go down Salisbury to visit my mothers. There I can celebrate a very traditional Christmas with my extended family, a Turkey dinner with all trimmings and long walks with dog in the country before curling up in front of an open fire.

Alternatively I can stay at home and celebrate a small Christmas with my father.

The problem is if I go down to Salisbury I'm constantly worrying about my father and what for him will be no Christmas at all. Plus an increasingly old man rattling around in a big empty home is too much of a target for some of Croydon's more unsavoury elements.

So this year I stayed up with my father. Then on the 27th (27/12/16) I went down to Salisbury. I've just returned this evening.

Primarily this was to see the mother I've barely spoken to in the best part of two years. Now she's retired from the civil service and is no longer bound by confidentially agreements her views on Brexit are certainly informative. Also you remember my cousin that's in the army? Well apparently he was discharged on the 19th (19/12/16) and is about to start doing something mechanical and clever with engines in the private sector.

Although I'd made my plans beforehand  the December 27th (27/12/16) was of course the original date set for these Russian-led talks on Syria.

At the time I said these talks were scheduled for then to take advantage of the quiet. That remains true.

In the week between Christmas day (25/12/16) and New Year's day (1/1/17) most people in the west are at home on holiday with their families

As a result something would have to be extremely serious to get a public statement from the Prime Minister, other head of government or Ambassador to the UN.

Parliaments and Congress' are also on holiday meaning that the likes of Andrew Mitchell MP are denied a platform to spew their hate. Plus even if they were talking nobody would be listening or bothering to read the newspapers.

I seriously think that one of the main reasons why Tunisia's revolution was a success is because it occurred during this period. That meant there weren't enough western spies, politicians and diplomats on duty to screw it up.

As one of those people paying at least some attention no matter the day I can't help but think December 27th was chosen specifically because it clashed with my travel plans. If that sounds like a boast trust me, it really doesn't feel like one.

Although it's normal to me I understand that my family can seem somewhat confusing to outsiders. Let's be honest, I had most of you at; "Lesbian Mothers."

While I don't like discussing other people's medical issues on the Internet one of those mothers has been suffering from rheumatoid arthritis. That is when the immune system attacks the soft tissue of the joints causing severe pain and mobility problems. However the new - very expensive - treatment seems to be doing its job. I'm sure you could get something about NHS funding and Obamacare out of that issue.

That mother's dream for when she retired was to get a small job in a supermarket to keep her busy. This year that dream finally came true with her taking a seasonal job.

She has since discovered that in reality minimum wage jobs in supermarkets are not what dreams are made of. Her manager really screwed about with her hours meaning I only got to see her after she'd finished at lunchtime. It would be extremely cheeky of me to suggest I really need to send her manager a thank you gift.

Then of course there is my apparently cryogenically frozen sister. There is also my brother's Muslim girlfriend. Although she's not particularly observant we're all secretly a little bit worried that one day her sister's going to turn up in Raqqa.

That's all before we get onto the topic of my mothers' Turkish neighbours who I only learnt of back in October.

In a world where talks on the Syria war are organised around my Christmas plans that could be any number of things;

Erdogan could have dispatched them to spy on and possibly assassinate my mothers, myself or any number of my extended family.

As a condition of their immigration status the UK could have enticed them to live near my mothers so they could spy on them. Their frequent trips back to Turkey would certainly an interesting topic as that nation becomes increasingly Islamist under Erdogan.

Or alternatively it could be nothing at all.

With Turkey being a NATO ally during the Cold War there's hardly a shortage of Turks living in the UK including some of my friends and associates. Although I lacked the time, energy and social skills to speak to them in person these particular Turks have been living in Salisbury longer than my mothers. They've been neighbours since before this war - or my involvement in it at least - kicked off.

It is though Irish Catholic lesbians discussing child rearing with heterosexual Muslim Turks. Even I have to admit that sounds a bit weird. Mind you most sentences starting with the phrase; "Irish Catholic lesbians" tends to sound a bit weird.

So in scheduling the Astana talks for December 27th Russian President Vladimir Putin was hoping that these confusing issues would exert a huge amount of pressure on all the participants. That would allow Putin to impose whatever agreement he wanted. Then Putin would be able to present himself as an all powerful global statesman in the hope that would distract Russians from an economy collapsing under their weight of Putin's cronyism.

The cheapness of this trick was I think pretty obvious to all participants. There has also been growing concern over Putin's commitment to a secular, stable and democratic Syrian state. This is particularly true in the face of France's recent nonsense at the United Nations Security Council (UNSC). So the meeting was brought forward to the December 20th (20/12/16). And Putin got a sharp lesson in the type of lunatic he's trying to reason with.

This did not go down at all well with Britain. After all my peculiar family is apparently there to serve the glory of Britain. Not the glory of Russia.

