Time For a Roger Moore Impression

because this should raise some eyebrows.

Today (27/4) Britain's Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) have released a report into the death of a man named Blair Peach. This report had been kept as an official state secret for the last 30 years. The report refers to the events of April 23rd 1979 when Mr Peach, a 27 year old New Zealand born teacher attended an demonstration against the racist National Front (NF) in Southall, London. As was common at the time this demonstration ended in violence that left Mr Peach dead and another protester in a coma for five months At the time it was widely accepted that Mr Peach had been murdered by a member of the MPS's Special Patrol Group (SPG) and once the debt had been settled by PC Blakelock the matter was forgotten about.

It was forgotten about until April 2009 when a demonstration against the G20 London Summit left another man, Ian Tomlinson, dead after being beaten by the police. This caused a lot of people to realise that despite the change of name there was no difference whatsoever between the Special Patrol Group (SPG) and their replacement the Territorial Support Group (TSG). This prompted the British State to start a campaign with itself to release the report into Blair Peach's death. This went some along the lines of;

The State: "No matter what you say we won't release the Blair Peach report!"


The People: "We never asked."


The State: "We don't care. You're all scum and the police must be protected. We won't release the report!"


The People: "No really it's OK. We already know what happened."


The State: "Well if you insist we must release the report. We are a democracy after all!"


The People: "Eh, you what now?!"


So today the report has finally been released and to the surprise of absolutely no-one it reveals that not only did the MPS know that one of their officers murdered Mr Peach they knew exactly which one it was and spent the next 30 years helping him to escape prosecution.

Choosing today to release the report shows spectacularly bad timing on behalf of the MPS. It comes just four days before the Mayday protests. This is expected to be the first meeting between a large number of anarchist protesters and the TSG since the death of Ian Tomlinson and reminding everyone that the police are allowed to get away with murder is only going to raise tensions and increase the risk of serious disorder.

As if this wasn't bad enough the release of the report comes nine days before Britain goes to the polls in the General Election and on the very day that the Conservative party launched it's policies on Law and Order that are designed to "fix broken Britain." Obviously being Conservative policies this blames all the nations problems on lefty-wefty liberals like Blair Peach who have destroyed the traditional family and tied the police up in legislation that makes them accountable to the public. Being forced to launch into this sales patter just hours after the public have been reminded that the British police are nothing more then a criminal gang who treat the ideals of Law and Justice with contempt just makes the Conservative party leader, David Cameron look like a complete idiot.

In the interests of political balance I should also point out that release of this report and it's consequences have caused the Labour party to suffer a complete nervous breakdown. Today they were planning to launch their manifesto on helping working families with the help of the popular children's TV character, Peppa Pig. Unfortunately they hadn't got permission from the creators of Peppa Pig and the event had to be cancelled at the last minute. As "Pig" is also a insulting term for a police officer this confusion has left the Labour party crying in a corner and unable to provide a guest for the BBC's Daily Politics Election discussion program. I should probably then tell then to calm down and not to worry after all everyone already knows they don't have a coherent plan on this or indeed anything.

Now I'm going to attempt to end on a joke so brace yourselves;

Q. Why do the TSG love the liberals?

A. Because they're all yellow.