Ah go on admit it, you missed me.

I've not been posting for a while because my darling brother is back so it's all been a bit oops too many people in the house all of a sudden and an even longer queue to the computer.

All this disruption hasn't been helped by the fact he's been back for his birthday meaning that there was the usual triple header of "celebration" lunches and dinners and I have to report that my dad once again did not fail in his social hand grenade duty. This years contribution was marching into a restaurant and sitting himself down without booking or indeed a bye nor leave to the waiting staff which for some reason didn't go down well.

Throughout all this chaos though I was rewarded with a fully fledged rock&roll moment when while I was in the bathroom shaving my brother burst in and announced;

"David Lynch is on the phone for you!"

So obviously I responded;

"David Lynch? Tell him I'm busy, I'll call him back later."

Obviously when I called him back it wasn't that David Lynch. It was David Lynch of the local community mental health team phoning me up because he received a referral from my GP asking for me to be seen by a psychiatrist. Although for reasons best known to himself Mr Lynch decided he was going to step outside the usual chain of command and rather give me an appointment with a psychiatrist he was going to do everything in his power to stop me seeing a psychiatrist.

This rather heroic move may have been something to do with the fact that his team has just been merged with others in to one single location as I suggested when I freely gave the government advice on how to improve mental health provision in the UK and this had pissed him off. Obviously this was before the government decided that no information on the subject was clearly better then little bit of information and decided to start a war on the issue.

Looking beyond that though I could clearly see why Mr Lynch would be pissed off because the plan doesn't appear to be working and I don't know what to say to him except of course it's going to be shit that's what happens when civil servants take my ideas and try to"improve" on them and I very sorry but I would have liked to given you more it's just that when I wrote that single side of A5 there was a little bit of an issue going on in the middle east and besides when dealing with the British Government I've always found it's a idea to keep an insurance policy in reserve just in case the highly unlikely event occurs that the British Government is just not as good at things as it may think.

Personally though I seem to think that Mr Lynch's resistance was down to three simple problems in his understanding namely;

1. There is something that has happened to him in his previous life experience that makes him think that somehow his training qualifies him to have an opinion on issues such as this.

2. I am magically going to give up by telling him all my secrets and in doing so condemn my friends to an unpleasant death

3. Croydon's mental health team has anything it can offer me to help improve my life.

Of course in response to the third allegation Mr Lynch will point to all the improvement Croydon mental health has brought about in my sister. This is of course bollocks because in the decade or so that my sister was under the care of Croydon CMHT she was very sick. Obviously there was a marked improvement when she came under the care of Guilford CMHT but I could always argue that was due to me doing research in some very unpleasant places before coming up with a solution leaving large clues to that solution, stepping in wherever I could to help and then dragging the professionals over hot coals whenever they stepped away from the correct path.

Anyway rant and ramble over for today and look at that I've managed to write almost two pages without using the Z word once, ain't that clever.