Due to their civil war Ukraine is unable to participate in this year's Eurovision Song Contest. In response to suggestions that they should take responsibility for the Armenian Genocide Turkey is refusing to participate and seems only able to communicate through the mediums of shooting people in the head and firing mortars at the Russian Embassy in Damascus, Syria. Ironically many of the Arab states such as Syria, Lebanon and Libya who traditionally boycott the event over Israel's participation may have wanted to join in the discussion this year but are in no position to do so.
Obviously against this backdrop and with five days of competition remaining I am extremely limited in what I can safely say at this stage. However I can take a quick look at some of the six nations that were eliminated at last night's semi-final;
Finland: "Pertti Kuikan Nimipaivat" who represent Finland is a band whose members all suffer from some sort of disability. I'm not aware of the exact nature of each individuals disability but they are appear to be some form of intellectual impairment or to use the older term; "mental retardation." People suffering from this type of disability require a lot of care and supervision. The song "Aina Mun Pitaa (I'm Do It)" is an angry punk rant against their carers who are constantly telling them that they can't lay in bed all day or eat too many sweets or drink too much fizzy pop.
The Eurovision Song Contest is unapologetically and I would say rightly pro-gay. However in recent years it has tended to fall into the trap of assuming that gay-rights issues are the only thing being discussed leaving them blind to other, more important issues. In scientific and medical circles homosexuality is now considered more of a cogential reproductive disability rather then say a lifestyle choice or a mental disorder. By bringing up the issue of disability rights at such a gay event Finland appeared to be trying to challenge the audience to think beyond gay-rights. Calling your audience stupid particularly in a very angry song sung in incomprehensible Finnish is not the way to win friends.
If you scratch the surface though and take the complaint about not being allowed to do so much "Coke" as a reference to the drug Cocaine rather then the fizzy drink all the references about not being allowed to use their computer or being forced out of bed to go to work could be viewed as personal attacks against me. Originally what the UK would have liked me to do is reward them for all the abuse by teaching about how to better manage and treat people with disabilities. The fact that hasn't happened has certainly generated some anger within the UK towards me. However I should point out that part of the problem has probably been assuming that people with intellectual impairments have the same care needs as someone who's lost a limb who in turn has the same care needs as something with mental health problems.
During the Cold War Finland was right on the border with the Soviet Union making it a hot-bed for spy activity, prisoner exchanges and negotiations. With the war in Ukraine Europe seems to be undergoing something of a Cold War retrospective particularly amongst Finland's Scandinavian neighbours. As a result by so openly insulting me I think Finland was trying to provoke me into the conservation. After all in the world of mosh and circle pits on the punk scene a punch in the face is often considered a polite greeting. There is also of course an element of Finland posing the question of whether punk is an art form or simply a refuge for the musically disabled.
So I would have thought that Finland were sure fire finalists. However the entry was hardly easy listening and sadly a lot of people still tend to recoil in revulsion at the sight of a physically disabled person.
The Netherlands: Born in 1973 the Dutch singer "Trijntje Oosterhuis" is slightly older then your average female pop-star. Illustrated by a young, handsome and shirtless male model in the video the song "Walk Along" is about that point in a woman's life where men stop finding her attractive and walk along rather then trying to chat her up. Oosterhuis began her performance wearing a black lace veil which was ripped away to reveal her crows feet and slightly wrinkled skin. Female sexuality amongst middle-aged women is a growing talking point within western Europe and one that is rarely discussed at events like Eurovision which tend to be dominated by gay men.
By talking very freely about the decade of her birth and taking cues from the fashions of the 1960's and 1970's the Dutch also seemed to be referencing the Cold War retrospective. Specifically I think they were referencing a 1970's set BBC spy-drama called "The Game" that is being broadcast in the UK in direct competition with the second semi-final. As a spy drama The Game is absolutely terrible. However featuring an actress from "Holby City," an electrical engineering character and a character with an extremely over-bearing mother it seems to be examining elements of my father's personality. Through their "Strictly Come Dancing" inspired entry and the inclusion of Mel Giedroyc from "The Great British Bake Off" on their presenting team the UK is clearly hoping to support it's entry by referencing it's popular TV output.
The Dutch appear to be helping the UK in this effort and with a title like "Walk Away" and the lyric "Wwwhhhyyy?!" being repeated over and over again the Dutch also appear to be indicating they will be supporting the UK in its desire to leave the European Union (EU).
Denmark: The band "Anti Social Media" who represent Denmark are just a boyband with guitars. This is a - I suppose you would say - product that was pioneered by UK bands such as "Busted" or "McFly" and has been revived more recently with bands like "Rixton" or Australia's "5 Seconds of Summer." Obviously the type of teen heartthrobs that appeal to straight teenage girls also appeal to gay teenage boys. As there is within straight male sexuality within gay male sexuality there is a section who are attracted to pretty young things, the younger the better. It is a complex discussion about at which point this crosses into paedophilia. In fact I think one of my more famous quotes is; "I love Busted - They look like what would happen if (famous paedophile pop producer) Jonathan King was let loose in a boys boarding school."
Today the UK has made a big announcement of an investigation of some 700 people in the TV and pop-music world over child sexual offences. It is obviously quite embarrassing for them then that Denmark didn't get through but the overall tone I got from the song was - in the nicest way possible - "We hosted it last year, we're not f'cking doing it again!"
At around 16:20 on 20/5/15 (UK date) I'll be back after dinner because I have more. Unfortunately I also have a crushing hangover.
Edited at around 18:45 on 20/5/15 (UK date) to add;
Moldova: Moldova is right on the border with Ukraine and like Ukraine has a large ethnically Russian population centred around the Transnistria region. As part of their efforts to whip Europe up into an anti-Russian frenzy the US has frequently claimed that Russia is poised to invade Ukraine at any moment in order to establish a land corridor between Russia and Transnistria. "Eduard Romonyuta" who represents Moldova is actually Ukrainian and appears to have been granted asylum in Moldova with Ukraine being unable to compete. When he's not singing Romonyuta is working on his finance degree which concentrates on the changes that need to be made to Ukraine's tax system to integrate it with the EU. So with Ukraine clearly being the big theme this year Moldova's entry certainly provided a lot to talk about.
Visually the main theme of the song "I Want Your Love" used in both the video and stage performance is "Cops & Robbers" specifically American cops. In the stage show this featured male dancers in skimpy police uniforms which seemed to be a reference to the gay anthem "YMCA" by "The Village People." Romonyuta seemed to resemble "Axl Rose" from the band "Guns n' Roses" whose song "Coma" seems to have heavily influenced "Rihanna's" current single "American Oxygen." Whether we like it or not American is clearly going to continue to try and force its way into the contest particularly through Obama's so-called war on cops. Therefore I thought this would provide an effective way for competitors to discuss the US' efforts.
The stage performance also featured a female dancer in an extremely skimpy police performing dance moves which seemed to border to the gynaecological. In the video Romonyuta is shown appearing to have sex in a car with a similarly dressed female. There is absolutely no nudity in this sequence however from the context it is clearly very sexualised. This taps into the old favourite of Eurovision discussions about how much flesh performers are allowed to flash and how overtly sexual their performances can be. It seems to be a very specific reference to US TV's "No Nipple Rule" which has been picked up by Facebook leading to the "Free the Nipple" campaign. Under those rules the Moldovan video would be permitted but one showing a woman's exposed breast doing something completely non-sexual such as breast-feeding a baby would be banned. So while I appreciate that there needs to be a rule the US have provided us with an example of a stupid rule that doesn't perform the task it's intended for.
To be honest at this point in the competition I'm pretty much looking for anything to talk about that isn't Ukraine. Therefore I'm surprised that Moldova didn't make it through to the final while Georgia did.
Georgia: The message behind Georgia's song "Warrior" is the same message that's been coming out of Georgia ever since they attacked Russia back in 2008. Simply they want to start a war between NATO and Russia in order to punish Russia for the Soviet occupation. Obviously given the theme this is a point of view that needs to be discussed but it is one that is certainly not under represented amongst other competitors who deal with it more creatively. Georgia's theme of "Nina Sublatti" as a sword wielding warrior queen is just a rip-off of Israel's 2014 entry "Same Heart" by "Mei Feingold." To my mind that does not make Georgia finalist material.
I think the main problem was the running order which saw Russia, Belarus (capital city "Minsk") and Georgia all take to the stage in quick succession. This eradicated whatever subtly there was and forced people to firmly come down as either pro or anti-Russian when I think a more vague, long running discussion was called for. This of course lead to accusations of an anti-Russian bias amongst the event organisers
19:20 on 20/5/15 (UK date).
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