Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Well that was a series of unfortunate coincidences

Yesterday was Tuesday which meant I was scheduled to have another niggly dinner with my father. Yesterday however was supposed to be different because the day before I'd agreed to have dinner with my mother instead which would have made for a change of pace and quite a pleasant evening.

Just as I was on my way out of the door to meet her I discovered I couldn't find my Ipod. Cue me running around the house desperately trying to find the damn thing, leaving late and meeting my mother in a harassed and irritable mood.

My mother was also feeling irritable for reasons of her own. The first of which was the fact that recently, why we do not know, my sister was kicked out of her sheltered housing. This meant the vulnerable girl with along history of mental health admissions and an equally long history of less then successful work based therapy has been homeless for the last couple of weeks and couch surfing. All this puts her and her mother under a great deal of stress.

The other reason for my mothers discomfort is that yesterday there was a major power cut across South West London when two power stations simultaneously stopped providing electricity to the national grid. As my mother works in a hospital in South West London this meant her day suddenly became much more complicated because aside from the expected problems with lighting and computer systems the power cut also managed to take out running water and flushing toilets.

What with me being in a fiery mood and my mother being in a fiery mood what should have been a peaceful meal rapidly turned into a hostile one of the sort I'm used to having with my father. As with what are by now standing orders this was a routine with lots of hostility and barbed comments but with neither party coming close to addressing the bare bones of the issue.

When I got home I had another quick look for the old Ipod and when I couldn't find it I asked my dad if he'd seen it. He got into a bit of a huff and went to look for it himself. After he returned empty handed I went and hand another look. I then founding the it sitting innocently in a spot that I could swear I had searched only moments before. The I got drunk and we had a proper "Oh my god, the sky's on fire!" thunderstorm which is not a good combination.

Now I'm sitting here in an Internet cafe, because my home connection is down again, wandering why those power in this country seem to think that cutting electricity to a large section of the country in order to gain some small scraps of a story filtered through a series of inaccurate ciphers is a better deal for them then simply giving someone else a new job and getting a more detailed and accurate account?

Sunday, 25 May 2008

I can't be the only one who thinks this looks a little suspicious.

Last Thursday the UK suffered yet another horrifying terrorist attack at the hands of an Islamic extremist when a man who had recently converted to Islam detonated a device while attempting to prime it in a restaurant in the provincial back water of Exeter.

Since then we have learnt a number of things about the suspect;

  • He is of similar age to me.

  • He is of similar build to me.

  • He has a mental health record similar to me.

  • He suffers from a form of autism, the type of which I have known several sufferers. As the professionals know so much about how to diagnose autism and who to treat it's sufferers I see no need to dwell on the point.

  • He travelled from his home in the naval town of Plymouth to Exeter in order to carry out the attack in the town where my brother lives.

The official version of events follows that the suspect, Nicky Reilly (good Irish name) had crossed MI5's radar while they were investigating a terrorist cell in Plymouth. MI5 then decided that a man with suicidal tendencies associating with Islamic extremists within a town that is the Royal Navy's second largest port and home to thousands of sailors and their families represented no terrorist threat whatsoever. They then decided not to keep a closer eye on him and this allowed him the freedom to travel from Plymouth to Exeter where he launched his attack it what was presumably an attempt to kill or injure a vast number of un-Islamic sheep or seagulls.

Now at the risk of sounding paranoid and delusional I would like to suggest an alternative version of events. In this scenario rather then failing to identify the risk that Mr Reilly posed when they first identified him MI5 actually took a very good look at Mr Reilly and filed him away for future use.

Later when the time came for him to be useful Mr Reilly was then nudged, possibly by using Internet chat rooms or local agents, into carrying out the attack in a location which would guarantee the story a place in the headlines without doing any real damage.

Also fresh from fantasy land comes the news that Avram Grant has been sacked as Chelsea manager. As far as I'm concerned this hasn't come soon enough because his appointment seemed to come as a response to the news at the end of the 2006/07 season that no matter how well they played the UK authorities would not allow Chelsea to win the premiership title in 2007/08.

The Chelsea leadership decided that this was because of the fact that Chelsea were perceived as being anti-Semitic so they tried to counter by appointing the most talented Israeli Jew they could find as manager.

