The 2016 Eurovision Song Contest: Grand Final. Pt.5.

This should be read as a direct continuation of Part 4; http://watchitdie.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/the-2016-eurovision-song-contest-grand_18.html

I say "should" but on this occasion it's not compulsory. Having looked at the nation's that supported Shamali Province and those who have switched their votes this logically I should now go and look at those nations that opposed Shamali Province including more of those who've switched their vote.

Before that though I'm going to take a little detour. Via Pyongyang.

Australia: Their entry "Sound of Silence" by Dami Im features the lyric; "Trying to feel your love through face time." This has been interpreted by some as a reference to the video-calling function "FaceTime" available on a host of Apple Inc products - most commonly the "iPhone."

Aside from very strict rules forbidding overt political references the Song Contest has an equally strict rule forbidding product placement and other forms of commercial advertising. As such it has been contended that Australia's entry is also ineligible for competition.

If I was arguing in their defence I would point out that at no point do they reference Apple or even the "FaceTime" brand. I would also point out that the term; "face time" was in common usage before Apple released their product. As such it is debatable whether Apple's claim to own the rights to the term would stand up to legal scrutiny. After all I couldn't well go and copyright the term "Potato" now could I.

I would also beg that the rules are interpreted liberally in this case because the alternative; "Trying to feel your love through the video-calling function on my generic smartphone" doesn't really scan as a song lyric. Although not an Intellectual Property Rights (IPR) lawyer I believe this argument is formally known as "Artistic License."

The reason why any alternate lyric would have to make clear that they are talking about the video-calling function on a smartphone is because Australia's entry is almost entirely a reference to the 2013 film "Her."

If you were to pitch this film in a single phrase you might say; "Johnny Cash gets caught between two women. Sam and Amy." As such my ego very much approves.

The central premise of "Her" is that a man falls in love with the Artificially Intelligent (AI) operating system which is common to all of his devices. However with the combination of an earpiece and a pocket sized camera/screen it's clear that a smartphone is the primary reference point. In the unspecified near future where the film is set this isn't considered at all odd because everybody seems to be doing it.

This topic is obviously significant to the technical aspects of the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) which is commonly known by the brandname "Eurovision."

After all more and more people are now accessing TV and music content through computers - the Song Contest livestream being a case in point. Even if you haven't signed up to products like "Apple TV" or "Netflix" it is still extremely likely that the satellite decoder box you use to watch TV is still a mini-computer with its own operating system.

In fact I'm a little concerned that one of things that may have increased tensions with in the Song Contest bubble is that during the second semi-final - right after Serbia performed - I recorded a BBC2 TV show called "Peaky Blinders."

Due to the rather wobbly operating system on my decoder box this meant I lost the semi-final broadcast. I simply went into another room with a digital TV and used Twitter to make it quite clear that I was still watching.
 
Perhaps inspired by the surrealists such as Dali and Magritte or perhaps the earlier Dadaists like Duchamp and Satie the UK's entry for the Song Contest this year was the TV show "Peaky Blinders."

If you were to now use a generic Internet search engine to find out more about Peaky Blinders it is extremely likely that search engine would use a primative form of AI to autocomplete your search term.

Personally I'm still catching up but I gather much of the action from this season of Peaky Blinders centres around British Establishment paedophiles trying to smuggle weapons to the Russian "Whites" to fight the Russian "Reds" in Georgia in the mid-1920's. Apparently much of this is being funded by jewels that have been smuggled up inside women's *ahem* 'jewels.'

I gather the land of Fashion, Fellini and Opera have put in another typically average performance this year.

The sub-text to the film "Her" though is an examination of the stresses of long distance relationships that movie and music stars often find themselves in.

With the film nominally being set on the west coast of the US the vast Pacific Ocean between California and Asia is used to signify that long distance. The voice of the operating system "Sam" is provided by Scarlett Johansson who really broke through in the 2003 film "Lost in Translation" which is set in Japan.

