CBB Viewers Are a Spiteful Bunch.

I should start by explaining that as this is meant to be a bit of fun I don't really have the time to scour the Internet for all the latest gossip on this current UK season of Celebrity Big Brother. So instead I just watch the nightly highlights show. The problem is that there is a 24 hour delay on this so what I watch on the Monday actually happened on the Sunday, what I watch on the Sunday actually happened on the Saturday and so on.

The big event of this past Monday (6/1/14) which was broadcast on Tuesday (7/1/14) was the UFO task. This involved the housemates being woken at dawn by bright lights and loud noise to discover that an 'alien spaceship' had 'landed' in the garden of the compound. The 'aliens' immediately 'abducted' two of the housemates (Lee Ryan & Liz Jones) and took the aboard the ship. After a couple of hours Luisa Zissman & Jasmine Waltz were also abducted and joined Lee Ryan and Jones on the ship. Finally after being identified as "the leader of the group" Jim Davidson was invited aboard the ship to dine with the leader of the aliens.

Initially the abductees were questioned by the aliens in a scene very reminiscent of the torture episode of US TV "Firefly." They were then left to their own devices in a sparsely furnished room which was constantly lit by bright artificial lights and mechanical 'spaceship' type noises were played on a constant loop. This was remarkably similar to what the CIA would term an "Enhanced Interrogation Technique." The intention is to put the subject in a vulnerable psychological state by making them as physically uncomfortable as possible whilst removing all environmental clues to the passage of time such as clocks, the position of the sun in the sky, air temperature etc while the constant noise disrupts the bodies natural internal clock. In fact there is a rather famous story about how during the invasion of Iraq the CIA used to lock detainees in small, brightly lit cells and loudly play the theme tune to the TV Show "Barney the Dinosaur" for hours on end.

Apart from winding up the CIA the purpose of the UFO task seems to have been to toughen up the housemates before two of them were transferred to the annex on Wednesday (8/1/14). After all the annex will be similar to the spaceship in that two of the housemates will be trapped in a confined space together although the conditions won't be as harsh. For example in the annex the housemates will be able to sleep in proper beds, there is unlikely to be the constant noise and they will be able to watch the action from the main house on TV screens. What was interesting though was that only one half of the couples that were nominated for the annex (Liz Jones of Liz Jones & Dappy, Lee Ryan of Lee Ryan & Casey Batchelor and Luisa Zissman of Luisa Zissman & Evander Holyfield) where subjected to the spaceship. This seemed to be Big Brother trying to give one half of the couples an advantage over the other half in the annex although in the case of Luisa Zissman and Evander Holyfield it seemed to be more a case of levelling the playing field.

The problems with the UFO task began on Sunday (5/1/14) night. Having been accepted as couple by the other housemates Lee Ryan and Casey Batchelor were kissing and cuddling in bed in full view of the other housemates and the cameras. With things getting distinctly hot and heavy Casey suggested that Lee go off to the privacy of the toilet where there are no cameras. I think her intention was that he was to wait for her there because a few minutes later Casey also got out of bed and headed for the toilet. The problem was that Lee had gone to the wrong toilet. After returning to join a clearly frustrated Casey in bed Lee confirmed that whilst in the toilet he'd, erm, taken care of himself so to speak.

Meanwhile the idea that Lee Ryan & Casey Batchelor's relationship was a cynical ploy to win the show that Luisa Zissman had planted was churning around in Jasmine Waltz's cold and calculating mind. Clearly not keen to compete by getting into a lesbian relationship with Luisa Jasmine instead plotted to split Lee and Casey up by offering Lee what he thought Casey wasn't prepared give. Amid the increased tension of the UFO task Jasmine's plan was successful with her leading Lee into the spaceship toilet that night for what we're all assuming was full sex.

This was particularly painful for Luisa Zissman who was pretty much forced to watch the whole thing. Having read up on Luisa - particularly her treatment for sex addiction which to me seems genuine - I think my initial assessment of her as someone who pretends to be bisexual to make herself more attractive to men was a little harsh. As with all addicts genuine sex addicts tend to be trying to replace something that is missing in their emotional  lives or attempting to cover up some deep seated emotional damage. Therefore rather then trying to manipulate Jasmine by putting "the lesbian moves on her" Luisa appeared to be copying the way in which a (or succession of) predatory lesbians had exploited her own emotional vulnerability.

Provided it is done carefully within a safe environment this process of getting an abuse victim to act of the role of an abuser is a well established therapeutic technique. However subjecting the abuse victim to something traumatic like the way Luisa was forced to watch Jasmine have sex with Lee is most certainly not. To make matters worse Jasmine seems to have quite a good cursory understanding of what makes Luisa tick and in the post-coital afterglow couldn't resist pushing her buttons. For example in a group discussion about bisexuality Jasmine told a very theatrical anecdote about how when she was in prison for a year in the US on marijuana charges she had a lesbian relationship with another inmate. For Luisa's benefit she was very keen to emphasise how rather then finding women sexually attractive she was merely looking for love, compassion and affection.

This was also not good for Casey Batchelor who doesn't seem to be as cynical as Luisa would have Jasmine believe. After getting a suspicion of what Lee and Jasmine were up to whilst on the spaceship Casey had to spend an awful day slowly working out what was going on first from the looks on the faces of the other housemates that had been on the spaceship and then from the way Lee and Jasmine were behaving around each other before Lee finally owned up. A few hours later the viewers voted to send Lee and Casey to the annex together.

This might actually work out quite well because being - I think the term "shark-eyed b*tch" is appropriate - Jasmine will simply move on to starting a relationship with Dappy in an effort to win the show which should keep Dappy distracted and out of the way. Also if Casey wants Lee back the annex should provide at least the illusion of privacy for her to provide what is needed to keep Lee's attention. 


15:15 on 9/1/14 (UK date).