I have some apologies to make for yesterday

Firstly I described my computer as being gay. What I actually meant to say that my computer was having a big gay hissy fit bit of a sloppy mistake I'll admit but you have to understand at the time I was trying to cook dinner and listen to my dad have a little tantrum because apparently it's me that's breaking the computer with all video and computer games.

Needless to say last night I identified the file that was causing the problem and fixed it. Guess who was using the machine at the time the offending file was down loaded.

After fixing the computer I finally got to check my email where I had received an email form an organisation calling itself "The Team" when these emails started appearing in my account the it purported to be from a charity working with AID's in Africa so it was all AID's, AID's, AID's, Babies, AID's, Horror, AID's. Once I sent a reply pointing that in fact I was actually in the room when that mysterious third vial of blood was drawn from my arm - You really should have read it, it was very good with lots of short simple words, a few diagrams and after about the seventh rendition of "The arm bone's connected to the shoulder bone and the shoulder bone's connected to the neck bone and the neck bone's connected to the head bone" - they finally got the message and the emails suddenly stopped appearing.

Obviously last night "The Team!" were back after a break of many months and apparently they're no longer involved in fighting AID's in Africa they're now more sort of generally concerned with microbiological research. This field reminds me of someone I know who recently picked up a £2million government grant to carry out research which may produce data which may at some point in the future may be used in a research project which may produce data that and some point in the future may be used in a research project which may at some point in the future possibly find a cure for cancer.

So linking up these two bits of data I sent a reply which firstly pointed out the fact that as the person I know is actually not yet even a PHD and is only involved in a part of a much larger team that is carrying out the research it is entirely possible that they are in fact attempting to play up their importance in the project in order to preserve their dignity.

I then went on to point out that if I had been in charge of the operation I would have made very sure that something so important wasn't bundled up with a guy who had run me round in circles on so many occasions and was currently making me dance like a monkey.

Then I pointed out that even if I had made such a mistake I would certainly have pulled out of the operation once the first slightly coded warning that it was going to fail had been posted on the Internet.

I went on to make it quite clear that I most certainly wouldn't have then gone on to authorise the transfer of funds after the second much clearer warning of the operations failure had again been posted on the Internet.

Finally I pointed out that if after this series of mistakes had occurred I then decided that the really good idea would be to pour more funds into the project in the hope of turning round a losing position I would then have checked myself into rehab in the hope of getting to grips with my crack addiction.

At the end of the reply I got down on my knees, clasped my hands together and prayed that the people who authorised the funding had at the very least made sure they retained the patents for the data the project was generating because if they haven't rather then spending £2million of the governements money on finding a cure for cancer all they actually done is pay 2million quid for what has to be the worlds most expensive post-graduate thesis. That of course would be the sort of thing that would be really embarrassing. and you owuld want to hide if there was an inquest.

After I sent the email our dear Donk suddenly got a bit of a dry mouth and lost all interest in our joyous tit for tat comedy double act.

I should also explain to you dear reader that over the last week I have been giving my liver time off for good behaviour. As this abandonment of alcohol has also co-inceded with my fitness regime paying off I've actually been full of energy and at my sharpest. The problem is there's no problems for me to solve, no battles for me to fight and no work for me to do so I'm off to get drunk and I don't see any reason not to because right now I've got a choice between a slow, painful death and a slow, painful and humiliating death.

Quite frankly I don't arse wiping for 8 grand a year so this might be my last post for a while because I'm off to flood my brain with dopamine, knock yourselves out god knows I will be.