The 2016 Eurovision Song Contest: 2nd Semi-Final.

Last night saw the second semi-final in the 61st Eurovision Song Contest. In response I may have slightly overdone it.

As a result I am far too hung over to come up with a clever paragraph or two to open this post. So let's just get straight on with the nations that didn't make it through to Saturday's (14/5/16) Grand Final. Or at least the ones I can talk about at this stage.

Belarus: For the past two years politics in Europe and therefore at the Song Contest have been dominated by the fighting in what used to be known as Ukraine. In September 2014 an agreement was drawn up in Minsk, the capital of Belarus to end the fighting. This is known as the "Minsk Protocol."

Unfortunately since then the US-backed junta that occupies much of what used to be Ukrainian territory is still refusing the implement the Minsk Protocol. As such the issue continues to dominate the Song Contest for a third year and I am therefore not really at liberty to talk about Belarus' entry at this time.

I will though say that the title; "Help You to Fly" was most certainly a reference to the crash of Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 on July 17th 2014 (17/7/14).

However the purpose was not to mock the 298 people killed. Instead it was to mock the US-backed junta for thinking they could recklessly fly a civilian aircraft into a warzone in the hope they could blame Russia when it got shot down. I think that is an attitude that deserves to be insulted.

It also makes the point that in October 2015 224 Russian civilians were killed when their aircraft was bombed out of the skies over Egypt. Those who complained so vocally about MH17 don't seem in any way bothered by that.

Another big, unmissable theme at this year's Song Contest is the Irregular Migrant/Refugee crisis and the problems it presents in terms of racial integration and social cohesion.

This was pulled into sharp focus in January 2016 when a large group of young men of Arab Muslim heritage carried out a mass of sexual assaults against women attending the New Years Eve celebrations in the German city of Cologne. It prompted lots of discussion about whether young men from Arab Muslim societies which tend to have very conservative attitudes towards nudity and sexuality go a bit sex-mad when they're suddenly thrust into European societies that have much more liberal attitudes.

This is a very Eurovision topic. Every year the organisers have to balance the restrictions on the portrayal of sex and nudity in more that 50 different nations including Arab Muslim societies. To give you an idea also in January 2016 a German TV company sold a show called "Deutcshland 83" to a British broadcaster. It seemed to take great pleasure in mocking the UK's comparatively prudish attitudes towards sex and nudity.

Belarus' contribution to this topic was a demand that their singer IVAN be allowed to perform fully nude on stage. The fact that this was a discussion about male nudity it also touched on the issue of Pinkwashing and the pandering to the Song Contest's large gay male audience.

After some lengthy discussions is was made clear that IVAN would have to wear at least some clothes onstage. If anything he actually almost over-dressed appearing in a white three piece suit. However as a concession Belarus was allowed to start IVAN's performance by projecting a short video onto the backdrop in which he did appear nude provided that his genitals were not on display. In order to comply with that he was down on bended knee and wearing a flesh tone posing pouch/thong.

Rather than going for a video Belarus instead went for a digital animation. They made this a theme of a their performance with a digital version of IVAN playing various musical instruments while the real IVAN was singing on stage. This spectacle of a man playing with himself mean that the jokes about masturbation really write themselves at this point.

IVAN's other strange demand was that he be allowed to bring a real-life Grey Wolf into the arena and onstage with him. Needless to say the Health & Safety department denied this request. However again the Grey Wolf did appear in the animated sequences.

A large faction within the US-backed junta is a fascist group called the Ukrainian Insurgent Army (UIA). Their nickname is "The Grey Wolves." The disbandment of the UIA is a key element of the Minsk Protocol that is not being implemented.

The paramilitary wing of the Turkish Nationalist Movement Party (MHP) which is currently fighting in Syria alongside Al Qaeda is also known as "The Grey Wolves." I should stress then that historically there is absolutely no link between the Ukrainian and Turkish Grey Wolves. However the Turkish Grey Wolves are fascists therefore they may have been impressed by a group that fought for Hitler's Nazi Germany.

Despite being the namesake of the Minsk Protocol Belarus doesn't actually have anything to do with its negotiation or application. Also Belarus is one of the less well developed of the Eurovision nations.

As such much like last year as an act of support from their peers they've been given the right to simply blend into the background rather than being forced to melt in the spotlight of the final.

The Republic of Ireland: 2016 of course sees the 100th anniversary of the 1916 Easter Rising against British rule in the country. Being aware of the no overt politics rule Ireland's entry "Sunlight" merely invokes the imagery of the sun rising in the morning.

