Didn't Boris Do Well!

London Mayor Boris Johnson has just taken part in the Olympic handover ceremony and I'm pleased to report that he manged to accept the flag on behalf of the UK without tripping up, setting fire to something or totally forgetting what he was meant to be doing.

London is very pleased for him because it's the moment we've been worried about since he came to office back in May. Now using a link that set even my own teeth on edge I have to say I remember the events of that particular April, May and June very well. It was in that time we had the Olympic torch protests in London, a small but successful Mayday, the Burmese Typhoon and the Chinese earthquake.

After those momentous events MI5 were forced to take a cold hard look at their anti-mayday strategy. During this process they were forced to conclude that even though I was in the strongest prison they could build for me with a network of informants keeping watch on me 24 hours a day a with only a retread cold war era MI6 asset for company the only way they could prevent public disorder on the streets of London was by arranging public disorder on the streets of London. Something of a phyrric victory I think you'll agree.

No doubt this strategic failure caused them to look again at the decision to but me in this prison and concluded that if they'd left be down in Brighton and allowed Madrid a free choice of where she wanted to live things would have been very different. For a start I would have been able to settle my debts with my landlord and come up with a realist plan for getting back into work. Iian would have been allowed to recover properly and re-enter work in something more impressive then a dead end driving job. Madrid would have been able to walk the path she still has in front of her. Croydon would have been sorted out by my disordered rabble. My brother would have come down to do his MA at Sussex and got himself sharpened up before returning to carry out the civil servant rehabilitation program.

Hell if the state could have sorted themselves out I might have been generous enough to explain a few trade secrets with them because well the first victims of a defective state are the weakest in society. Most importantly Bristol would have been allowed to play with the governments test tubes 'till her hearts content without being troubled by the big scary men.

Faced with the insurance write off that was their strategy and the damage it has done to the UK's economy and networks the civil servants began to doubt the leadership credentials of the politicians who were behind the operation. Therefore they decided to set Jacqui Smith, the UK Home Secretary, a little test by saying to her;

"I suppose we could do something about the situation if you gave us the order to but that might have consequences for your job *wink wink*"

Jacqui Smith being Jacqui Smith responded by saying something along the lines of;

"My jobs on the line you say? Well in that case sod the party and sod the country, let's carry on the way we are. I'm sure that we'll be able to convince the party faithful that it's not a fuck up, it's a bold statement about the future or multi-lateralism!"

This statement was so idiotic is actually caused the head of the Joint Intelligence Committee to have a stroke at his home on the artists commune. I'm sorry I didn't speak up earlier but you know what they say about sparing the whip.

Three months and pitiful Georgian war later here I am blogging again and we're arguing over an amount of money the average MP claims on expenses in a week all because Jacqui Smith still can't make the sort of decision that comes part and parcel with her pay packet.

No doubt the current issue that has her still spinning in the wind is the argument that the gay rights for gays brigade are insisting that Madrid is kept in a relationship formed on psychological disorder so they can send the message to the world that Homosexuality is a valid lifestyle choice and not in any way shape or form based on psychological disorder.

Personally I can't see how that one can fail especially as the image we seem to be projecting to the world is of a tearful fat girl who seems to be eating like she's trying to fill up the hole where her life used to be. I just think that it's a shame that 40 years since the legalisation of homosexuality lesbians still seem to be so unsure of themselves they're prepared to ruin many lives by projecting their insecurities into their lives.


And to answer the question everybody seems to be asking, my favorite song of the moment is Ani DiFranco's As Is.