Sub-titled:
"Every Time You Think You've Escaped it Keeps Dragging You Back In!!!"
I thought the sensible
thing would have been for Rihanna to keep a low profile during the Winter
Olympics. That way the US' big diplomatic operation of 2013 could be discussed
without anyone really remembering who the specific individual who happened be involved
this time actually was. That then would allow Rihanna to spend the rest of the year
concentrating on getting back to her day job.
Unfortunately Rihanna
seems to have had other ideas. So on the opening night of the games
(7/2/14) she was photographed in a Los
Angeles nightclub alongside oft rumoured boyfriend Drake and the pair were said
to have left within moments of each other fuelling rumours that they were having
sex. According to un-named sources cited in the American gossip press the pair
are definitely now dating, Rihanna is pregnant with 17 of Drake's children and they are
about to be married before living happily ever after in castle in a land far,
far away. In reality though this was such a publicity stunt that Drake actually
turned up for the evening in drag. Sadly though he decided to go as a slightly
butch lesbian so his costume consisted of a men's red shirt adorned with an
image of the cartoon character "Bart Simpson" who was, unusually for
the character, sporting an angelic halo.
Amongst his friends Rihanna's
former boyfriend and general waste of skin Chris Brown is sometimes known by
the pseudonym "Bart Simpson." Therefore Drake's costume was intended to
promote discussion about whether he is new improved version of Brown.
Indicating that Brown has now been replaced in Rihanna's affections was
supposed to highlight that there is now no need for Brown to be placed under a
restraining order to keep him away from Rihanna or face any other form of
punishment for his criminal actions because the 'community' had successful
'contained' the threat he poses to society. This "community
containment" was supposed to act as a metaphor for the threat posed by the
insurgents in Syria who rather helpfully carried out attacks against
international aid convoys to coincide with the Drake and Rihanna dating
rumours. Fortunately this little stunt was largely drowned out by the sound of
laughter.
Sadly Rihanna and her
CIA handlers didn't seem to get the message so on Saturday (8/2/14) night
(local) Rihanna was out in public again wearing a white fake fur coat that made
her look a lot like a snowball/Eskimo. This outfit was remarkably similar to
the one worn by helpers at the Olympic opening ceremony whose job it was to
help guide athletes around the arena during the parade of nations. On Tuesday
(11/2/14) night (local) Rihanna was again photographed wearing this coat
leaving a restaurant in Santa Monica, US with her Guyanese accountant mother
Monica Braithwaite. Earlier that day selected papers from Rihanna's ongoing
case against the accountancy firm Berdon LLP were made public. Therefore the US
is still trying to press the idea that the associated Inland Revenue Service
(IRS) audit into Rihanna's finances is still ongoing (now entering it's third
year I believe) because there are reasonable grounds to suspect Rihanna of tax
evasion rather then it simply being a rather convenient way for the handlers control Rihanna's
behaviour.
If any Olympic
delegates are finding that rather dull may I suggest that to spice things up
anyone who lives east of the Atlantic first tries to point out Guyana on a map.
Then they might like to try discussing Guyana and it's neighbouring states role
in the end of slavery in the US. After all the US' Rihanna plays are so weak
these days that people are having to invent their own versions just to keep it relevant.
19:35 on 12/2/14 (UK date).
Editors Note: In order to minimise the disruption to the Winter Olympics as far as possible I'm writing posts up offline and then publishing towards the end of the Olympic day. Unfortunately this has the effect of screwing up the font used. I am working to resolve this but in a way it helps mark out what has been pre-written.
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