As the British Establishment's desperate desire for Manchester Utd to be viewed as a winning team stems from more complicated and urgent needs then it's support for Israel this move failed and cost Chelsea the Champions League in the process. Hopefully now will be able to appoint a more talented manager however I suspect Manchester Utd will still come out of the next season painted as the winning team.

Friday, 23 May 2008

Burma Part 2

Yesterday, Thursday May 22nd UN Sectary General ban Ki-Moon visited cyclone hit Burma for the first time. During this visit General Than-Shwe, the leader of the ruling Junta took Mr Ban and the worlds gathered media on a tour of a show camp which allowed the general a fantastic photo opportunity to show the world and the Burmese people how well his government were coping with the disaster.

Amid the rows and rows of UN provided tents the smiling victims stood, some in brand new Manchester United shirts, telling anyone who would listen how well they'd been cared for and how grateful they were to the military Junta and all the efforts it had made.

Later in negotiations about the aid effort General Than Shwe declared that the time for the relief effort was over and it was time for the reconstruction effort to begin. On this point I have to sadly say that I agree with him because in any disaster relief effort the first 48 hours are crucial. In this case those first 48 hours were squandered and we are now in the twentieth day of 500th hour of the response to cyclone Nargis. This means that anybody who was injured in the cyclone have now died of their wounds. Those who were left without shelter have now suffered the effects of exposure. Those left without food are now well on their way to starvation and any corpses which were left unburied have now decomposed into the water supply spreading disease to anybody who has been forced to drink that water. In short the relief effort has failed and the only choice left now is what to do with the dead.

It is at this depressing point that with some 125,000 dead that the Burmese Generals have finally announced that they are prepared to allow foriegn aid workers to enter they country and bring with them all sorts of specialist equipment. Far from being a humanitarian gesture hard won by diplomatic efforts this is simply another cynical ploy by Burma's rulers. This time to get western development agencies to come in and build Burma up to a point where their standard of living is higher then it was before the cyclone hit. The Generals will then obviously take the credit for the improvement.

All this raises an important moral question for all those aid agencies involved because do they go in and improve the lives of many of the Burmese people at the risk of strengthening the Junta that caused their suffering or do they sit back and watch those same people suffer while the regime reaps what it's sowed?

Personally, although uncomfortable as it is, I have to say that I would go for the do nothing approach because the Burmese people have suffered for many years at the hands of their rulers and to alleviate their suffering in response to this cyclone would only allow this murderous regime to further tighten it's grip on the country and leave the Burmese people open to rape, torture and suffering for many years to come.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

No doubt I'm going to get the blame for these two as well.

An explosive device has detonated at a restaurant in an Exeter shopping
mall.
One person, believed to be responsible for detonating the device, was
hurt in the blast at 1250 BST at the Giraffe restaurant in the Princesshay
centre.
A police spokesman said a 22-year-old man was in custody with
"slight injuries" including lacerations to his eye and some facial burning.
Chief Constable Stephen Otter said one device exploded in the restaurant and
another was found nearby. The second device did not explode. Officers
evacuated the city's bus station and extended an exclusion cordon 100 metres around the scene.

Mr Otter said: "The injured man had one of the explosive devices on
him, which partially went off. The other, in the vicinity of the restaurant, did not go off."

Stores in the area have been asked to retain any CCTV footage in case it is needed at a later date.

And;


Football fans held after defeat

Thirteen fans were arrested during clashes at Fulham Broadway
Police clashed with about 400 football fans in west London after Chelsea's defeat in the Champions League final.
One man suffered leg injuries when he was hit by a car in Fulham Broadway. A motorist was arrested on suspicion of dangerous driving and later bailed.
Five officers suffered minor injuries as fans threw bottles at police near Chelsea's Stamford Bridge stadium, after Manchester United took the title.
A total of 13 people arrested over the disturbance have been bailed.
Two men, aged 18 and 29, were held on suspicion of wounding and 10 other men were bailed on suspicion of violent disorder.

So while I thought I'd been doing bugger all over the last couple of days it turns out I've actually been really busy which comes as a surprise to me. A massive amount of sleepwalking is the only explanation I can think of and it would certainly explain why I'm always feeling so tired.

