Who Needs a Kardashian.

I know there are probably much more important things. However I'm in a rush. This is both easy and long overdue.

For some reason back in 2013 I ended up following Kim Kardashian on Twitter. This ended up being a major talking point at the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest. As a result I spent a week of sleepless nights trying to find a way to define the relationship.

The easiest way to do this is simply by explaining what it is. Occasionally I read her Tweets and occasionally she reads mine.

However if I were to try and compare it a more of a real-life scenario I would imagine that if we worked in the same office building we would definitely meet up for lunch and breaks a couple of times a week to gossip. However if we accidentally met outside of work with a real-life friends and family it would be really weird.

One of the things we would definitely gossip about is the fashions at awards ceremonies such as the (quite) recent Oscars. At this point it's probably best you make use of Google image search.

As I said at the time much of the women's fashion was inspired by an iconic shot from the 1974 movie "The Night Porter" which went on to be used in the main poster promoting the movie. It features the actress Charlotte Rampling wearing nothing but a Nazi officers cap, S&M style rubber gloves and a pair of men's trousers. The braces of suspenders of the trousers are used to cover up her otherwise exposed breasts.

The most obvious reference to this was the dress worn by Olivia Wilde. This featured effectively a white skirt with just two broad strips of fabric covering her breasts rather in the style of braces. This issue may well have been on Ms Wilde's mind because she recently gave birth to her first child. Possibly to celebrate I gather she appears fully nude in the US TV Show "Vinyl" which debuted shortly after the Oscars.

I think the most effective reference though was made by Miranda Kerr. Her dress featured the plunging neckline and exposed cleavage that was the big theme of the year. However it also featured cut out sections around the waist that exposed her hips or perhaps more accurately the ridge of her pelvic bone. This seemed to reflect a very in depth understanding of the topic.

The problem The Night Porter has with censors isn't so much that it is pornographic. Instead that it is very psychologically intense constantly demanding that your ask yourself difficult questions about the nature of abusive, sexual relationships. Particularly about what I think these days would be termed; "Grooming." However it does feature both nudity and sex scenes making it an interesting talking point about the portrayal of these things in movies.

For example in one particular scene new prisoners are stripped naked as the arrive and are registered at the concentration camp. During this scene there is full frontal nudity of shapes, sizes and ages. However it is filmed as if it were being shot by one of the guards as a documentary about life in the camp. As such none of this nudity is any way sexual.

That is until the guard focuses in on this one particular young girl - Charlotte Rampling's character - and the tone changes from a disengaged documentary style into a more sexually charged, almost prurient style. Obviously the way you can change the tone of a scene with the composition of the shot is something that filmmakers are very interested in.

The iconic poster shot comes from a scene later in the movie where Rampling's character has effectively become the guards child-bride and is being forces to perform a dance in that outfit to entertain his friends.

During this scene there is a sequence where she places her gloved hand inside the waistband pulling it down slightly. All this is exposes is the ridge of her pelvic bone. However the suggestion of what lies beneath this creates makes that probably the sexiest moment of the movie. Even more so than other scenes where everything is on display.

As apparently I've not annoyed Daniel Craig enough another example of this comes in the 2001 movie "Enemy at the Gates" featuring effectively his wife Rachel Weisz.

The movie features a short, furtive sex scene between Weisz's character and Jude Law's character in a dormitory where they're surrounded by lots of sleeping soldiers. In terms of nudity I think all you see is a brief flash of her hip. However that scene still has me shifting uncomfortably in my seat in a way that hardcore pornography often doesn't.

Last Thursday (31/3/16) Rihanna released the video for her new single "Kiss it Better." Although I've still not seen it properly this seems slightly inspired by The Night Porter with Rihanna wearing a man's pinstripe suit with braces. This is the second single that Rihanna has released from her new album. It is also the second video in a row where she exposes her breasts.

At this point it would be rather easy for me to say something snobby now wouldn't it.

16:55 on 5/4/16 (UK date).