It's around 10:30 on Monday May 14th (14/5/12).
Due to some odour issues that made a trip on the national rail network and it's police check points unattractive I unexpectedly decided to stay down in Brighton over Friday (11/5/12) night. As I didn't have my meds with me this meant that I did not sleep. So when I arrived home at around 14:45 on Saturday (12/5/12) all I wanted to do was have a shower, take a nap and eat dinner. By the time I'd finished with that we were into the big live shows on both BBC1 and ITV1 so I went to bed. When I woke up we were within two hours of race time at the Formula 1 Spanish Grand Prix so I decided to keep quiet. On reflection "Home Safe" were the two words I was looking for on Twitter but at that point the fact that I was both home and safe was immediately obvious to me.
Apart from being sociable the purpose of the trip to Brighton was to blow off steam after the end of the madness with Libya, Syria and the European elections and before the start of the madness with the G8 Summit, the NATO Summit and the Egyptian Presidential election. I achieved this objective by drinking too much, being obnoxious and generally making a fool of myself. So I'm not sure exactly rumours you've heard but they're probably true. One rumour that isn't true though is about me crapping my pants in a pub. What happened is that my friend decided that it was time for me to learn how to play poker. He announced this by turning up with two strangers who were in full poker mode and full of bullsh*t to help me part with my money. So when we got back to the house I pulled out the big guns by taking my boxer shorts off and hanging them over the radiator in the bathroom to provide a disconcerting talking point as the other players went to and from the bathroom. This plan has two minor floors in it. Firstly my friends adult step-daughter was unexpectedly home with someone who may or may not be a her boyfriend. Secondly I was far to drunk the learn the complex rules of poker so instead I was sat down with a "Guess the corporate logo" game on an iPad while everyone else got on with the game.
One of the logos on app was for Spanish mobile telephone giant "Movistar" but no matter how many times I typed that in with various different spellings the iPad refused to accept that I was correct. This led to a lengthy rant about the history of Movistar and how I was right and the iPad was wrong. Despite this and all the talk of football no-one mentioned that the Movistar logo could also be the logo of etisalat which you see plastered around football stadiums across the UK. etisalat of course is Movistar's attempt to expand their business into the middle-east with help from the Abu Dhabi Sovereign wealth fund.
The other big bit of news from Brighton is that around the time the Leveson Inquiry shut down (16:00bst) I decided to act decisively on the smart phone front buying a second hand Samsung Galaxy phone for my father and a previously owned BlackBerry for myself. All I need to do now is figure out exactly what model of BlackBerry I've brought, get hold of a users manual and decide on a service provider. Although it would be difficult to top up credit I not really seeing a reason why I should be limited to a UK service provider after all surely they should be paying me to get access to my emails, text (sms) messages and phonecalls.
Anyway on Saturday morning I gathered up my belongings and my friend and I looked at the several cellphones, multiple sim cards, few receipts and some other objects of questionable legality and decided it would probably be best if he drove me home. First though he had to take his car to the garage because there was a strange knocking sound coming from the the front right wheel. My friend was convinced that this was definitely an expensive problem with either the brakes or the wheel brushes and had apparently been complaining about it all week. In the garage they took the car for a test drive, put it up on an inspection ramp and after seconds of careful examination concluded that my friend hadn't tightened the wheel nuts up. Doing a "Perez" as I believe it's now known. Anyway we left just as Q3 was starting and quickly had to stop for fuel before heading to Croydon getting stuck in a torturous traffic jam near Purley Way but like I said I arrived back around 14:45.
The reason why my Internet connection was down yesterday (13/5/12) was the Americans and the British trying to get information out of people - mainly the Chinese - while the Spanish Grand Prix, the tennis in Madrid, some golf in Florida and the final day of the English Premier League (EPL) were going on. In the EPL Manchester City (the Libyan rebels) beat Manchester United (the Brits) to the title after overcoming Queens Park Rangers QPR (the SAS/SIS/INC) with a last gasp winner in tense final game. I think this is a more or less accurate sporting metaphor because Libya has not yet collapsed into the fullscale carnage that Britain had been hoping for when it sent the SAS/SIS/INC in to fake the uprising. However Libya is far from stable yet so I'd be worried about them getting too confident about the EPL result because if you want to be wholly accurate Manchester City should be Abu Dhabi in the footballing code.
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