OK, Now I'm Confused.

Not because I'm making two posts in one day in a desperate attempt to catch up after a weekend wasted. No, I'm confused by the Madonna, Malawi adoption story.

For those of you who haven't been following the story Madonna has been out in Malawi trying to adopt a little girl called Mercy Jones. As this will be the second child Madonna has adopted from the country there is no great surprise in this. Madonna thinks the best way to help orphaned children in Africa is to adopt as many of them as she possibly can and build schools for the ones she can't. She's clearly decided to make the adoption in this week of all weeks in an attempt to put the issues of global poverty, Africa's AID's crisis and international development firmly on the G20 agenda. This one woman attempt to make the world a better place did not go down well with Britain. Almost immediately MI6 front organisation, Save The Children lept on the story and issued a statement declaring that they think poor little orphan girls are best cared for in state run institutions supported by their extended families.

This rather crass statement was an attempt to make the story all about me and put forward the Brits argument that even though it has been proved to be non-viable they believe it would in Amy's best interests to remain trapped within the Bristol Abuse Case (BAC). That is just another example of the Brits lying through their teeth because the BAC was never intended to be in Amy's best interests. It was only ever designed to act as a honey trap and a pretty poor honey trap at that. Now it has been revealed as an abject failure the Brits are looking for any excuse to avoid bringing it to an end for two main reasons;

1. If they admit they've failed then they must also admit that they are fallible. If they were to do that then loyalist who put so much faith in the power of the British state are likely to be much less loyal in the future.
2. They want to avoid paying Amy the substantial compensation they owe her for stealing her life away.

Instead the Brits have already accepted the BAC as an insurance write off and are hoping I will soon be out of the limelight. When that happens they can withdraw all funding from the project and allow it to collapse quietly in the background so the other loyalists don't have to see the slow and painful death that awaits them.

To be honest the only bit of the story I'm still a little confused about is why the Brits still think they have a choice?

G20 Draft Communique

Every time the G20 meet it ends in an agonising photo opportunity and the release of a communique in which the leaders announce, in the vaguest possible terms, what they have agreed. The London summit is no exception and yesterday (29/3/09) a draft document was leaked hinting what will be in the final communique. The full 24 points of this draft document can be read here; http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/f6f30eaa-1c88-11de-977c-00144feabdc0.html

Alongside the now traditonal commitments to free trade principles, greenwashing and commitments to millenium development goals in this draft document there are several paragraphs which, if the G20 leaders are doing their jobs properly, will cause serious friction and will have to be excluded from the final communique. These are;

Paragraph 3: "We are taking unprecedented and concerted fiscal actions to support growth and jobs. Acting together we strengthen the impact of this fiscal expansion, which amounts to a stimulus of more than [$x trillion] this year and next and is expected to increase output by more than [2] percentage points and employment by over [20] million jobs1. We are committed to deliver the scale of sustained effort necessary to restore growth while ensuring long-run fiscal sustainability."

and Paragraph 10: "These actions together constitute the largest fiscal and monetary stimulus, the most comprehensive support programme for the financial sector, and the greatest mobilisation of resources to support global financial flows in modern times. Our objective is that they will enable the global economy to expand by [x] by the end of 2010. We have taken and will continue to take the measures necessary to deliver this outcome. We call on the IMF to assess regularly the actions taken and the actions required."

Together these can be summarised as Gordon Brown's vanity paragraphs and call on the G20 nations to increase fiscal and monetary stimuli in order to get the world economy back into growth by 2010. The problem with this is the world economy is in recession and in recession for good reason. Between 2004 and 2008 the world economy was growing too fast fueled by unsustainable credit. In short people were thinking they were getting rich by manufacturing and selling products for which there is no market. The rules of capitalism are quite clear that because these enterprises had no market and no basis in reality then they must come to an end in order to make way for new, more sustainable enterprises. The recession is nothing more then the process by which this happens. The problem of stimulus packages are further compounded by the fact the main proponents of them simply don't have the money to pay for them.

The far more dangerous paragraph in the draft document is 6: "Emerging and developing countries, which have been the engine of recent world growth, are now facing shocks which threaten stability and jeopardise the global economy. It is imperative that capital continues to flow to them. We have therefore agreed to make [$x] of resources available through the international financial institutions. This will finance counter-cyclical spending, bank recapitalisation, infrastructure, trade finance, debt rollover, and social support. To this end:"

6.1;"we have agreed to increase the resources available to the IMF to $[x] through bilateral borrowing from members of $[x] subsequently replaced by an expanded New Arrangements to Borrow of $[x] and borrowing in the market of up to $[x] if necessary"

Which once you get through the jargon and rudimentary algebra actually sounds quite warm and cuddly. The richest 20 nations will increase the amount of money they will lend to the IMF to allow the IMF to nurture and protect the poorer nations. The problem arises with what that amount will be and where it will be raised from. The rumoured figure is said to be US$500bn with the US contributing $200bn, the EU contributing $100bn and China contributing $200bn. In return China will want greater political influence within the IMF and greater say over how the IMF operates.

The problem with giving China this extra influence is that the IMF is a free market capitalist organisation and China is a controlled market, communist country. In the Chinese economy savers don't really have the option of depositing their money in private banks. Instead they've got to put their hard-earned yuan in a central peoples bank. This bank then uses those yuan to buy US dollars on the international currency markets helping the dollar hold its value. The Chinese then place the dollars they've brought into a delightfully named Sovereign Wealth Fund which goes out and buys things like US Treasury bonds and US corporate debt. This interlinking of the worlds two largest economies creates a fine balance of power with China holding a slight advantage because it has the power to distort the value the yuan. To allow the Chinese greater influence over the IMF without first forcing them to revalue their currency would fatally tip this balance of power in China's favour destroying the mechanism that has driven China's economic and social reform in recent years.