Within Japanese society there is what is known as the "Hikikomori" phenomenon. This sees adolescents and young adults actively withdrawing from society and shunning all forms of human contact in order to live a digital life online. As such if there is any nation that's going to start developing sexual relationships with their computer operating systems it's likely to be the Japanese.

Australia of course enjoys something of a long distance relationship with the rest of the Eurovision area. Although technically it sits a good 3000km (1800 miles) inside the eastern border it is after all in an entirely different hemisphere.

The reason why Australia competes in the Song Contest is because a significant proportion of Song Contest fans live in Australia. As a result their participating broadcaster SBS has been paying for the broadcasting rights for much of the contest's 61 year history.

Last year Australia were allowed to compete under a special dispensation on account of it being 60th anniversary year. Quite why Australia were allowed to compete this year is much harder to explain. They certainly haven't joined the EBU which is the main criteria for eligibility for the competition.

Membership of the EBU goes beyond simply paying the membership fee. You are also expected to contribute expertise that further the science and technology of broadcasting.

Aside from the annual Song Contest the most overt example of this is the news pool. This means that the designated news broadcaster - ITN in the UK - has to make a certain portion of their footage available to all the other EBU members. Although it may not make it on screen this gives EBU members at least a vague idea of what is going on in the politics of other EBU members.

Although it might not have been intentional I got a prime example of this on Monday (16/5/16) when Euronews which is the EBU's news channel were showing a report on the Philippines. At exactly the same time the French news channel France24 were showing the same report. On my program guide Euronews and France24 are next to each other. I had to stop for a moment while I worked out if my TV or my brain had suddenly broken.

Therefore Australia's entry "Sound of Silence" was a protest against the EBU rules not being enforced strictly enough.

The message being that because they weren't being forced to join the news pool they were struggling to follow what was going on so had to rely on copying an American movie.

It is perhaps a further sign that the stress of the situation proved too much for the Rebels of the Bleeding Heart that sit on Song Contest juries that a lot of people voted for Australia. Because they felt sorry for them.

Although they made a great effort of being seen to be struggling the Australians actually did rather well for themselves on the political front.

While I'm not sure of the exact filming and release schedules "Her" was the first film two of its main actresses did following their debut nude performance on screen. This obviously contributes to the ever present sex, nudity, censorship debate.

Olivia Wilde appeared topless in the 2011 film "The Change Up." I remember this because one night I channel surfed onto it in just enough time to go; "Oh look it's ... And there are her breasts." I had to watch the entire film again just for some sense of context. It really wasn't worth the effort.

Scarlett Johansson appears fully nude in the 2013 film "Under the Skin." This is a serious piece of artistic filmmaking. For example rather than using dialogue it employs abrasive background sound effects to move the story along. Annoying it was broadcast in the UK on the same day as the Umpqua Community College shooting - October 1st 2015 (1/10/15). As a result I got about 45 minutes in before concluding I really wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with it.

In fact not knowing that Scarlett Johansson appears fully nude in it the next day I sort of fast forwarded through the recording basically thinking;"If this doesn't start to even resemble a normal film at some point I'm just going to delete it." It was a bit of a shock then to discover that I now know Scarlett Johansson as well as any future children she may have. It is source of annoyance to me that I've not yet been able to watch the film again in full so I can discuss it properly.

The video in support of Australia's entry is set in a sort of deserted warehouse with black floors. That is taken almost directly from scenes in Under the Skin.

Directed by very famous music video director Spike Jonze "Her" also makes a number of similar coded references to both Under the Skin and The Change Up that you would only get if you had seen both films.

As a sign of how much respect Australia has for the Song Contest having won the Australian X-Factor in 2013 Dami Im is a major star there. Even before she was selected for this year's contest I was vaguely aware of the name. She was actually born in the Republic of Korea (RoK/South) before migrating with her parents to Australia at age 9. As such she is a talking point about migration and integration.

Much like Russia Australia has a somewhat undeserved reputation as a nation of racists. Particularly in Europe and the US all we seem to hear about them are protests against conditions in their Immigration Detention Facilities. Or that there's been another big race riot on the beaches of Cronulla near Sydney.

