Oh Oh: Status Confirmed.

With the World in crisis on Wednesday (18/11/15) I did an Obama and went on a jolly.

Due to the war I've cancelled Christmas so instead I had dinner with my mother and a sister I don't think I've seen in the best part of two years. With the conversation being neither loaded nor coded this was pleasant enough. In fact it was pretty much an opportunity to have 1.5 beers while watching my sister and mother speak to each other.

As I think has happened in all conversations over the past week the topic of the Paris Massacres did come up. However both my sister and my mothers live in that cosseted world known as middle England where BBC News tells the truth and David Cameron is considered a competent Prime Minister.

Therefore while my first instinct after a pleasant meal with relatives is not to insult them on a global scaleI think it's fair to say that it would have taken several weeks of Powerpoint presentations and laser pointers to bring the conversation up to the level that I publish on the Internet near every day.

After lunch my mother and I went to the latest James Bond film "SPECTRE." At around 4pm on a Wednesday afternoon this was pretty much a private screening.

Obviously I don't want to spoil the plot for you and I understand that in the UK there is apparently a specific law preventing us from speaking truthfully about the Bond films.

However if despite the pressure of the post-2008 crash financial backers the franchise doesn't arrest the nosedive that began - appropriately enough - with "Skyfall" I think that in future I'll wait for them to come on TV.

In fact my main sentiment throughout the film was that I'd much rather have spent the afternoon working on compliance section section of this new climate change section.

After all the US is so opposed to this agreement that they've decided to inflict the news that Charlie Sheen is HIV+ on us.

While I don't doubt for a second that this is true back in 2011 - whilst being sacked from "Two and a Half Men" - Charlie Sheen was used as a metaphor for me to convince the World that I was losing and the USA was "Winning!"

Therefore I think that this was intended to the long running smear campaign claiming that I am not only HIV+ but also imminently dying of full-blown AIDS.

You may of course have forgotten about that because I am apparently also a paedophile (Hello Jared Fogle) and a rapist who suffers from diabetes and illegitimately fathered every child born anywhere in the world between 2008 and 2010.

In fact during the 2014 Gaza war when Youtube kept suggesting that I watch videos on ear health I got really paranoid thinking that there was a new health scare that not even I'd heard of.

Obviously having people constantly spreading lies - particularly malicious ones - about you is quite frustrating and can make you angry. Therefore I think the first objective of the timing of the Charlie Sheen announcement was to leave me so gripped with fury that I couldn't concentrate on a complex legal/diplomatic text.

Beyond that though I think the hope was to dredge up every diplomatic dispute that's ever been had during the long saga of my  HIV status.

For example the rumours about me started in early 2005 - just before that year's G8 Summit. It was shortly afterwards that US President George W Bush - in his dotage - re-launched his Emergency Plan For AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) massively increasing funding to Africa and reversing his previous ban on the use of condoms.

Then of course throughout Rihanna's 2013 Diamonds World Tour which wrought havoc on climate change negotiations we were frequently told that I couldn't possibly meet her in person because I would infect her. It seems that on that occasion the "AIDS" Rihanna's CIA handlers wanted to protect her from was "rational thought" and fortunately that seems to be a virus you can catch off the Internet.

Long before my contribution HIV/AIDS has been an absolutely massive issue within climate change negotiations.

For example when we talk about the development priorities of - particularly African nations - very often we are talking about ending an epidemic that cuts people down in the prime of their lives not only robbing their nation of their professional achievements but also creating millions of orphans.

Back in the days before the evidence of man-made climate change became insurmountable many nations would in fact use climate change negotiations as a metaphor to discuss HIV/AIDS.

In fact at the UNFCCC's recent October meeting I gather there was a fierce discussion between the US and - I think - Brazil over whether the enhanced "Reducing Emissions from Deforestation and Forest Degradation" program would be officially defined in the new agreement.

The connection between the acronym (REDD+) and the HIV/AIDS charity (RED) is purely intentional. In fact I think this is henceforth known as "The Sheen Clause."

The issue of HIV/AIDS also impacts the on the enhanced security measures that will be in place at the COP21, Paris Summit.

UNFCCC meetings welcome delegates from all over the World and are held all over the World. Some of these nations have very peculiar immigration rules.

For example in the 2012 COP18 host nation Qatar it is a criminal offence to attempt to enter the country if you are HIV+. Homosexuality is also illegal and I'm pretty sure that if you mentioned the concept of female masturbation to them their heads would explode.

So while no-one likes having so stranger searching through their personal belongings at the start of each day I feel I should reassure COP21 delegates that France is a liberal European nation. So provided it doesn't fire bullets or explode they don't really care what you've got in your bags. In catered venue there even seems little point banning knives.

Although this post has already gone on for a long time and clearly took far too long to write I can't let it end without mentioning the passing of New Zealand rugby great Jonah Lomu.

It is testament to how great this man was that he is probably the only rugby player that non-rugby fans can name.

He actually had an extremely rough start to life with both his father and - I think - his uncle being murdered in gang violence. He himself was stabbed as a teenageer. However it was through playing rugby that he learnt the self-discipline needed to escape that life.

Although he made his international debut in 1994 it was in 1995 that he really came to the World's attention. Specifically in the opening match of the 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa against the hosts.

South Africa's victory in this tournament has long been celebrated as one of the key events that helped Nelson Mandela unite the nation post-Apartheid. However almost alone in that opening game Jonah Lomu had the power to stop that from happening.

In the slightly terrible film of that tournament "Invictus" there is a long scene in which the South African captain Francois Pienaar gathers his players and tells them - in a Boston accent - that they must tackle Lomu at every opportunity to force the breakdown or he would simply tear them apart.

This tactic was repeated in the recent, racially charged 2015 semi-final between South Africa and New Zealand. So much so I was starting to wonder if the South African team were deliberately trying to recreate the film.

Lomu of course was in the UK to watch that game as he was to watch New Zealand massacre France while "The Fields of Athenry" blared out across the stadium.

As such I was a little bit worried that I may have killed him.

I was also slightly worried that he might have been killed on purpose. 

After all New Zealand are considered big players in climate change negotiations. Although this new agreement is truly a collaborative process with many nations adding their bit and improving a discussion paper by New Zealand has really laid the foundation.

Although there has never been any doubt over his HIV status Lomu's story has also touched on that element of climate change negotiations.

In rugby they have this thing known as a "Blood Replacement." This is a temporary substitute that comes on so a player can receive treatment to stop profuse bleeding. This has also recently been picked up in the football world. 

The purpose being to prevent the transmission of blood borne diseases such as HIV without forcing players to disclose their medical records. Lomu's own health issues have been a bit of an example of why this forced disclosure could be a problem. 

I think it was in 2002 Lomu was taken seriously ill whilst in the UK. He was rushed to hospital where the doctors diagnosed Nephrotic syndrome which is a very serious kidney disorder. It was with a heavy heart that they told New Zealand rugby that Lomu could never play again with such a serious condition.

The New Zealand doctors then revealed that they'd actually diagnosed the condition back in 1995 but understanding the risks Lomu had decided to play on. However with the news going public he was forced to retire.

In 2004 he had a kidney transplant. According to my former rugby playing medical student sister such transplants really only last for about 10 years.

Therefore I guess it was just his time.

I though remain so relieved that I didn't kill him. I mean it's not like I need it for my C.V.

22:40 on 20/11/15 (UK date).