On a more personal note you'll be glad to hear that the British Government has decided their next move in my case. Now while a rational person would have accepted defeat and decided to play nice so we can all move on to a successful future the British Government have decided that instead they would much rather go back over old ground and unleash yet another "cunning plan" on me because the three previous cunning plans have be so full of cunning that they've produced a 100% failure rate but hey Zero for Three shouldn't be considered a bad score in anyone's book.

Their latest plan involves putting pressure on my father (one of their own you may remember) to throw me out of his house forcing me to go and share a flat with my younger brother when he returns home from Exeter university. Obviously I wont be in any way able to predict this happening and will then spill all my deepest darkest secrets to my brother because a 22 year old student will obviously be much better skilled to manipulate me then a 40 year veteran of the cold war.

This rather optimistic prediction of what is going to happen over the next six to eight months does however tell me two things about British Intelligence;

1. They really, really still don't have the faintest clue as to the situation they are looking at and trying to resolve.

2. They've got an admirable never say die attitude. We're now into the third year of this project and they've yet to make the slightest bit of progress and actually done themselves quite a bit of damage in the process but they still keep pressing on regardless. Personally I'm astounded and slightly in awe because I've known crack heads who are less confident in their abilities then this lot.

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

With my domestic internet connection down, the police helicopter buzzing overhead, patrol cars on every corner and even a motorcycle outrider

paying a visit to my quiet residential street.

It is quite clear that I will get no peace until I discuss this whole Manchester riot business. The problem is that I don't know that much about it because I didn't even watch the game let alone watch or in anyway organise the riots. From what I've seen on TV though it is clear that there were three clear problems in the run up to the game. These are;

1.They were Scottish football fans. Traditionally when Scottish fans travel to England it ends in violence. Some people say this is because the tartan army invoke the spirit of William Wallace other say it is because they simply come down and see people with jobs which gets them confused and angry. Either way the annual England V Scotland fixture was called to an end in the 1980's because it always ended up in a riot. In fact when the old Wembley stadium was being torn down there was a joke going round that we should have invited the Scottish national team down so their fans could get started on the demolition.

2.They were Glasgow Rangers fans. Glasgow is a very tough city in Scotland where the residents are often quick to violence. Up until very recently Glasgow was so violent that per capita you were more likely to be murdered there then in a city such as New York. Also Rangers along with Celtic make up one half of the infamous "Old Firm" one of the bitterest rivalries in football history which in effect plays out the northern Irish troubles in microcosm four times a year. Before the peace process took hold you could always tell which team had won the old firm game by which bit of Belfast went up in flames.

3. Both sets of fans were allowed to drink all day. Apparently when people get really drunk they often engage in violence.

With a run up to the game like that all was needed was a flash point to set the whole thing up. There has been much talk of this flash point being the screen in the fans area breaking down but I've seen a lot of the footage of the violence and it all happened after dark. This means that rather then the video screen being the flash point it was Rangers losing the game in the same way that England getting knocked out of Euro 2004 was the flash point for violence across the country.


The fact that Rangers fans are almost exclusively Church of England Protestants has allowed some people (mainly the police) to claim that these riots were my fault because I am a Catholic and the British State object to me because they are all Protestants giving the violence a political dimension. This is nonsense because coming from a "mixed marriage" I was baptized in both the Catholic faith and the Church of England. Also I was never confirmed as a Catholic. So presumably if the Russian fans had kicked off the violence would have been given a political dimension because I'm a Communist or if it was an Italian team that made it to the final it would be a political protest against the removal of Gypsies from Naples.

Rather then objecting to me for some ethereal reason to do with God and the meaning of life British Intelligence object to me for the more mortal reason that in the launching of the grand Anna plan which they effectively sold to the gays rights for gays brigade (interesting vote before Parliament today btw) they attempted to impose their will onto a situation of which they had no understanding. This caused them to badly over-reach themselves and fail. In the course of this failure they ruined my life, they ruined Anna's life, they ruined the life of Anna's partner, they ruined my fathers life, they ruined Iians life, they ruined Croydons chances of development, they ruined mental health reform, they massively disadvantaged the UK on the world stage and they ruined the chances of me discussing that lesbian parenting proposal in more detail.

