Fabrice Muamba.

It's currently around 23:10 on 20/3/12 and look at that my Internet's still working.

Anyway on Saturday (17/3/12) the Congolese born but naturalised English footballer Fabrice Muamba was playing for Bolton Wanders in their FA Cup Quater Final against Tottenham Hotspur. At around 18:10 Muamba suffered an apparent cardiac arrest and collapsed face down on the pitch. Fortunately the team of fully equipped paramedics who are working about 20 metres away at the time rushed onto the pitch and began resuscitation in front of the shocked crowd and global TV audience. Even more fortunately amongst the crowd of around 37,000 there was a consultant cardiologist who was able to begin advanced resuscitation and co-ordinate Muamba's transfer to the cardiac care unit at the London Chest Hospital. The match was abandoned at 1-1.

As is standard on the NHS Mr Muamba's treatment at the London Chest Hospital centred around using a general anesthetic to slow the body to the point of death and cooling blankets to force the patient in a state of hibernation. This is done in order to minimise the risk of damage to brain and heart muscle. After all I thought it was Voltaire who said medicine is what we do to keep ourselves busy while nature runs it's course.

In Muamba's case the treatment must have worked because at around 23:20 on 20/3/12 the latest I've heard is that he is awake, breathing normally and showing no signs of serious brain injury. While we'll need to check his motor functions I'd go so far as to say he may even be able to carry on like nothing happened. F*ck he'd need to lose 20 IQ points to become as smart as your average footballer.

Anyway in my completely unqualified medical opinion I think that Fabrice Muamba suffered from a mild case of Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS). Although a recognised medical phenomenon this is really just what pathologists write on the death certificates of otherwise healthy young people who've died of a heart attack once they've ruled out all the normal causes like coronary artery disease, damage to the heart muscle, brain damage or drugs. In short no-one knows why it happens. I believe the main theory at the moment has something to do with the magnetic charge of the electrolytes that drive the movement of the heart but that is just one of several competing theories at the moment.

Although rare this sort of thing is not as uncommon as you would imagine. Back in 2003 a similar thing happened to Marc - Vivian Foe and Phil O'Donnel died on the Scottish leagues in 2007. It even happened to a guy at my school (Bishop Thomas Grant). While it was a bit before my time I believe he was the model student with good grades, good at sport and popular with all the girls. Then one day while playing for the school football team he suddenly dropped down dead at the age of 15.

My heart problems of course are the result of drink, drugs and stress. This makes them much easier to predict and control. So at around 23:45 on 20/3/12 - in the style of Monty Python - just as I go to bed I demand a machine that goes "beep"