The Easter Rising saw a small group of Republican radicals called the Republican Brotherhood militarily seize control of a number of buildings including the General Post Office (GPO) in Dublin which is now the Irish Republic's capital city. This triggered a week of open warfare between the Brotherhood and the British Army on the streets of Dublin.

In itself the Easter Rising did not bring an end to British rule in Ireland. At the time it was actually viewed as a complete failure with many Dubliners lining up to spit on and throw things at the Brotherhood prisoners as they were being marched away by British soldiers.

It did though light the spark for the Independence movement across Ireland with the Republican Brotherhood eventually becoming the Irish Republican Army (IRA). It is actually widely considered to be Britain's decision to execute the leaders of the Brotherhood rather than the rising itself that lit that spark. That obviously has some relevance in how terrorism is policed today.

In 1921 Britain offered the Irish a peace treaty. This would see Ireland remain as the UK rather than becoming an independent state but exist as a sort of Federal region with the power to run its own affairs. Some Irish people accepted this treaty and were led by the Fine Gael party. Others rejected it and were led by the Fianna Fail party. This lead to civil war. Ironically Sinn Fein who are now synonymous with the Provisional Irish Republican Army (PIRA) were at the time the middle-ground moderates.

Fine Gael and Fianna Fail remain the two largest parties in Irish politics. Although things have changed a lot since 1921 when this February's election left no other option than Fine Gael and Fianna Fail to form a grand coalition it certainly raised a few eyebrows. Particularly amid the Easter Rising commemorations. Just last week the best they could come up with was Fianna Fail agreeing not to bring down a minority Fine Gael government.

Particularly due to the bravery of the Black & Tan regiment of the British Army on the First World War battlefields of Flanders, Belgium the 6 counties with majority Protestant populations were allowed to accept the 1921 treaty independently of the rest of Ireland. This formed Northern Ireland where the fighting continued all the way up until 1997.

One of the groups active on the Republican side during what is known as the Northern Irish Troubles was the Irish National Liberation Army (INLA). They were formally allied with the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK) who are still fighting Turkey for a Kurdish homeland. As a result the history of the Troubles has been a convenient way to talk about Turkey's involvement in the war in Syria whilst keeping Turkey out of the conversation.

Not having the resources to put on huge, spectacular stunts I've been limited to sharing Irish Republican songs on YouTube/Twitter. That is a very Eurovision thing. As many of these songs have not being formally published let alone released they are not supported by professional music videos. Instead at best you get a montage of often quite violent imagery or simply the lyrics of the song on screen which is known as a "Lyric Video."

The video supporting the Irish entry is a lyric video. It is very much done in the style of a theme from a James Bond movie - that very famous British spy. Wherever the word "Sun" appears it is displayed in a font reminiscent of "The Sun" newspaper. That is a reference to the long-running Hillsborough issue - particularly as it relates to the Troubles. In the press release much was made of the fact the singer had trials from the English football club Leeds United.

Despite the establishment of Northern Ireland the Republic of Ireland is not an exclusively Catholic country. It still has a small but sizable Protestant population. Unfortunately in recent years it is this section of Irish society that has been responsible for Ireland's Eurovision entries.

As such the general tone of this year's entry was very mocking of me personally and of the Easter Rising. For example during the performance there was a red lighting effect that gave the impression of rivers of blood flowing along gutters across the stage. This was a reference to the Battle of Mount Street Bridge. Here just 17 members of the Brotherhood were able to kill or wound 240 members of the British Sherwood Foresters regiment.

Due to their long history of political neutrality the Republic of Ireland have traditionally been very successful at the Song Contest having won it seven times. However in recent years this closer link to the UK has led to Ireland taking a more political tone and paying the price. They haven't even qualified for the final since 2013.

Everything about this year's entry screamed; "PLEASE GOD LET US THROUGH TO THE FINAL!!!"

It was performed by Nicky Byrne who is a former member of the band Westlife. Although they broke up in 2012 Westlife were an absolutely massive band having 14 number one singles in the UK alone and selling more than 50million records worldwide. Particularly to teenage girls and gay men. Byrne now presents a show for Irish host host broadcaster RTE's Radio 2. That was a reference to Terry Wogan who died earlier this year after dominating Eurovision as the BBC's host for more than 30 years.

