On the Second Day of Christmas...

...I came home and had a bath.

You may remember that last year I very nobly decided to spend Christmas at home with just my father for company. This was obviously because I was concerned about him getting lonely at this festive time and nothing to do with the fact I was far too tired to bother with anything. This year I made the first trip to spend Christmas with my mothers down in Salisbury. Again this was purely because I thought it was important to be around loved ones at this time of year and not at all because their house is far nicer then mine.

The big attraction this year was that my brother's girlfriend joined us and growing up in a Muslim household she'd never celebrated Christmas. Obviously Christmas in my lesbian mother's house which is right by Stonehenge isn't a particularly religious event. It was though quite fun watching a fully grow adult experience Christmas for the first time. Sadly though my suggestion of giving the couple the full childhood Christmas experience by sending them to bed by nine in the evening after having hung up their Christmas stockings and left mince pies, sherry and carrots out for Santa and his reindeer was over-ruled.

Also my mother's have a Cocker Spaniel. As the writers of Downton Abbey know Cocker's are gun dogs meaning they're bred to chase game out of the bushes and then wait while the Pheasants are shot before bringing the game back to their owners. This means that they're very, very busy dogs who always have to be running around doing something and if they're not doing that they always need to be near the humans. Perhaps because of her Muslim upbringing my brother's girlfriend is terrified of dogs which as far as the dog was concerned instantly made her the most interesting human in the house. As a result I spent most of my time with a dog lead tied around my wrist while sitting on the sofa trying to play a game known as; "Sitting down quietly." This actually suited me perfectly but doesn't make for the most action packed anecdote.

In terms of presents I'm not going to go into what everybody got mainly because my approach was very firmly in the "F*ck it you're all getting gift cards" school. I did though get the first season of "Orange is the New Black" on DVD which I very nearly brought for myself a few weeks ago so I quite literally got exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I did though decide that sitting down to watch it with my mothers would probably cross a line.

15:55 on 26/12/14 (UK date).

Edited at around 19:10 on 28/12/14 (UK date) to add;

Despite arriving at London Paddington yesterday (27/12/14)  on the South West Trains service from Exeter St Davids my brother has finally visited my father for Christmas. So we all went to the pub. Obviously my brother's girlfriend wasn't invited because as she grew up in a Muslim household my father simply refuses to acknowledge her existence. Bear that in mind the next time I say that even my father is shocked by the fact the Jewish Underground were allowed to get away with it.