Harriet's Pink Bus.

Detailing where the UK Labour Party went wrong at the recent election is a task so vast it makes an Olympic ceremony seem small by comparison. However while I still think it needs to be viewed within its proper context one of the most telling disasters was the pink campaign bus.

On February 10th (10/2/15) Labour's remarkably condescending deputy leader Harriet Harman launched a special pink campaign bus to target women voters. The overall message of this stunt was along the lines of; "Women! We know you're stupid so vote for us and you won't have to worry your pretty little heads ever again!" Needless to say it was hammered from all directions and the launch day had most of the people in Britain rolling around on the floor pointing and laughing. I myself pointed out that it looked like a courier service set up to deliver lesbian sex toys. I was then immediately corrected on Twitter by the UK's largest retailer of lesbian sex toys who were quick to point out that they would never do anything so tacky or offensive to women.

Due to my time in Brighton with my so-called lesbian wife the world of lesbian sex toys is not as much of a mystery to me as it is to many other members of my gender. My only real contact with Brighton these days come from a friend who works as a courier or a delivery driver although I haven't spoken to him in the best part of a year. The pink bus was launched right in the middle of a climate change conference in Geneva, Switzerland where I am well known. Therefore the true purpose of the stunt was Labour appealing to the Monarchy to grant them victory in the election by showing they can be just as disruptive and annoying as their Conservative counterparts. What they didn't realise is that it was vital that this election was shown to be free of Royal interference so any meddling that took place ended in about 2013 with the idea being that the momentum would carry Labour to victory.

Immediately prior to the election Channel 4 ran a show called "Ballot Monkeys" which was a satire of the election campaign featuring candidates of the four main parties aboard their campaign buses. On the Labour bus the social media/IT character bore such a striking physical resemblance to my courier driver friend that it was frankly uncomfortable to watch. This not only reminded a nationwide audience of Labour's pink bus but also the extremely poor way they've treated me as they completely mishandled the entire situation. Ballot Monkeys was broadcast weekly for a month before the election and daily for the three days immediately prior to the election.

Since their defeat Labour have appointed Harriet Harman as their interim leader despite it being obvious her and her faction of incompetent women do great damage to the party.

Aside from the pink bus I think the race that the Muslim world is particularly interested in is George Galloway's defeat by Labour in the Bradford West seat. This was actually one of Labour's rare success stories in the campaign. Although she lacks any political experience their candidate - Naz Shah - has a pretty spectacular back story. The child of first generation Pakistani immigrants Ms Shah was sent to live in Pakistan where she was forced into marriage at the age of 15. After returning to the UK she escaped the marriage and when her mother was sent to prison for murdering her new husband to prevent him from sexually abusing her other daughters Ms Shah raised her siblings and her own children as a single parent.

As such Labour's main message in the race seemed to be that it is just as Pakistani and just as Muslim as the voters it was trying to attract. However in a change they seemed to be appealing more to those Pakistani Muslims who want to reform elements of their culture such as forced marriage and sexual abuse. Labour's main advantage in the race though seemed to be George Galloway himself because although he is the sort of unpleasant man who can sometimes be useful in international politics he is fundamentally just an unpleasant man. For example he accused Ms Shah of lying by claiming she was 16 rather then 15 when she was forced into marriage as if that was the issue with the story.

16:10 on 14/5/15 (UK date).