I dunno there's no pleasing some people.

For years the Great Force of Evil has been making ever more pathetic attempts to get me to spill the details of my family tree. Yesterday I finally give them an overview of the story and they the respond with a cacophony of sirens, helicopters and car alarms.

I can only assume from that negative reaction they'd failed read the small print of their imaginary contract carefully enough. If they had they would have discovered a clause which clearly stated: "In the event the Bristol project is persisted with the UK immediately forfeit any perceived right they have to gain a competitive advantage from the situation". On reflection the should probably have factored that into their calculations earlier on.

Carrying on in this new spirit of openness I have decided to tell you the story of the South African Christmas, Lesbian Rape Party. In my old house every year we used to hold a small Christmas celebration for the benefit of the various foreign waifs and strays who wouldn't be able to go home for Christmas. During the course of one of these celebrations the South African element decided to use the opportunity to attempt to turn a woman gay by giving her a deeply unpleasant sexual experience with a man. Although ruthless and not how I would have approached the situation this plan was not totally without merit.

While this was going on upstairs I was downstairs minding my own business when I was interrupted by another housemate going by the nickname of Cobra Joe. He'd earned this nickname because his name was Joe and he'd just come back from doing a work placement at Cabinet Office Briefing Room A (The British State). He came down and informed me that my presence was required upstairs for reasons I will not go into relating to the misuse of drugs act.

Upon entering the room upstairs I discovered a scene which was remarkably different from the one I was led to expect so I turned on my heels and left. Young Joesph who was clearly in the midst of some moral outrage decided not too. After about five minutes it became clear that he still had no intention of leaving creating a horrible crash crash of a situation which I had to step in and attempt to mitigate. no easy task especially when you consider that personally I was pretty much in free fall at the time and there were already large fractional schisms at work in the house. I guess that is the civil service way though, fuck everything and then try to blame someone else.

Now on with the "testing process" which I'm sure I will fail because it's quite clear the UK has no cred ability in determining who is talented and who is not. Also I have yet to be convinced I wish to pass any test Britain has to offer.