It just seems like taking it far too seriously.
Unfortunately if you're doing exercise that strengthens muscles. Even if that's not why you're doing it or even consider it exercise. Then you need Protein in your diet to help the muscles repair and strengthen.
Due to a combination of price, availability and giving me something to do with my hands. I've settled on roasted Peanuts in their shells, known as; "Monkey Nuts" in the UK. Aside from being a good source of Protein they also include a lot of Fibre and essential nutrients. They do also contain a lot of Fat. However that is good Unsaturated Fat rather than bad Saturated Fat.
With it being one of the quieter days of the week if I have a choice when to push myself at the gym I choose to do so on Sundays. Afterwards I recover with a late lunch of Peanuts washed down with Guinness stout. Due to the Yeast used Guinness is quite high in Iron, which is essential for blood which, in turn, is important in helping muscles repair and strengthen.
Now you might think you want to point out that Guinness hasn't been rich in Iron since they started removing the Yeast before bottling/canning back in, around, the year 2000. However I might think you want punching.
That really brings me on to another reason why I've found it's not the best idea to rush straight back to work after pushing myself at the gym. Particularly if I've been doing stuff like weight-lifting it makes me quite aggressive. The natural version of [Ste]Roid Rage. Plus by that point I'm normally also quite hungry. Apparently the gap between eating breakfast, doing a half-day's work, going to the gym then getting around to lunch constitutes; "Intermittent Fasting."
So I've found that while eating that late lunch it's a sensible idea to unwind by watching a couple of episodes of light, normally American, half-hour sitcoms. I'm currently working my way through the final season of; "The Big Bang Theory." I've got to be one of only a handful of people who still don't know if Sheldon and Amy won the Nobel Prize.
On a typical day the UK Channel 4 network will broadcast between 8 and 10 episodes of The Big Bang Theory, almost half a season per day. Each and every day. So every time you turn on a TV in the UK there's a really high risk that you will find yourself being forced to watch yet another episode of The Big Bang Theory. The result is that you quickly get so sick of watching episodes of The Big Bang Theory that avoiding episodes of The Big Bang Theory becomes something of a survival instinct.
I now feel as though I have managed to avoid episodes of The Big Bang Theory for long enough that watching it now feels bearable again. Although I'm still not sure I've recovered enough to find it either entertaining or funny. Through no fault of its own.
In much of late 2023 and 2024 I actually set myself the task of working through the show; "Superstore." In the UK this is/was broadcast in the early evenings or very late at night. So just at the sort of time you might be tempted to sit down for half an hour after dinner or when you've still got a glass of wine to finish after watching a movie.
As I result I found that I'd seen some episodes, like the Golden Globes Party episode, dozens of times. Yet had never seen most episodes, like the first episode, ever before. So I set about correcting that. I've still got the final Pandemic season to go.
Superstore really began as a vehicle for America Ferrera who played the central character; "Amy Sousa." America Ferrera was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar at the 2024 Academy Awards for her role in; "Barbie." Despite everything else to do with that nightmare from the brain of Hillary Clinton being very publicly shunned.
So I'm tempted to think that America Ferrera wasn't really nominated for her role in Barbie, but for her role in Superstore. Particularly since the Pandemic the rise in Online Streaming has really obliterated any distinction between TV Shows and Movies. Everyone just streams everything at home now. So nominating an actress for a TV rather than Movie role certainly makes for an Oscars talking point.
Plus the characters in Superstore do spend a lot of time talking about other TV Shows and Movies. The Dina Fox character, played by Lauren Ash, is a particularly big fan of; "Longmire." While it is something I do know from the final season. During the Pandemic Amy finally found the time to watch; "The Americans." So if you start talking about Superstore it's then really easy for you to segue into talking about all the TV Shows and Movies they talk about.
The 2024 Oscars came off the back of the 2023 SAG-AFTRA strike. Which saw many members of both Unions being forced to take up minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. Exactly the sort of jobs being portrayed in Superstore.
It must be said that America Ferrera is actually rather good in Superstore. Everybody's rather good in Superstore. That's despite it being the sort of show that it's really hard to look good in.
Although it might not sound like it at first that's actually intended as compliment to all those involved, rather than an insult. It is the restrictions placed on shows like Superstore which make them so hard to look good in.
For example once you take all the commercial breaks and credits out each episode is only about 20 minutes long. The stories and jokes in those episodes really have to be self-contained, so people can enjoy an episode here and there, out of order. Swearing and foul language is strictly forbidden and the jokes can't be too adult or rude. They certainly can't be too political!
Other major characters in Superstore are "Glenn Sturgis," played by Mark McKinney, the very Christian and ridiculously naive manager and "Sandra Kaluikokalani," played by Kaliko Kauahi, who is so nice and so shy she can't say no to anybody or any request.
In one episode Glenn and Sandra worry that no-one respects them because they think they're too nice and naive. So they decide to go on the offensive, suddenly acting all tough and aggressive. As being tough and aggressive just isn't in either character's nature the results are hilarious.
You may remember that back in 2017 the similarly Christian Neil Gorsuch was nominated for a seat on the US Supreme Court (SCOTUS) by Republican President Donald Trump. The Democrats tried to block the appointment with elaborate, theatrical accusations of sexual misconduct. At the confirmation hearing Gorsuch and his wife decided to go on the offensive, suddenly acting all tough and aggressive. Despite it not being in either character's nature.
It was exactly that episode of Superstore!
As soon as this was mentioned the network, NBC, went into a huge panic. Frantically removing all footage of that Superstore episode from the Internet. They didn't want to risk alienating any potential customers from any side by being associated with anything so controversial.
In between Superstore and The Big Bang Theory I watched Season 1 of; "Animal Control." Having to rush through all 12 episodes in about 14 days.
If I'm being honest the main thing that attracted to me to the show was Vella Lovell who plays "Emily Price." Although that is slowly forcing me to come to terms with the fact that there probably isn't going to be a third season of "Mr Mayor." Chrissy Teigan was rather funny in that. As was their portrayal of TMZ.
The premise of the show is that the Olympic Snowboarder "Fred - Shred - Taylor," played by Michael Rowland suffers an injury which ends his career. Forcing him to start a new career in the Animal Control department of the greater Seattle municipal government. All the comedy which comes from him trying to fit in with his new workmates.
One of those new workmates is "Victoria Sands," played by Grace Palmer. A supposedly single bisexual woman with a huge appetite for recreational drugs. One of the infamous; "Unicorns" from sleazy Swinger sex party slang. In the opening credits the Victoria character is shown trying to catch an actual Unicorn.
I used to work as a Traffic Warden in the UK. Which is the same sort of really low-level local government law enforcement job. So the workplace portrayed in Animal Control does seem rather familiar to me. I actually remember one occasion when one of my fellow Traffic Wardens found a lost Dog. So all of the other Traffic Wardens in the entire city stopped being Traffic Wardens for the rest of the day. In order to become volunteer Animal Control officers and try to reunite this lost Dog with its owner.
I even worked with a couple of former police officers. Who really should have been disgraced by their careers with the South Africa Police (SAP), the British South Africa Police (BSAP) and the Royal Ulster Constabulary (RUC). Honestly, at times it did start to resemble a really cr*ppy farce set in the Shanghai Municipal Police (SMP). Sort of like the BBC's; "SAS:Rogue Heroes." Only done for laughs. And terrible.
