The 2018 Winter Olympics: Opening Ceremony Pt.6

A continuation of Part 5; https://watchitdie.blogspot.co.uk/2018/02/the-2018-winter-olympics-opening_15.html

Flag & Anthem:

It is a matter of Olympic protocol that every ceremony must feature the raising or lowering of the Olympic flag and the singing of the Olympic anthem. Although I don't think its strictly speaking protocol this often involves a large flag being brought into a paraded around the arena by figures of significance.

As with the parading and raising of their national flag the RoK opted to use six of its famous Olympians as flagbearer. Again their significance only seems to be their significance as Olympians.

As the flag was being raised, again by the South Korean Royal Guard, the Olympic anthem was performed by Hwang Su-mi. A well respected South Korean Opera singer whose career has included stints in Germany, Belgium and the US.

I think we are all familiar with TV talent shows such as "American Idol", "X Factor" and "The Voice." Afghanistan even has its own; "Afghan Idol."

Wherever you are in the World these shows always feature the same thing. Some battered hag will appear on stage wailing like a strangled cat.

The presenters will then lean forward in their chairs and say; "Your voice! It's amazing, it's the best I've ever heard."

It is in these moments I wish to throw opera singers at the TV.

For some reason the phrase; "Battered hag wailing like a strangled cat" makes me think of the US popstar Kesha or "Ke$ha."

In 2013 Kesha decided that the record contract she was miraculously in possession of wasn't making her enough money.

So Kesha attempted to get out of the it by suing her producer Dr Luke for breach of contract on the grounds of emotional distress and sexual abuse. At one point Kesha even likened being in a record contract that was only making her a few million dollars to be worse then the whole African slave trade.

In 2016 the time came for Kesha's sexual assault claims against Dr Luke to be tested in Court. However rather then opening herself up to criminal conviction of perjury by lying in Court Kesha withdrew her false allegations.

In 2017 the entire case was dismissed and Kesha has gone back to recording with Dr Luke.

Along with Amber Heard who made false claims of domestic abuse in her divorce battle with Johnny Depp Kesha is the nasty piece of work who makes sure that when women like Rose McGowan do come forward everyone assumes they're lying.

So I am more then done with Kesha.

The 2018 Grammys were apparently not though.

This of course the award ceremony where everyone wore Hunger Games dictatorship White Roses in support of the "Times Up" campaign against cruel sexual abuser US President Trump. They were addressed on a Hunger Games style; "Mandatory Viewing" bigscreen by leader of the Times Up resistance movement Hillary Clinton.

Their complete lack of self-awareness however did not end there;

The highlight was Kesha - now going by her full name Kesha Rose Sebert - performing her new song; "Praying." This is supposedly her anthem for women's rights against cruel sexual abusers like US President Trump and Dr Luke.

She was accompanied by a host of other female singers such as Cyndi Lauper, Camilla Cabello, Andra Day, Julia Michaels, Bebe Rexha and an all female choir calling themselves; "The Resistance Revival Chorus."

As with Hwang Su-mi they were all dresses in white. The white of the Snow dictatorship in the Hunger Games.

This performance was a polite way of saying;

"Kesha really cannot sing. The voice you hear on her records is almost entirely computer generated. However if when she performs live we surround her with lots of other voices there is a chance you might not notice that Kesha really cannot sing.

The less polite way of saying it would be;

"The only useful thing Kesha is ever going to do with her throat is going to be done in a Japanese brothel."

Cauldron Lighting:

It is protocol that each Opening Ceremony features a sequence where the Olympic Cauldron is lit. Using the Olympic Flame that has been lit in Greece - for no apparent reason - and carried to the Olympic stadium in a relay.

This tradition was started by Adolf Hitler at the 1936 Summer Olympics held in Berlin, Germany. The IOC seems to like a lot of Hitler's ideas and insists on hanging on to them.

The sequence began with a video showing the journey the flame had taken to the Olympic Stadium.

If I'm being totally honest it was as this point I started to spin out a bit. I realised I was already 14 hours behind and really had to get something up on the Internet despite it being around 2AM. And trust me it had been a long 14 hours.

However eventually the Olympic flame was passed to Kim Yeon-ah (Yuna Kim).

She is probably the most accomplished South Korean Winter Olympian ever. In the discipline of Figure Skating she is the first South Korean woman to win an Olympic medal. She is also the first woman to win the Olympics, the World Championships, the Four Continents Championships and the Grand Prix.

To many she is known simply as; "Queen Yuna."

Being so good at Figure Skating Kim Yeon-ah was actually Figure Skating whilst lighting the Olympic Cauldron.

This not only reminded people of her achievements it hinted to viewers who have enjoyed the Opening Ceremony that they really want to watch the Figure Skating events.

Based entirely around sports the Olympics can be a bit dull for those of use of a more cultured, less Jock-ish persuasion.

