The Bridgend suicides

I've been meaning to talk about this very sad state of affairs for a long time but once again the grindingly expensive snooze fest of the Diana inquest has laid its fat wasted carcass across my TV screen once again.

Today the inquest heard evidence from the former head of MI6 who pointed out that in his time he never authorised an assassination. This piece of evidence is of course shockingly useful because the head of the security services has no authority to authorise an assassination, that reasonability falls to a government minister which is quite handy for the security services because it means they can plan an assassination, spend public money carrying it out and then when they inevitably fail they can just blame the government minister.

This information of course raises the question of what was the theatrical reason for this performance. In my out-standing arrogance I think it's because the security services are currently telling the government that the only way they can resolve certain issues is by carrying out a number of killings.

This is of course bollocks meaning that they are either lying to the government to cover up the fact that our great pride of lions pissed their pants while others held their nerve or they saying it because they are so wholly incompetent that they cannot get members of their staff to follow instructions they are given.

If the former is true then I suggest they are rapidly tried for treason and if the latter is true I suggest they do their duty to their nation one last time and then remove themselves from the public payroll.

Now with that rant and ramble out the way it's on to more serious and sorry to say frankly depressing business

Bridgend is a very small town in rural South Wales. Normally the place would not come to the attention of the national media but sadly it has because in the last 13 months this town has seen the suicide of 17 of its young people.

All have been under 30, 8 have been under 20, 13 of them have been men, 4 have been women, 1 was a father and most sicken of all at least one of them was under the full care of the local health authority.

As usual there have been many questions and many theories to suggest why some many young people have killed themselves in such a small area. Firstly it was thought that they had all joined an online suicide pact on MySpace leading to calls that the UK government brings in internet filtering software so we can be protected from internet but no evidence of this was found (we still got the internet filter).

Yesterday the grieving mother of one of the victims was placed in front of a police press conference to tell us the real reason that all these people had taken their own lives. It was simply that the media had told them to do it.

I don't now about you but I'm personally very relieved to hear that because I thought that it was something to do with the government tearing the heart of Welsh industry. Or possibly that the tiny amount of money central government gave the region was frittered away on whatever graduate wank fantasy was the flavour of the month. Or possibly it was something to do with the fact the local police battled so hard to break up the free party scene that these people had nothing to do but work and drink and die in shitty little chain pubs.

But know I was wrong it's all because the media told to do it and on the plus side now the media knows it has the power to make people kill themselves may I make a simple two word suggestion;

JAMES BLUNT!!