It's Been Announced.

The Conservative and Liberal Democrat governing coalition that was agreed on May 7th has finally been made public. After a short period for the LibDems to come to terms with the fact that the last five days have been a lie key details of the coalition have been announced. Firstly the coalition will be a formal coalition governed by a set of rules and enshrined in law. That means that the LibDems will vote the way the Conservatives tell them and on rare occasions abstain from voting. Also they will not instigate a motion of no-confidence against the Conservatives and vote against any motion brought by any of the other parties. In return the LibDems get five (5) Cabinet posts and a further fifteen (15) lesser government jobs.

The majority of the Cabinet has now been announced and apart from the LibDem 5 it can be split into three tiers;

The Inner Circle; This includes the Prime Minister David Cameron and his closest allies. George Osborne, Cameron's friend from their school days, is the Chancellor of the Exchequer. William Hauge, a former leader of the Conservative party is the Foreign Secretary.

The Competents; These are the people who are valuable to the Conservative party as they are seen as being capable of running a government department. This group includes Liam Fox at Defence. Micheal Gove at Education. Andrew Lansley at Health. The Conservative party Chairman, Eric Pickles has been included as Communities Secretary in order to help keep this large group in line.

The Enemies; These are respected figures in the Conservative party who are seen as a threat to the inner circle. As such they have been given poison chalice posts. These are;

• Iain Duncan Smith who replaced William Hauge as Conservative party leader. He has been given the Department of Work and Pensions that handles pensions, benefit payments and winter fuel allowances. Basically his job is to kill the poor.

• Ken Clarke a former Chancellor of the Exchequer who is widely regarded as George Osborne's intellectual superior. He has been given the Ministry of Justice which is responsible for prisons, the probation service and the management of paedophiles. It is also notorious for incompetence.

• Theresa May who is disliked by Cameron for some reason. She's been given the Home Office which is responsible for the police and MI5. As the other half of the Ministry of Justice the Home Office is equally inept.

Both Clarke and May have also been given the roles of Lord Chancellor and Women's Minister respectively. This is to make it look as if they've been given the prestige jobs they really wanted. In reality it will divide their time and make it more likely that they'll fail.

The LibDem 5 have all been given deputyships;

• Nick Clegg - Deputy Prime Minister. Although it sounds impressive the Deputy Prime Minister's job is to sit quietly in the corner in case the Prime Minister dies. As Clegg bears a close physical resemblance to Cameron his role may be expanded to include foreign policy visits as the Brits try to pull the Kaczynski switch.

• Danny Alexander - Minister for Scotland. Scotland has it's own Parliament with lots of ministers who are all also Minister's for Scotland.

• Chris Huhne - Energy and Climate Change. Energy policy is being moved further into the hands of the civil service. This makes Huhne the Minister for Climate Change and we all know Britain's position on Climate Change.

• Vince Cable - Business Secretary. Cable's role was summed up best last night when he was given the post of "something to do with business and banks." Basically he's the deputy Chancellor of the Exchequer.

• David Laws - Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Deputy, deputy Chancellor of the Exchequer.

With the Cabinet more or less in place the new government has also begun outlining what will be in the Queen's Speech and therefore become law;

Emergency Budget; There will be a budget in the next 50 days to tackle Britain's economic crisis. Save for a few party political pledges it has already largely been written and will abolish the rise in National Insurance and produce an extra £6bn in cuts. Although the process will start slowly the budget will also start to shift the balance of cuts off the civil service and onto the public.

Constitutional Reform; For the first time Britain will have a five year, fixed term Parliament. Obviously this is a huge change that may well be reversed at the next Parliament. The purpose of bringing it in now is to keep the coalition together and prevent the public voting again for another five years. There will also be a referendum on adopting the Alternative Vote system of voting. This may pass or it may not. The important thing is that it will keep the public busy while the budget kicks in.

Europe; A new law will be passed that will require a referendum on any new European Union powers although the exact terms have yet to be defined.

National Security Council; As the name suggest this is a council to co-ordinate national security matters like border controls and anti-terrorism. Crucially it will also include Energy Policy which will give Chris Huhne plenty of time to play online bingo.