Anyway a bit of an update, yesterday there was a lovely story doing the rounds stating that apparently Britain's jails are so soft that prisoners don't want to escape. This is evidenced by the story from the Prisoner Officers Association that in a category C prison somewhere in the north of England a drug dealer broke into the prison by putting a ladder up against the perimeter wall and simply climbing over. Apparently he left the ladder there giving a number of the prisoners the chance to escape thus proving that no prisoner anywhere in Britain's prison system would ever want to escape.
Initially this story made me think of two things firstly that it's very worrying that after years of underfunding and piss poor government the level of malaise amongst prisoner officers is so great that rather then attempting to punish or attempting to rehabilitate prisoners the warders would much prefer it if they just lay down quietly in thier cells smacked off their tits.
Secondly, call me an optimist but doesn't the fact that convicts would rather see out their sentences rather then breaking another law by escaping suggest that possibly the prison systems not that bad.
Apparently though neither of these points are relevant because the whole story was just a metaphor for little old me. This of course can't possibly be true because I was brought up to believe that in order to be sent to prison in the UK you first you had to commit a crime. Then you had to be arrested for that crime before being charged and convicted in a court in front of a jury with adequate legal representation.
Personally I don't remember doing any of that and you would think it would be the sort of thing I remember so I couldn't possibly be in prison. Of course I have been involved in some rather interesting things such as the 2005 Lebanon war where I blogged and reported on events as they happened and then acted to stop people running riot in the street instead encouraging them to take their complaints to the ballot box and influence their government through democratic means.
You could of course consider encouraging people to vote against the government to be a criminal offence but then that means it's a funny fucking democracy we're living in.
Also yesterday I received a letter from the DWP, the government department that likes to say "fuck off and die!"and it appears once again they have sent me the wrong letter. Rather then sending me the letter that said;
"We're very sorry that we didn't use a mail carrier that ensured your renewal form arrived in time this is completely our fault. We will of course be restarting your claim immediately backdated to the point where we stopped payment. Also as way of an apology we would like to offer you a speed boat and three week holiday in the Bahamas. Once again we apologise for the mistake and promise to never darken your door with our particular brand of incompetence ever again."
They, completely by mistake I can only assume they've sent me the standard letter saying;
"We have received your new claim blah, blah, we are currently processing it blah blah during this eight week period we might contact certain people like your doctor to establish your entitlement blah blah"
Obviously this is all some sort of clerical fuck up because as part of my existing claim I am covered by the mother of all sick notes which declares me permanently unfit for work so if they want to stop payments the onus is actually on them to prove I am fit to work rather then for me to prove I am unfit. I suspect the issue will not be resolved anytime soon because I think we've already established that little things like the law go straight out of the window when a civil servant has got an axe to grind.
Also yesterday I went to see the community mental health team and since my last visit they introduced a contract of behaviour with their patients as part of this fabulous restructuring plan. This contract is a piece of paper which all patients must sign if they want treatment. The main points of this contract include;
- Promising to take prescribed medication.
- Promising not to take illegal drugs
- Not to disagree with staff
- Not to smoke
- To refrain form drinking coffee
- To be in bed by 10pm.
I for have to see that I am very reassured to know that Britain's mental health service is now so badly in the shit they've actually given up on any hope of actually making patients better and have just settled for keeping them quiet and under control. The consoltation itself was next to useless because it's already been established that they need be far more then I need them so there's not actually anything they can do for me and we've already established I'm not that stupid. On the plus side they did give me a booklet on anger management which I haven't read but I do feel it should have been entitled;
Sorry the countries so shit. Please don't angry or we might have to change it!
Today has been pretty empty aside from a small discussion with my father because it would appear he's been taking gardening tips from the 2nd Panzer division again and cut the grass twice in ten days leading to questions such as "so what colour is grass meant to be then?" while staring out over a lawn of savaged and churned up roots.
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