In order to put this situation right British Intelligence will have to accept that they have made a bad mistake and lose face. This is not acceptable for them so they will continue to throw whatever excuse they can think of at the problem rather then admitting that they're not as good as they think they are.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

My grandmother excelled herself yesterday.

In the two hours between me going over to see if she needed anything when me and my dad went shopping and my dad popping over to see her after we got back from shopping she went to tidy up one of her bedrooms. In the process of doing this she fell and tipped a wicker chest thing on top of her trapping her there.

Apparently she was knocking on the window and shouting for help in such away as to draw the attention of the whole neighbourhood. The whole neighbourhood that is except me and my dad but that's probably because we're in a house with double glazed doors and windows that must now be kept locked after the magic burglars broke in to lift my brothers laptop.

I have to report that aside from being more then a little shaken by the whole experience my grandmother is ok with no permenant or indeed any injuries.

My dad on the other hand seemed slightly excited by the incident, in fact you could almost describe as him being happy about it but then what would expect because this is the man who refused my suggestion that we rig up a panic button so his mother could attract our attention if she needed help. The reason he gave for this is that he didn't want to be disturbed from his busy life chatting to his Internet friends.

Also he is of that personality type that it appeared to me that in fact over the last couple of months he has been repeatedly "programming" my grandmother into the belief that she must work every second of her day battling the immense pain she has from her dislocated hip to clear her rooms in sort of an attempt to get her to dig her own grave so he won't have to break his celebration of her death by tidying and clearing her house.

So against the backdrop of the terrible scenes of children being dug out from under the wreckage of buildings in China I had to go over to my grandmother with a deserved burden of guilt and attempt to equip her against yet another of my fathers attacks on her without allowing my father to profit from his violence. I know this sounds harsh but I did move here with the clear intention of helping my dad move on with his life. He re-payed this effort by abusing my trust and acting in such a way as to make sure all I will ever be allowed to do with my life is to act as his little slave. I will of course happily forgive him and get with that task just as soon as I am allowed to get on with my life.

I did that without much of a problem and also did it while very drunk, just to show off.

Interestingly enough I did get the slight impression that certain people in this country also enjoyed my grandmothers misfortune because they thought they would be able to use the event to portray me as evil for not joining in with a system which would allow people of my fathers flawed personality type to feast of the lives of my friends and loved ones.

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Seeing as British intelligence are currently running aorund patting themselves on the back

Because they used the cunning jedi mind trick of having their point of view coinciding with my point of view to manipulate me into telling the Americans what was wrong with their approach to the Burmese relief effort I think it's time to discuss Britans approach to development work in more detail. This discussion can't happen on a big issue such as Burma or Zimbabwe because Britain has already proved itself so inept on those issues they actually had to rely on me to even give them a way into the conversation. No I think to be fair to their abilities we have to discuss their exploits on a much smaller, far simpler scale - my favourite subject, me and my life.

Over a year ago I signed up to do a course which would give me a practical qualification. The organisation I signed up with was a respected educational provider with a strong set up and would have provided me with a qualification that was accredited by the relevant professional body. The news that I'd actually taken a practical step to improve my own life did not go down at all well with my dad's Internet friends who started putting pressure on him to put pressure on me to cancel my contract with that company and sign up with another one. After much intelligent conversation, debate, shouting, screaming, throwing things and banging fists against tables this is what I did.

As you all know by now this second company failed to mark my work or issue a certificate on completion of this course. Basically they just stole my money and ripped me off.

After accepting his latest busy work task my dad began investigating this second company (it was either that or have him paint the grass green). During this investigation he discovered that in fact yes his Internet friends had actually gone to the extent of setting up a shell company complete with a business registration, a mailing address and telephone line. They also went to the trouble of devising a course syllabus complete with assignments and arranged for a tutor to mark some of my work. They did all this with the only intention of stealing my money and preventing me from achieving a qualification.

