Bloody Fucking Yokels!

As part of the British Governments Community Rehabilitation Program we'd got them to the point where they have to make restitution for the loss of earnings I'd incurred as a result of their criminal activity. In order to put a figure on this restitution I initially considered enforcing the memorandum of understanding that they paid me £150 per hour for every natural hour that Ms Belgrave remained in their employ. However as this figure now stands in excess of £1.8million I decided to waive that earlier agreement in light of the current economic climate. Next I looked at the average salary being paid to civil servants to not sort out things like Zimbabwe and the Israel/Palestine conflict giving a figure of £50,000. Obviously because I bring win where they bring fail I couldn't possibly expect to be paid as much as them so I halved it again to £25,000. £1000 a year higher then the national average wage and seemingly the going rate for mickey mouse jobs with the government. I then back-dated the figure to 2005 in order to make up a historical shortfall and give a punitive element to the settlement figure.

Then back in December I filled in the relevant forms and submitted them to Croydon Council for processing. Never being ones to realise when a race is run they then passed these forms onto a Mr Mark Fowler (no not this one) who used an outdated version of the land registry to manufacture a reason for them to say No. This little error of judgement on their part is of course a shame because the sooner they show they are willing to be rehabilitated the sooner we can begin neatly rolling up the more serious aspects of criminality and stop wasting everybodies time and talents with pointless infighting. I can only assume that this mistake was made because the little darlings have yet to realise that it is a certainty that I will be extracting this sum out of the councils budget, the only choice they have is whether it will be taken productively or destructively. Of course what I will be doing now is up scaling the settlement figure and re-submitting the paper work in the hope that this time I will be able to deal with a grown up.

Incidentally over the Christmas period the Mayor of Croydon went and dropped dead. With a death certificate citing natural causes no evidence of foul play I can only assume that somebody had shown him just how much money the council lost the last time they tried using that nasty N word.