In At The Deep End.

In the summer of 2016 US Democrats were running for re-election. So obviously there  was a mass shooting. At the Pulse Nightclub in Florida.

Apparently mass murder is just how Democrats show that they care. Making you so afraid you start thinking they're the only ones who can protect you.

The Pulse Nightclub attack put me in a somewhat difficult position. I like to think that, particularly since 2014, I have been a strong ally of the majority of the Muslim world.

However I know that there is this small minority of the Muslim world. The type of Pillbox you find protesting outside schools in Birmingham. Within this minority there are two topics you never dare bring up; Homosexuality and the Jews.

So it made a lot of people uncomfortable. Me explaining how I used to hang around in a gay bar. For the entirely heterosexual reason that my bisexual girlfriend worked there and our work schedules sometimes clashed.

I should point out though that this wasn't some creepy porno thing. In fact; "Swingers" is considered a serious term of abuse. It was just three people curled up on the sofa on a hungover Saturday afternoon. Or just hanging out in a restaurant over dinner.

I said at the time that wasn't the weirdest thing I've done. I've actually got a far weirder version of pretty much that same story. One that will really offend a lot of people.

You see that wasn't even my first bisexual girlfriend. My first bisexual girlfriend was Jewish. Not just that but an Israeli Jew. She claimed that she really hated her Trans father. But this was a few years after Dana International. And she really didn't want to do her national service.

So if John Bolton thinks I'm member of Hamas. Wait until he learns about the several months I spent in the Israeli Defence Forces. Or at least in something that really should have been in the Israeli Defence Forces.

In that short but wonderful summer car crash of a relationship there was another man. Saeed Hotari, a Palestinian Muslim.

On June 1st 2001 (1/6/01) Hotari walked into the Dolphinarium Nightclub in Tel Aviv. Blowing himself up along with 121 other people.

Now this was in the days before the Internet really came into widespread existence. So all we got was a short flash on a car radio. Followed by an agonisingly long wait.

Eventually we received a landline call. Informing us that thankfully her sister was still an absolute stoner. So had forgotten to go to the club that night. Well, she turned up about 15 minutes late.

So no, I never met this girl's family. On account of the long and expensive flight. Along with some very complex customs check which probably wouldn't have resulted in her seeing her family for the next two to three years.

I have though certainly seen Banksy's "Apartheid Wall" from both sides.

The girl and I really parted ways in the autumn as I moved down south. But we met up again the following spring.

In the Soho area of London. Where we posed for what became the recruitment poster for the protests against the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Just across the baton charge from what was to become Kay Perry's future ex-husband.

After that we did finally lose touch. As I moved onto another bisexual girlfriend - yes there was overlap - and she stopped returning my calls. Something of a habit of hers apparently.

Of course in March 2003 Iraq was invaded and those recruitment posters were suddenly everywhere.

In June 2003 two British Muslims - Asif Hanif and Omar Sharif - flew into Jordan. From there they snuck into the Palestinian West Bank. From there they snuck into Israel. Blowing themselves up in the Mike's Place bar in Tel Aviv. Along with 53 other people.

Although I didn't really know it at the time I was born into this world of terror and violence. To the point that a sword attack on a Church actually constituted a marked improvement.

So I can't help but wonder if Hanif and Sharif was sent to Israel as punishment. For all the fun we'd been having. Behaving in ways that deeply offends even the oh so tolerant and accepting gay community.

So if you think the lot around here are scary. You should really watch the movie; "Munich."

Of course in November 2003 then US President George W Bush visited Britain. We'd heard from afar that this was the moment then UK Prime Minister Tony Blair was really going to Cash in. Finally winning an argument and raising all the dead.

Apparently I'm the only reason he didn't.

By September 2004 I really I thought I'd finally escaped, reaching a new world. But then the Beslan Massacre happened. Which forced me up out of my chair and dragged me back in.

It was certainly curious that. Old Tony knowing that the Beslan Massacre was going to happen. Far enough in advance to plan my suicide around it.

Then, of course, in June 2005 there was that whole Live 8 thing. Where some played songs. Others pulled triggers.

So you can say what you like about Benjamin Netanyahu. I've certainly seen him do a bit over the years.

As for the girl. I did once find myself walking through an area of London which drug addicted prostitutes are known to frequent.

There I clamped eyes on one that seemed to look just like her. She seemed to recognise me and turned away. So I walked on, barely even able to carry myself at that point. When I left we were both still standing. I really don't think I could say that if I've stayed.

So I'd like to tell you the story has a happy ending. I'd even like to tell you the story has a tragic ending. The sad fact of the matter is that I still have absolutely no idea how the story ended. I can only hope that it hasn't.

Which is annoying. Although it wasn't a dedication she was the one holding my hand as I had a Ulbster Cross tattooed on my back.

You know. The sort of thing that follows you around, wherever you go.

So if you want to know what really offends me about all the virtue signallers it's this;

I know that these are real people. With real, often fragile lives. They're not just cards you play to win arguments over expensive dining tables.

So once again I must apologise to Summer Glau. Someone really should've told me that there'd been this TV Show called; "Firefly."


15:00 on 22/12/19 (UK date).


Edited at around 21:00 on 22/12/19 (UK date) to add;

Oh, FTR. Her regular third was some Afro-Caribbean asylum-seeker.

Or as it's known down the rye way;

"A Local."