If In Doubt Phone Your Mother.

Of course my soon to be lesbian ex-mother is also a managing team leader of the physiotherapy department at Mayday/Croydon University Hospital. As they occasionally share staff with the elderly care wards I thought it was only fair that at around 23:20 I sent her a text message.

I explained that my grandmother had been admitted with police help after refusing food and water for several days and has been admitted overnight. Considering that she's played this game many, many times before with my sister of various eating disorders (Milly Dowler) I only thought she should be warned that her ex husband will be knocking around work for a couple of days yet.

At around 23:35 I received a call from a very nice Irish man who had lots of specific questions about my grandmother but very few specific answers so I dismissed him as a blaggard. This was probably a mistake because about two minutes later he phoned my father and turned out to be the admitting doctor from elderly care who asked very specific questions about the drugs my grandmother was on (Buprenorphine 5 micrograms/hour per hour transdermal patch) and how much her house was worth.

So anyway I think the point I made to my mother was that I'll be up for hours yet but it's an early start tomorrow so I'll be leaving my phone on in case there's any gossip.