The G20 communique has tried to address this concern with the inclusions of paragraph 11.4:
"we commit to conduct our economic policies responsibly with regard to the impact on other countries and to refrain from competitive devaluation of our currencies."
However I feel that even by G20 standards this is neither strongly worded or specific enough to resolve the problem. Therefore I think it would be better for the IMF to go underfunded and have paragraph 6.1 excluded from the final communique.

So I'm a Rapist Again, Yay (!)

It must be time for another National Bullshit Month update.

Night bus Rapist Convicted. Thursday, a chef was convicted of a series of sex attacks across South London. The offences were committed over a period of six years and he was only allowed to carry out his one man crime wave because of police failings. To illustrate the problems the British police have prosecuting sex crime the BBC news used a case study featuring a young woman called Rebbecca. The idea of this story is, as always to cause confusion, smear my image and give the incorrect impression that I'm about to be convicted of some crime. The fact I'm always being referred to as either a rapist, paedophile or sex offender is interesting because it reveals two things;

1. The UK security services are feeling more then a little bit violated at the moment.
2. If I'm not a rapist then it means the several women who self-identify as homosexual must have consented to have sex with me rather then a woman. This throws the entire credibility of homosexuality into serious doubt and the Brits would like to have their research on the subject peer reviewed.

Burmese Pirate Murders. Wednesday a woman called Linda Robertson from East Sussex told the world how her husband was brutally murdered by Burmese pirates of the coast of Thailand. The idea of this story is to create confusion and to promote discussion of whether any action has been taken against my neighbour Linda in order to get the other G20 nation's to share what they know about the matter. It is also an attempt to draw attention to the fact that MI6 has extensive networks operating within Burma in order to overthrow the Burmese Junta. The Burmese Junta is still very much in power so to draw attention to MI6 networks indicates that the Brits are so desperate they're prepared to burn those networks and throw those operatives to the wolves.

Jimmy Mizen Murder Trial. Friday, a verdict was reached in the ongoing trial or the killer of Jimmy Mizen. This was a tragic incident in last May when a 16 year old boy was murdered trying to protect his younger brother while buying a sausage roll just after buying his first lottery ticket. At the time the Brits leapt on the story as a way to announce to the world that I was dead. Nearly a year later with me still very much alive they timed the trial to cause confusion ahead of the G20 Summit. Now the killer's been convicted of murder I've now been re-cast in his role. If that's confused you don't worry, the Brits have baffled themselves on that one.

Royal Marriage Bill. Friday, the UK Parliament debated a bill that would overturn a 308 year law preventing members of the UK Royal family from marrying Catholics. The bill would also grant royal women the right to ascend to the throne ahead of younger male siblings. This stunt was so obvious only about 4 MP's bothered to turn up to the debate and it demonstrates one thing. Nothing causes more confusion then subjective and inflammatory issues like religion and sexual equality.

Report on Science Teaching in UK Schools. Friday, a report was released showing that standards of science teaching in the UK is just not good enough. This is an attempt by MI6 to find out why the Laurence Fishburne character in CSI bears more then a passing resemblance to my old high school science teacher, Marcus. Before he became a teacher Marcus worked as Keith Vaz MP's Private Parliamentary Secretary. He also taught me a hell of a lot about explosives spinning the whole story of into a complex argument over state sponsored terrorism.

New Research into HIV. Thursday, an American Bio-technology company released a computer simulation to show how they had used cutting edge imaging technology to show how the AIDS virus destroys a healthy blood cell before transferring over to destroy another healthy cell. I won't go into much detail because this is the big bad CIA putting themselves on the line to explain, in a polite way as possible, that British science is years behind everybody else and it is time for the Brits to put down childish things.

Did Britain Just Undergo a Coup?

As I think I've mentioned before the United Kingdom is currently swimming in bullshit as part of the preparations for the G20 Summit. This means that I haven't been paying much attention to the news because I know it's mostly nonsense so to talk about it would only serve to indulge it. However something very interesting happend yesterday (24/3/09) when the quarterly inflation figures were released. The UK government has been justifying it's policy of quantitative easing on a prediction that the Retail Price Index (RPI) would show negative inflation and the more accurate Consumer Price Index (CPI) would show a fall from 3.0% to 2.8%. The released figures showed the RPI recording neutral inflation of 0.00% and the CPI recorded an increase to 3.2%.

Shortly after these figures were announced the Queen summoned Mervyn King, the head of the Bank of England to a meeting. After that meeting Mr King issued a statement to the effect that regardless of what Prime Minister Gordon Brown says Britain will not be participating in any future fiscal stimulus. This gives the distinct impression that Brown has just been relieved of control of British economic policy. Technically this is not a coup because the British Prime Minister only sits at the pleasure of the Crown but it is enough to send a shiver up the constitutional spine.

Of course a large part of Britain's G20 preparations has been to create the illusion of a rift between the Crown and the Prime Minister so this may be part of that game. However in my opinion if this is a game then it is a very convincing game.

The G20 Summit London.