Animal Control is set in Washington State which is close to the Canadian border. In fact I think the show is actually filmed in Canada. So there are lots of jokes about; "Canadian Maths" meaning the Metric System. The Victoria Sands character is from New Zealand where they also use the Metric System.
At one point two characters are arguing about whether the office thermostat should be set at 73ºF or 75ºF. They ask Victoria her opinion and she replies;
"Yeah, I don't what either of those numbers mean. And, frankly, I can't be bothered to learn."
As Animal Control officers the characters in the show spend a lot of their time being called out to deal with wild animals which have wandered into people's homes and gardens. This also struck a chord with me as I also have a lot of experience of wild animals. Specifically a family Foxes who consider my compound to be a key part of their territory.
For the most part the Foxes are either asleep or wandering around looking miserable and hungry. Occasionally though the Foxes do provide moments of absolutely brilliant entertainment.
For example this current generation of Foxes share their birthday with the Popstar and my ex-wife Rihanna. Specifically February 20th 2023 (20/2/23). So the birthday just after Rihanna had used her appearance at the Super Bowl Half-Time Show to reveal that she was pregnant with her second child. While I always thought it would be impossible for her to be happy after we divorced(!)
So there I was trying to sensitively cover Rihanna's Super Bowl performance. Deciding it wasn't worth the effort of me going shouting in her face on her birthday. When I heard what I was pretty sure was the sound of a Fox giving birth.
Prompting me to think; "Okay Universe. You're taking the p*ss now!"
It turns out the Universe wasn't finished there though!
I've come to the decision that it is a universal truth, shared across all mammals that; BABIES ARE ADORABLE!!!!
My mothers have a Dog who can be, what all Dog owners will understand as, "a bit of a pain." She's a Cocker Spaniel which is a type of Gun-Dog.
A Gun-Dog's entire purpose in life is to run into bushes and undergrowth to scare any Birds hiding there to fly up. As soon as the Birds fly up the Gun-Dog instinctively knows to sit perfectly still. While their Human blasts the Birds out of the sky with their shotguns. The Gun-Dog's purpose is then to carefully pick the Bird up in its mouth and carry it back to its Human without causing any further damage.
So Gun-Dog's are gentle to their core. One of my mothers' Dog's favourite games is to pick up a leaf in her mouth and carry it around. Several hours later she will proudly present you with the leaf, completely undamaged.
However while it would never really occur to my mothers' Dog to bite anything she's still not what anyone would describe as; "Friendly." Basically whenever she's in a pack with other Dogs she always finds herself at the bottom of the pack. So every time she encounters a new mammal she feels the need to prove she doesn't deserve to be at the bottom, this time.
While visiting my mothers back in May of 2024 we were walking the Dog past a hedgerow when we spotted two Hares, Bunny Rabbits basically. This is normally the sort of thing that would send the Dog mad. However these two Bunny Rabbits had four of five little baby Bunny Rabbits with them. This was clearly Mummy and Daddy Bunny Rabbit taking their precious little baby Bunny Rabbits on their first adventure into the big, wide World.
Even the Dog was like; "Nope. I can respect that."
So whenever new baby Foxes are expected everything with ears and noses sensitive enough to know about it gets very excited. Cats travel from far and wide to confirm the rumour. The captive Dogs all beg the travelling Cats for news of the rumour.
Of course the most excitement comes from the Foxes extended families. All of the potential new aunties, uncles and cousins gather to stand guard and talk about all the exciting things they're going to do to help the exciting new babies when they arrive.
Like Human babies Fox babies learn motor-skills though play. Their most important skill is to use their paws and jaws to hunt and, more commonly, scavenge food. Digging is a vitally important part of a Fox's life. The ground is where the Worms are hiding.
So as they're excitedly waiting for the new baby Foxes to arrive the assembled aunties, uncles and cousins often bring gifts of toys. Anything that is small and leathery, like shoes and wallets, most closely resemble prey. So they make for the best toys.
Although it took me about six weeks to notice it in the long, wet grass it turns out in preparation for the birth of this generation of Foxes one of the extended family had brought them a leather cellphone case as a gift. It still contained the Samsung Smartphone.
In no small part Rihanna's Superbowl performance was in reference to when I found the US Popstar Miley Cyrus being firmly shoved in my direction. Amid rumours that Miley Cyrus may be a single, bisexual woman. A Unicorn. With everyone still being in Pandemic Lockdown in early 2021 I thought it would be hugely entertaining gossip for Rihanna and I to reprise our roles as a married couple. With Miley Cyrus auditioning for the third in the; "Throuple." Having to win each of us over, individually.
Obviously that performance would have involved Rihanna, Miley Cyrus and I talking to each other directly on Social Media. If things were to get more serious than that then we would need to take things offline, such as by exchanging cellphone numbers.
Unfortunately the CIA prevented us from even going so far as talking to each other directly on Social Media. Denying everyone much hilarity. Much more hilarity than they're allowed in shows like Superstore. Even Animal Control noticeably toned it down between pilot and commission.
So the generation of Foxes that share Rihanna's birthday being given a gift of a cellphone, just as we were all talking about it. That does make it appear as though the Foxes are more intelligent than the CIA.
It turns out the Universe wasn't finished there though!
The Den where I heard this generation of Foxes being born is actually beneath a shed in one of my neighbour's garden. As the back wall of this massive shed already forms a pretty effective wall I've not felt the need to build another wall or fence next to it. So the Fox's Den backs onto a, roughly 2mx2m patch of grass on my property. This is bordered with bricks laid on their sides.
Although only being about 10cm high for a newly born Fox Kit these bricks represent a completely insurmountable barrier. So previous Mummy and Daddy Foxes often decided that this is a very good place to take their precious new baby Foxes on their first adventures into the big, wide World. Leading me to dub it; "The Fox Nursery."
This means I often get to see the precious little baby Foxes on their first adventures into the big, wide World. At a time when they still don't know what their legs are, let alone how they work. Some of their eyes haven't even fully opened yet.
If you have ever seen a Puppy or Kitten when they are that young then you either breed Puppies or Kittens. Or you are an absolute monster! Who has caused Puppies or Kittens to be torn away from their mothers are far, far too young an age.
It is almost impossible to explain how cute Fox Kits are at that age! As they are seeing the World for the very first time and don't really have any concept of what they are yet. They don't even know what Humans are, let alone that they're supposed to be scared of them. So they're perfectly happy to go tumbling over my feet, being completely unable to tell them apart from an upturned brick.
Things do get a bit weird a few weeks later though when the Fox Kits realise what Humans are and their mother is trying to teach them that they're supposed to be afraid of them. Despite us all being able to remember them tumbling over my feet and me doing nothing. Their mother can normally remember tumbling over my feet herself and me doing nothing.
However this generation of Foxes decided not to use the Fox Nursery. So weeks went by without me seeing them. Leading me to doubt whether I'd actually heard the sound of a Fox giving birth on Rihanna's birthday.
