So that was Christmas

And I was a little bored. So bored in fact that around 4pm, amongst the horror of animated comedies for children, tiredness tapped me on the shoulder and said "Ha ha, remember those last six to eight weeks of running around? Well today we're going to smash you in the knees and you will not arise again until the new year."

Quite frankly though in my family boredom's been something of an aspiration for the last twenty odd years so there's nothing left to say except "Do you want to know what I got for Christmas?"

In case you do and don't have the power to intercept my text messages I got a fuck load of DVD's which included;

Ultimate Force, series 1-4 -

An ITV show centred around a special forces team, much like The Unit. Though unlike the unit which uses the format to preach well learned lessons about the impact that men at war have on their loved ones back at home Ultimate Force is set around the British SAS. As such the troopers led by Ross Kemp are simply heroes doing battle against the enemy who are little more then cartoon cutouts in combat jackets under the thinnest of pretexts. After a little bang bang, whoosh whoosh the good guys win while the baddies die and we all go down the pub.

House, Series 3 -

I know it was on the telly recently but I've already got series 1 and 2 so it must held in a collection so at some point in the future I can chain a loved one to the sofa and force them to watch it episode by episode in a Clockwork Orange style re-education program.

The Wire, Series 1 -

Personally I've never heard of it and neither has the person who gave it to me but it's a hbo drama based around drug dealing, murder, surveillance and counter surveillance and the packaging bears the slogan "Listen Carefully!" so it can't be all bad. If nothing else the name of the creator aptly defines the gift giving relationship.

The Long Good Friday, Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas and Deliverance -

And collection of gangster films which quite frankly I was a little embarrassed to receive because while I understand that the giver was a member of a slightly depressing organisation I think that Christmas should really be a celebration of joy and happiness rather then an oppotunity to settle old scores. They did redeem themselves though by giving me a shit hot cook-book.

A Dusty Springfield CD -

Conclusive proof if it was needed that I am in fact getting gayer by the second. A fact that can only be re-enforced by the fact that I managed to watch My Fair Lady all the way through without throwing anything at the TV no matter how many times it burst into song for no apparent reason.


The Cook Book -

It was called a bible of some sort but it will never leave my kitchen because while Jamie, Delia and Gordon will sell you 100 pages of complex signature dishes that will only earn you Michelin stars while the stomach screams this book gives you simple instructions of how to actually get things done knowing full well that you will be able to understand, improvise and improve.

A Digital Radio -

Contrary to the widely seen advert I actually think this particular item will in fact just sit on the shelf gathering dust in the hope that one day soon life will improve.

Now with that long list done and the postman still failing to deliver there is nothing left but one simple question;

"Does anyone remember that guy who had the courage to give my mate a job because he's now being forced into bankruptcy even though he had no idea what he was doing?