In a more impressive example of a human being this knowledge would have shaken the person and caused them to question whether or not those Internet friends had anybody but their own best interests at heart. My dad however, being a slightly mal-adapted personality, took this as a cue to put even more faith in his Internet friends and engaged himself on a mission to find away for me to achieve this qualification after all. The results of this search was for him to come up with two simple options I was aware of over a year ago.

Put simply the first option was to go back to the initial education provider who would offer me a carefully developed, tried and tested syllabus with lots of one on one tutorial support. This will be a correspondence course which will allow me to work at my own pace in an environment I am comfortable in. The qualification will be accredited by and come with membership of the relevant professional association.

The second option is to go to the local education centre which is attached to Croydons job centre. Here I will be studying an untried syllabus which is not accredited by any professional body. I will be studying in a dirty sweating shit hole of a class room where I will be taught at the pace of the slowest member of the class. I will also be competing for the attention of a tutor who is so poorly qualified they are forced to work for the employer of last resort. no doubt one of the people in that class will also be some poor fool who thinks their mission in life is to become my bestest, bestest friend ever.

Obviously this choice is a bit of a no brainer because would you rather have your CV say "highly motivated self starter" or "wastrel who needs to be dragged through a YTS scheme" and after all with everything else in this life the government plan is just like what you would have done anyway only a little bit worse.

The problem is though is that to sign up with the first company will require me spending one tenth of my very low yearly income. This isn't a problem because I can get the money but as certain people have demonstrated they are prepared to go a huge array of legal and extra-legal means to make sure that I will never, ever be allowed to achieve. This means that I am unwilling to take that risk. Of course if those certain people were prepared to offer their money as a guarantee that they will not engage in uncompetitive and illegal practices we would not have a problem.

Just a quick aside to my favorite Miliband - if your experts were "real" experts don't you think they would have been able to achieve something by now what with all that that spending and effort? In fact at the moment they seem so ill advised of their own postion they seem to be under the misguided impression they're at a "negotitation" stage.

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Burma cyclone

As you may be aware on Saturday Burma was hit by Cyclone Nargis. As there is very little difference between a cyclone and a hurricane Nargis brought with it heavy rain, strong winds and a massive storm surge.

The effect of this was to kill 60,000 people in the space of a few short hours. It has also destroyed homes, farmland, infrastructure including roads and boats, livestock, food stores and water stores.

This means that in the five days following the storm another 40,000 people have died from their injuries, lack of water and lack of basic shelter. Over the next couple of days the number of dead will increase exponentially as unburied corpses begin to rot causing disease to spread and people slowly starve to death.

Normally under these circumstances there would be a swift moving international aid effort to prevent this from happening sadly however the Burmese government has refused the outside world access for fear that they attempt to topple the regime although quite what they think the effect of allowing their people to suffer and die in such large numbers will have on their stability is beyond me.

I should also point out that 100,000 - 150,000 dead is the best outcome from this situation because neighbouring Thailand has already experienced unrest due to a lack of food so large scale destruction in Burma could have a knock on effect that destabilises the wider region.

The Burmese government currently despise me meaning that anything I say will probably only inflame the situation further and jeopardize what are already tense negotiations so I don't think I have anything more to add other then;

https://www.donate.bt.com/bt_form_cyclone.html

Which is the donation page for the Disasters Emergency Committee and umbrella organisation of charities and non-governmental aid agencies many of whom already have people operating within Burma.

Saturday, 3 May 2008

Sorry for two posts in one day

But with the local elections, the long wait for the result of the mayoral election and the unfortunate election of the British National Party to the Greater London Assembly there's been a bit of a backlog.

Aside from the UK elections this week also saw the release of the long awaited result of the Zimbabwean presidential election. These result have given Robert Mugabe (Zanu PF) 43.2% of the vote while his opponent Morgan Tsvangirai (MDC) received 49.7%. As both of these are below the 50% threshold required for victory there will now need to be a run-off poll to decide who will become the next president.

All this puts the MDC in an almost unbelievably difficult position because they now have to choose whether or not to participate in the run-off. If they choose not too Mugabe will stand unopposed and obviously win another five year term making him 89 years old at the time of the next election.

If however they choose to participate it is possible that it will take a full twelve months for the election to be held because the electoral commission will be able to argue that the violence perpetrated by Zanu PF supporters makes the country too unstable.