On April 2nd 2009 the leaders of the Group of 20 nations will hold an emergency meeting in London. Between them these leaders represent around one third of the worlds population so the agenda is expected to be diverse and wide ranging. However the main topic for discussion is to be the global recession, how to tackle it and what, if any, changes need to be made to global financial regulations to prevent it happening again. At present the main regulatory body for global financial markets is the International Monetary Fund (IMF). While there are a million and one reasons you can object to the IMF on purely financial matters they are the gold standard issuing yearly reports on the health of it's members economy's and the world economy as a whole.

• In 2004 the IMF warned that the world economy, especially the US and UK economies, were experiencing a credit bubble and when that bubble bursts it would cause a widespread recession.


• In 2005 the IMF warned that the world economy, especially the US and UK economies, were experiencing a credit bubble and when that bubble bursts it would cause a widespread recession.


• In 2006 the IMF warned that the world economy, especially the US and UK economies, were experiencing a credit bubble and when that bubble bursts it would cause a widespread recession.


• In 2007 the IMF warned that the world economy, especially the US and UK economies, were experiencing a credit bubble and when that bubble bursts it would cause a widespread recession.

With warnings that clear and that specific it seems the only reason the regulatory system ran into problems was either that they were using words that were too long and too complicated for a certain world leader to understand or other world leaders were deliberately ignoring the warnings in order to further their own political agendas. In the case of the UK the answer to that question is obvious because some of you may remember that when the credit bubble burst something strange happened to Gordon Brown the Prime Minister. He actually started smiling. The reason for this peculiar reaction to an apparent global financial meltdown was simple. Brown and his government had taken the IMF's warnings on board, run extensive computer models to predict the shape of the expected recession and simply sat back waiting for it to happen. They did this because the UK Treasury had predicted an appropriately named "W" shaped recession which looks something like this;

As you can see this recession model features a sharp decline followed by a small recovery before another small decline before a large recovery. Brown was more then happy for this type of recession to happen because he would be able to use the panic at the first decline to drive through some of his command economic policies such as nationalising most of Britain's banks and bringing global financial markets under tighter government control. Domestically he would also be able to exploit the social unrest caused by the recession to drive through a raft of totalitarian polices such as a national database to combat increased levels of domestic violence, tighter immigration controls in response to increased racism, more regulation of trade unions and new police powers to combat increased level of crime etc. Then when he'd completed his power grab the economy would experience a mini-recovery just as Britain was holding a General Election leading to Gordon Brown being swept back into power by voters grateful that his economic and social policies had saved the world from disaster.

Unfortunately for Mr Brown things didn't work out quite like that and the world ended up with a "U" shaped recession which looks something like this;

As you can see this is pretty much the same as the W-shaped recession with a sharp decline in 2008/09 followed by an equally sharp recovery in 2011/12. In fact the only real difference between the two recession models is that rather going to the polls on the crest of a mini-recovery in this model Gordon Brown would be facing a General Election just as the world economy was hitting it's dead point. Faced with the possibility of losing that election Brown tried to fake the 2010 mini-recovery by cutting taxes and borrowing money to boost public spending under the guise of a fiscal stimulus package. This move instantly put the UK economy out of step with the world economy and left it with a unique recession graph which will look something like this;

Compared to the U-shaped graph this is very bad indeed. It features the same steep decline before a smaller recovery in mid-late 2010 followed by a possible small dip in 2011. The really worrying bit comes in 2012 because when the world economy a sharp recovery Britain will only be experiencing a gradual recovery with low rates of growth. It is at this time of fragile growth that Britain's debt repayments will kick in forcing the government to increase spending at a time of decreased income.

Having made this incredible gamble the only way Britain could stop Brown's stimulus package from ruining the UK economy was to get all the other G20 nations to sign up to a similar program of fiscal stimulus in something of an economic suicide pact. It was easy to get the Chinese to sign up because with their massive currency reserves they would be the country lending most of the money and gaining the most geo-political power when the time comes for those debts to be repaid. Other, less Communist, countries needed much more persuading so this is what Brown set about doing in a number of ways;

1. Making this recession sound far worse then it really is by comparing it to the Great Depression and Japan's Lost decade.


2. Visiting lots of world leaders and droning on at them in meaningless technical jargon until they'd agree to any idea of his just to shut him up.


3. Calling an emergency G20 Summit in London before bombarding visiting delegates with conflict information until they'd become so paranoid they'd think the sky was falling and the world was about to end.

Although the Summit is still a week away it is fair to say that Britain's strategy has not been that successful with only President Obama of the United States believing there is a need to further fiscal stimulus but I think this is more to do with the panic of a new president then any form long term political or economic strategy.

In summary I can see no need for the G20 to either tighten regulation of the global financial markets or commit to another round of stimulus spending. This is not the start of a Great Depression nor is it the end of the world. It is a nasty recession that will end naturally in 2012. If you're pissed off about that imagine how I feel. Back in 2006, before the Brits bravely bailed me out with the Bristol Abuse Case, I'd just placed a close associate in a £200 per week apprenticeship with a successful property firm. That business was already deleveraging and building up a rental portfolio to manage cash flow in lean times. While my associate was off learning the business I would have been learning accountancy skills with the whole scheme coming on line just as the UK property market was hitting it's dead point.

All in all I think the Brits should count themselves jolly lucky they're only being asked to shed a bit of dead weight rather then provide a full, like for like replacement.

*Graphs only designed to illustrate trend rather the show detail.

Jade Goody Died on Sunday.

In the early hours of Sunday morning reality TV star, Jade Goody, finally succumbed to cervical cancer and died peacefully in her sleep. She was 27 years old and leaves behind two sons aged 4 and 5.

