Fabio Ca-fucking-pello

He's a very good club manager that England have been trying to mould into position for a number of years. In that time no-one explained to him that the World Cup is not a club competition. So waiting until 2 hours before kick off to name your starting 11 does not help you team play as a team. Also Wallcott should have played and Lennon should have stayed home.

Rachel has just been evicted from the Big Brother house leaving Shabby and Sunshine still in. So I should give you my rough guide to Sunshine;

• Yvette. 24, white, straight. The name she's chosen to give herself "Sunshine" could be the launch codes for Iran's nuclear program. Fortunately it looks like they're too well encrypted for MI6 to understand unless of course MI6 are bluffing. It could also be a reference to Summer Glau an American actress who starred in the US TV show "Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles" alongside Brian Austin Green. Brian Austin Green may or may not be getting married to Megan Fox who may or may not be starring in the film "Transformers 3." As for Yvette she looks a bit like Amy Winehouse. She also looks a bit like Samantha Cameron, an ex-girlfriend of mine called Rebecca, Lady Sovereign who starred in Celebrity Big Brother 2010 and alleged attended that Mayfair squat party. She also possibly looks like one of my cousins fiancee who is also newly qualified as a doctor and she does look a bit like Nikki Grahame who is former of Big Brother housemate who suffered badly with eating disorders and tells a similar story to my sister. There are probably some more I've forgotten but that's the thing about a spinner. If you want to see it she'll look like it. This is reflected in the other housemates voting her as "the mole" when Mario held the offical title. The real moles are of course Ife and Shabby. Not in any tracable way, their experience means they just have a better understanding of the environment.

I will try and provide a guide to the other housemates over the weekend but I assure you that this list is being published in descending order of importance and well are you familiar with the term "Room Meat"?