The MDC will have to consider that there is a very real possibility that they may not win this run off. Not because Mr Mugabe has suddenly become popular but because the MDC's election apparatus has been very badly damaged if not totally destroyed by the Zimbabwean police. Also there has already been a sustained campaign of punishment beatings against people who dared to vote against Mugabe in the initial election. This violence is only expected to intensify as the date of the second poll draws closer.

So as I have said this is not a decision I envy the MDC having to make because the choice appears to be a choice between possible violence and certain defeat or certain violence and possible defeat.

Obviously under these circumstances it would be very easy for them to choose not to contest the run off because they would be able to tell themselves that they are protecting their supporters from the wave of violence that a run off will bring, they will also be able to tell themselves that by cutting their losses and letting Mugabe win this election they will be allowing themselves and the international community to time to re-group. However there will be no opportunity for the Zimbabwean people to re-group and there is no guarantee that backing down will stop Mugabe taking revenge on on MDC supporters and the poverty, hunger and violence associated with the total collapse of the Zimbabwean economy will certainly not end.

This means, to my mind, that the MDC has no other option then to contest the run off because often fortune favours the brave.

Wow, I should try getting up early more often.

I did on Thursday and it ended up being a very busy day. Firstly I went out and did the old voting thing which really was that exciting but considering a lot of people have spent a lot of time in jail and some have even been killed so I have that right it seems rather disrespectful for me not to bother, especially as the whole process took me the grand total of about seven minutes.

The I went up to central London to see if anything was happening by way of a Mayday protest but there wasn't, even international workers day march was distinctly light on numbers. This immense vacum of nothingness was probably due to the fact that on top of the protest movement suffering from it's usual curse of cliquey infighting, fragile egos and a degree of cowardice there was also a very long and intense run up with the old rumour mill going into overdrive causing divisions and factional infighting. The main reason however was that, in what some would suggest was a planned move, the movement got itself all over excited when the Olympic torch came to town, wore themselves out on the state sanctioned protests and had to have a little nap before they got all grouchy.

This is a particular shame because with the 5th anniversary of the start of the Darfur conflict coming in late April and the new Burmese constitution being announced on May 10th a strong mayday protest would have helped to build a slow burning pressure in the months leading up to the Beijing Olympics. This of course could have helped to improve the lives of a large number of people worldwide so it's a shame that instead it was decided it would be better for everyone if the issue was burnt out quickly and brightly so the Chinese government could be forced into some headline grabbing but ultimately ineffective talks with the Dalai Lama while the Chinese government were made angry and Chinese nationalism takes even more of a feverant hold on the country with rioters specifically targeting French chain stores of all things.

When I got back from what was a rather wasteful afternoon, although having two mounted police trying to discreetly follow you is always good for a laugh, I received a letter from the infamous Department of Work and Pensions. I am glad to report that they have now decided that they are prepared to behave in a lawful fashion and have restarted my benefit claim at it's usual rate for an indefinite period. Unfortunately though they have also decided that they are only going to backdate payments by a week rather then the month they were stopped for. Sadly they also appear to have missed a golden oppotunity to increase my income but I shouldn't complain because there will now be people running around Whitehall patting themselves on the back telling everybody that they've done me a "favour". Interestingly enough I am still waiting for that mysterious certificate to turn up which is odd because for a perfectly worthless qualification somebody seems to be going to extraordinary lengths to make sure I don't get it.

Later on I spoke to a mate of mine who apart from being awash with a rather misguided sense of optimism should also be rather disappointed because having lost his previous job he was all set to take up another one delivering and selling consumables to the pub and restaurant trade. This might not sound an amazing job to most of you but it was without doubt a very good oppotunity for him. It's a shame then that just before he was meant to start his prospective new employer was forced to dramatically pull out of the agreement almost as if someone had exerted a degree of pressure on him so once again my mate has been forced into yet another shitty driving job with little opportunity for personal and career development.

So there you have it then, clearly neither I nor any of my friends will ever be allowed to reach their full potential because if they were we'd be forced to question certain people's authority to use words such as "Success", "Thriving", "Pride" and "Prosperity."