Although this had been long expected it wasn't in the script so the news threw a lot of people off balance. Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister, praised Jade for raising awareness of cervical cancer and said he was deeply saddened by the news of her death. For once he wasn't lying because he had been hoping the Baby OT story would run throughout the weekend. The Conservative Business Secretary, Ken Clarke, took the opportunity to jump on the bandwagon and start a debate over the Conservatives election pledge to scrap inheritance tax for estates under £1million. This is a timely debate to have because Jade had made it clear she was continuing to work right up to her death to maximise the inheritance she would leave to her two sons. Sadly for the Conservatives Ms Goody's estate is currently estimated at around £4million. Inheritance tax is also a pertinent topic for discussion because it opens a wider discussion of whether any British political party will be able to enact any of it's taxation or public spending policies in light of the recession. The topic also raises the question of whether many Conservatives who were getting above themselves when the policy was announced still think they going to be eligible for inheritance tax now house and share prices have dropped. With a performance that savage it's no surprise that Ken Clarke is nicknamed the Big Beast.

Behind a largely held respectful silence and party political sniping National Bullshit Month continued bringing us;

• McNulty's Second Home Scandal. It was revealed by the Mail on Sunday Newspaper that government minister Tony McNulty has been claiming a second home allowance for his parents home which is reported as being just 8 miles away from the Houses of Parliament (really it's 11miles). Mainly this is just a right wing newspaper attacking a left wing minister over expenses as it has done like it has done to several other government ministers recently. The inclusion of phrases like McNulty, 8 miles, second home allowance and parents home also generate confusion around me and build the paranoia that something bad is imminently going to happen to me. A Conservative MP has today lodged a formal complaint on the matter so the story is expected to run and run.

• The Threat of Islamic Terrorism. Two stories. First the government announced that it is going to train 60,000 civilians to combat the severe threat of Islamic terrorism. Second the manager of a Post Office who refused to serve, mainly Muslim, customers who couldn't speak English is claiming to have been forced out of his job because of a campaign by Muslim extremists that lasted a full six days. The message of these stories is quite simple, they're designed to give the impression that a terrorist attack could happen at any point during the G20 Summit so foreign delegates attending the summit should be terrified to the point of paranoia. The stories also have an impact on the upcoming NATO Summit in France because the British Army has had it's back broken in Afghanistan so Britain wants to use the NATO summit to find away for it to surrender without it looking like a surrender.

• Airgun Killing in Manchester. Over the weekend a teenage boy was shot and killed in an apparent accident at an airgun shooting range just outside Manchester. Far from being an accident this incident was MI6 appealing for witnesses to come forward and explain to them an incident that occurred in France on Friday where a number of people were injured after a man opened fire with an air gun at a nursery school.

• A Fire in Gosport in Hampshire. On Sunday evening there was a large fire on an industrial estate in Hampshire. This news broke just as I was sitting down to my routine Sunday night pub dinner in front of a big screen TV which was fixed on a rolling news channel. The incident was part of MI5's community based intimidation tactics directed at me. The idea was that while I'm away from my house I'd get really paranoid thinking that someone was setting fire to my house. After I returned home at the routine time Hampshire police issued a warning to residents local to the fire in an attempt to make the incident appear as if it was a stunt to reassure Croydon Community Based Agents who had been unnerved by a text message I'd sent to my mother earlier. If you've read that message then you already know what it's all about. If you haven't then I'll do a full posting on the matter just as soon as things have quietened down.

The Brits Nearly Pulled Something Special Out of the Bag There.

As part of national bullshit month Britain yesterday released three carefully crafted stories in carefully crafted chronological order;

1. The Morning Story. It was announced that Northern Rock continued to provide risky 120% mortgages after it had been bailed out by the British Government. Of course in this story Northern Rock could refer to me, it could refer to the Bristol Abuse Case or it could just refer to the Northern Rock bank.
2. The Lunchtime Story. It was announced that a management buy out of Leyland Daf Vans (LDV) was "no longer an option." British Leyland could have been a reference to that other failing British factory Mind in Croydon. It could've been a reference to the activities of the Unite union in the British auto industry or it could just have been a reference to the LDV factory which has been out of production since December 2008.
3. The Evening Story. A closed court session rejected an appeal by unnamed parents to overturn an unnamed local authorities decision to end their treatment of a sick and brain damaged child known only as Baby OT. Naming the child as OT could be a reference to British businesses cutting overtime (O/T) payments to workers in response to the economic downturn. Referring to the child as sick and brain damaged could be a reference to me. Referring to the local authority withdrawing treatment could indicate that my local authority is about to end it's violent treatment towards me. Referring to the child's life support system being turned off could indicate that my income flow is about to be turned off.

Taken individually these stories are puzzling enough but an experienced observer should have been able to cut through the initial confusion and link the stories together. If they were to do that then they would get the impression that in response to my post of Thursday Britain underwent a massive internal power struggle between the Crown and the Labour government to decide my fate. The Crown (the baddies) had won the argument and I am now to be destroyed. This is in itself nonsense because the whole performance goes back to last Friday where I was discharged from my psychiatrist. The idea was that I would be so incensed by this that it would cause me to have an aggressive outburst that would throw Comic Relief night into chaos and in turn make the G20 finance summit a tense and exhausting affair.

Elsewhere Prince Charles is off in South America trying to seduce Brazil, the BRIC group's wild card, into thinking that the G20 Summit is not just there to serve Britain's economic interest. The new Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police has done a series of news interviews giving his predictions for the G20 protests and National Bullshit month has spread outside the world of politics and infected the worlds of sport, cinema, art and music. I would go into more detail about those but it would probably only add to the confusion and besides I've just broken my glasses proving the old adage; If it can go wrong it will go wrong.