Australia of course is the type of country where it is still socially acceptable to refer to a friend, neighbour or workmate of Greek or Mediterranean appearance as; "A Wog." In the UK if you displayed a "Golliwog" doll in your window you would be charged with inciting racial hatred against black people.

Despite this reputation about 7% of the Australian population are Asian including many like Dami Im who were born outside of Australia. They are extremely well integrated into Australian society to the point where Australia has almost become a victim of its own success. After all very few people would even entertain the idea that the blanket term "Australian" doesn't automatically include people of Asian appearance.

A rather good example of this comes from a showbiz feud between US comedian Chelsea Handler and Australian comedian Adam Hills. In the UK Hills of course presents a show called; "The Last Leg." This was at the forefront of the gay-rights protests against Russia ahead of the 2014 Sochi Olympics. In fact I got the impression that The Last Leg wasn't allowed to go to Sochi because MI6 couldn't guarantee its safety.

Although I can't remember when Chelsea Handler did a series of US chat-shows from Australia. As a local Adam Hills was booked as a guest. At one point in the show Handler announced that she was surprised to see some Asian people in Australia. She then proceeded to do that racist impression of Asian people where you squint your eyes and start changing your "R's" to "W's." Hills decided to set her straight live on air. I understand the feud continues to this day.

Not only is she an X-Factor winner Dami Im is also a classically trained pianist. This seems to be a further nod of apology to Russia. Particularly now Tony Abbott's been given the heave-ho before Vladimir Putin got the opportunity to take him up on his offer of a fist-fight.

So as has often been the case things in Europe were going well. Then the Germans turned up.

At around 16:50 on 19/5/16 (UK date) I'll pick that up after dinner because I've managed to give myself a headache.

Edited at around 18:50 on 19/5/16 (UK date) to add above and below; 

Germany: Through things like Manga animation, Harajuku fashion, video games and to some extent pop music Japanese culture is becoming increasingly popular in Europe. This is interesting because in many ways European and Japanese culture are extremely different.

As an ancedote on Tuesday (17/5/16) I was having my usual Tuesday night dinner with my father in the usual pub. In recent weeks they've changed the lay-out of their dining area to resemble the type of communal tables common in Japanese resturants like a sushi bar or the "Wagamama" chain which is not only pan-European but also global. After I'd explained to him what a Wagamama's was my father commented that it must be near impossible to have a private conversation in one.

I than began to explain to him that in Japanese society no-one would contemplate having a private conversation in a public resturant. In fact you would be expected to remain within the polite - Teineigo- version of the Japanese spoken language. The staff would be expected to speak to you respectful - Sonkeigo - version of the Japanese spoken language. Do not even get me started on the differences between written and spoken Japanese.

Another key area where Japanese culture differs from particularly western European culture are in its attitudes to women. Although things are slowly changing Japan still ranks 105th out 136 in the 2006 Global Gender Gap Index. Probably the most well known example of Japanese attitudes towards woman is that of the Geisha. Although these are wrongly mistaken for prositutes they are trained from a very young age simply to entertain rich men through dance, song, games and conversation rather than sex.

I feel I should reassure particularly American readers that the Eurovision Song Contest is normally a lot more fun than this. It tends to focus on broad social/political issues such to attitudes to women's right. This year the topic of cultural difference is relevent to the more specific issue of racial integration.

Jaime-Lee Kriewitz presents rather a good talking point about this because she is obsessed with Japanese culture. Coming from Hanover in Germany she is of course white rather than Asian. This raises the point that actually a lot of Japanese people have extremely white skin. As for her name "Jaime" is an English name. In this context so is "Lee" but it also a very common Asian name while "Kriewitz" is pure German.

As such rather like that joke about the Anglo-Chinese engineering firm "Hu, Watt & Wen" "Jaime-Lee Kriewitz" sounds like a Two Ronnies sketch that even in 1970's Britain would still be deemed a little bit too racist.

