Alive But Depressed.

Last night, through no choice of my own, I watched a documentary called "Wounded." The BBC production told the stories of soldiers who had been horrifically wounded in Afghanistan as they battled to recover from their injuries. In short it was a hour and half of pure human misery. What made it worse was that I know enough about the British Army's strategy in Afghanistan to fully understand why the casualty rate has suddenly gone so high. However if were to publish that on the Internet I would be accused of jeopardising the mission and besides it reflects very badly on the Queen. I was also cast in the role of all the wounded soldiers so the scenes in the documentary were packed with lies, malicious lies and personal attacks. The stand out moment of these was when the narrator announced that a solider "would have to learn to walk through the pain." This reminded me of my three month exit from Brighton which was played out with severely bruised, possibly cracked ribs, torn foot ligaments and an 8 inch slash wound to my arm that became infected. Despite that I hit all my marks and retained enough composure that the Brits were forced to rely on those around me to fail for me to fall.

The main reason I'm depressed though is that the cleaner arrived an hour ago although has yet to do any cleaning. Although I gave it the best play I could with both hands metaphorically tied behind my back my father put his foot down so we do not have a copy of the passport of the non-white woman who does not speak with a British accent. Therefore if you want to know if she is entitled to work in the UK you will have to enquire of the British Crown. They are currently discussing the matter through the metaphor of a find of Anglo-Saxon gold that was today ruled as "treasure." This should force you to Google the Treasure Act 1996 which states in section 4 that all Treasure is the property of the Crown and in Section 2 that the Secretary of State has the power to alter the definition of treasure. Theatre aside my father now has no way to prove which cleaner exactly he was employing. Therefore it is my professional opinion that the Brits now have a clear head shot against my father so can close down this branch of the laboratory whenever it sees fit.