If my life now is the product of a carefully constructed conspiracy

Then it is a conspiracy drawn up by a six year old with a crayon.

As I went to bed last night the young women in the council care house next door decided to throw a spontaneous party for which they clearly thought I was meant to be the guest of honour. While I drifted off to sleep it couldn't help but conjure up an image of a dribble stained map on which a ham fisted civil servant had scrawled " Girlfriends live here!". Personally I haven't seen work that shoddy since I moved up to junior school but I digress so back to the point.

Yesterday UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown announced that he expects private companies to pay for Britain's high speed Internet network. As I don't know the exact time that he made this statement I will presume that he made it in error before he'd been able to get himself up to speed on the issue. I hope he's made an equally rapid retraction because quite frankly I don't know how to respond to a statement that foolish.

I could point out that dozens of very wealthy private companies would have been happy to employ me which is exactly why I wasn't permitted any qualifications.

I could point out that any private entity that has been willing to help me in the past have quickly received an unpleasant visit from the governments heavy mob. Some were so loyal that they still tried to help even after I expressly told them not too because everything you see here is nothing more then a government organised killing ground.

I could point out that if the government was forced to do it's penance then that would mean it has less money available to be frittered away on idiotic, wasteful and corrosive New Labour schemes. Something which can only be to the good of the nation.

Hell I could even re-run my "This is not a negotiation, this is not a debate" speech.

Instead I will just say one simple thing; Wet teams aside, I will be here after the next election.