I've Got a Confession To Make.

After spending six months curled up in a corner eating crisps I've decided it's time to get back to somewhere vaguely close to fighting fit and go back to the gym. Even this small and gradual re-introduction to the world of exercise has caused all the muscles from the top of my neck down to the tips of my toes to walk out in solidarity chanting "Ha, you though you could forget about us, you bastard!" while jabbing me violently in the ribs. I guess that means it's time for an update on national bullshit month. So far this week has brought us;

• Multiple stories about my release. These include the story of a Muslim terrorism suspect who is fighting extradition to the USA. He successfully sued the police for assault and was awarded £60,000. There was also a story about a compulsive liar who was freed after spending 27 years in prison for a crime he did not commit. Both of these stories are designed to give the impression that Britain has either granted my release or is seriously considering it. I've been in contact with the relevant authorities and they are showing no sign of movement on the issue.

• Mother advertises for a sex partner for her disabled son. The mother of an adult son with Downs Syndrome is advertising for a woman to have sex with him to give him a physical experience. The son's had his hair and glasses done to look a bit like me and the message of the story is as obvious as it is childish.

• The Pope's Visited Africa. He did this to boost the profile of the Catholic church on the continent. While he was there someone asked him to repeat his churches view on condoms. The Popes response sparked a debate about the spread of AIDs in Africa and wider debate on religion because the dominant faith in Africa is European Protestantism rather the Catholicism. In response Britain decided to add further confusion to the debate by releasing a story about William Tudor, a butcher in South Wales accused of causing an E.Coli outbreak.

• Josef Fritzl Found Guilty in Austria. This is a long running story and the only thing of note is that Fritzl cut short proceedings by changing his plea mid-trial and was rewarded by being sentenced to life in a psychiatric hospital rather then a prison. Britain is desperately trying to cast me as Fritzl but the cipher for this story is well worked. Fritzl is Amy's birth father, the dark, dank dungeon is Bristol and the rape is Anna. Personally I think that's a little harsh on Amy's father because New Labour/MI5 were the controlling mind in the Bristol Abuse case (BAC) drip feeding him horror stories until he was so paranoid he would accept what ever conditions were imposed.

• Israel critically injure International Solidarity Movement (ISM) Activist. Not strictly speaking a new event but new details have emerged about the ISM activist shot on Friday 13/3/09. Tristan Anderson was a 38 year old, Los Angles based activist. As a veteran of multiple tours of Palestine with ISM he was well known to both the US and Israeli security services making it highly unlikely that he was shot by accident. Anderson was probably targeted to ensure close communication between the US State Department and the Israeli equivalent while Obama picks his officials, Israel picks it's government and the world prepares for the G20 summit.

• Natasha Richardson Killed in Canada. Normally I would just write this off as a terrible accident because killing a high profile white person is not something Britain would risk doing even through a Commonwealth proxy. However a quick look at Ms Richardson's biography reveals that she rejected British citizenship in favour of a US passport and starred in film called the Parent Trap alongside a Ms Lindsey Lohan. This coupled with the fact it is incredibly easy to give someone a brain hemorrhage leaves me in little doubt that this was an assassination carried out by Britain to terrify the Hollywood liberals, strain US/Canadian relations, heap pressure on President Obama and generally cause panic ahead of the G20 summit. On that final point some of you may be aware that from a certain angle Ms Richardson looks an awful lot like a girl I used to know called Alice. I lost contact with her when the Bristol Abuse Case kicked in but I've heard on the grapevine that she'd been recruited by the Brits, started calling herself Natasha and has been floundering badly in her new life. I offer my sympathy to Ms Richardson's family and as with the Zimbabwe car crash my best advice is for everyone to leave them alone and let them get on with it.

There's probably quite a few stories I've missed out but the G20 summit is still two weeks away and the Brits are fighting like their lives depend on it so the violence will probably only intensify before then.

Weekend Shootings in Israel.

Either today or tomorrow I was going to write a post detailing how the Israelis are waiting to see what shakes out of the G20 summit before deciding how to shape their new government to respond best to the demands of the global community. Over the weekend some idiot with a gun went out and killed two Israeli policemen making that post more complicated then it needs to be. So in protest I'm going to give up on sentences and just explain the weekends events in a series of bullets points;

• Friday 13/3/09. Israeli troops open fire on a protest in the West Bank town of Ni’lin shooting a US citizen in the face with a tear gas grenade. This may have been done in order to raise pressure on the US president ahead of the G20 summit. However Israeli security forces seem to enjoy shooting members of the International Solidarity Movement so it is entirely possible they just happened to shoot an American one this time.

• Sunday 15/3/09. Two Israeli policemen shot and killed in the West Bank. Responsibility for the attack has been claimed by the Imad Mughniyeh Group, a previously unheard of terrorist group who take their name from a Hezbullah commander who was killed in Syria by the Israelis.

• Monday 16/3/09. Deadline for negotiations between the Israelis and Hamas to bring about the release of Gilad Shilat a Israeli army sergeant taken prisoner by Hamas in 2006.

• Hamas' political rival Fatah do not want the Shilat deal to go through because it would represent a political victory for Hamas.

• Israeli Zionists do not want the Shilat deal to go through because his continued detention is one of their main justifications for war against Hamas.

• Shin Beit, Israel's domestic intelligence service, have a history of tolerating Fatah militants as a way to counter balance Hamas militants.

