Operation Misery: Month 13, Week 1, Day 1.

Once again I find myself sitting writing yet another report on Rihanna's activities. It's a sensation not unlike being sucked down by quick sand.

On Monday February 24th (24/2/14) Rihanna travelled to Paris, France to meet up with Drake. This was obviously yet another attempt to convince us that the pair are dating. As this had been stylishly and comprehensively mocked in front of several billion people during the previous day's Winter Olympic Closing ceremony you wouldn't think that Rihanna's week couldn't get any more humiliating. Then Rihanna decided to stay on for Paris Fashion week.

The first clue that this was going to be an unpleasant week for Rihanna came when somebody leaked the location of the Mandarin Oriental hotel she was saying in. On Tuesday (25/2/14) this meant that a large crowd of disruptive Rihanna fans assembled outside the hotel blocking the streets and making it extremely difficult for Rihanna and other guests/residents to enter/leave. This was a direct reference to an incident in the summer of 2012 when Rihanna sent out a Tweet informing the world of the exact time she would be arriving in Paris on the Eurostar train. This obviously led to scenes similar to the ones outside the hotel. The Eurostar incident was the main reason why France supported Rihanna taking part in the 2012 para-Olympic closing ceremony in order that she could build a relationship with me so I could teach her the skills needed to keep her out of trouble.

The hotel incident also meant that Rihanna had to be placed under a protective police guard for the duration of her stay with motorcycle outriders protecting her vehicle whenever she travelled. This seemed intended to remind Rihanna that she has only survived this long because people - myself included - have been protecting her wherever she goes. By seemingly being oblivious to this protection and not showing any desire to improve her situation Rihanna is behaving incredibly disrespectfully to these people and their efforts. As a result they are starting to get sick and tired of Rihanna and may not bother in future.

Things got worse on Thursday (27/2/14) when Rihanna attended the launch show for Balmain's autumn/winter 2014 collection. Rihanna of course is the face of Balmain's spring/summer 2014 collection and it was clearly the invitation to the Balmain show that encouraged Rihanna to attend Paris Fashion Week. However the show was accompanied by the release of lots of photographs of Rihanna enjoying what looked like a close personal friendship with the current creative director of Balmain Olivier Rousteign. This seemed to be Balmain making clear that Rihanna enjoys a personal friendship with Rousteign rather then a professional relationship with the Balmain brand. As the week progressed I also got the impression that Rousteign was coming under a lot of pressure to not let his personal feelings cloud his professional judgement in the future.

Next Rihanna attended the Lanvin launch show wearing an outfit from that collection  In itself this is considered a bit of a faux paux in fashion circles. The outfit itself was even more humiliating for Rihanna consisting of a dark coloured trilby style hat, a dark tailored jacket, dark drain pipe style trousers and smart black shoes. This is very much the style of the British Ska music scene in the early 1980's and due to her race and gender Rihanna closely resembled Pauline Black of the band "The Selecter." Black along with the other members of the band wrote all their own material and were constantly battling with record labels and management for creative control. Neither of these are things that Rihanna can ever be accused of. The final insult came in the form of a grey stole which is essentially a fur scarf that is normally worn around the neck and shoulders. However on the instructions of the designer Rihanna wore hers around her chest. This posed the obvious question of whether Rihanna is in fact so helpless that she isn't even capable of dressing herself?

That evening further disaster struck when Rihanna attended the Balmain launch party at the famous "Crazy Horse Cabaret." A large part of that cabaret is a Burlesque show. Burlesque is often described as a glamorous form of strip tease because its emphasis is very much on the tease. So while a Burlesque show might end with brief glimpses of nudity it's normally proceeded by 20 minutes of clothed dancing. A part of the decision to invite Rihanna to this party was probably to gently suggest to her that she finds more subtle ways to express her sexuality rather then out and out nudity and crotch grabbing dance moves. Unfortunately this went right over Rihanna's head and she turned up wearing a black mesh top with no bra underneath meaning that her breasts were clearly visible leaving her more under-dressed then most of the dancers. Although Rihanna probably thought that she was getting into the spirit of things she simply ended up look cheap, trashy and not particularly bright.