At around 20:15 on 29/12/16 (UK date) I will pick this up after dinner. I have just walked in the door after all.

Edited at around 20:30 on 29/12/16 (UK date) to add;

So immediately after the December 19th (19/12/16) terror attack in Berlin, Germany it was announced that security would be stepped up around Buckingham Palace in London, UK during the changing of the guard ceremony. Last Christmas I joked about Britain's Special Air Service (SAS) staking out my home. This Christmas I think we were on the brink of that actually happening.

Then on the 21st (21/12/16) it was announced that the Queen would be delay her traditional train journey to her Sandringham Castle due to a cold. Due to strike action or just bad weather the big concern was that I might get trapped in Salisbury. I actually took the step of making sure my brother could travel back to London before I attempted to travel to Salisbury.

Obviously discretion, misdirection and some just out-and-out lying are key parts of a security plan. However I suppose I could have reassured people that not only does Salisbury have electricity now they also have the Internet too. Weirdly though cellphone reception is apparently better at Stonehenge then at my mothers' house. 

The Queen of course did go on to travel to Sandringham via helicopter.

I would have also liked to have reassured people that Salisbury is also home to a very big British military base. The truth though is that it's home to the military's Salisbury Plain Training Area (SPTA). So there are actually like nine bases of all branches of the military in the local area. This year I'm pretty sure that I even bumped into some off-duty members of the French military.

So I got the impression that if things had got really bad the Army Air Corp would've delivered me home. Landing a Chinook in the local park would certainly have sent a strong message to some of the more unsavoury neighbours. Particularly if they'd dressed it up as a training mission and sent an Apache escort.

On (western) Christmas day Russia delivered it's big; "F*CK YOU!" to the world in the form of the military Tu-154 crash in the Black Sea off the coast of Sochi.  This forced the British Queen to miss her made-up Church with a very, very cold.

Obviously the Black Sea crash warrants a post of its own. However it was essentially a list of all the hardships Russia has been subjected to over the Syria issue. So for example the fact that it was a crash over water referenced the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 during the 2014 Sochi Olympics.

Aside from the choir in reference to the Eurovision Song Contest one of the most high profile fatalities was famous Russian humanitarian Yelizaveta Glinka M.D (AKA; "Dr Liza). This was a reference to the way the reckless operation of the skies over Shamali Province (nee; Ukraine) caused 6 leading doctors in the fight against HIV/AIDS to be killed in the crash of Malaysia Airlines flight MH17.

However the important detail you may have missed is that Dr Liza was on her way to treat refugee (technically; Internally Displaced People/IDP) children in the Tishreen area of Syria. The entirely seperate Tishrin Dam is where the Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF/QSD) crossed the Euphrates River into the area known as; "Garvaghy Road."

Within Garvaghy Road Erdogan has been building up his illegal invasion and occupation force around the town of al-Bab. This is being done on the pretext of capturing al-Bab from the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL). However due to experience everybody knows that the ISIL fighters will simply be absorbed into the Al Qaeda-led, Turkish-backed Army of Conquest/Jaish al-Fatah (JAF) Islamist terror coalition.

As a result everybody is deeply concerned that Erdogan will soon turn his attentions to attacking SDF positions in Manbij which is around 50km (30 miles) north-east of al-Bab along the M4 Motorway.

Amongst SDF ranks at Manbij you have at the very least have US Special Operations Forces (SOF). You also have members of the SDF's Quinta Brigada international brigade including the British Bob Crowe division.

Up until now the US-led coalition - Combined Joint Task Force: Operation Inherent Resolve (CJTFOIR) - have been refusing to provide Erdogan's forces with air support at al-Bab which has certainly slowed their progress.

Today Russia has announced that it's glorious, statesman-like leader Vladimir Putin had succeeded in brokering a ceasefire in Syria. This announcement came literally the moment I switched on my computer today. However it has been stated that the ceasefire does not apply to what are being described as; "Terrorist Groups." Erdogan's irregulars fighting at al-Bab have made clear that it does not apply to the SDF which they consider to be a; "Terrorist Group."

Shortly after the ceasefire was announced the Russian air force started providing Turkish forces with air support at al-Bab. This is the first time ever that Russia has provided combat support to the military of NATO member state.

Literally as I walked in the door this evening outgoing US President Barack Obama announced that the US was expelling 35 Russian diplomats over the Hillary Clinton campaign's pathetic cover story about Russian computer hacking.

So I'm inclined to think that we should hear no more from Obama until he personally can provide a solution to that question I posed on behalf of GCHQ yesterday.

In terms of an update of the gifts exchanged between my mothers and I it can probably wait until a later date. However it is often said that it is not the gift itself but the thought that went into that gift which counts.

If that is true I'm inclined to think that my mere presence was the most generous gift the world has ever seen.

Good luck convincing my mothers of that though.

22:40 on 29/12/16 (UK date).