Then the first Fox Kit decided to emerge. Beneath a floodlight I'd installed for security purposes. Presenting himself on a narrow strip of grass which resembles a fashion catwalk. That's variously been dubbed; "The Gaza Strip," "The (literal) Catwalk" or; "The Crease," for fans or aerial imagery interpretation.
The Fox decided to do this on the first Monday in May. The day of the famous Met Gala. Pregnant or not Rihanna is rather considered the queen of the Met Gala.
At around 18:45 on 25/11/24 (UK date) you can't really think this is over.
Edited at around 17:40 on 27/11/24 (UK date) to tidy the above and copy & paste;
As you may have guessed from the fact that I don't have a garden. I have gardens. So many gardens they need to be named, for identification purposes. My compound is pretty massive, by the standards of a Mega-City.
It actually reminds me of a scene from another light American sitcom; "Brooklyn Nine-Nine." The "Jake Peralta" character, played by Andy Samberg is waiting to find out what he has inherited from a rich relative who has recently died. In an effort to explain how rich this relative was he says;
"He had a separate room just for eating in. That's right, a Dining Room. In New York City!!!!"
Well, I've got a house just to do laundry in. In London!!!!
Certainly since 2004 the UK Labour Party and the Estate of the Bishop of Whitgift, the holiday home of the, really, Chief Operating Officer of the Protestant Church of England (CoE) Archbishop of Canterbury have shared in this strange delusion. That if they kill me and all my family they will be able to build an apartment block on my compound and everything in the World will, suddenly, be completely wonderful.
In order to achieve this dream they set about systematically torturing my Paternal Grandmother, who lived in one of the houses in the compound. A particularly spiteful element of this torture was denying my Grandmother medical care, forcing her to walk around on a broken and dislocated hip for about two years. During this time there was also regular violent home invasion robberies. That often resulted in bodily injury, normally to the robbers.
When all that failed they started dosing my Grandmother with Buprenorphine, a synthetic Opioid which mimics the symptoms of Dementia. They then used that to falsely diagnose my Grandmother with Dementia thinking that forcing her to pay for her Social Care would cost so much money we'd be forced to sell part of the compound at a greatly reduced price.
Obviously while they were doing that to my Grandmother I did challenge them. Including through the Law Courts.
In one case I privately prosecuted them under the Environmental Protection Act of 1990. At the hearing at a Magistrate's Court within the jurisdiction of the Bishop of Whitgift the Barrister representing the UK Labour Party argued, under oath, that a recent UK Supreme Court precedent on Vicarious Liability meant that they couldn't be prosecuted for the offence.
The first problem with that was that Vicarious Liability wasn't an issue in the case. The much more serious problem was that the UK Supreme Court had only been established about a year before. So had only made a few dozen rulings. Meaning the Court didn't need to send an Artificial Intelligence (AI) bot or a lowly trainee like Kim Kardashian trawling to discover that the precedent being citied by the Barrister representing the UK Labour Party simply did not exist. He had made it up.
The Barrister representing the UK Labour Party had knowingly and openly committed the Criminal Offence of Perjury. Despite this the Magistrates dismissed the case. Then acted as though they were being generous when they didn't award costs against me. Even though that would have led to another series of Court cases in which the Perjury and their criminal Perversion of the Course of Justice would have been really difficult to hide.
In another case I found myself acting pro se in the High Court. The Court which is just one step below the Supreme Court. The case was being heard under the Mental Capacity Act of 2005, which deals with issues such as Mental Capacity and Conservatorships. In the UK this area of Law is much more focused on resolving family conflicts than handing down judgements and passing sentence. So most Court hearings don't look like Court hearings. Although the fact that it is a Court hearing makes it a Courtroom they're normally held, without lawyers, around tables in conference rooms in non-descript office buildings.
So at the start of this High Court proceeding I stood up in that grand Victorian stone building and addressed the Court by saying something along the lines of;
"I know that it is the custom to stand while addressing the Court. However it is not usually the custom in this type of proceeding. So would the Court like me to sit or stand as I address it?"
To which the Judge curtly replied; "You can do what you like."
While hanging, unspoken in the air were the words;
"It doesn't matter what you or the Law says or does. As an official representative of the Head of the Church of England I'm going to rule in favour of the Church of England."
That High Court Judge left the profession shortly afterwards. Although her contention that Madeline McCann wasn't murdered by her parents continues to be widely discussed to this day.
My Grandmother died in late 2012, around the time of my Arranged/Forced Marriage to Rihanna at the London Summer Olympics/Para-Olympics. Just before she ran out of cash to pay for her Social Care. Something I'm still convinced she did on purpose. If you'd known her, you'd understand. The UK Labour Party run Local Government Authority went Bankrupt in 2021.
It's nearly 2025 now. I'm still here in my compound. They're still Bankrupt.
So I don't doubt they've entertained the idea of either killing the Foxes or calling the UK equivalent of Animal Control to have them taken away and killed. In hope of breaking my poor little heart.
Someone certainly had no problem poisoning one of my mothers' Cats. When they were living close to the 2012 Olympic Park, around the time of the 2012 Games. Well, someone left Anti-Freeze out in a saucer. As Anti-Freeze is the tastiest thing Cats can imagine he drank it and died of Methanol poisoning.
The big problem with targeting the Foxes in the same way is that They're not my pets. They're wild animals. They're no more my pets than the Birds in the trees are my pets.
Obviously it wouldn't make me happy to see them suffer or be killed. I think you have to have something seriously wrong with you to enjoy seeing any animal suffer needlessly. Did I mention my Sister is a licensed Sheppard? While Adult Foxes agree with Humans, baby Sheep are delicious.
However watching the Foxes suffer is actually one of my main experiences of them.
For example one the Foxes has got Mange. Similar to Scabies in Humans it's microscopic Mites which burrow under the skin and are incredibly itchy. Not knowing this the Fox has responded to the itchiness by biting off most of her own fur. Meaning she is very cold at the moment. She's recently even gone so far as to chew quite a large, nasty open wound into the top of one of her back legs.
Seemingly in every generation of Foxes it is inevitable that, at least, one will break one of their front legs. The broken bone then sets out of alignment meaning they have to spend the rest of their lives hobbling around with one of their front paws never again quite touching the ground.
Of course it would be really easy for me and my opposable thumbs to alleviate the Foxes suffering in both cases. With the Mange you just dip them in a Pesticide bath. The broken bones are even easier, you just splint them.
However it is through doing things like that Wild Animals become Domesticated Animals. Can you imagine being the first person to say; "Awww. That Cat looks so cute, but so cold. Shall we let it sleep in the cave tonight?"
THE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!
At around 18:20 on 27/11/24 (UK date) I could easily fill another hour with tales of suffering and misery. Is anyone looking forward to Thanks Giving?
Edited at around 18:05 on 28/11/24 (UK date) to tidy the above and copy & paste;
A few generations of Foxes ago one of the litter was born with, I assume, spinal paralysis. So his lungs and front legs worked but his back legs didn't.
In the not so light American animated sitcom; "Family Guy" there is the "John Herbert" character. A perverted old man who slowly goes everywhere on his walking frame. He has an equally old and decrepit Dog called; "Jesse" who can't use his back legs. So drags himself around on his belly using his front legs with his back legs trailing uselessly behind him.