Unfortunately last year the Republic of Ireland did schedule their public referendum on gay marriage for the day after their Song Contest semi-final. This was an example of Pinkwashing, the idea being that it would build up good will with the gay fanbase helping Ireland to qualify for the final.

It failed and was seen as almost condescending to the gay community. Although a little nod of recognition was made by Ireland they were very clearly punished for it again this year.

At around 16:15 on 13/5/16 (UK date) I'm clearly going to be at this all night. However my bathroom will no more clean itself than my dinner will cook itself.

Edited at around 19:10 on 13/5/16 (UK date) to add;

Norway: Within Eurovision circles there is a long standing joke that all the Nordic nations such as Norway, Sweden, Iceland etc all vote for each other and gang up on everyone else to make sure one of them wins. Over the past year though Norway and this year's host Sweden have had a rather spectacular falling out over the issue of Irregular Migrants/Refugees.

When the migration crisis started Norway took the very similar approach to Germany promising to welcome them all with open arms. Their neighbour Sweden though took in a lot of Muslim refugees from the Balkan wars in the 1990's. However they were not properly integrated leading to lots of crime ridden Muslim ghettos. As a result Sweden was far less keen to taking in more Muslim migrants and was worried that Norway's openness would have the knock-on effect of migrants flooding into Sweden also.

However after about six months of taking in large numbers of Muslim migrants Norway started to become acutely aware of the problems that presents in terms of finding accommodation and other services to all the newcomers although with the somewhat racist backlash. As a result Norway dramatically changed its tune and at the start of 2016 shutdown the train service between Sweden and Norway to stop the flow. Sweden has taken great pleasure in mocking Norway for its sudden U-turn.

As a result Norway's entry "Icebreaker" was just them slagging off Sweden. The general tone being that Sweden shouldn't be so smug about the refugees when it is supporting the US-backed junta in what used to be known as Ukraine. It is sung by Agnete which to a non-Nordic tongue is very similar to Agnetha as in Agnetha Faltskog a member of possibly the most famous Swedish band of all time - ABBA.

ABBA won the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest with the song "Waterloo." This of course was the year when the Song Contest was used to carry out the "Carnation Revolution" which removed the fascist dictatorship of Estado Novo from power in Portugal. The fact that everyone in Europe was talking about how brilliant this song about someone meeting their downfall was while the Portuguese military were carrying out their mutiny helped get the message to Novo not to fight back ensuring a bloodless revolution.

In 1986 ABBA released a song called "Fernando" which is about a man fighting a revolutionary war in some fictional hispanic nation. It is musically similar to an Irish Rebel song called "Viva Quinta Brigada." This is about Fianna Fail and Sinn Fein volunteers forming the 15th International Brigade to fight in the Spanish Civil War against Franco. Fine Gael volunteers went to fight for Franco and his fascists and were known as the Blueshirts.

Although the idea has only occurred to me in the past couple of days it is possible the Fernando was released to help cool the Northern Irish Troubles which in 1986 were getting pretty vicious.

However even if it wasn't the connection still allows Norway to go to Sweden; "Ohhh, times have changed haven't they. Now you're supporting the fascist junta."

It was the rest of Norway's entry that I found really clever though.


Obviously we can't really talk about the topic of racial integration without talking about the topic of race. Racially speaking Agnete is quite hard to place. Certainly not fitting into the Nordic stereotype of blond hair and blue eyes she's got darker skin then you would expect and slightly slanted, almost Oriental eyes. As such you could get the impression that she was mixed race and then try and work out a mix of what races exactly and if there is any significance to them.

If you'd done that though you would have ignored the fact that Norway exists partly in the Arctic Circle. In the Arctic circle you get very long days in the summer and very long nights in the winter. You could almost joke that the daytime lasts from May to November while the nighttime lasts from November to May.

As a result people living there are exposed to a lot of sunlight. The effect of that sunlight is magnified by it reflecting off the white snow - what is known in climate change circles as the "Albedo Effect." This means that although clearly white people native to the Arctic tend to have quite dark skin and eyes that are squinted to limit the effects of snowblindness.

It is these people that first colonised the continental United States. Where they are commonly and wrongly described as Native Americans in states such as Colorado. The Canadian singer Carly Rae Jepsen is a prime example of this. Although I'm not sure if she's aware of it I'm sure you dug deep into her family history you would probably find some Russian heritage.