Clearly Rihanna's embarrassment at the Cabaret set some tongues wagging so on Friday (28/2/14) Rihanna decided to test out what people were saying about her by wearing an extremely cheap and trashy outfit to the Dior show. Essentially Rihanna came dressed as a street prostitute in a short black dress with visible black stockings and suspenders. On top she wore an over-sized (very in) red fake fur coat. There is something of an urban legend that women who are sexually frustrated opt for bright red clothes as a sort of subconscious mating single. As a result Rihanna seemed to be indicating that she is becoming extremely frustrated and therefore fixated on sex. After all it has been a year since Rihanna was last with Chris Brown and she is most certainly not sleeping with either Drake or A$AP Rocky. I doubt this complaint will have garnered Rihanna much sympathy though because she can't seriously expect her life to move forward if she is not prepared to do anything to move it forward.

On Saturday (1/3/14) the question of why Rihanna's life is not moving forward was addressed through her outfit for the Comme des Garcons show. This consisted of an over-sized black leather coat, a beanie style hat with what appeared "Mickey Mouse" style ears and an over-sized white stole emblazoned with the word "Fear." The question being posed was simply whether Rihanna is being held back and made to look stupid (a bit mickey mouse in slang) because she is being weighed down by fear? Again I don't think that would have garnered Rihanna much sympathy because that's been obvious to most people since certainly the 2012 para-Olympic closing ceremony. Later in the day Rihanna attended the Gaultier show again wearing a see-through black mesh top without a bra although on this occasion she did generally manage to cover her breasts with another stole. This was obviously intended to pose the question of whether it was the faux paux at the cabaret that meant that everyone was referring to Rihanna as cheap and trashy. Sadly the fact that Rihanna felt the need to ask the question obviously left her looking quite stupid for not being able to work it out for herself.

On Sunday (2/1/14) things got particularly brutal when Rihanna attended the Givenchy show. Here Rihanna wore a black feminised classic tuxedo which hinted at the colours of the flag of the Ukrainian Insurgent Army (UIA). Rihanna accompanied this with trainers and a backwards baseball cap with a black lace veil. The combination of the classic style of the tuxedo contrasted with the more ghetto-chic of the trainers and baseball cap were supposed the question of whether Rihanna actually deserved to be there? The fact that black lace veils are synonymous with funerals and mourning suggested that she didn't. The seating plan for the show was equally vicious with Rihanna seated a couple of seats over from Kanye West. Rihanna and Kanye West have obviously collaborated together in the past meaning that as part of her efforts to resurrect her career Rihanna could join Kanye as he makes his way across the summer festival circuit. The problem is that many of the festivals that Kanye is booked for - such as the London, UK "Wireless" festival also feature Drake. Due to these foolish attempts to convince us that Drake and Rihanna are dating it will do more harm then good for Rihanna to attend festivals where Drake is playing. This is why there have recently been a lot of stories about Kanye wanting to beat Drake up and why I think Drake should be hit with a brick. There was also the obvious question of why it is only a rumour that Kanye wants to give Drake he clearly deserves.

Monday (3/3/14) was a rather quiet day for Rihanna with her attending the Stella McCartney show. Although I've never met her I get the impression that Stella McCartney is just genuinely nice person so invited Rihanna along to give her something of a safe space amid the storm of criticism. This point was emphasised by the fact that Rihanna was provided with an over-sized green, almost camouflage jacket to wear. Although this was a nice gesture Stella McCartney is British and troublesome British model Cara Delevingne modelled in the show. As a result Britain will try to use Rihanna's attendance to claim that they have some special insight into her life as they try and force Rihanna onto the agenda of the para-Olympics. This obviously runs contrary to my and - if she's got any sense - Rihanna's objective of keeping her off the para-Olympic agenda so she can get free of her political associations and on with her life.

Tuesday (4/3/14) was dominated by the big Chanel show. This was shown on a specially built supermarket style set which featured 'products' like Chanel wine and Chanel bread etc. The idea was to emphasise that this was a ready to wear collection while promoting discussion about the way that supermarkets and high street retailers have been known to steal designs from top fashion houses to produce cheap versions. The fact that Rihanna was invited to model in this show seemed to be a reference to the fact that due to certain inflexible elements in my life I visit the supermarket every other Tuesday like clockwork. That seemed to be an effort to remind Rihanna how much I achieve under far more difficult circumstances then she experiences. It also seemed to be suggesting to Rihanna that she would do well to follow my example. Rihanna is famously a big Chanel fan and even once used a quote from Coco Chanel to tell me that I was far too inferior for her to even think about me. It appears that that the actual Chanel disagrees. 