This is exactly what this Fox Kit was like. His siblings though still very much loved him and wanted him to join in with their games, creating an absolutely heartbreaking sight. When they were all chasing each other around the gardens he couldn't keep up. So they would occasionally all stop to give him a chance to catch up. If there was a step of other obstacle he couldn't climb they would all gather to help pick him up and lift him over it.
In the end his Father, lovingly, put him out of what was a visibly miserable existence. The Para-Olympics are still a bit beyond Foxes. If he'd been born where my Sister tends her flock a Bird of Prey would have carried him off for food long ago. Even the local Crows were starting to size him up.
Of course this current generation of Foxes aren't the only ones to share their birthday with Rihanna. A couple of years back another litter of Foxes was born on Rihanna's birthday.
As I've said, it is almost impossible to explain just how cute Fox Kits are when they've just been born. However in recent months the Internet found itself captivated by Moo-Deng, a Pygmy Hippo living at the Khao Kheow Open Zoo in Thailand.
While a Zoologist with a microscope may well dispute this. Foxes aren't actually born with fur. Instead they're born with chubby folds of grey skin. Meaning that they do closely resemble Hippos. 6cm tall Hippos! So any Fox Kit is easily as cute as Moo-Deng.
Unfortunately the Father of the litter didn't find them at all cute. So one-by-one he killed them all. Presumably just because he found them annoying.
This clearly upset their Mother.
Obviously Foxes don't have arms and hands. So if a parent Fox needs to move a baby Fox to where they're supposed to be they gently pick them up in their jaws, grabbing them by the back of the neck.
So every time the Father would kill one of the Fox Kits their Mother would mourn them by gently picking up their corpse then carry it around in her mouth for, at least, a day. I think that Foxes are convinced that all Humans, myself included, are gods. We can make it light when it's dark, warm when it's cold, dry when it is wet. We always seem to have the best food, whenever we like.
Every time the Mother would see me, as she mournfully held the corpse of her baby in her mouth. She would stare at me as if she believed that my godlike powers must include the ability to bring her darling child back to life.
This process of the Father killing a Kit, the Mother mourning the Kit and begging me to bring it back to life went on for about six weeks. Six soul destroying weeks!
This current generation was originally a litter of four Kits. However one morning in late December 2023 I lifted the blinds to see a dead Fox laying in the road outside of my compound. Something which itself was rather appropriate. Given that in Britain the traditional Fox Hunting season begins on December 26th. If you know anything about Horses you'd know that the Humans stand about the same chance of being killed as the Foxes.
Obviously this was more than I wanted to be dealing with first thing on a Winter's morning. After reporting it to the UK equivalent of Animal Control, discovering I was about the 50th person to do so, I went off to have breakfast. By the time I felt ready to go deal with it the corpse had already gone.
So it actually took me a few days to confirm that I was now only regularly seeing three Foxes rather than four. Confirming that it was one of the local Foxes. Rather than an outside Fox that had, unsuccessfully, tried to mount an invasion.
Obviously that made me a bit sad. However I was mostly impressed that the entire litter had managed to survive for 10 months. That's a long lifespan for an urban Fox.
I didn't take the opportunity to go and poke the corpse with a stick and it was out on the road. So it is possible that it had been hit by a car. However it's far more likely that the cause of death was another Fox. Possibly even one of its own siblings.
Every year there are a lot of wildlife photograph competitions held. While I can't remember which one a few years ago one competition was won by a photograph of two Fox Kits having a play fight. So they were both up on their back legs, gripping each other with their front legs and trying to bite each other with their jaws.
As a photograph, a snapshot in time this looked really cute. Until you realise that they do that pretty much from the moment they can stand right up until the moment one of them accidentally goes a bit too far and kills the other one.
In watching these wild animals go about their life in nature I'm often reminded of the observation of John Hobbes in his 1651 essay/book; "Leviathan: The Matter, Forme and Power of a Commonwealth Ecclesiasticall and Civil."
Hobbes observed that wild animals living in the so-called; "State of Nature" were condemned to lives that were; "Solitary, Poor, Nasty, Brutish and Short." Basically so constant is the threat that another animal will kill them or steal their territory and, therefore, food supply, that they must dedicate their entire lives to fighting all the other animals until they themselves are killed, at a young age.
Hobbes went on to argue that for Humans to escape this State of Nature, allowing them to pursue higher purposes like farming, industry, art and science, they must all enter into a contract with each other. To not steal from one another and not kill each other.
That contract is only valid if there is an all powerful governing authority to enforce it. A; "Sovereign." Hobbes then goes on to explore what form this Sovereign could take. A single person anointed by God, a Monarch or King. A single person anointed by the people, a President. A group of people anointed by the people, a Parliament. Or a group of people anointed by themselves, a; "Soviet."
Whatever form the Sovereign takes Hobbes argued that its primary purpose was to keep the people safe. If it failed to do so then the contract is broken and the Sovereign is illegitimate.
Hobbes' work was expanded upon and evolved by subsequent writers and thinkers. Notably Jean-Jacques Rosseu who actually coined the term; "The Social Contract" in his 1762 essay/book of that name.
A Social Contract is one of those evolving things decided by the people living in the society at the time. However the essence is that everyone in society agrees not to steal from and kill one another. Disputes are resolved through a Sovereign Legal System. Rather than by biting each other's faces off.
From the concept of a Social Contract arose the concept of; "Natural Justice." Standing in contrast to; "Natural Law" - life in the State of Nature. It lays out a set of principles which establish a legal system as fair and, therefore, legitimate and Sovereign. Principles such as;
Audi Alteram Partem (let the other side be heard). A legal ruling cannot be legitimate unless it all parties to the dispute have been allowed to make their argument and have it considered.
Ultra Vires (beyond the powers). Rulings cannot be legal if they are based on laws or legal precedents which don't actually exist.
Nemo judex in causa sua (no-one is judge of their own cause). An official representative of the Head of the Church of England cannot make a ruling in a dispute over the conduct of the Church of England.
If the principles of Natural Justice are not upheld then the Sovereign has failed in its duty to keep the people safe and is no longer legitimate.
At around 18:25 on 28/11/24 (UK date). I'm starting to agree with the Haredim. Being Jewish is a full time job.
Edited at around 18:00 on 2/12/24 (UK date) to lovingly tidy the above and copy & paste;
As with "The Fable of the Bees: Private Vices, Publick Benefits" (Greed is Good) by Bernard Mandeville or John Locke's "Labour Theory of Property" Hobbes Leviathan is among the theories and ideas which are considered the foundations of much of the modern world.
In his; "Second Treatise of Civil Government" Locke actually built upon Leviathan. Hobbes argued that the natural world was a; "Commonwealth." A gift from God which was under the complete control of the all powerful Sovereign, anointed by God. While Locke argued that by applying our labour to this Commonwealth we can turn parts of it into our private property. Rather than the property of the all powerful Sovereign.
