CBB's Not So Saucy Sunday.

I didn't bother write up Saturday's (11/1/14) episode of Celebrity Big Brother because it was entirely dominated by the row between Dappy and Luisa Zissman. If there is any doubt that Dappy lost this argument he ended up bringing up his GCSE results. GCSE's are compulsory exams that all British school children take when they're 16 years old. For most people they are quickly replaced by more meaningful achievements. So even at 17 bringing up your GCSE results in an argument about anything other then your GCSE results just makes you look like a fool.

As for the argument itself rather then being a short shouting match it actually went on for hours with Luisa frequently walking away only for Dappy to effectively stalk her around the house constantly starting up with a new stream of abuse. This has promoted some discussion about whether Dappy should have been given a formal warning about his behaviour. After all unlike Evander Holyfield's comments on homosexuality Dappy was having a direct and negative impact on at least one and possibly all housemates. For example Luisa's subsequent argument with Lionel Blair was simply a result of everybody in the house being stressed out and just really enjoying shouting.

In the end though the group seemed to effectively self-regulate so by Saturday (broadcast Sunday) Dappy had clearly got the message that he'd gone too far. For example when the housemates were rewarded for a task with pictures of their loved ones from home Dappy made a big effort to be seen admiring pictures of Luisa's daughter and apologising for his behaviour. Apart from the TV camera's Dappy also made sure that this apology took place in full view of Jasmine Waltz. That's because - revealing his true motivations - when he was attacking Luisa on Friday Dappy kept cornering Jasmine in a effort to force her to agree with what he was saying about Luisa. Jasmine basically responded to him by staring at him as if he were an idiotic child - a consensus that continued throughout his apology.

The special task that won the housemates the pictures of their loved ones centred around Sam Faiers who has a large reality TV fan base from her appearances in the ITV2 "structured reality" show "The Only Way is Essex" (TOWIE). Although Sam is playing an important role in the house quietly connecting different warring parties and helping keeping everyone's stress levels down this is largely a silent, background role that doesn't get a lot of airtime. Therefore the special task was an effort to give Sam reason to appear in the highlights show. First Sam had to take one housemate aside and tell them that she is attracted to them. Unfortunately she chose Ollie Locke who seems to really have a little bit of a crush on Sam.

Next Sam had to accuse another housemate of gossipping about her behind her back. Sam chose Jasmine and Luisa. This immediately led to Luisa revealing that the only thing the two had said about Sam is that she and Ollie would make a good couple. Falling for it Jasmine immediately responded by accusing her rival Casey Batchelor of telling Sam that she and Luisa had been gossipping in an effort to stir up trouble. As this was completely untrue and perhaps an example of Jasmine projecting aspects her own personality onto other whilst Sam had been called away to speak to Big Brother Jasmine and Casey got into a short but intense shouting match. Needless to say when Sam returned to announce that it had all been made up the atmosphere in the house was awkward to say the least.

The big news from Saturday's events (Sunday's show) was the two rooms task. If you've been reading this in another country and have been shocked by what has been going on in the show don't worry - all the bed hopping means that the show has been getting very close to breaking the rules of what can be broadcast on TV. However I would say that the production staff have been doing a very good job of staying on the right side of the rules. For example it is all broadcast after the watershed when impressionable young viewers are supposed to be in bed asleep. Also rather then showing housemates engaging in sex acts producers have instead only shown enough so that viewers who are already familiar with the subject matter can fill in the blanks for themselves. I'll agree that some of the housemates conversations about what has been going on have been rather descriptive but sexuality is one of the most powerful and important elements of the human condition so it seems a bit childish that we're not allowed to at least discuss it.

The show's lawyers and compliance officers are clearly starting to have had enough of being woken from their beds at 3AM though. So on Saturday (Sunday broadcast) the housemates were split into two groups and sent to two, separate mini-houses (rooms). One room was designated as the "children's house" and involved housemates singing nursery rhymes and playing children's party games and generally acting as if they were presenting a children's TV show. The other room was designated as the "adult house" and involved housemates dressed in BDSM (PVC & leather) style outfits engaging in activities such as pole dancing, toe-sucking and what can only be described as free-form spanking. Try and guess which mini-house Dappy was sent to.

The purpose of this task was of course to remind the housemates that they are on a TV show and that TV show has to appeal to a range of viewers in an effort to get them to moderate their behaviour. What was interesting though is that while Lee Ryan, Jasmine and Luisa were sent to the adult house Jasmine's main rival for Lee's affections Casey was sent to the children's house. This seemed to be an effort to reunite Jasmine with Lee in order to get her to drop the Jessie J/Luisa thing which is coming across as homophobic and could end up testing the bounds of the rules regarding the use of vulnerable people in TV shows. However at the same time being reminded that she can't do the one thing needed to control Lee Jasmine seems to be holding back. She is though seeming to begin to calculate that due to it's large homosexual fan-base homophobia is not the way to win in Celebrity Big Brother.

Probably the most stunning element of the adult room was the way the 85 year Lionel Blair performed his role of S&M policeman with all the gusto that has earned him a reputation as a consummate professional. After the task had ended Lionel went off to take a few minutes to get out of character leaving Jim Davidson to explain that rather then the filth and depravity Lionel was probably most offended by the way the other housemates weren't prepared to take his direction during the task. Jasmine immediately took offence to this rather innocuous comment and spent the rest of the evening trying to wind Jim Davidson up. As I've mentioned Jim Davidson has a reputation for being homophobic so Jasmine seemed to be attempting to temper her own homophobia (which comes from a really deep place) by being seen to give the homophobe a tough time. 


11:35 on 13/1/14.