In summary I think that Fatah are behind the Imad Mughniyeh Group and acting alone used Friday's events along with the confusion over the upcoming G20 summit as a cover to carry out Sunday's attack. Rather then to kill Israelis or promote global debate the purpose of the attack was to try and derail the Shilat negotiations.

Of course that does still leave the key questions of why is it taking Israel so long to choose a new government? and why do the IDF seem to think it is OK to open fire on unarmed protestors?

Minimum Alcohol Pricing Plan.

Today the UK government have leaked a report they plan to publish tomorrow. In this report the Government's chief medical advisor, Sir Liam Donaldson, will call for a minimum price for alcohol sold in the UK. This story is nothing more then a part of the G20 nonsense because such a plan would represent a price control. Price controls are of course banned under the principles of free trade which yesterday's meeting of G20 finance ministers pledged to uphold.

I am quite amused that Brown's delegation have decided to frame a debate over price controls in terms of alcohol consumption. It either means they've just realised that their criminality will never pay or they've just realised that after 12 years of a New Labour government most people in Britain would rather drink themselves to death.

Cheltenham Gold Cup Result.

Kauto Star regained the cup finishing first, Denman was second and Exotic Dancer came third. The Queens horse Barbershop failed to place.

Now if anyone needs me I'm off to shoot the bookmaker because I backed the wrong horse. See I'm getting more British by the day.

The G20 Protest Schedule Is In.

Between April 1st and April 3rd London plays host to an emergency summit of G20 leaders. This is hardly a proper G8 summit so most people on the protest circuit were probably too busy pissing themselves laughing at the fact Gordon Brown managed to get 19 other countries to turn up to be bothered to, you know, plan anything. However it is globalised summit so the anti-globalisation mob have decided to deploy wing attack plan G;

Saturday March 28th; Put People First march assembling at 11AM on Victoria Embankment. This will be a sedate Stop the War style A-B march. The idea is to get all the Trade Unionists, Facebookers and Silver Surfers who are upset about the recession and take them on a really long, orderly walk until until they get all the anger and mistrust of the government out of their system.

Wednesday April 1st; The Snakes on a Train Spectacular. For this less well organised protest demonstrators are being asked to assemble at 11AM at separate railway stations where they will be assigned one of the four horsemen of the economic meltdown;

• Moorgate station for the Red Horse against war,
• Liverpool Street station for the Green Horse against climate chaos,
• London Bridge station for the Silver Horse against financial crimes,
• Cannon Street station for the Black Horse against homelessness.

People who are familiar with the more lively form of protest will be well aware that the colours of these horses designate the different tactics that these groups will deploy and the groups will move off at a pre-arrange signal. Then, in theory, the groups will snake through the streets of London before converging outside the Bank of England for a Reclaim the Streets style party. What will really happen though depends on how many people will turn up. If less then 1000 people demonstrators turn up at each of the four locations then the police will move quickly to form a bubble around the group before escorting them within a moving cordon to a local park or such where they will be dispersed. If more then 1000 people turn up at the starting points then the police will play a game known as Urban Pinball. In this game the police strategically cordon off certain streets and then use helicopters and vans with lights and sirens to create a culture of movement to bounce protesters off the cordons and into wherever the police want them to go.

Thursday April 2nd; The summit itself. On this day protesters are asked to form so called affinity groups and try to storm the Excel Conference Centre where the summit is being held. I don't expect that plan to be that successful because Docklands is hard enough ground when it's only the Defence Systems International Exhibition. With 20 national armies defending the venue even a Mumbai style commando raid on the place is as unlikely as it would be counterproductive.

Climate Camp; This year Climate Camp have decided that they are going to hold their event outside the European Climate Exchange in Bishopsgate from April 1st. The only thing I can think of saying about this is that if they thought camping in a field in Essex was stressful lord knows what they're going to make of pitching a tent inside of London's ring of steel while the leaders of 20 nations are in town. I can only apologise for them in advance, they're new and they just saw the bulls-eye painted on the side of the G20 summit and flew straight into it.

National Bullsh*t Month.

Between April 1st and April 3rd London will play host to 20 world leaders under the banner of the G20 Summit. As with all summits of this type the month before sees the security services of all the visiting nations make applications to the security services of the host county to see what type of security delegation they will have to bring with them and what members of those delegations the host country is going to allow through their border controls. In honour of this fact Britain's MI5 have declared the period between March 5th and April 5th to be National Bullshit Month. So far this means we in the UK have been treated too;

• A Gala dinner to honour the victims of the Mumbai terrorist attacks which made London hotels very aware of their security arrangements.

• A Plane Stupid protester throwing green custard in Peter Mandelson's face which was really funny.

• A Republican splinter group killing two British soldiers at an army barracks in Northern Ireland.

• A government summit to tackle the issue of domestic violence against women.

• A demonstration in London opposing Sharia Law and calling for secular law in the UK

• A government summit to make the British Judiciary more inclusive

• A fox hunter being killed by animal rights activists in a helicopter

• A small but aggressive demonstration by an Islamic/MI5 front group at a parade marking the return of soldiers of the Royal Anglican Regiment from Iraq.

• A call for NATO members to assist the UK with the security arrangements for the 2012 Olympics.

Today has seen a teenager in Germany go a gun rampage which has killed 16. Now there is absolutely no suggestion that the German authorities had anything whatsoever to do with this massacre and it may just be a tragic co-incidence. However it is important to understand that Britain is currently very worried that it may lose it's status as the EU's lead diplomatic representative.

