You Bloody Fucking Bollocking Bastards.

Vol 3979.

I leave the house for one day and all of sudden Croydon Council and their affiliates swarm on my home. It turns out while I was out the "Stay safe!" project sent a two person team made up of a construction worker and a manager to discuss some building work with my father. On their arrival he presented them with the following list of work that needs to be done;

The key item on the agenda I would like to draw your attention to is #12: Tree over playroom.

The playroom in question is the Black Lion pub that my grandfather had the good sense to build in the bottom of the garden. The tree belongs to the aforementioned Linda who lives in a housing association property funded by Croydon Council. When the Stay Safe managers attention was drawn to this item she advised my father to contact the land registry to find out who the property belong to so they could take care of the offending tree.

Within a few hours someone had been on the phone to Linda to inform her that the tree was causing a problem. This resulted in her spending most of the evening cutting up other trees in garden and burning their remains in a big fire. This created a lot of noise and a lot of smoke which, if I'm honest caused her more stress then it caused me. However I feel the moral of the story is;

No-one from Croydon Council ever needs to consult the Land Registry ever again.