This is particularly true of the Summer Olympics where the main attraction is a man just running 100 metre/yards in a straight line. He's not even being asked to balance an egg on a spoon while doing it.

Figure Skating however is the almost perfect combination of artistic intelligence and physical perfection.

Skaters are asked to choose a song they wish to interpret for their routine. Sometimes the song is set for them.

So far this year I've not actually been able to watch much of the sport. I've been writing this out.

However examples of the song's we've had this year include;

"Help" by the Beatles.

On the day of the Opening Ceremony the US New York Times (NYT) newspaper leaked the information that two of the four ISIL executioners known as; "The Beatles" had been captured in Syria. The NYT had leaked this information to help the ISIL Beatles escape punishment.

"Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley.

In the week prior to the games a Syrian Muslim immigrant Mennel Ibtissem appeared on the French version of "The Voice" singing this song in a mixture of English and Arabic.

The song obviously has some Christian overtones. So appearing to replace the Christian English with the Muslim Arabic is a strong statement to make.

The song though is really about sex with the; "Hallelujah!" being the moment of orgasm. It's features the lyric; "I've seen your flag on the marble arch." 

In November 2015 130 people were murdered by ISIL during what have become known as the; "Paris Massacres." This has been described as ISIL trying to fly their flag on Paris' Marble Arch of Triumph.

So Mennel Ibtissem's reaction to the Paris Massacres appears to be an orgasmic cry of joy.

Needless to say some Tweets then emerged in which Mennel Ibtissem claimed the July 2016 Nice Attacks were an anti-Muslim conspiracy perpetrated by the French government.

It was at that point Mennel Ibtissem decided to leave the show with mutual consent.

Figure Skaters have to interpret these songs and all their hidden meanings. Backwards, on ice. While balancing on razor sharp millimetre thin blades that could easily slit your throat if you slip up.

They are judged not by something as tedious as the mere passage of time but by a panel of judges who give them scores out of ten.

As for the Olympic Cauldron itself it very closely resembles an actual cauldron or cooking pot. It is very wide around its centre by narrow around its top.

This was in reference to the Olympic Cauldron used during the 2016 Summer Olympics.

The smallest Olympic Cauldron ever used this was surrounded by a sculpture represented the energy of the sun. It was intended as a discussion point about the battle against Climate Change.

In a more economically developed nation like the UK battling Climate Change involves things like attaching insulation cladding to buildings like London's Grenfell Tower.

In less economically developed nations it can be something as simple as replacing open fires with wood burning cookstoves that use less fuel and therefore create fewer emissions.

Whatever the method used to combat climate change it is the job of the Green Climate Fund (GCF) headquartered in the RoK to find a way to pay for it.

Although environmentalists are big fans of recycling the South Koreans obviously couldn't just use Brazil's Olympic Cauldron. So theirs was larger and mounted on large stilts.

This was a reference to the "Martian Fighting Machines" from the 1897 novel; "The War of the Worlds" by H.G Wells. He is credited with writing the first time travel novel in the form of 1895's "The Time Machine."

Officially based around the theme of; "Time" this ceremony has dealt with Existential and Taoist concepts of Time And Relative Dimensions In Space (TARDIS). One of the few TV programs the DPRK imports is the BBC's "Doctor Who."

Technically Queen Yuna did not light the Cauldron. She lit the tip of this massive pole that slowly expanded to reach the Cauldron and light it.

Taking inspiration from Brazil's Olympic Cauldron was a little bit naughty of the South Koreans. That was a summer games. These are the winter games officially picking up the baton from the 2014 games held in Sochi, Russia.

There is no way to put this politely. Sochi's Olympic Cauldron was frankly a giant erect penis. With the legacy element of the 2014 games being to improve gay-rights within Russia it was unapologetically homoerotic.

This Opening Ceremony centres around the traditional Korean Creation Myths. In the earlier; "Let There Be White" sequence it compares them to what, for fairness, I have to descibe here as the Creation Myth of the Abrahamic religions.

The US TV Show; "Family Guy" does quite a good sketch about how Asians like Koreans were created in the Abrahamic Creation Myth.

You can watch it her; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ObeHtL-W18

Essentially if shows the Abrahamic God as the boss of a large corporation pitching the design of the Asian race to his executive board. It features lots of Asian sterotypes such as;

They're compact, hairless and fiercely intelligent." And; "There will different varieties who will all hate each other for some reason." The main one though is;

"Their penises, while tiny are hugely efficent. We're predicting 10 billion in just five years."

This massive pole which after the gentle caress of Queen Yuna slowly expands to light the Cauldron was the South Koreans way of giving a nod to Sochi's Cauldron.

While at the same time proving they can laugh at themselves by going to Family Guy;

"You sure about that." 

17:20 on 16/2/18 (UK date).

Edited at around 15:50 on 17/2/18 (UK date) to clarify the Family Guy reference.