Lucy Gordon Suicide.

Today (21/5) a British actress named Lucy Gordon committed suicide at the Canne film festival. Ms Gordon, 29, was most famous for her appearance as a news reporter in the Spiderman film(s). I must confess that I've not actually seen Superman, hell I only today got to see Hot Fuzz but I did in my time once meet a woman called Lucy Gordon although I'm sure it was not the same woman.

The Lucy Gordon I used to know was a high school teacher in Brighton. She decided to have sex with a friend of mine in front of his girlfriend breaking up that relationship and causing me a whole end of stress. Because I needed her out of the game I made the mistake of accidentally leaking intimate details of her sex life to the students in her form room.

While I have little idea what happened to Canne's Lucy Gordon I have three theories of why she died;

1. She only got the job because she shared the name of my Lucy Gordon. In the stress and the heat of a Canne summer she realised she wasn't up to her job and decided to take her own life.
2. MI6 decided that because she shared a name with my Lucy Gordon killing her would cause enough stress and panic to confuse people about the more important issues of the day.
3. Another agency decided that killing her would cause me so much stress that I would spill all the details of my Lucy Gordon.

Right now I'm trying to find the time to go to bed before I have to wake up at an ungodly hour tomorrow to go and speak to a builder so I'm off to take a piss.