The Liverpool Nativity.

I've just been watching this strange little production that's just been shown in the shadow of the valley of death that is BB3.

Put simply it is the re-telling of the nativity story brought bang up to date against the backdrop of modern day Liverpool. Joesph was a black asylum seeker, Mary was a poor little white girl waitress and Herod was a pastiche of a non-specific New Labour minister who was always cursing the "terrorists within".

Obviously this was a very provocative piece which raised many questions but mainly promoted the twin themes that all you should ever aspire to is getting married and having babies and that the Labour government is terrible.

As the program was shown on BBC3 a lot of those watching it will now leap on to their broadband connections to the discuss the issues raised while the state secretly takes notes.

The problem is that as taxpayers these same people have already paid a group of unelected civil servants to prevent Britain being threatened by by terrorists and flooded by asylum seekers.

These civil servants who are exclusively Conservatives have failed miserably to do the job they have been paid for. This is why there are still questions to be asked.

Well thats public transport up the tits then.

I woke up this morning and the London Underground Central Line was closed east bound due to over-running engineering works meaning an arsehole of a day for my mum and her missus (god if my dad ever got remarried this would really get complicated!) And the Victoria line between Brixton and Victoria was closed for exactly the same reason.

This evening when I tried to get the bus home it appeared a few before had been cancelled meaning that my bus was late, packed and the traffic was terrible but hey it's winter so you have to expect that sort of thing don't you?

Needless to say it's been yet another annoying day what with difficult journeys and the shit still being on the floor claiming £6000 a year more then a nurse who would be asked to do a tougher job with fewer resources. But as she was the only applicant for the vacancy she's got to stay there to prevent us having the "Why are we forced to pay over the odds for fourth rate staff?" conversation.

You will excuse me of course then if I all but fail in bringing a clever punchline into this delusional rant but I am forced to ask the question;

"Is the British state at war with the British People because for some reason it is finding it more and more difficult to win battles on foreign fields?"

Bastard fucking book keeping course

Now while it would be nice to pretend we live in a world where money is no more and nobody needs to work or that one day a university would swoop down and offer me a full scholarship that reflects my age, rank and length of service (20+years btw) sadly this is looking unrealistic so I decided to arm myself for the world of work by enrolling on a course and picking up a few skills.

When I first did this there was outrage because obviously the British state is all seeing and all powerful (don't laugh foreigners) so there were tantrums, shouting and arguments right up until the point I attempted to subtly knudged certain people along the learning curve. Then another company offered me the chance to give them a large sum of money in return for a book I already had a copy of and the chance to have a number of assignments marked and a qualification issued in the highly unlikely event that the assignments would be correctly completed.

The problem is way, way back in June I submitted my final assignment and nothing happened. After months of waiting and praying I discovered that my assignment had not been marked because it had gone missing in the post. Dutifully I redid the assignment and sent it off six weeks ago. Since then I've heard nothing. All day I've been phoning the company concerned, leaving messages left right and centre but still nothing has happened.

I must say at this point I am very disappointed as all I want is my money back because they have now twice failed to meet their obligations under the contract and as with the student loans there was a viable plan on the pitch long before the had to get involved.

Aside from all the nuisance I have noticed a news report stating that people across the UK are now struggling to meet their mortgage payments which causes me to affect an air of sarcasm and ask the question;

"Why should I care. It wasn't my fault you overestimated your earnings and got yourself into debt?"

Do you ever get the feeling you're slightly out of the loop

Busy, busy day mainly becuase I've been to work. At work I learnt two things. Firstly I learnt the shit is still on the floor but trying to walk in my footprints while stealing my coffee, forcing me to drink some Nestle shite. (Note this does not demonstrate a high degree of workmanship.)

Secondly I learnt that there had been a stabbing on my road on saturday night meaning that for most of saturday and sunday my road was taped off with police and scene of crime officers crawling about.

I'm not sure whether I'm more worried that there was a stabbing so close to home or the fact that I needed to travel three miles to hear about it. It's not even that longer road.

So a question:

Who on earth signed my mobile phone up to the "redhot sex service" because the bombarding with unwanted texts is proving very annoying not elast because my phone doesn't do pictures.

Another resounding success from the Community Mental Health Team.

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist at the Westways Community Rehabilitation Centre, I can't believe four months have passed so soon. Obviously this appointment didn't occur on the date or time that I arranged at my last appointment instead it was spat out by a random number generator similar to the national lottery dream number machine.

After a five minute chat with the psychiatrist he turned around and said that he found me to be distracted, unfocused, apathetic, aggressive and nihilistic - in short displaying the textbook symptoms of depression which is no great surprise seeing as that why I was there in the first place.

Being faced with a patient who was presenting with worsening symptoms my psychiatrist was forced to make a clinical decision. He could have ordered me back into hospital, he could have increased my medication or he could have referred me to a social worker or mental health nurse for closer monitoring and support.

Obviously he opted to discharge me from his waiting list.

I can't say that I'm that bothered because in the 18 months I've been under the care of "the team" all they've done is move me from one waiting list to another. Any improvement to my condition that has been achieved in that time has been purely the result of my own efforts and the the support of my family. But in summary, I tried to go to rehab and it said non, no , no(!)

After going to work and discovering that the above is in fact standing operating procedure for mental health services in the UK I pissed about with a the window display and generally avoided work. During that time, whilst reading the paper ( it was research boss, honest) I became mildly obsessed with the story of John Darwin.

For those of you who don't know John Darwin was a canoeist who was lost at sea five years ago. He was declared dead a year later and since collecting the life insurance payout his wife has sold the family home and moved to Panama. The problem is that on Saturday Mr Darwin handed himself in, alive, to a London police station claiming to be suffering from amnesia. Needless to say he has since been arrested for fraud and the police, with an admirable level of understatement, are currently researching the details of Britain's extradition agreement with Panama.

All this brings me neatly on to today's question which is simply;

"Are the British government seriously trying to run the 'He was off the radar for five years' defence?"

Now There a waste of a carbon footprint if there ever was one.

I spoke to a mate of mine yesterday and apparently them and their girlfriend are going to Amsterdam this weekend so obviously I said;

"Drink, drugs and prostitutes?"

To which they replied;

"No, narrow boats."

Anyway on to the daily question which may or may not be asked on a day to day basis;

"What was the name of that teacher who reported Gillian Gibbons to the Sudanese authorities just days after negotitation between the UN and the Sudanese government broke down?"

What's up with my internet connection?

I haven't posted for a couple of days, it's certainly not been for a lack of things to say because my explanation of why exactly I was phoning up the army this afternoon was especially amusing, but my internet connection suddenly started to stutter, skip and generally be annoying.

I wonder what could possibly be the matter?