Embarassing Bodies.

For as long as anyone can remember my father has been complaining of what - at this point - can only be described as stratospheric medical problems.

Obviously I don't like discussing my medical issues on the world wide web let alone anybody else's. However my father is that much of a hypochondriac I'm surprised he hasn't told you himself.

Essentially the problem is that as his body has aged the urethral sphincters at the entrance of his bladder have weakened leading to a frequent and urgent need to urinate. As any woman who's ever had a baby knows he simply needs to do exercises - sometimes known as "Kegel exercises" - to strengthen his pelvic floor muscles to compensate.

My father's case is exacerbated by the fact he flatly refuses to drink any water, ever. As a result the toxins cleaned out of his blood by his kidneys are not readily able to leave his body through his urine. This causes the kidneys to constantly send a message to his bladder going; "Dude, hurry up."

Unfortunately my father has decided to sign up with my grandmother - his mother's - General Practitioner (GP) doctor's practice. I think we all know how keen they are on unnecessary medical procedures.

So rather than simply treating my father they decided to order blood tests to rule prostate cancer. The problem is that the blood test for prostrate cancer is notoriously unreliable. As a result taking the test sees you almost automatically referred for a prostate biopsy. This is equally unreliable. Therefore you are rapidly trapped into a constant cycle of blood tests and biopsies.

It does rather call to mind that episode of "Family Guy" where they discover the Quagmire character is bald.

As I've mentioned my father had another one of these biopsies on Thursday (14/1/16) under general anaesthetic. Demonstrating his hypochondriac tendencies this gave him cause to gather all his children around for what we were sure was his imminent death. As a result I should currently be having dinner in a pub with my father and little brother.

However this morning my father cancelled because apparently the after effects of the anaesthetic are still causing him to feel unwell. With the half-life of one of the main anaesthetic drugs - Propofol - being 2 hours and the half-life of the other - Fentanyl - being 20 minutes three days later this is simply not true.

France has decided to make an issue out of all this with their "Biotrial" drug test that went dramatically wrong on Thursday (14/1/16). Just today it's been confirmed that the man who was left brain dead has had his life-support system turned off and been declared officially dead.

With the Iran nuclear deal to which French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius was deeply opposed going into effect while the COP21 draft agreement that Fabius wholly supported seeming to flounder it seems clear that the French feel they need a little bit of love and attention.

After all the behaviour of certain government ministers has left France in a seemingly permanent state of emergency with troops on the streets to guard against the constant terror threat.

This is all rather annoying for me because with junior doctors on strike and given their past behaviour it's clear it won't take much to tempt the UK to exploit the situation to get me to explain where it all went wrong.

Unfortunately they clearly aren't prepared to pay for that explanation.

Therefore my only recommendation is that one specific GP's practice run by a small group of senior doctors in a specific Primary Care Trust (PCT) is charged for every unnecessary medical procedure they order.

18:15 on 17/1/16 (UK date).