As with Aristotle's observation that the Human heart is connected to the rest of the Human body by "strings," Veins and Arteries. Isaac Newton's observation that when an Apple falls from a tree it is pulled towards the ground by "Gravity." Ibrahim Sahl's Law observing how Electromagnetic Waves (including Light) change speed when they pass through mediums of different densities. Along with many others. Locke, Hobbes' and Mandeville's work was written down and transported between many different parts of the World and cultures. Where they were adopted due them actually being quite good ideas.
Although you'll probably struggle to find someone at a Conference of Parties (COP) to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) Summit who thinks Locke's Labour Theory of Property is a good idea.
It is Locke's Labour Theory of Property that still dictates that you cannot be paid for leaving a tree standing, absorbing Greenhouse Gases (ghg's). Instead you must apply your labour by chopping it down and selling to someone to burn, releasing Greenhouse Gases. You must then use part of the money to buy a machine which does a much worse job of removing Greenhouse Gases from the atmosphere.
At the same time you also have to engage in a brutal and brutally complex negotiation over who is going to pay for all the Loss & Damage all this labour by other people has done. While you're also engaged in an equally brutal and brutally complex negotiation over how to establish Carbon Markets. A series of complex financial instruments which allow you to repair the obvious crack in the one of the foundations of Economics.
Hobbes, Locke and Mandeville's work was all done during a period of Western European history known as; "The Age of Enlightenment." This replaced a period of Western European history known as; "The Dark Ages."
During the Dark Ages the rule of the Roman Catholic Christian Church was absolute. Anything with challenged the absolute rule of the Roman Catholic Church, such as art, science or philosophy was illegal. This was the era of the infamous; "Spanish Inquisition." When Galileo Galilei, correctly, observed that the Earth orbits the Sun. Not the other way around, as the Roman Catholic Church insisted. For this "Crime" Galileo was imprisoned, tortured and banished for the next 350 years. With the Roman Catholic Church not apologising until 1992.
Of course the rules of the Roman Catholic Church controlled society were written down in a book; "The Bible." However this was written in Latin, which almost nobody was able to read. To make matters worse Copy & Paste wasn't an option at the time. So the only way to copy this rule book was for someone to write it out by hand. Meaning there were very few copies available
So even if you were educated enough to read, then educated enough to read in Latin. You also had to be rich enough to take about a year off work to travel to visit one of these copies of the rule book.
Even if you were able to get to look at a copy of the rule book, be educated enough to read it and point out the obvious lie. Then the Roman Catholic Church still had its secret weapon. The doctrine of; "Dogma." The Pope is the Messiah, anointed by God. So the word of the Pope is the word of God and, therefore, binding law.
So you could sit down and debate with the Pope, categorically winning the argument according to the existing rules. Only for the Pope to turn around and say; "Nope. You've lost. I've said you've lost so you've lost. This is the new law of God!"
Protestant Christianity began as a protest movement within the Roman Catholic Church. "Protestant" is literally Latin for; "Protesting." This protest movement really became official when Martin Luther wrote his; "Ninety-Five Theses; Disruption on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences" (Disputatio pro declaratione virtutis indulgentiarum) in 1517.
This was quickly banned by the Roman Catholic Church. However the movement only grew in 1529 when six Princes of the Roman Catholic Church called for the ban to be lifted and Martin Luther's theses to be widely distributed. "The Protestation at Speyer."
The protesters particularly objected to the rule book of the Roman Catholic Church only being available in Latin and hidden away. All so few could actually read it. So a big part of the movement that Martin Luther started (Lutherism) involved translating the Bible in the local language people could actually read. While using the newly invented printing press to mass produce copies of the Bible. So everyone could have a copy, in every home.
In around 1530 the English King Henry Tudor (Henry VIII) decided that he'd had enough of his wife Catherine of Aragon. However he was frustrated by the Roman Catholic Church's refusal to grant him an Annulment or Divorce. So he co-opted the legitimate aspirations of the Lutheran protesters to establish a new Protestant Church, the Church of England (CoE) of which he was God's anointed head. Funnily enough, he decided to grant himself an annulment.
Henry VIII also decided he liked spending money a lot more than he liked earning it. So he simply seized all assets and property of the Roman Catholic Church in England as his own. He then invaded neighbouring Ireland in order to seize all of the assets and property of the Roman Catholic Church there as his own.
Obviously some of the protesters who'd been tricked into joining Henry VIII's new cult still clung to the notion that their legitimate aspirations would, one day, be realised. So they continued to point to the rule book, now written in English and available in every home, and draw attention to the obvious lies.
Henry VIII was succeeded by Elizabeth I. By the time that Elizabeth I had been replaced by James I more and more of the protesters had started to realise that they'd been scammed by the cult. So James I simply re-wrote the rule book. To prove that the protesters aspirations were not legitimate and they needed to obey. After all, he is anointed by God so his word is the word of God.
More than any other this King James Bible is the foundational document of British Colonialism and the African Slave Trade.
White, English protesters however were not quelled by the oppression of this new 'bible.' Given how they were already so familiar with the previous Bible. So under the reign of King Charles I, successor to James I, the First English Civil War broke out in 1642. With the Monarchy being overthrown and England becoming a Protestant Christian Republic, the "Commonwealth" to which Hobbes referred. The Protestant Christians who ran this English Republic were very pure in their interpretation of Protestant Christianity. They were "Puritans."
The Puritans have got to be the most intentionally miserable group of people history has ever produced. One of the main things their English Republic did was ban the celebration of Christmas. Which is the second most important and, by far, most popular festival in the Christian calendar. The Puritans felt that celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, son of God and the one true Messiah was too much of a distraction from the dour work of worshiping Jesus Christ.
If history has produced any group of people more intentionally miserable than the Puritans. Than it is the; "Pilgrims." While the Puritans battled to make everyone in Europe miserable the Puritans gave up and set off to be miserable somewhere else, by colonising North America. I still think it's Europeans who should be giving thanks to Native Americans over that one.
Funnily enough, England quite quickly got fed up with being a Puritan Protestant Christian Republic. So in 1648 they had a Second English Civil War. Which restored Henry Tudor's weird cult. Under King Charles II.
It was during this second civil war that Hobbes wrote Leviathan. With it being published, printed and widely circulated shortly afterwards. The "Leviathan" of the title is actually a creature from the Bible.
Despite both being followers of the teachings of Abraham, "The Abrahamic Religions," Judaism and Christianity actually have very different concepts of G0d. In Christianity God is something of conceptual other. An old man looking down on us from another dimenson; "Heaven." While in Judaism there is only one dimension and that dimension is G0d.
At the time of the First Temple of Jerusalem, around 800-1000 years before the Peleset Colonisers first began arriving from Europe, Judaism was actually a polytheistic religion. They had relationships with different gods, at the same time. Or, arguably, told elaborate allegories celebrating different aspects of the one G0d.
One celebrated aspect of G0d was; "Hadad" - the god of Storms and Rain. In my extremely superficial knowledge of both I find Hadad to be very similar to Susanoo-no-Mikoto - the god or; "Kami" of sea, storms and general hydrological tantrums from Japanese Shinto.
Another celebrated aspect of G0d was; "Yam" - the god of the sea and water sources. Again in my extremely superficial knowledge of both I find Yam to be similar to the Dragons in the Chinese "Four Dragon Tale." Humans relied on Dragons to bring them water from the sea. One day the Dragons defied the Supreme God of High Heaven (Tayi) and brought Humans water without permission. So Tayi punished them by trapping them in mountains. Yet the Dragons continued to defy Tayi by giving Humans water by turning themselves into China's Four Great Rivers.