This means that there is a strong possibility that Britain's MI6 may have had a hand in this tragedy and the German authorities should be cautious of that in their handling of this case.

This has to be a Joke Right?

As part of this years Comic Relief the British Government is driving a massive campaign on the issue of domestic violence against women and girls. You could argue that part of the reason for this is that along with mental health and other social care issues domestic violence is one of my areas of expertise. The main reason though is that it is a well established sociological fact that domestic violence increases dramatically in times of economic recession meaning that a lot of British women are going to get beaten up over the course of the next twelve months at least.

Of course if, like me, you believe that the UK government allowed this recession to happen by ignoring prior warnings then you also have to believe that it also planned to allow this increase in domestic violence. This makes the whole thing a form of paper tiger argument whereby the government create the problem of violence against women and then use that problem as an excuse to bring about changes to the law in order to "solve" the problem they, themselves have created.

Once you understand this the "solution" the government is proposing comes as no great surprise; They plan to set up a national computer database of all men who have been accused (no matter how falsely) of domestic violence against women. This database can then be accessed by a host of government organisations like local Councils and Primary Care Trusts to identify women who may possibly, at some point in the future be at risk of domestic violence.

In order to disguise the fact that the Labour party's main contribution to feminism is to increase violence against women the government has also spent lots of taxpayers cash setting up roadshows, regional working groups and an advertising campaign. Like most government ad campaigns these days these adverts seem to be more about provoking a reaction from me then actually achieving anything but the real comedy of the campaign is that they've chosen Danielle Lloyd to front it.

For those of you who don't remember Danielle Lloyd was part of the Shilpa Shetty / Celebrity Big Brother racist bullying scandal. While Jade Goody got most of the blame Ms Lloyd was the real driving force behind the bullying and the one who gave it the really nasty, racist edge. In short if there's an argument for hitting women Danielle Lloyd is most certainly it. That probably explains why the only TV work she gets these days is fronting Government Campaigns.

Update on the Tsvangirai Car Crash.

It now appears that at the time of Friday's crash Morgan Tsvangirai, his wife, a bodyguard and a specialist driver were travelling in a Toyota Land Cruiser as part of a three vehicle convoy. As this convoy was around 85km away from it's scheduled destination it was met on the road by a heavy truck travelling in the opposite direction. This truck then crossed onto the wrong side of the road before swerving back into the correct lane. At this point either the back of the truck or the trailer the truck was pulling (reports differ) struck the Tsvangirai's Land Cruiser forcing it off the road and causing it to roll over three times. Neither the lead vehicle or the follow vehicle in the Tsvangirai convoy made contact with the truck or were damaged in the incident. The truck itself was property of USAID, the US governmental aid agency, but at the time was being driven by a Zimbabwean man who was employed by a UK based international development agency.

If these reports are accurate then it is highly unlikely that this crash was an accident. Instead it appears to have been orchestrated by British MI6 operatives using what the US and UK police would call a TPAC manoeuvre designed to crash and stop suspect vehicles that the police are pursuing. However that is not the same thing as saying it was an assassination attempt because it is possible they were only trying to give the impression of an assassination attempt without actually killing anyone. As with other British Intelligence operations the motivation for staging this accident were multi layered probably including;

1. To give the impression that Mr Mugabe was attempting to kill Mr Tsvangirai in order that this would lead to a feud that would cause Zimbabwe's government of national unity to collapse.
2. In the event that (1) failed the idea was to make it look as though the United States had staged the assassination attempt. The idea of this is to get Zimbabweans and other Africans to stop listening to the US and start listening to the UK in order to increase the UK's regional influence.
3. Increase factional tensions within the MDC by making them paranoid. This would undermine their ability to function as part of the national unity government making it more likely that coalition government would collapse.

For their part the UK's Foreign and Commonwealth Office has denied any involvement, issued a statement declaring that they believe to the crash to be a "genuine accident" and are refusing to answer any more questions on the matter. Within the UK this incident is going to provide an interesting backdrop to March 13th Comic Relief telethon which was set up to raise funds from UK based international development agencies working in Africa. This years Comic Relief comes the night before the UK hosted meeting of G20 fiance ministers ahead of April's G20 Summit.

Zimbabwe Prime Minister Injured in Car Crash.

Today Zimbabwean Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai was hospitalised following a car crash in which his wife Susan was killed. So far this is the only information I have so it is entirely possible that this crash was just an unfortunate accident. However because this is Zimbabwe it won't be long until the rumours start saying that this accident was some form of assassination attempt.

If, and this is still a big if, that is the case it is important that you understand that the British Establishment despise Zimbabwe and Robert Mugabe. They hate them with the passion reserved for people who've told the Queen of England to go and fuck herself. This means that Britain will not accept any future for Zimbabwe that does not see Robert Mugabe ousted from power and Zimbabwe's farmland returned to the white farmer's who have been given asylum in the UK. To this end MI6 put a lot of pressure on Tsvangirai not to take up the position of Prime Minister in the government of national unity. Then when he finally took up office there was lots of talk that MI6 would get Tendi Biti to lead a split within the MDC which would but pressure on the African Union to refuse to recognise the power sharing government. By all accounts Mr Biti was far too clever to get involved in this and MI6's plan hit the rocks.

For this reason there is a strong probability that Britain's own MI6 staged this accident in order to start a rumour that Mr Mugabe was trying to kill Mr Tsvangirai. Accusation's like that would cause the newly formed unity government to collapse plunging Zimbabwe further back into chaos.

