Things Must Be Bad.

My local MP has written me a letter. More accurately his office have sent an automated response to me and everyone else who signed the informal petition against the behaviour of the henhouse.

Now I did not draw up this petition so I don't really know what "we the undersigned" demanded or who we demanded it from. However from the MP's letter I can deduce that a copy has been sent to Malcolm Wickes, the local (labour) Member of Parliament who in turn passed it on to the Chief Executive of Croydon Council to see what action can be taken. Given that the owners of the henhouse have declared assets in excess of £250million I don't think much action will be taken.

Writing to Malcolm Wickes will be particularly useless because he is no longer a member of the government and therefore has no say as to how much funding Croydon Council receive. Also he did appoint that Indian man to the lucrative role of head of climate change strategy at the Department of Energy and Climate Change. In future I recommend writing to Chris Huhne, the new energy minister who has clear permission to "re-structure" the department even if he is only a LibDem.

Inspite of all those insults this petition is far from useless. In my more formal petition to Croydon Magistrates Court it will mean that I am more then able to prove that the residents of number 50 have caused a nuisance to the other residents of Beechwood Avenue. We are just debating if they've caused a statutory nuisance, a private nuisance or a public nuisance. A public nuisance is of course a criminal offence that most certainly can be dealt with by the police. However we are currently carrying out a threat assessment on number 50 and after this post I would prefer it if it remained at low to non-existent.

The fact that the state and I have reached this point in discussions has forced the Brits to issue a statement preventing heart surgeons at a UK hospital from preforming any further operations. Of course this is not due to the Brits thinking that this sort of operation is morally wrong. They just think that the operators should grow some talent before they attempt further operations

In other legal news the British Courts ruled yesterday (29/7) that photocopies of the spouses financial affairs may no longer be entered as evidence in divorce proceedings. Apart from the obvious impact on divorce proceedings this is the Court of Protection finally accepting that they can't throw out my proceeding on the grounds that I haven't committed a criminal offence. The fact that it has taken this long for them to realise that means that I think teaching Croydon Magistrate Court about the Environmental Protection Act 1990 is going to be a long process. In the interests in preserving marriages across the land I think I should point out that I am slightly knowledgeable about the law and I'm entitled to bring in the heavy weapons for free.

In other news Ben has been evicted from the Big Brother house. This is doubly disappointing because he'd just started to get his Mandelson on. Secondly his eviction means that Andrew is still in the house. His continued presence is going to force Corin's persona away from the joy that is Corin and into the horror that is this woman I used to work with in my traffic warden days in Brighton. Not only was Heather Canadian her father was a Mountie who may have slightly murdered two innocent men on an undercover operation. The protests outside her childhood home did the children no good and made the Christmas day telephone conversation I had with her father where I answered with no words "No I'm not her husband" one of the most unpleasant conversations either of us have other had. Also in Big Brother, to no-one's surprise Sam has been inflicted on the house. Apart from being hugely annoying Sam is also Jewish. Not only that but he is the mirror for a particularly punchable member of a mysterious North London Jewish sect. As this means that Britain has now declared war on both the Jews and the Muslims while asking for more nuclear weapons I think I should probably leave this subject until something resembling sobriety has returned.