Yam even had his own Dragon-like coiled servant; "Lotan" which was defeated by Hadad. Lotan being the original Leviathan.
By around 700 BC (around 600 years B.P) the allegories celebrating the different aspects of G0d were gathered together in The Hebrew Bible, the first Bible. This also established the concept of the single G0d with many different aspects to be celebrated. It was at this point Lotan became Leviathan.
In around 300 BC (around 200 years B.P) Alexander the Great colonised Israel as part of his Empire. There is still much debate as to whether Alexander the Great came from the modern nation of North Macedonia or the Macedonia Province in the North of modern Greece. However there is universal agreement that he was a White, Male, European Coloniser. Probably also a Homosexual.
Judah Macabee is really the Jews only famous warrior. He is famous for expelling The Seleucid Empire, the successor to Alexander the Great's White, Colonial European Empire from Jerusalem. You can't help but wonder whether the start of the White, European Colonial raids by the Pelest of Crete some 67 years later was a deliberate retaliation.
Being White, European Colonisers, like the Peleset, Alexander the Great and the Seleucid Empire spoke what is now known as; "Koine Greek." So they translated the Hebrew Bible into Koine Greek which is sometimes also known as; "Biblical Greek."
In around 180 BC (around 80 years B.P) the Roman Empire began defeating the Seleucid Empire. In 380 AD (around 480 years A.P) Emperor Theodosius adopted Christianity as the religion of the Roman Empire. Issuing the; "Edict of Thessalonica" in modern Greece.
Now established as the; "Holy Roman Empire" the Italians started translating the Koine Greek Bible into Latin. With the Latin Bible becoming the rule book of the Roman Catholic Church. When Martin Luther started protesting within the Roman Catholic Church the Latin Bible started being translated into lots of different languages.
It is another key difference between Judaism and Christianity. In Christianity, along with Islam, it is seen as your duty to obey the word of God. Not to understand it or interpret it, let alone argue with it. Just obey it.
Apparently that's what qualified Ibrahim Ali al-Badri (Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi) to become the Caliph or Messiah of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL/Daesh). His degree in Tajweed, reading the Qu'ran out loud. Not understanding it, just reading it out loud. I don't know if you've noticed but you can train a Parrot to make sounds which resemble Human words in response to the right visual cues.
Within Judaism it is seen as your duty to, almost, argue with the word of G0d. So not only are you expected to be able to read the Bible, either to yourself or out loud, you're expected to make copious notes on your understanding of the Bible. Then share and discuss your notes on the understanding of the Bible with others. Then make copious notes on those discussions. Then discuss those notes, making copious notes.
I think the last time I wrote in length about the principles of Natural Justice was within the context of Judicial Review. Within the context of Israel's 2018-Present Political Crisis. Within the context of the Eurovision Song Contest.
A big source of friction in Israel's ongoing political crisis is Ultra-Orthodox Men (Haredi), and it is only Haredi men, refusal to join the workforce. Let alone the military. Their argument is that being Jewish is already a full time job. As I try to explain the meaning of the Leviathan within Judaism. I have to say I'm starting to feel a bit of sympathy for them.
The Hebrew Bible story is that at Genesis, in the beginning, G0d created two chaos monsters, male and female. If these chaos monsters were able to breed then their offspring would come to dominate the Earth, at the expense of everything else. So G0d banished the female "Leviathan" to the sea and banished the male "Behemoth" (Hippo) to the land.
At the end of days G0d will slay Leviathan and the worthy will be able to feast on her flesh and live in a shack made of her skin. While the remainder of the skin of this massive chaos monster will line the walls of Jerusalem and shine out across the World.
There are probably more Jewish interpretations on the meaning of Leviathan than there have ever been Jews, in all of history.
However one of the more popular interpretations is that Leviathan represents the enemies of Israel, who G0d will slay for the Jews. At the time of The First Temple Jerusalem was encircled by the Babylonian Empire, rather like how Lotan/Leviathan is said to be coiled around the World.
Another popular interpretation is that Leviathan and Behemoth shows G0d's superiority to Humans. What to Humans are terrifying, undefeatable chaos monsters are to G0d nothing more than domesticated pets. Almost as if I'm god, the Foxes are Leviathan, or Behemoth, while Humans like the UK Labour Party and the Bishop of Whitgift are nothing more than Mice or Worms.
Within Kabbalah the Leviathan is interpreted to mean Enlightenment. So at the end of days G0d will feed everyone with knowledge and an Age of Enlightenment will replace the World's Dark Ages.
At around 18:45 on 2/12/24 (UK date) has anyone ever tried shouting; "Translation Issues!" at a COP Summit(?!)
Edited at around 18:30 on 3/12/24 (UK date) to tidy all of the above and copy & paste;
There are quite a few festivals, feast and fast days within the Jewish Calendar. However quite a few of the most important ones are gathered together in a period known as; "The High Holidays." Which all tend to fall around the autumn.
First comes; "Rosh Hashanah" - the start of the New Year. This is when G0d is said to look back on each and every Jew's actions over the past year. Then decides what their next year is going to be like, based on their behaviour in the previous year.
A week later you have; "Yom Kippur" - the Day of Atonement. When Jews are invited to look back at their behaviour over the past year. Then decide if there's anything they'd like to apologise for.
Yom Kippur is followed by the weeklong festival of; "Sukkot" (literally; "Shack"). Sukkot marks the autumn harvest. However it also symbolises the Jews exodus from Egypt. The 40 years in the desert in which Moses led the Jews in their escape from slavery, across the Sinai Peninsula, and into Israel. As they were always travelling onwards the only homes they had were rough shacks which had to be built anew each night.
During the week of Sukkot Jews are supposed to build one of these rough shacks and eat all of their meals in it. Thus proving that there's only so many DIY guides on how to safely build a Sukkot you can read, while sitting with the most powerful research tool every created at your finger tips, before you just copy & paste "Sukkot" into Google.
As Jews leave the Sukkot they pray that in the coming year G0d deems them worthy to eat and dwell in the Sukkot made of the skin of the Leviathan in Jerusalem.
The last Sabbath of Sukkot is; "Simchat Torah" - the Dancing of the Scrolls. A celebration of G0d gifting Jews knowledge in the form of the tablets handed down to Moses. Something with would certainly fit with the Kabbalah interpretation of the Leviathan as a metaphor for enlightenment. It must be said that in 2023 Simchat Torah (7/10/23) did start to resemble the end of days. Certainly for Kibbutz Be'eri's printing press.
Within Roman Catholic Christianity each person's relationship with God is governed by what's known as; "The Covenant of Works."
God sets out rules in the rule book which Humans have to follow. If a Human breaks one of these rules then they commit a; "Sin." To re-establish their contract with God they must atone for that Sin by putting it right and performing a punishment; "Penance." You may have noticed that, particularly in America, a; "Prison" is often called a; "Penitentiary." In Catholic Latin that is the Priest, as an institution of God, who administers Penance.
