Oi! I Need a Word.

Specifically a noun. This evening (7/1) I will be having dinner with my mother, my brother and my mother's partner. The fact that my mother's partner is also a woman is probably the least controversial part of this story. However, as yet, the English language, in all it's long and glorious history, contains no single word to explain my relationship to her. Therefore for the rest of this post I will be referring to my mother's partner as my step-partner before stopping because it clearly sound ridiculous.

The last time my mother, brother, step-partner and I had dinner it was on Christmas day (25/12). As within this small social circle I'm considered the chatty one I was in charge of conversation and small talk. Shortly after the introduction of alcohol and I'd explained that if you'd been looking at my internet history you'd think I was obsessed with the actress Kristen Stewart because I every time I see a link featuring her Hollywood nickname "K-Stew" I click on it to find out who's unlucky enough to have the nickname K-Stew before instantly forgetting trapping me in a never ending Kristen Stewart loop the conversation started to flag. Then someone brought up the topic of my step-partner's house which led to the inevitable suggestion that we should all come round and visit at some mythical point in the future. Eventually this became a firm commitment that we would definitely arrange something just as soon as we could all find time in our busy schedules to suit all four of us. After a week of deliberation my step-partner decided that she would be busy with important, government related appointments until early March so it would have to be tonight or no night.

So at around 17:00 I will be meeting my mother in South London. We will then get into a very small car and drive to North London via Jews Walk, the Blackwall Tunnel and the 2012 Olympics site. On a good day this journey is expected to take two hours but snow is forecast and I'm not expecting a good day. Assuming that my mother and I both make it through this trek alive we will be joined by my brother and step-partner for an unspecified length of time during which unplanned events will take place. At around 22:00 I will leave and in the absence of a ministerial car will travel back to South London using public transport. I should finally return home at around 01:00. Given that the Russian Orthodox Church only celebrated their Christmas yesterday (6/1) I'm tempted to refer to this little adventure as "Christmas II: The Revenge!" but am going to chicken out due to concerns about my editorial control.

On the plus side though my mother and step-partner have two cats which is very nearly a surplus of cats. So if you encounter me on a train late tonight and my bag suddenly start to miaow then I think you know what's happened.