Seeming to completely miss the point and displaying the type of bad attitude which is why people are getting sick of trying to help her Rihanna that evening responded to the Chanel show by making a big point of visiting a high-end luxury goods store as if to say that she is far to important to visit a supermarket. For this visit Rihanna wore simple blue jeans accompanied by a horrifically ill-advised jumper. This featured horizontal red and black blocks in the style of the flag of the Ukrainian Insurgent Army (UIA) and the Ukrainian Right Sector Party. Right Sector are neo-Nazis and the UIA collaborated with the Nazi invasion of Ukraine in 1939. This obviously poses a lot of questions about collaboration with the Nazis and the fact that the front of the jumper featured vertical blocks in the style but not colours of the French flag heaped pressure on the hosts ahead of today's Paris summit. The pressure was made much worse by the fact that the big American/Israel AIPAC conference was taking place in Washington D.C, US. As Obama's middle-east policy is dictated to him by the Saudi Arabians who are virulently anti-Semitic Obama's middle-east policy is also virulently anti-Semitic creating a lot of tension with Israel. By supporting groups like Right Sector and the UIA Obama is hardly reassuring concerns that he has a sort of neo-Fascist agenda.

So through her decision to wear that jumper Rihanna was being about as politically inflammatory as it was possible to be. The outfit's only saving grace was the large grey chevron which was reminiscent of the stole worn at the Lavin show which posed the question of whether Rihanna is capable of dressing herself. This seemed intended to indicate that Rihanna was not totally responsible for the decision to wear that jumper. However when Rihanna is causing that much trouble it is not simply enough for her to hint that she may have reservations.

Today - the day of the Paris Summit - rather then staying in her hotel and keeping a low profile Rihanna attended the Miu Miu show. Fortunately Rihanna dressed down wearing a thigh-high boot, over-sized coat combination which merely hinted at the cheap and trashy street prostitute style that has been Rihanna's trademark this week. Although it's Italian "Miu Miu" sounds vaguely oriental so I think we were supposed to believe that Rihanna's presence at Paris Fashion Week was intended to heap pressure on China during its annual National Peoples Congress (NPC). However as it was so obvious what was really going on I think this was merely the US showing to it's Gulf allies how easy it is to trick Rihanna into doing nasty things like any cheap and trashy street prostitute. Sadly I think the irony of the US showing off to the Saudis about how they can make a monkey dance has been completely lost on the government of US President Obama.

The Miu Miu show was also attended by Oscar winners including Jared Leto and Lupita Nyong'o. I think the hope was that some of their talent and class would rub off on Rihanna. Initial signs are that this has failed because realising that she was dressed like a trashy prostitute rushed to have her picture taken with Nyong'o who recently won an Oscar for her portrayal of a slave. I suspect Rihanna thought she was making a bold statement about modern day slavery and sex-trafficking.

20:10 on 5/3/14 (UK date).

Edited at around 11:55 on 6/3/14 (UK date) to add;

Pretty much as I was publishing the above Rihanna was travelling from Paris, France to Amsterdam in the Netherlands in order to continue this charade that she is dating Drake. I obviously think that for the sake of her dignity alone Rihanna should immediately abandon this and return home for crisis talks with her management.

That said though politically this 'relationship' with Drake is just a pale imitation of last year's efforts to force Rihanna into a 'relationship' with Chris Brown. As the Winter Olympic closing ceremony made quite clear that only succeeded in giving everyone a good laugh. As such if Rihanna is going to continue down this path it would be better during the para-Olympics if she gave us simple shots of the happy couple together rather then the silent treatment.

In fact if Rihanna is going to continue on this course it might be better for her to actually start having sex with Drake provided she can avoid becoming emotionally attached. After all there's no point her living like a nun unless she's also prepared to take the steps needed to improve her life.