UK Shoots Self In Face.

Given our history the worst vengeance I could've wished upon the UK at this General Election was an overall Conservative Party victory accompanied by the Scottish National Party (SNP) dominating in Scotland.

Essentially just racists the SNP have got this crazy idea that as soon as they get rid of the English Scotland will magically turn into some sort of utopia rather then a small, windswept rock in the north Atlantic. Therefore the SNP's entire purpose in life is to p*ss off the rest of the country so Scotland gets kicked out. The Conservatives are perfectly happy with that because traditionally they do much better in England then they do in places like Scotland and Wales.

For their part the Conservatives have pledged to hold a referendum on the UK leaving the European Union (EU) by 2017. Given the level of support currently enjoyed by the UK Independence Party (UKIP) it seems likely that the referendum will result in the UK leaving the EU. If that happens the SNP are likely to demand a second independence referendum and that will likely result in Scotland leaving the UK in order join the EU.

Therefore when an exit poll was released last night showing the Conservatives winning 316 seats - just short of the 326 majority - and the SNP winning all but 1 of Scotland's 59 seats I assumed it was a bluff. The idea being to lay out the doomsday scenario to see how people would react in their panic. Today Europe - including Russia - gathers to celebrate "Victory in Europe (VE) Day" marking the 70th anniversary of the defeat of Nazi Germany at the end of the Second World War. It is a big event.

So imagine my surprise to wake up today to discover that the exit poll was an underestimate of the punishment the British voters have decided to inflict upon themselves. With 14 seats left to declare the SNP have won 56 seats and the Conservatives are on 321 seats. Even though they'll play coy about it and may fall out over issues like gay rights and abortion the Conservatives can count on the Northern Irish Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) and their 8 seats meaning that they have already secured a majority of 3.

In the UK there are 650 seats with at least 6 candidates contesting each one producing some 4000 stories so as new information comes in and I have coffee this post could be subject to edits, extensions or even complete replacement.

However in my tiny bit of the World Labour failed to win Croydon Central from the Conservatives despite it being in their top 10 target seats. They did though cut the majority to around 150 votes. As predicted Labour held Croydon North with a majority of around 12,000. However looking at the picture nationally that seems to be the very definition of a pyrrhic victory.

10:10 on 8/5/15 (UK date).

Edited at around 13:30 on 8/5/15 (UK date) to add;

Even as far back as May 2010 the Labour Party had been designated to win yesterday's election by a small majority. However with just 1 seat left to declare it is clear that Labour have managed to do worse now then they did in 2010. Therefore the tale of how Labour managed to screw this up is a dissertation for another day.

However it is clear that the failed economic policy the Conservatives stuck with up until mid-2013 was such as disaster that it has left many voters desperate to conserve what little they have left. Also it's clear that the Conservatives have been helped by the rise of UKIP. That of course has been fuelled by the Conservatives inability to renegotiate the UK's relationship with the EU.

So I know that Britons are supposed to love a loser but surely this is taking things a bit too far.

Edited again at around 16:42 on 8/5/15 (UK date) to add;

Those of you who are familiar with the recent wars in Iraq will know that as the sectarian violence increased the US started erecting giant concrete walls to separate Sunni and Shia neighbourhoods. This is an idea they got from Belfast in Northern Ireland. Therefore it should come as no surprise that politics in Northern Ireland has long been a nasty affair. Simply the Catholics would always vote for Sinn Fein while the Protestants would always vote for the DUP with neither parties policies mattering one little bit.

One of the big surprises from the General Election then is that the Ulster Unionist Party (UUP) who are basically a nastier version of the DUP won the South Tyrone seat from Sinn Fein. Obviously I'll need to look at the numbers in detail but it appears that Catholic voters have moved on from the Troubles and split their vote amongst a range on non-sectarian parties such as Alliance and the SDLP according to non-sectarian issues such as gay rights and abortion. The Protestants however seem to have remained firmly stuck in the past and focused their vote along sectarian lines. Plus during the election there was a rumour that Labour would form a coalition with Sinn Fein. Labour have proved so unpopular they seem to have damaged Sinn Fein's reputation by association.

This will be interesting because the reason the Conservatives campaigned for the SNP in Scotland is to drive through something known as "Devolution Max." Essentially this means devolving more power to the UK's constituent nations of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Northern Irish Protestants who refer to themselves as "Unionists" will hate this because they're more keen on being run from London then people in London are. Therefore what the Unionist are likely to do is use their support for the Conservatives to starve the Northern Irish Parliament of cash while pressing from Catholics to be prosecuted for acts of terrorism committed during the Troubles. The idea being to bring about the collapse of the Northern Irish Parliament which will p*ss the Catholics and may re-start the violence. After all as was made clear by Tuesday's (5/5/15) shooting on the Markets "Dissident Republican" is just another way of saying "MI5 Agent."

So almost unbelievably in the 21st Century one of the things people will be looking for in the Queen's Speech that will eventually open the new Parliament is a pledge not to invade the Republic of Ireland.

Meanwhile the Conservatives have re-shuffled their Cabinet. Basically they've announced no changes but have left vacancies where Liberal Democrats used to have portfolio. This suggests to me that they hadn't given it a moments thought because not even the Conservatives thought the British public would be stupid enough to give them an outright majority.

Edited again at around 11:55 on 9/5/15 (UK date) to add;

Although there are clearly deep and systemic problems within the Labour Party if you had to point to one moment to explain their defeat it would be the moment they appointed Ed Miliband as leader. In fact I seem to remember watching the result and going; "Oh well that's them finished." One of the more favoured candidates - David Miliband - has since left the Labour Party to become a director of "International Rescue" who provide search and rescue services to disaster zones.

So looking at Nepal it seems that this electoral earthquake wasn't entirely unpredicted. However I'm a bit worried that 10,000 dead and 8 million left homeless and in need to food aid might be setting the bar a little too low for the Conservative government. After all David Cameron and George Osborne are the sort of men you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy.