I've Had an Adventure.

As I mentioned I've been down to see my mothers in Salisbury in Wiltshire. I was driven down on Friday (5/4/13) evening and have to say the roads were remarkably clear and free flowing. However as the journey from London to Wiltshire stretches across about a quarter of the south of England we didn't arrive until around 21:00 (BST). We then had dinner and basically went to bed. Well they went to bed I lay awake for hours going; "It's too dark and it's too quiet for me to sleep."

As this was the first time I'd seen their new house most of the conversation was polite small talk along the lines of; "This is nice, was it like that when you brought it?" Today after having a leisurely breakfast and catching up on a few things we went to see their new allotment where we had pretty much exactly the same conversations we had about their new house. I should report though that the cats do remember me and have decided they no longer hate me. Probably something to do with the fact I'm one of the first people to visit them in their new abode who didn't bring a dog with them.

After visiting the allotment we went for a bit of a walk around the town so I could have a look at Salisbury although I kind of got the impression that Salisbury was also having a bit of a look at me. However that might have something to do with the fact that every time I opened my mouth everybody turned and looked as if to say; "Not from around here are you." I have to say that growing up in London I've always found English country towns and villages a bit small and oppressive. However Salisbury has got a massive Cathedral and is close enough to Stonehenge to be on the tourist trail meaning that I found it a lot more diverse and interesting then I expected so I'll let them carry on with it.

Once we'd wandered around the town for a bit we went to a pub for lunch. There I found myself explaining Twitter to my DWP mother who has recently signed up. However I forgot to get her username because she's planning to be more of a lurker than a talker. Then as the beer flowed conversation with my horse obsessed mother naturally turned to the Grand National horse race. The world of horse racing - especially the gambling side - is one full of bluff, blarney and bullsh't. However if you know a bit about horses and bit about form you can normally work out who will do well. This is not true of the Grand National because the combination of a tough course and a number of horses and jockeys that aren't good enough to be there means it's about survival and luck rather than ability and skill. In betting circles it's known as the lottery because any result could come tumbling out.

Being used to this my mother and I knew to avoid the muppet bait of the Walsh siblings and instead identified Tea For Three and Colbert Station as the two to watch. Unfortunately we were rushing back to watch the race at home and I'd forgotten how to log in to my account so we didn't get a bet on. In the case of Colbert Station this was a good thing because true to my usual form it fell at the fifth. However in my break from my usual form neither the jockey nor the horse were so badly injured they had to be destroyed. It was really annoying in the case of Tea For Three though who finished third after a nasty stumble at one of the final fences tired him out. I didn't get a chance to check the each way odds but at 16/1 to win I guessing that would have been enough to pay for my train ticket home.

The surprise winner was Auroras Encore who being elderly by Grand National standards only seems to have been entered as a way to promote discussion about all the ongoing stuff surrounding the Aurora, Colorado shootings in the US. At 66/1 though I hope Auroras Encore was heavily backed so at least the bookmakers would have taken a bath. Guessing by the sarcastic shout of "Come Again(!)" as the horse made it's way to the winners enclosure one clearly did.

The big story though was Chicago Grey who at 14/1 in the run-up to the race was widely hyped as the horse that was going to give the bookmakers a bloody nose. Although the horse was named many years ago Chicago could have been a reference to US President Obama's home city while the grey could have been a reference to all confusion the US is convinced they've created about the Chris Brown/Rihanna relationship. I mean is his he guilty is he not, are they in love are they not, it's so hard to tell. It's neither black not white. It's just shades of grey. In the end Chicago Grey crashed and burned. Although he finished (an achievement in the national) he spent most of the race in dead last and only a late spurt amongst a tiring pack saved him from total humiliation. Therefore this looked like a lot of people in UK horse racing circles laughing their arses off at Chris Brown's Court appearance yesterday.

This clearly did not go down well with the US who quickly announced that Raven Furlong had been found safe and well at a recording of the TV show "American Ninja Warrior" in Los Angeles. If you've not been following the story Furlong (what horse races are measured in) from Aurora, Colorado is one of a series of young women who have gone missing from across the US. As all of the women had responded to job adverts looking for models in LA there was a suspicion that they'd been kidnapped as part of a sex trafficking ring. However as the US have been very keen to stress Furlong has been acting of her own free will and has not been forced into prostitution. This seems to be the US trying one last desperate attempt to get people to believe in Rihanna and Chris Brown's relationship while throwing in every word they can think of in an effort to spread confusion.

What can't have helped the US' mood is that shortly before the Grand National UK singer Jessie J Tweeted; "Chris Browns new song!! Yes pleaaaaaase!!!" and bless his heart Chris Brown re-Tweeted it. The problem is that Jessie J is well established as a mouthpiece for UK intelligence. That is to say she records and releases songs that further UK intelligences political agenda. "Price Tag" being a prime example that Channel4 used as the sound track to their montage at the end of the Grand National coverage in a move that deserves applause. So on the day after his Court appearance Jessie J being really enthusiastic about Chris Brown is like UK intelligence going to US intelligence; "If that's all you're bringing to the game, you're f*cked."

So like I said Brown can be formally arrested and arraigned on Monday (8/4/13). After all the alternative is France and Chad pull out of Mali and we wait and see who gets stung.

21:30 on 6/4/13.