Since 2014 US President Obama has seemed intent of tearing his own country apart with the racially divisive Black Lives Matter (BLM) campaign. They keep trying to get the Native Americans to unite with them in their great war against the Caucasian race. They seem completely oblivious to the fact that Native Americans are Caucasian originally from places like Norway and Russia.

As such it provides a convenient device for Norway to go; "Obama's an idiot isn't he."

One of the big targets of BLM has been the Australian rapper Iggy Azalea who is constantly accused of appropriating black culture. One of her main accusers has been Azealia Banks whom she got into a massive Twitter feud with. Azealia Banks has just been banned from Twitter for getting into a racially charge feud with Zayn Malik. To me that seems like a carefully crafted satire by Banks on the racially charged London Mayoral campaign of Sadiq Khan.

In her performance last night Agnete was definitely channelling her Iggy Azalea. Despite being a friendly nod to Australia this demonstrated some very quick reactions from Norway's Eurovision team. And it is most certainly a team game.

The indigenous rights debate is central to the arguments over how to tackle climate change. The fact that US and Brazil got heavily diverted by the issue has been identified - by the US - as a reason why the Paris Agreement is a failure. Despite being forced to sign it Norway seems keen to start work on its replacement.

The problem is that this year's contest is very heavily focused on the three issues of what used to be known as Ukraine, ISIL and the migration crisis. By bringing up an almost completely separate topic Norway's efforts seems to have gone completely over everyone's heads.

Although highly amusing to watch the bit that does relate to the migration issue is just a small squabble between Norway and Sweden. I don't think anyone seriously believes they're going to go to war over it.

Albania: This year the flying of the flag of what calls itself the nation of Kosovo was strictly prohibited. That is because despite what the US tries to claim Kosovo is not recognised as a nation by either the United Nations (UN) nor a majority of Eurovision nations.

The reason for this is that they all know that Kosovo is a southern province of the nation of Serbia that was stolen by the members of the Greater Albania movement that is centred in Serbia's neighbour Albania. Thinking that it has the support of the US the Greater Albania movement is currently threatening to steal away other parts of Serbia along with parts of Macedonia.

In a nod to the Macedonian flag the oft used lyric "We are the rise in the rising sun" is Greece's entry "Utopian Land" by Argo was a strong show of Greek support to Macedonia against the Greater Albania despite there being tension between the two over the Greek province of Macedonia that borders the nation of Macedonia.

Albania's entry "Fairytale" by Eneda Tarifa was a full blooded call to arms to members of the Greater Albania movement living outside of Albania. As the Greater Albania movement are Muslims it also seemed to suggest that it has the support of Azerbaijan and by extension Turkey. At the same time it was mocking suggestions that the Greater Albania movement existed as the fairytale of the title.

Albania was very firmly shown the door.

Macedonia: Away from its problems with Albania Macedonia sits between Greece which is an European Union (EU) member and Bulgaria which is also an EU member. However Macedonia itself is not an EU member mainly due to the dispute with Greece. As such Macedonia is literally stuck in the middle of the EU's migration crisis but does not get a say in the EU's efforts to respond to that crisis.

As such I'm a bit surprised that Macedonia didn't make it through to the final. However the other issues raised in their entry "Dona" by Kaliopi which I'm not going to talk about now are well represented in the final.

Therefore I think it should be considered a sign of support by people who understand the pressure that Macedonia is currently under that they're now able to sit back, relax and enjoy the final.

Slovenia: I am extremely surprised that Slovenia's entry "Red & Blue" by ManuElla did not make it through to the final because I thought is was an extremely strong contender. So much so that I cannot talk about it all at this point.

I suspect though that it might have gone over the heads of a lot of people.

For example everyone is talking about the similarity with Taylor Swift who tried to muscle her way into last year's contest. However I suspect that far fewer people got the reference to the actress Scarlett Johansson. Being blond haired and blue eyed most people don't realise that Scarlett Johansson is Jewish. I only mention it here because it is extremely relevant. Even if I can't yet tell you why.

The fact that Slovenia did not get through is made all the more confusing by the fact Georgia did with their entry "Midnight Gold by Nika Kocharov & the Young Georgian Lolitas. I think the announcement that the UK band The Stone Roses are releasing their first music in 15 years was made just before last night's semi-final specifically to mock Georgia's "Good Band Bingo!" effort.

The two other nations not to make it through were Denmark and Switzerland. Again they should take it as a compliment that I consider their efforts to be so good that I don't dare go near them at this stage.

21:25 on 13/5/16 (UK date).