So in some versions of the Latin Bible the Leviathan is often portrayed as Seven Headed Sea Serpent. A metaphor for The Seven Deadly Sins; Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Lust, Gluttony and Sloth. The Sins which will do the most damage to a Human's relationship to God. The ones which require the most penance.
While in other versions of the Latin Bible the Leviathan is portrayed as Sea Serpent with only one head. A metaphor for just one of the Seven Deadly Sins; "Pride."
Although not in the Bible within the (Irish) Catholic Church Unicorns are often used as a parable warning, often children, of the perils of the deadly sin of Pride or Vanity.
Apparently Unicorns actually existed at the time of Noah and the Great Flood. However as deeply vain animals they were so busy admiring their own reflections in the growing puddles of water they missed their chance to board the Ark. So were dragged into the depth of the Sea by their own pride. Which is why there aren't any Unicorns anymore.
As one episode of; "Animal Control" touched on. A lot of young girls go through a phase where they are utterly obsessed with Unicorns. Almost as obsessed as Catholic Nuns are with beating that innocent joy out of them. Needless to say, my extended Irish family does include more than a few Catholic Nuns.
Within Protestant Christianity, particularly the Church of England, each person's relationship with God is governed by what's known as; "The Covenant of Grace."
If you believe in God then your contract with God is unbreakable. No matter how many of God's pesky little rules you break. As long as you believe in God you can break as many rules as you like, without consequences.
Probably one of the most famous Protestant Christian hymns in the World is; "Amazing Grace." This was written by the Slave Trader John Newton in 1772. It celebrates the time one of his Slave Ships was sunk in a storm. While the Godless Black Slaves all drowned as a White Protestant his Covenant of Grace with God saved him. Something he viewed as God's endorsement of the African Slave Trade, according to the King James Bible.
What really makes Amazing Grace so famous is that it is frequently performed at Black American Churches, by descendents of suvivors of the African Slave Trade. I appreciate there is a power in reclaiming terms of abuse. Such as; "Nigger" or; "Faggot." While I like to consider myself an expert in how the meaning of a song can be changed by its composition and the way it is delivered.
However if you don't know anything about the culture and you watch Black American Church choirs joyously singing Amazing Grace. Then look up the song on Wikipedia. It comes across as seriously weird.
When Martin Luther began his protests within the Roman Catholic Church it had become an epically corrupt institution. It was particularly corrupt in the way it administered Penance. Although not the formal Latin translation that had come to mean; "Slip the Church some money." You were even able to pay that money in advance of committing the Sin. Making it abundantly clear that you were really not sorry about the Sin you were about to commit.
If the Roman Catholic Church felt that it didn't have enough money. Then it used Dogma to invent new Sins which people had to pay for. Turning the Covenant of Works from a moral code designed to prevent Sin into the institutionalisation of the Sin of Greed.
So the Protestant's adoption of the Covenant of Grace over the Covenant of Works was more about stopping the Roman Catholic Church for using Sin as a system of unfair taxation. However I think you can guess which ideology was more likely to attract people who don't think they should be bound by any form of moral code, covenant or contract. People like Henry Tudor and his weird cult.
While the concept of Sin does exist in Protestant Christianity it has nothing like the same importance as it does in Roman Catholic Christianity. Meaning that by the time you arrive at the Church of England's King James' Bible the Leviathan is portrayed as nothing other than a simple Whale. There is no metaphor or interpretation required. Just absolute obedience, as you board that ship overthere.
In Leviathan Hobbes argues that it is vitally important that the all powerful Sovereign has absolute control over all areas of education. Which, at the time, meant the Church's teachings. There were very few schools and the ones that did exist were run by Churches. Not all of them part of Henry Tudor's weird cult.
However by using the Hebrew Leviathan in the title of his essay/book Hobbes was also drawing attention to how the supposed word of God has been changed many times. In order to oppress the people.
So it reads like a passionate support for Henry Tudor's weird cult, with its King Charles II and his King James Bible. Yet, at the same time, it really, really isn't.
Recently you may have heard a lot in the news about the; "Litani River." Particularly in that gap between the US Presidential Election on November 5th (5/11/24) and now. A gap which is really best described as; "The 29th Conference of Parties to the UNFCCC." You may have particularly heard about the Litani River as it relates to the border between modern Israel and modern Lebanon.
The Litani River is considered to be the manifestation of Lotan/Leviathan. Such as how Japan's Mount Fuji is considered to be the manifestation of Kuni-no-Tokotachi - the first of the Seven Ages/Generations of the Gods (Kami). However if you look on Wikipedia it will tell you that; "Litani" means; "Lion." Due to Wikipedia relying on the Koine Greek Bible for its translation.
These sort of; "Translation Issues" are a huge, difficult part of negotiating international treaties and conventions. The United Nations (UN) has six official languages. There is a designated language for each UN negotiation process. For the UNFCCC it's English.
However once you've gone through the intellectually brutal process of designing a legal architecture that works in the official language, then got everyone to agree to it. You've then got to translate it into, not only the other UN languages, but all the languages of the nations who've signed up to it. In order to check that it also works in all of those languages. It's always a risk of passing any new law that you might, accidentally, end up legalising murder.
A good example of this is the European Union (EU) Common Arrest Warrant. The law underpinning this was originally written in French, the official EU language designated for the negotiation.
In the French legal system criminal investigations are led by a Judge. An "Investigating Magistrate" who is embedded with the police as the lead investigator. So even in translations the law makes reference to warrants issued by a; "Judicial Authority." However in a lot of other legal systems criminal investigations are exclusively the domain of the police. Judicial Authorities, such as Magistrates, are not involved until after an arrest has been made.
So there continues to be much expensive legal argument over whether the law applies as written. Meaning that warrants can only be issued by a Magistrate. Or whether the law applies as intended. Meaning what warrants can be issued by the lead investigator, be that a police officer or investigating Magistrate.
To give you an idea of how torturous and time consuming this translation process can be. South Africa alone has twelve official languages.
Of course in the over-time of the COP20 Summit I ordered a rewrite to Article 4 of the Paris Agreement, under the UNFCCC. Just two hours later John Kerry held a press conference declaring that the legal architecture was complete and Climate Change had been defeated!
To this day I still don't think John Kerry understands the implications of freeing China, as a developing nation, from all obligations perpetuitatem in even his own language.
At around 19:45 on 3/12/24 (UK date) illumination of documents is still a labourious process.
Edited at around 17:00 on 5/12/24 (UK date) to tidy all of the above and copy & paste;
Another problem with killing or removing the Foxes to spite me is that it's actually quite a difficult thing to do. They're considered wild animals in their natural habit so there are only very narrow criteria in which the UK equivalent of Animal Control will get involved.
That was actually another episode of the TV Show Animal Control. Someone's pet Peacock was making a lot of noise which was making all their neighbours really angry. However Animal Control could only intervene if the Peacock was making noise for a set period of time, during set hours. Something like three minutes between 11pm and 6am. So the Animal Control officers go on a stakeout to catch the Peacock making noise. The joke being that no Animal Control department is actually going to pay to do that. Particularly not one where the municipal government is already bankrupt.