Whatever the cause of this unfortunate accident the best advice I can give is for everyone involved to calm down, dust themselves off and carry on the best they can as if the accident never happened

More Fun and Games For the Trade Unions.

Yesterday I explained how Britain's MI5 had been running a three year operation to infiltrate and disrupt the Trade Union Unite just as that union would be most needed by it's members in the face of the recession. Now that stick approach has failed MI5 have been forced to change tack.

Today the news broke that on Feb 23rd the governmental Information Commissioners Office had raided the offices of a company called Consulting Associates. Run by a former member of Special Branch this company was employed by building contractors to carry out background checks on tradesmen who were applying for jobs on construction projects. The raid on the property allegedly revealed a mythical blacklist containing the names, National Insurance (social security) numbers and trade union affiliations of around 3000 construction workers. The blacklist is the stuff of trade union legend because they were used extensively through out the 1960's, 70's and 80's as a way for management to intimidate workers. The threat was quite simple, do everything management tells you or you'll be blacklisted and never work again.

Blacklists were made illegal by the New Labour government last year so by carrying out this raid now the message that MI5 is trying to send the unions is that the bad old days are gone. The British Government are now the unions bestest, bestest friends so the unions wouldn't want to do anything to hurt their new best friends.

Sadly all I'm seeing is MI5 attempting to cause confusion within the trade union movement by bombarding them with conflicting messages. The idea is that trade unionist will be so busy trying to work out if the British Government loves them or hates them that they won't have time to do their job.

That's a shame because right now MI5 is on it's knees and there for the taking. Hell, they've already surrendered in all but name.

Wow! Someone's Really Got it in For Derek Simpson

Derek Simspon, 64, is the head of a British Trade Union called Unite. Compared to other unions like Unison who refuse to defend members who are being forced to work on Bank Holiday's it is fair to say that Unite are pretty much the only trade union left in the United Kingdom. They were behind 2008's oil refinery walkouts and gave all the support they were legally able to give to the wildcat strikers who walked out in support for British Jobs for British workers. As the lead negotiators for workers in the British auto industry they have been instrumental in pressurising the government to protect that industry in the face of the global recession. They were also one of the driving forces that brought tens of thousands of Irish workers out on the streets of Dublin to protest against rising unemployment in that country. Unite's attempts to give their members a voice in the reshaping of the global economy has clearly not gone unnoticed by the powers that be so the union and it's leadership has been singled out for special attention which has so far taken three forms.

The Overt Smear; On Sunday a number of, mainly right wing, newspapers ran a story about Derek Simpson paying £399 for a £500 per night suite at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in London. There is nothing subtle or discreet about this story and it's message is quite simple. "Trade Union leaders are all self-serving bullies with their snouts in the trough out to exploit those members they're supposed to protect. The British Government has your best interests at heart so you'd be much better giving up on collective bargaining because you're in a much stronger negotiating position out there all on your own(!)"

The Covert Smear; On Monday the Crown court system decided to draw attention to one of the hundred or so speeding offences they prosecute every single day. This particular case was deemed news-worthy because it told the story of a motorcyclist who was caught doing 122mph with his 14 year old son riding pillion. The biker was jailed for six months and banned from driving for 18 months because his careless behaviour had endangered his son. Although I don't know if Derek Simspon rides a motorbike and I'm certainly not 14 years old the coded message in this story is quite simple; By tricking me into supporting the Unite union Derek Simpson has made it impossible for the state to deliver the "rescue package" that was most certainly, definitely coming my way either today or tomorrow so if you support me then you have to hate the Simpson and the Unite union because they're all evil.

This is of course nonsense because the state have had it explained to them on multiple occasions that the ball in firmly in their court and the dynamic will not change until such a time as they act to change it.

The Internal Power Struggle; The short version of Unite's history is that it was formed when two smaller unions, Amicus and the Transport & General Workers (T&GW), combined. They agreed that the new union would be run by Amicus' Derek Simspon until his 66th birthday in 2010 at which point the T&GW's Tony Woodley would take over. By an amazing co-incidence just as the global economic downturn hit some Socialist Worker Party (SWP) connected members from the Amicus' half of Unite decided that they were going to challenge Simpson's leadership a full two years early throwing Unite into the chaos of internal squabbling. Now I'm not saying this to cause further division within Unite but that sounds like a classic example of an MI5 run operation to infiltrate and disrupt a British trade union. A mole is placed within the organisation and then over time rises through the hierarchy with the assistance of a network of sleeper agents and co-opted allies. Then when they've reached an influential enough position they mount a hopeless leadership challenge to either negotiate changes to the way the union operates or simply make sure the union leadership is so busy fighting amongst itself that it's too distracted to do the job they're there to do - Protect the interests of their members.

Of course if you believe that MI5 have a live operation within Unite then it means the British Government had at least three years knowledge that this recession was coming and rather then planning to avoid it they planned how best to exploit the damage it causes for political gain.

Sorry I Neglected to Watch any News Yesterday

But if the Brits feel they have anything to contribute to the discussion they're free to repeat themselves. The old internet homepage meant I didn't pick up on a couple of stories though;

• Harriet Harman plans to change the law to reflect mob rule and get even with those cartoon supervillan bankers who ruined the economy.
• The Department of Health plans to change the rules governing stem cell research to make it easier to get rid of certain genetic impurities.
• Gordon Brown was off trying to unify Europe beneath a single banner.

So nothing to worry about there then.

Tomorrow Gordon Browns off to to visit US President Barack Obama so let's give him some walking music.