The song itself "Ghost" is very clearly a reference to the white-faced Geisha as it relates to the wider topic of women's rights.

The problem is that clearly someone high up in the German government got wind of Australia's entry and assumed it must be about South-East Asian politics - particularly the relationship between the US, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK/North) and China.

So the order came down from on-high; "Make her more Korean!"

With Germany assuming that Australia's entry was about South-East Asian politics and making their entry about South-East Asian politics South-East Asians started assuming the whole thing was about their politics too.

As a result the first two/three days of the Eurovision Song Contest coincided with the first Congress of the ruling Workers Party of Korea that North Korea has held in 35 years. It ended with a Eurovision-style exhibition of North Korean pop and folk music and dancing.

I for one could really have lived without that and I think most people in Asian could've done too.

The team behind Germany's Eurovision entry is actually extremely strong. The song was produced by a guy called Conrad Hensel. His last job was as sound designer for this little movie called "The Revenant" - you may have heard of it.

The mere two words of his name therefore bring in all the issues regarding the recent Oscars particular as it related to all the issues regarding the Paris Agreement to make Climate Change a permenant and unstoppable force.

As such I suspect that when the order came down from upon high the German Eurovision teams reaction was along the lines of;

"No. That's stupid. However if Merkel once again wants to make herself look like a fool in front of all of Europe and most of Asia it is but our duty to serve."

Being one of the so-called Big Five Germany only had to perform in the final. Along with the performance video in support of the song this stage setting had a very fairytale theme that nodded both to "Little Red Riding Hood" and "Alice in Wonderland" without directly referencing either. It featured dozens of plastic trees spread wide across the stage.

This took so long to set up it forced the presenters to fill dead air while the director no doubt screamed in their ear pieces. In short it seemed intended to p*ss everyone off.

In keeping with the fairytale theme a giant moon was projected onto the stage backdrop. If you are familar with the imagery of things like Little Red Riding Hood this is the type of moon you would expect to see a Grey Wolf howling at. That seemed like an attempt to dismiss any reference to either the Grey Wolves of Shamali Province or the Turkish Grey Wolves of northern Syria as mere fairytale.

Politically though the main takeaway from Germany's entry this year is that it seemed deliberately all over the place and unable to make up its mind.

Austria: Their entry this year "Loin d'ici (roughly: And So Will I)" was performed by ZOË.

If you are a German speaker as Austrians tend to be you will know that those two little dots known as a "Diacritic Umlaut" above the E in her name is extremely important. Even if it is frequently just left out of an English translation.

If you speak Turkish - as quite a few Austrians do - you would consider this double "Tittle" as it's know to be even more important. In Turkish a mistake over putting a single tittle rather than a double tittle over just one letter can change the meaning of an entire sentence from something; "Hello, Goodmorning" into; "I'm going to smash my way into your house at night, rape your mother and kill your children."

Grammer has therefore been something of an issue this year.

The supporting video and both performances by Austria this year were simply cheap rip-offs of the German entry. However where the Germans used dozens of plastic trees the Austrians projected animations of what looked like Magic Mushrooms onto the stage backdrop. This seemed to suggest that whomever came up with the 'German idea' was clearly either on drugs or in urgent need of a psychiatric assesment.

Sung in French if I had to sum up Austria's entry in a single phrase it would be; "F*cking Hell. If Merkel carries on like this we're going to start telling people we're French!"

Judging by the "Allahu Akbar" stabbing at a Munich train station on the first full day of competition - May 9th (9/5/16) - the entire German state of Bravaria is threatening to secede and join Austria.

The reason why French was chosen as the alternate language is that part of France's entry was sung in English. The French are traditionally so protective over their language there is actually a semi-serious discussion going on in France over whether that broke domestic French law.

Mainly though on the migration/refugee issue Angela Merkel's got to be looking at the recent Victory Day comemmorations as a nostalgic reminder of when Germany used to be popular in Europe.

20:45 on 19/5/16 (UK date).