So if people were to remove the Foxes they would have to pay someone to do it privately. That's a highly specialised task that not many people are qualified to do. Meaning you're really talking about paying someone to come in from the countryside. Making multiple daylong visits.
That person will need specialised humane traps to catch the Foxes along with the ability to humanely destroy the Foxes. So either a firearms (pistol) license (rare in the UK) or a license to administer drugs. Apparently the average cost of euthanizing just one animal is between £50 and £300. Killing the Foxes in an inhumane fashion, such as with dogs, poison or through starvation, is criminal offence carrying a £50,000 fine and 6 months in prison. As is destroying their Den.
If they do go to the expense of employing someone to remove the Foxes then that person will still need the permission of the landowner to lay the traps. The landowner isn't going to give that permission. With Foxes being considered wild animals rather than pests or vermin the landowner can't be compelled to give that permission.
Also removing the Foxes means they'll no longer be able to perform the vital public service of keeping the Rat population under control. Without the Foxes all their Den, the gaps between fences and flower beds etc will all become Rat's nests and Rat runs.
That's not a comment on anyone's cleanliness or hygiene. It's a fact of life. There are always going to be Rats in the same way that there are always going to be Pigeons.
If you look at the pipe at the back of a toilet you'll notice it's not straight, it's a; "U" shape, the; "U-bend." It's designed that way because Rats cannot climb up it. So I don't mean to freak you out. However there is probably a Rat in your house now, as you're reading this. It's just unable to escape from the sewage pipes. If a sewage pipe is broken then a Rat is only going to be something on a list of your problems.
Having a house just to do laundry in I actually have a sewer running, underground, through my compound. With a couple of sewer (manhole) covers. It runs from the laundry house to the main sewer under street outside of my compound. Where there is another large sewer cover just outside.
I'll often see a Fox sitting, excitedly, on these sewer covers. Including the one in the middle of the road. That's because he can smell and hear the Rats in the sewer and he wants to have them for lunch!
Rats are incontinent, meaning that they are constantly urinating and defecating on everything. Rats are also a lot smaller than Foxes. I'm tempted to say that Foxes are about the same size as a Dog. However you get very, very big Dogs and very, very small Dogs.
So a Fox is probably about the same size as a medium sized Dog. Meaning that you can quite easily see them if one gets inside your house. Along with anywhere they may have urinated or defecated. While you can't see where a Rat has been in your house. So you're far more likely to unknowingly pick up something they've urinated or defecated on. Making yourself seriously ill.
I do, genuinely, spend a lot of my time worrying about my interactions with Foxes altering their behaviour. Starting the process of turning them from Wild Animals to Domesticated Animals. "The Ethics of a Cross-Species Non-Interventionist Foreign Policy" - if you're trying to make it sound unnecessarily fancy.
It was actually something which spurred me to give my house a big clean this year. The worry that I was starting to force the evolution of a new sub-species of Moth. One that doesn't need wings as it can live its entire life in the carpet beneath plastic storage boxes, feasting on more dust than it could ever eat.
So while I find it almost unbelievably cute to have tiny little baby Fox Kits tumbling over my feet. I know that for their survival they need to learn there are things they need to be afraid of. So I occasionally help their parents out my doing my best impression of a big, scary monster!
This often develops into a bit of a game in its own right. A rather literal version of a schoolyard game that in the UK is known as; "What's The Time, Mr Wolf?" and in the US is actually known as; "What's The Time Mr Fox?"
One player stands with their back to the other players who are some distance away. The group of players ask the one player what time it is. The one player replies with a number. The group of players then take that number of steps towards the one player. When the one player thinks the group is close enough they'll turn around and try to grab as many players as they can. If a player is caught they're 'eaten' and out. The objective is to sneak up on the one player without getting caught.
So in the Spring I'll often be sitting out there on a chair, having a beer or just enjoying the sunshine. The young Foxes will then try and see how close they can sneak up to me before "Arrgh!" the big scary monster erupts! Sometimes I'll wait to see how close they get before they lose their nerve. We seem to agree that anything less than about a metre is too close. Incidentally, each of my arms are about a metre long.
Despite being worried about how my behaviour alters the Foxes behaviour. I have decided that door/window frames are magical portals. Between life in a state of nature and life in the exclusively Human state.
Obviously I explain this all, including the work of Hobbes, Locke and their metaphysical underpinnings, at great length to the Foxes as they're growing up. I don't think they ever understand. However they seem to understand that on one side of these magical portals they don't get whacked with a stick. However on the other side. They do.
Before you get triggered by my cruelty. Let me remind you that one of the Foxes favourite games to play amongst themselves is; "Let's Try To Bite Each Other's Faces Off!" So a little tap with a stick barely even registers with them.
Obviously there isn't a special; "Whacky Stick," a sort of 19th Century Horse crop, handed down through generations. That would be weird. So there's really not even just one stick, so much as the first stick which comes to hand. Normally one of those Bamboo stakes you use to support plants as they grow.
These make such a tremendous noise as they tear through the air that it hurts the Foxes sensitive little ears. So much so that they rarely hang around long enough to find out what the rest of the stick is going to do to their bodies. So I don't think we've ever got to the point where I've actually had to make contact with one.
As a result I can leave the doors and windows on the buildings within my compound open as much as I like. No matter how cold or wet or how interesting the food smells. The Foxes know they're not allowed through the magical portals. I've yet to be able to educate a Rat in the same way.
This isn't me trying to devise some elaborate bluff to discourage people from trying to harm my beloved Foxes. This is the voice of experience.
Specifically the experience when growing up that my Brother decided the Foxes were a danger to our pet Cat. So we had to go through the torturous process of getting the Foxes removed. Only for them to be replaced with Rats. We were more than pleased when, eventually, a new Fox wandered in and thought;
"This all looks very nice and bountiful. I'm surprised no-one's living here. I think I'll move in."
Obviously I don't think it would be a good idea for New York City to try and tackle its famous Rat problem by introducing Foxes. That would lead to what happened with a number of Japanese islands, such as Aoshima.
Local fishermen introduced Feral or Wild Cats to tackle the Rats who were stealing the Fish. However the Human population began to decline while the Cat population continued to expand rapidly. So you now have entire Japanese islands which are populated, almost exclusively, by large gangs of Feral Cats. Which might sound cute. Until you actually meet a Feral Cat, let alone a huge gang of them.
According to The Big Bang Theory the collective noun for a group of Cats is a; "Clowder." That may be true of Domestic Cats. However, let me assure you, the correct collective noun for a group of Feral Cats is most definitely a; "Hurricane!"
While it would, probably, be a mistake for New York City to introduce Foxes to tackle its problem. I also think it's probably a bad idea to remove Foxes in order to create a Rat problem.
Obviously the people who've had their wallets, shoes and cellphones stolen might still want to get rid of the Foxes. However I think that even in that the Foxes are performing a vital public service. Here in the domain of the Bishop of Whitgift and the UK Labour Party they're, clearly, not the only things with a tendency to take.
If your house is unsecured enough that a Fox can sneak in to swipe your phone or wallet then a Human can sneak in and swipe your phone or wallet. While a Fox might steal your car keys it's not going to steal your car!
To be continued in a second part.
18:37 on 5/12/24 (UK date).
